- Gender and Relationships
Our Love Story and 60th Wedding Anniversary
Dave and Macrine Katague on their Wedding Anniversary
Touched by Cupid-After 60 Years of Marriage
This coming May 8 will be our 60th wedding anniversary. Unlike our 50th anniversary, the party will be a small one mostly for family, closed friends/relatives and neighbors. In the morning we plan on attending a mass of thanksgiving in our local Roman Catholic church. We thank the Lord in advance for his blessings that we are able to reach this milestone in our marriage.
The second article in this hub is our oldest daughter experience having divorced her husband after 27 years of marriage.
Our Love Story and 60th Wedding Anniversary
Our love story started in the early 1950's at the University of the Philippines, in Diliman, Quezon City. I was introduced to my wife via her uncle, the late Reverend Father Constantino Nieva. At that time, Fr Tino ( that's how we called him when he was still alive) was a law student and the President of the University of the Philippines Student Action (UPSCA). UPSCA was a student organization with both social and religious goals under the guidance of the Late Reverend Father John P. Delaney, a Jesuit priest and Chaplain of the University for Roman Catholic residents of the UP campus. Macrine and I love music. We joined the UPSCA choir and our friendship developed into true love. In 1955 when I graduated from the University, Macrine and I had separated, since she transferred to another university.
However the next year during my 22nd birthday, she surprised me with a birthday cake, that she baked from scratch. It was an orange-chiffon cake, the best tasting cake I have ever tasted. We got together again that day. On May 8, 1957 we got married in Boac, Marinduque, her hometown. It was a 3-day celebration. The whole town were invited. Two water buffaloes, 10 baby pigs and 100 chickens were slaughtered for the occasion. We settled at our new home in Quezon City, a gift from both our parents.
I was then teaching Chemistry at the University of the Philippines- my Alma mater. In 1959, I received a positive response from my application for scholarship to do graduate studies in Chemistry to the United States. This stage in our married life is discussed in an article I wrote in my blog as follows:
"A year later, we were joyful to find out that my wife was in the family way with our oldest son. With all the blessings and major events transpiring in my life, I had completely forgotten about my personal vow to do graduate schoolwork in the US. One day I was surprised to receive a notice of an acceptance for a full teaching assistantship and scholarship. It was from one of the applications I sent out before we got married. The comfort and serenity of our married life was about to be shaken.
I enthusiastically shared this good news with my wife, who wasn't too glad to hear about it. The thought of me leaving her alone with a child on the way, to go halfway around the world, distressed her. We had several long and unproductive discussions regarding this favorable opportunity. I had to postpone my trip a few times to appease her. I was torn between choosing my ambition to do graduate studies in the US alone, or staying with my wife in the Philippines.
I had to make a tough decision before the graduate school offer expired. In retrospect, I was thankful to and appreciative of my late father-in-law who intervened on my behalf. If not, I would have been stuck in the Philippines teaching Chemistry at the university, and would have never seen the fulfillment of my ambition. I was not aware that he had advised my wife to reconsider her decision, and let me go freely to pursue my dreams.
My wife later on informed me that without her father's advice, she would not have given me her full consent to leave her and pursue my studies. She was not aware of the importance of my personal vow to do better in life, in light of failing to obtain my Latin Honors in college.
Inasmuch as my wife was anxious with our impending separation, I was deeply saddened to leave her alone, but excited to go and fulfill my dreams. I went ahead to the US for my graduate studies, but I was totally unprepared for what was in store for me. It was my first trip away from my homeland, family and friends. I was going to live and study in the American Midwest, and I had to adjust to the western lifestyle, culture and cold winter weather without any friends or relatives to comfort me.
Wedding Day-May 8, 1957
Our First Year in the United States-Chicago, Illinois
During my first year in the US, the reality of living alone and studying in a foreign land negatively affected my drive and ambition. I was tempted twice to nearly quit school, leave the US and return to my family to the Philippines. Graduate schoolwork while teaching Chemistry was tough and demanding. I was miserably homesick, lonely and missed my wife very badly, especially during the Holidays and Christmas.
Moreover, the winters of Chicago were harsh, and can feel gloomy and depressing. It was difficult to tolerate the cold weather. I was accustomed to the tropical climate of the Philippines. In Chicago, I oftentimes asked myself what the heck I was doing in the US, with tears running down my face, and almost freezing on my cheeks and nose because of the frigid temperature. I could be happier and warm in my homeland, and be together with my cherished family.
The promise I made to fulfill my ambition, which was triggered by the one point I missed at the final examination in my Differential Calculus class, kept me going. I did my best with my work and studies. I never again considered quitting, and I was determined to finish what I had started. I finally made it, and I completed my Doctorate degree in Pharmaceutical Chemistry from the University of Illinois in 1964.
A year after I left the Philippines, my wife and our first baby, whose birth I did not witness, joined me in Chicago, Illinois. Their presence provided me with inspiration and encouragement to fulfill my ambition".
The day after my Ph. D graduation was the start of my 25 years of professional career working for four private companies here in the US and then for another productive 12 years for the Food and Drug Administration(FDA). In 2002, I retired from FDA and started building our beach resort and retirement home in Boac, Marinduque, Philippines.
I also wrote an article in one of my blogs on my secret of a lasting marriage. An excerpt of that article is as follows:
"Several of our friends and relatives often ask me what one has to do for a lasting marriage. In other words is there a formula or secret for a lasting marriage? The question has no specific answer and may vary from one couple to another. However, I do believe that the couple must really be in love with each other unconditionally. So, when do you know that both husband and wife have attained unconditional love?
You are truly in love with your partner when you have totally accepted her or his faults, weaknesses and flaws. There is no perfect human being, so once you have attained this outlook in your married life, your are indeed truly in love with your partner.
Do I have a secret formula for a lasting and happy marriage? I have no secret except that there should always be an open communication between you and your partner. In the case of my wife of 60 years, Macrine Nieva Jambalos, I have accepted her flaws and she has accepted my flaws and weaknesses. In addition, both of us have recognized our strengths as well as our gifts and different personalities. Again there is no perfect human being, and no perfect husband or wife. Our communication skills are perfect, we even think of the same things at the same time. A couple of days ago, when both of us were sitting in the patio just relaxing, all of a sudden I asked her about our grand daughter. Macrine was so surprise because at that moment she was thinking of exactly of the same subject. She asked me if I was reading her mind. Couples who have been married for a long time have usually the same likes and dislikes. But this is not a guarantee of a long lasting marriage. Sometimes, it is better to have different things to do, perhaps even a different hobby so as not to suffocate each other every minute of your daily life".
Experts on romance say for a happy marriage there has to be more than a passionate love. For a lasting union, they insist, there must be a genuine liking for each other. Which, in my book, is a good definition for friendship.— Marilyn Monroe
Christmas Time at the Katague Household
Divorce After 27 Years
My daughter had announced in Face Book that she is getting a divorce from her husband of 27 years. I was so shocked my voice trembled as I told my wife of what I had just read in Face Book. My wife and I had no hint that her marriage had not been happy. We just visited them four weeks ago and stayed overnight and we did not see any signs of unhappiness in the house. We know they have financial problems, since they have no luck selling their house because of the depressed real estate market here in California. After recovering from the initial shock, I told my wife to call our daughter and tell her we support her decision and if there is anything we can help( except financially) to just let us know. My daughter has two adult children 20 and 18years old. They are both in college. The announcement( titled new Adventures) was simultaneously posted in Face Book by both my daughter and son-in-law.
Today, my wife is still upset and asked me if it was her mistake/fault that our daughter is getting a divorce, that is we did not raised our children right. I responded definitely not and told her not blame herself of what is happening now in our daughter lives . This sad news however inspired me to do an Internet search on Divorce Statistics here in US. Here's what I found.
Divorce Statistics in America
Current divorce statistics in America is estimated at 50%. This data is not accurately correct, however, it is reasonably close to actual. The Americans for Divorce Reform estimates that "Probably, 40 or possibly even 50 percent of marriages will end in divorce if current trends continue.", which is actually a projection. *
Source of this Divorce Statistics: Jennifer Baker, Forest Institute of Professional Psychology,Springfield
The divorce rate in America for first marriage is 41%. The divorce rate in America for second marriage is 60%. The divorce rate in America for third marriage is 73%.
* Source of this Divorce Statistics: Discover Channel
State with the lowest divorce rate Massachusetts (2.4 per 1,000 population)
State with the highest divorce rate Nevada (9.1 per 1,000 population)
Percentage of US population that is divorced 10%
Mean age at first divorce For Males: 30.5 yrs.
For Females: 29 yrs.
Median age at second divorce For Males: 39.3 yrs.
For Females: 37 yrs.
Median number of years people wait to remarry after their first divorce For Males: 3.3 yrs.
For Females: 3.1 yrs.
Average length of divorce proceedings 1 year.
* Source of this Divorce Statistics: Divorce Magazine
Note: My daughter says this is going to be an amicable divorce and they will continue to raise their two children as co-parents even though they are already adults. On another side note, I asked my wife of 54 years and 2 months, if there was a day in our marriage life that she felt like divorcing me. She replied never, but several times I feel like killing you! So, to all my readers that are still happily married, my advice is to share 100-100 not 50-50. 100-100 sharing means you accept your mate totally not only his strength but also his or her faults and weaknesses as well. There is no perfect human being. That we all agree!