- Gender and Relationships
Eight Myths and Viewpoints about Pansexuals That Really Annoy Me
Yes, We Actually Exist
Figuring out that I was pansexual, and that is actually OK to be pansexual and pretty awesome too was hard enough. Acceptance was something that came only recently. Because it seems everyone who has heard about pansexuals has this mythos in their head that ranges from the absurd (we love pans, as in cooking pans) to the downright upsetting. Such as one gay guy telling me outright that I was only a rather confused bi or a straight girl that needed to find a nice man to get married to.
And as a proud pansexual I don't like the myths and viewpoints a lot of people have about me or other pans. And it matters because if you applied them to any other sexuality you'd see how hurtful and downright stupid they are.
Now I want to make it clear that I'm speaking out for me, for my type of pansexuality. There are pans out there that would disagree totally with me and that is fine too. There is no One True Way to be anything.
As always, all photos are my own original work, so paws off please. I tried to do our pride flag colors then sort of expanded from there. If you own a video or site I linked to and wish to have that content removed, please contact me. All videos and sites linked to are for educational purposes only. Keep hands and feet inside the ride while the ride is moving and let's get this show on the road.
In the Pink
We'll Sleep with Anyone
Ha! Pansexuals are like anyone else. We may have the capacity to fall in love with or feel sexual attraction to any consenting adult regardless of the person's gender or sexuality, but we in no way feel constant desire towards everyone we see. Just like anyone else we have things we find attractive and we have our own codes to live by. So while you may meet one pan in your lifetime with a super-charged libido and fast hands they are no more common than any other adults with supercharged libidos.
Pansexuality isn't just about the sex part after all. Falling in love is important to us too. Not that I'm judging people who just like to hook up, if you are truly happy and emotionally fulfilled that is awesome. As a practicing Stregha I'm not about to wag a finger at you.
Keep in mind too that being pansexual is just like being straight or bi or anything else. It is just one small part of us. Pansexuals, like anyone else can also choose to abstain from sex until marriage, to be celibate or they may even naturally be asexual. So please don't assume we are like the several really bad fictional representations I can think of offhand.
I've never really been all that much into dating myself. One, I don't mind being alone, mostly. And two? A very long time ago I found out I could never live through having children. And since children seem to be the main reason people marry, I've never really put myself out there. Knowing you can't have your own makes you rather prickly on the subject, I guess, but that is life. So, I choose seclusion, but that is because that works for me. And yes, I wanted to be married and have children of my own, but it was never meant to be.
Yellow, We Need More Yellow!
We're Deviants or Dangerous
Well, I am a Deviant on Deviant Art and proud of it, but deviant behavior has nothing to do with a person's sexuality. I once had a straight ex-friend declare herself pansexual because she once slept with a girlfriend to experiment and some other things we won't go into. No. While pansexuality has nothing to do with the amount of sexual partners you have, it isn't a deviation either.
So, no, we are not into animals, or inanimate objects (well, maybe chick sticks), necrophilia or anything else you may be wondering about. We aren't out of control sex fiends either, so despite what you might have heard you are totally safe around us and can relax. I'm not about to pounce on some random person.
We also are not nor ever shall be sexual predators of any stripe. Sexual predation is a whole other beast entirely and although you will find predators in a variety of sexualities those sexualities have nothing to do with them being a predator, OK?
And although some people may call all gay people deviant because they find homosexuality repellant that doesn't make it so. Being pan is as natural to me as being straight is to somebody else. It's who I am and it's nothing to be ashamed of, no matter what some people might think.
We're all the Same
Nope. Pansexuals are like everyone else. Some may choose to be celibate, meaning they can most certainly have sexual urges but choose not to act on them. Some may be naturally asexual, meaning they feel no sexual desire towards people but they can most certainly fall in love. Some are content with one partner, some like more than one.
For me I don't care how you view me but there has to be love between me and my lover and I would have to know that person well. Does it make me demisexual? Does not having an interest in any of my former FB friends make me asexual? To me sexuality is fluid and not being attracted to a group of people means nothing.
I'm into attractive people, and sorry, but none of those people were what I find attractive. It doesn't means I've failed as a pansexual it just means I have no interest in many of the people I meet. Another pan may be totally different and that is cool too. We are people with sexuality. We are not our sexuality.
We're Really Confused Bisexuals
Nope! Bi means two. As in a bisexual person can feel loving or sexual attraction to two of the many splendid genders out there, male, female, trans, gender queer, what have you. They have two they like, two they have enjoyment from and feel attracted to and that makes them happy. Whether or not they need both to be happy is a whole other article.
Pansexuals on the other hand can fall in love or develop sexual feelings towards consenting adults regardless of sexuality. It is all good, straight, gay, bi, any gender identification. Even, yes, asexual and nongender. And if we really love that person adapting to them is so not an issue. We're like anyone else, we want the person we are in love with to be happy and feel loved.
But again, this is just a general guideline. Pansexuals having this capacity does not mean we have to make a checklist and date at least one of everyone to prove ourselves. It doesn't make us more pan or prove anything. Just like a straight man does not prove his straightness or his manliness by sleeping with countless women, we do not prove ourselves based on having lovers in every possible category of consenting adults either.
How Do You Identify?
There are countless genders and Sexualities but I like to get to know my readers. Are you?
It's Actually Easy Being Green
Pans Are Doomed to Heartache
First, that implies that no person of any sexuality can fall in love with us. So not true. Second, it implies that people don't fall hopelessly in love with people that just aren't into them all the time. Straight men fall for lesbians, straight women fall for gay men. And here is the important thing, how their intended responds is entirely up to them.
Sure, like anyone else we may fall in love with people who don't return our feelings, but it happens. Like the poor lovelorn straight person in love with a gay person of an opposing gender. That doesn't mean you can't still develop a friendship with that person or a loving relationship. You just are not going to get lucky any time soon. See? We can have fun with this.
Remember that love is love and it isn't always about sex. I tend to get smitten with tons of folks and even flirt a lot but that is as far as it goes most of the time. I'm just happy being smitten and it usually wears off once I get to know the person and develop either into friendship or disinterest.
But there just as many people I don't even have any interest to have a nodding acquaintance with. And if they fell in love with me my being pan isn't going to help them. And anyone who has ever dated a person to be nice knows what I mean.
You can't just stick two people who could in theory be sexually compatible together and expect romance to blossom. It just doesn't happen or our population would be triple what it is. See? Slowing down the population boom, just one more service the gay community offers.
Love, Sweet Love
Pansexuals Are Ruining Traditional Marriage
How exactly? Because we are not in one? That doesn't even make any sense. What I think most people really mean is that we are threatening their religious values because they are failing to pray the gay away. Because we are what we are, honey. My not being married to a straight man and producing offspring is no more a threat to traditional marriage than a nun or a priest. They shouldn't be making babies any time soon either, you know.
And it is also an argument that is flawed logically. Everyone does not have to do the same thing for that thing to work for some people. My not being married on the physical plane shouldn't make my married friends feel awkward. My being pan shouldn't scare or threaten anyone. Sexuality is not infectious nor can it be changed forcibly.
If a loving married couple is straight they will not suddenly divorce because I'm pan. They may divorce over infidelities, job stresses, bills or drifting apart. They may fall out of love but I can assure you my being pan didn't destroy that marriage.
I also think, and here's where the hate mail will pour in, that some people are taught to be straight and the moment they feel anything else, even a fleeting one time notice of how attractive someone of the same gender is, they panic. And panic can lead to fear and fear can lead to lashing out.
Sorry, dearheart, but we are all what we are and some people just should never have gotten married in the first place and there is nothing wrong with that. Live and learn.
Pansexuality vs Religon
Pans (and all other gays) Shouldn't Marry
Why? To protect traditional marriage? As a wise woman once said, if you don't believe in gay marriage don't marry a gay person. It's that simple. Again, I think these people are coming from a place of fear. Maybe they have had feelings in the past they were taught were wrong. Maybe they are a very unhappy and very closeted gay or bi themselves, I don't know.
But I do know that if I marry another person, regardless of that person's sexuality it doesn't invalidate the concept of traditional marriage. We have separation of church and state for a reason, or at least we should.
Also, this view on marriage is rather insulting towards both men and women. In a very real way it reduces both genders into things with no free will and no greater purpose than making offspring. Really now?
People are free to view us however they want, but our getting married or choosing not to isn't going to affect traditional marriage in the least.
UPDATE: Thanks to the Supreme Court I can update and proudly tell you that gay marriage is now legal in all fifty states. So it really doesn't matter what people who don't like pans or other gays think now, does it?
One of My Favorite Videos About Pansexuals
Pansexuals Shouldn't Have Children
I'd love to be able to have had my own and be able to point to them and say what they came out like. But as previously mentioned, I can't have my own. But if I had, and they would be adults by now, I reckon they would be naturally what they are. I do know I always wanted them, no matter how surly and rather prickly I tend to get about the subject.
So yeah, maybe I do take it extra personally when someone makes a blanket statement that covers me and all other pansexuals. You think I wouldn't have given everything to have a spouse and child of my own? My sexuality doesn't make me any less human. It doesn't take away the need to have a little one of your own, either.
But some luckier people are all for having a little one, and being pan doesn't affect how they will parent any more than being straight would. For argument's sake, let's say a pan male and a pan female, meet, fall in love, and somehow fake their way past the homophobic clergy and get married.
OK, baby's on the way. The type of parents they will be depends entirely on the type of people they are, not their sexuality. Are they more likely to be open to their offspring's dating choices late on? Maybe yes, maybe no. Will their be possible confusion when they explain the birds and the bees and the child realizes mommy and daddy are different? Maybe, but that can be handled too.
Parenting is a lifelong commitment and pans are no less fit for it or better equipped than anyone else. There's no scientific proof that they will somehow produce gay children or somehow turn their offspring gay. Straight people, after all, have gay children all the time. And that is how it should be.
On My Covet List
Along with the ring above, I've finally found some pride jewelry I'm in love with. It is stainless steel, which I prefer in rings, so a great choice for those of us with more acidic skin.