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Attention: Willing to pay for love!

Updated on August 27, 2009


We all have different values for money, love, family, careers, and what is essential in life. There is nothing wrong with working together to achieve your future. We also have different ideas about what’s important in relationships. What I’m about to talk about is pure grouse injustice.


Have you ever seen anything sadder than a woman begging to be loved?

This came to mind when I was thinking of a song to illustrate the notion:

"Son Of A Gun (Remix)"
(feat. Carly Simon, Missy Elliott)

Ha, ha, who, who
Thought you’d get the money, too
Greedy, greedy, greedy
Try to have the cake and eat it, too.

[Missy Elliott]…….
I changed all my credit cards,
and switched all the locks to all my doors

Your lawyers should have let you know, you know,
When you sue me you gonna be broke, you know,
Ain’t no way you gonna bring me down easy
Any chick that you stick is real sleazy
Before I need you, I bet you gonna need me
You ain’t want me, anyway you wanted to be me.
What made you think I wanted to keep you around
While I work my a** off while you just lounge around, huh?
You slump, bum, son of a gun,
And uh, How much you worth? I think negative, done

This obviously is love gone wrong but I had to highlight some of the lyrics because I see quite a few women doing this. What was he doing with joint credit cards, keys to your place, and why were you keeping him around when he was only lounging?

I remember something a young black man told my mother at the place she used to work.

“We just wait till they get older, get desperate for a family, and then we cash in.”

She told me she never wanted me to forget those words coming out of the mouth of a young black man who hustled women. She wanted me to be aware of the game.

There was a term for this back in the day that described this situation perfectly. Women who did everything and the man just showed up and collected the gifts/monies/benefits - Pimp. Yes, I said pimp.

While it’s healthy to have loving relationships where both parties give, I don’t believe women should be “keeping their man”

I’ve seen so many women begging to be loved while lowering their standards, accepting whatever, and practically putting their man on their payroll. The ratio is no excuse to be some desperate chick willing to put anyone in their lives like you are picking from bins on a one hour sale for cheap fashion items for $20 dollars or less. It’s like an epidemic. I often want to ask, do you pay him by the hour or is he on bi-weekly payroll or is he paid on bonus performances only?

What’s up with that?

Let me clarify.

Let’s say Alexis meets John. They date for a period of time. They decide to enter into an exclusive relationship. Alexis has him at her place, cooking and cleaning (at his spot too), sex, talk of the future (i.e. pressuring marriage), and spending time with his child/children. Thoughtful gifts purchased for him including dinners, jewelry, concert tickets, clothing, electronics, or whatever she’s inspired to purchase for the man she loves. (Now don’t get this confused with me saying it’s wrong to do things for your man because that’s not what I’m saying. Keep in mind John has not done anything for her.) Alexis is focused on building her career and climbing her way up the corporate ladder. Alexis is considering taking on business ventures to strengthen her economic situation. Alexis is focused on the future with her “perfect man.”

Did you catch all the things that Alexis is doing for herself/themselves and the relationship?

What is John doing?

Showing up, getting some sex, and waiting for her to secure their financial future.

Fair exchange, right?

Another example:

A woman dates a man who gives no thought to her. He calls her last minute to go out, is unreliable, cancels, and flakes often. She attempts to do things for him and he constantly tells her it’s her fault for her attitude or worse continues to tell her how wonderful she is although he clearly doesn’t value her. His actions never change. She does everything for him and he barely shows up. Every now and then he takes her out to dinner or they hang out whenever he gets a minute. (Let’s ignore the possibility he might be involved with someone else.) Then the guy wants to mention something about a relationship and she goes crazy and is so happy about the possibility. He is completely undeserving of her but she is thrilled at the possibility of the opportunity. In my view point although she can love him to death, she should realize that a relationship with this person would be doomed because they never EARNED her to begin with. If that’s the nature of the interaction before talk of a relationship, why would you want to be with someone who is doing nothing but taking from you?

Another example:

I’ve heard of women offering for a man never to have to work if he would just agree to be with her.

Another example:

I’ve heard of women letting men, whom they know nothing about, stay at their place and borrow their car. My momma taught me that if a person wants to use your things and they don’t have their own, they won’t respect or take care of what you have given them. So let’s not act surprised when Pookie turned the cell phone off and he never came back from the store with your car.

It makes me ask three questions to women who do this:

Do you love and value yourself?

At what cost will you have a relationship?

How can you look in the mirror and feel good about yourself?

Even if all you want is love, how can you justify the actions of those who have done nothing to justify their presence? I’m not talking about breaking the bank to be with you but I’m talking about respecting you enough to come to the table with something or not just showing up to “take” from you. Such behavior will rob you of more than the dollars you are willing to spend.



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