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7 Reasons You Haven't Gotten Rid of Your Ex

Updated on August 14, 2017

It is a year since the break up happened. You are moving on with your life so does your ex. Your ex is seeing someone of which you know. Maybe you are seeing someone. You appear to have recovered from the breakup but there is one thing you find it hard to deal with. You are finding it hard to let go of your ex. You find it hard to get over your ex.

Why is it that many people find it hard to get over their ex? Why is it they want to hold on to their ex? Some are married but still haven’t let go of their ex. The last time they communicated with their ex was two years ago. They haven’t seen each other since that time.

What makes it hard to let go of your ex? Why are you still holding to your ex?


Reason 1: Good Times

The fact of the matter is we tend to think of the good times we had with our ex than the not-so-good times. The mind tends to filter out the bad side of the relationship. It doesn’t want to dwell on the problems or flaws which manifested in the relationship. In fact, we try hard not to dwell on anything that reminds us of the breakup. In essence, we are behaving as if the breakup never happened.

Reason 2: How the Ex Treated You

He was caring, understandable and sympathetic. He treated you like an angel. You felt you were in heaven. At times he would tell you not to wake up from bed. He would prepare the breakfast. It was romantic.

When someone treats you nicely letting go of him is very hard. The way he treated you, you felt special. You felt valuable like diamond or gold. This is why you find it hard to get over him. He treated you like a queen. In this world it’s very rare to be treated as someone special. When a person does treat you well it makes all the difference.


Reason 3: Unparalleled

The reason why some exes, after some years, haven’t been engaged in another relationship is because they don’t think another person will fit the one they had. They believe no one will be like their ex. Even if they get engaged to another person, they will tend to monitor and evaluate that person. Never mind, the assessment in itself is supervised by emotions.

Nobody will be comparable to my ex. Yah, you have ended idolizing him. He is a god. A god no one else can be compared to. Poor judgment. Poor vision. .

Reason 4: Familiarity

You were proverbial to your ex as your ex was proverbial to you. You dread dating another person because you two aren’t familiar to each other. You don’t know where you will start, what you will talk about. You don’t know him well. What does he like or doesn’t like? He doesn’t know the real you. You forget before you two (you and your ex) became well-known to each other; you weren’t familiar in the first place. You don’t want to get over him because he is well-known to you as you are to him.


Reason 5: Knew You

One thing about relationship is we end up knowing a lot about our partner. After I broke up with my ex, several months later she sent me a text. I inquired how she was doing. She told me she was not feeling well. I asked, “Is it the stomach?” She said, “Yes.” She asked, “How did you know?” I replied, “When you are in a relationship with someone you get to know so much about that person.”

We tend to believe our ex knows (though it’s supposed to be knew) us much better than anyone else. We have ended programming our mind to believe no future partner will come close to knowing us, at a deeper level, than our ex. Once again, idolizing our ex.

Reason 6: Suppressed Emotions

It is usually advised, if you want to recover from a breakup you need not bottle up the emotions. When you suppress the hurtful emotions what you’re doing is storing them at the back of your mind – subconscious mind. It is like a time-bomb. The minutes are counting but because you don’t know how to stop it from counting, you have ended up putting it somewhere so you forget the minutes are counting. Finally, when it explodes the destruction it causes is not something to smile about.

The reason why some people are not yet over their ex is because they refused to feel the pain. They didn’t grieve thereby they haven’t fully recovered from the breakup. You have to feel the emotions so you know how painful it is. When you know how painful it is, you will no longer tolerate the thoughts of your ex.

How to Let Go of Your Ex

Reason 7: Supplement

It’s true when two people get together one person completes another one, and vice versa. The reason why you want to stick to him is because you believed (and do so), he completed (and does so) you. Before you met him you never felt complete. You knew something was lacking. When you fell in love you felt the void was filled. On top of that he supplemented what you lacked. You are hot-tempered person, he is not. You forget things quickly, he reminds you. He filled what you lacked.


Reason 8: Impossible

A breakup tends to make a person to lose hope of finding another love. We feel we will never fall in love again, or someone will never love me. You add to this, he will never love you the way your ex loved you. We believe it’s impossible to find a partner, a true one, who will love us unconditionally and for who we are. As a result, we end up romanticizing a love that is not there. Thinking about our ex, looking at his photos, listening to the songs he liked makes us feel we are still in love. A false truth.

You have to let go of you ex. He wasn’t the one meant for you. He wasn’t and isn’t perfect. He is not a god. Everyone has something that we like about him or her. Stop idolizing him. Don’t set up a wall between you and any potential love. Don’t limit yourself. Lower your standards because some standards are a way too high for any person to ever achieve. Stop believing your ex was the perfect one. Let him go. Let her go. It’s for your own good. No need to get stuck on what is no longer there when you can go for something (somebody in this case) that (who) is at an arm’s reach who will complete you.



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