pros and cons of marriage
Good News For Marrieds
Marriage has been part of cultures around the world for thousands of years. It's so good some take on more than one spouse, have children by multiple spouses, and live to ripe old age.
But not everyone may be married, of course. Some choose the single lifestyle
for more reasons than simply because there are more opportunities for different partners. Some like the freedom being single offers, the freedom from responsibilities to another person, and the avoidance of conflict they may have experienced in their home of origin. Some of these single individuals are heard to say: Marriage? Why would I want to place myself in such a horrible situation? My parents were married fifty years and it was hell.
As a group, married people suffer less absences from work, less illness, and live several years longer. They seem to suffer less from depression and loneliness and are less prone to commit suicide. Those who seek professional counseling have a high success rate of working things through their troubled times.
Whether a person decides to marry or not is subjective and based on individual desires that may be purely selfish. Some persons enjoy solitude and forgo the promise of marital bliss. Certainly, it is difficult to convince a single person how much fun children are, among other delightful traits. For many young people, marriage promises love, romance, a chance to get away from parental bonds or shows promise as a refuge where perceived needs may be substantially met. Needs(wants, really) such as consumer goods, driving a nice car and travel. In some instances, love may have little to do with it.Though few will admit marrying for money. It seems to matter little if the couple is in love. Age, physical and mental differences may all be overlooked where money is involved. Usually it is a younger woman with an older man, but this is changing as the beauty of women is recognized well into ages previously seemingly the domain of men only. The only fear for many women is that they are afraid of what their children may think. Few men, on the other hand, seem to worry iittle about what co-workers or family thinks about who they are with, especially if the woman is 20 or more years younger.
For singles, there are hazards not expected by those who envision a carefree life where all needs for companionship, sex, and ideally, someone who will keep the house and wash his dirty socks(after she picks them up of course). Now, there are men willing to keep house for a working woman, including working mom. For many, this arrangement fills the needs of everyone. Others may resent it.
Some singles are not alone by choice. Many have made the choice to leave an unhappy marriage, however, but large numbers have been left behind by a spouse who wants to play the field, try new possibilities, or because the divorced one is not faithful. Unfortunately, many never seem to learn the cause of their unhappiness is dishonesty and will throw themselves in plural marriage or multiple partners for life. In these cases,no amount of spying, threats, or a new hairstyle and nightgown is going to keep the unfaithful one faithful.
Sad are the singles who are unable to connect their behavior to aloneness. Only rarely will someone who is not great looking have trouble meeting a compatible mate. Often it is the ones a shade past prime who discover they are no longer desirable because of their looks. For younger singles, life is their oyster, as it should be for all youth. Fading singles find they must change or begin a whole new strategy, which incudes learning more adaptive ways to relate to others.
Of course, one does not have to be married to have a family. Nevertheless, the consequences for the widow and family of a partner can leave the estate in question open for greedy relatives to swoop in on. Property rights, of course, may be settled through careful assistance of a lawyer But often this is not taken care of beforhand. A partner dies leaving the family destitute. Marriage insures the distribution of community property, fairly. It keeps the family in the home, if that is their desire, and provides financial continuity.
Family and religious tradition are important considerations that help the family accept and celebrate the new member. Couples who fail to uphold family traditions may risk the wrath and banishment from the family. They also risk losing a connection with their place of worship. Where these ties are strong, it may create a good deal of conflict, including guilt and self recrimination.
Children are an important consideration. They may be subject to unwelcome consequences when couples are unmarried. A child may not have friends or bring anyone home due to the lack of marriage. Inheritance of property may come into question. A child with restored, stable family ties has a much greater chance of bouncing back from previou marital or couples trauma.
These are some of the factors to consider. People can be happy in the married or unmarried state. In the final analysis the choice is as individual as picking a favorite coat or exotic food. The consequences of a hasty marriage may be much more serious, however. Ultimately, no outsider is responsible for whether a person is comfortable single or Married, One may choose marriage because there is usually a nice warm home to come home to, someone to listen and pay attention to. That is the fantasy. Most say the first couple years are the most exciting but difficult to adjust to.
Many singles welcome the prospect of spending the weekend alone without making decisions about where to eat or what show to see. If they live with someone and it doesn't work out it may be easy to walk away. whether married or single, when couples break up they fight over property, seeking redress for the past, for nostalgia, or simply as a means to hang on and punish the other for real or imagined hurts.
There is a major benefit for society to have couples marry. Property and contracts and the rights of children are important considerations for society. Given the stormy history of marriage, some question its legitimacy, citing the problems marriage raises for society and for those who enter into it. We have seen some evidence that couples are very happy in marriage, however, times have changed and the male is no longer placed in the eyes of the woman as superior.
There is not enough evidence under the new rules to consider whether marriage still offers enough advantages for both parties. The hope is, of course, that marriage will still work even though the male must now fetch his own beer, accept no to sex at times, and live with the expectation he is going to carry at least half the load.
Singles have accepted the solitary life style, that there is no sharing of household chores, no extra paycheck to help with the bills, no fighting over what kind of car he/she may drive, arguments over where to eat , or recriminations for flirting or whom he or she spends spare time with.
As society moves into more troubled times filled with uncertainty and doubt, troubled attacks from outside, strange swings in once fairly predictable institutions, it is important that children especially have the safe harbor a loving family may provide. As resources become more scarce, onepartner may be forced by the economy to stay home with the children. Until the 1960s, only one partner worked outside the home. It was not a bad thing, overall.
Life is swift and no matter the choice one makes, there is not enough time to quibble, too little time to take chances. Throughout history, the wise love, marry, have children, and stay close to home.
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Description: Updated October 17, 2008
there is no time time to quibble, there are not enough chances, the wise play the hand they are dealt, and if they marry, stay close to home.