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Reasons not to Date a Married Man

Updated on October 19, 2015

Reasons not to date a Married Man

Dating a married man is always an impossibly painful situation for everyone involved. The ripples from an extra-marital affair spread and hurt many more people than the other woman, her lover and his wife. It is a situation that should never be undertaken lightly.

He probably tells you his wife does not understand him; take that statement with a huge pinch of salt, she probably understands him only too well. He says he will leave his wife and children and be with you, when the children have finished their exams, or when he has saved enough money, got that promotion whatever, he may eventually leave and he might not. If he did, could you carry the guilt that he left them for you? Guilt is a very heavy and destructive burden.

He solemnly vowed, before witnesses, that he would be faithful to his wife; he is preparing to break that promise. This should tell you that he is deceitful and duplicitous. He is prepared to lie to her about your affair and he could also lie to you. If he can leave her, he can also leave you, when the next pretty girl takes his eye.

Just as a marriage is a public declaration, its ending is also a matter of public record. Do you really want to be the named co-respondent in a divorce case? Local newspapers report divorce cases, family, friends and neighbors could read your name printed in the newspaper for all to see.

Divorced couples divorce one another, but they do not divorce their children. They must maintain a relationship because they will never stop being parents to those children. Can you cope with the children visiting every other weekend and hijacking your annual vacation? Whether you like it, or not, his children will be in your relationship. Under English law, when a court is reckoning maintenance payments, for the children of the first marriage, they can consider the second wife’s income, how will you feel about that.

Do you want children? He may decide that he has his children and does not want any more. Even if he does want more children, you might not be able to afford to have any. If you can afford to have children, how will you feel if your children must go short because your husband must pay for the stepchildren?

If he stays with his wife, you will never be able to buy him a personal present to take home and use; his wife would question him about it. You will always have to be happy when he is around, he can have everyday grimness at home, and he comes to you for relief, happiness and light entertaining times. You will never be able to talk through problems or difficulties with him, those are what he deals with at home. Your lives, together, will never be real; the happiness and sorrow in equal measure that build real love over many years.

Some married men want to have their cake and eat it, fun and games with a mistress, stability, and security with the wife. They may have serial affairs and they never leave their wives. However, a serial adulterer’s wife may very well tire of his games and suddenly leave him one day. When she does, would you even want him?

An extra-marital affair is clandestine and means hiding and lying. It means driving miles to out of the way restaurants and country hotels, just to see one another. It means learning the skills of a secret agent to avoid his friends, family or work colleagues. It means treating your relationship like a dirty secret, falling in love is so powerful a feeling that you want to shout it from the rooftops.

You will always spend Christmas day, St Valentine's Day, weekends and other important days alone, he will be with his family. You will always be last on his list of priorities. You will waste your life willing an unresponsive ‘phone to ring.

You will deal with all the above and more. If you do not feel that you are able to do so, run fast in the opposite direction, away from the temptation, and find someone, who is free to love you wholeheartedly, because you are worth it.


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