- Gender and Relationships
Rekindle Your Romance | 10 Step Plan to Get Back Together
How to Get Your Ex Back | 10 Step Plan to Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back
I've had a lot of questions recently to my online advice column Dear Annabelle concerning breaking up. A break up is difficult and no matter how many times we go through one, it never gets easier. If you're the one getting dumped, you might try to win your ex boyfriend back. I recently posted an article with the 10 Mistakes Women Make When Trying to Get Their Ex Back which left my readers asking.
Don't make these 10 mistakes:
Read my lens 10 Mistakes Women Make when Trying to Get Their Boyfriend Back. Make sure you're not making any of these common mistakes.
Don't "Remain Friends":
It's impossible to remain friends after a breakup and inevitably you'll get hurt. You might think that by seeing you he will be reminded that he likes you in his life but that's the wrong approach. If he wants you in his life, it's as his girlfriend or nothing at all. He is going to miss you and by remaining friends, he can more easily transition into a life without you because he can still get his "fix" by seeing you when he wants to. Don't make it easy. You want him to miss you and unless you're back together, he can't have you.
Remain Friends on Facebook but Stay Off for now:
If you read my column, the first thing I tell you to do after a breakup is to de-friend your ex on facebook. This is a special circumstance. If you have just broken up and you think there might be a chance of getting back together, Facebook is a crucial part of your plan that I will detail later in the article. If you fail to win back your ex after a valiant effort, de-friend him later.
For the first 3 week to a month following your break-up I want you to stay off of Facebook. Don't even sign on. All you're going to do is look for signs that he misses you (or signs that he's moved on). It's bad news. Stay off Facebook. For now.
We all let ourselves go a bit when we're in a relationship. It's time to reverse that. The first thing to do is start working out. You're angry and hurt and exercise is a fantastic way to work through those emotions. Exercise is also going to get you back to your pre-relationship self which is going to make you feel great. Looking great goes hand in hand with feeling great and working out releases endorphins which add to the feeling good party.
When women go through something big (like a breakup) they normally change their appearance. Think back to all the times you changed your hair. Were you going through a difficult time? Welcome back. Let's do something about it. Change something. Change your hair, your makeup, your wardrobe, whatever strikes your fancy. It's going to make you feel better.
The Plan Begins:
At this point a few weeks have passed. You're starting to feel a little better and you're looking fantastic. If you decide you still want him back, it's time to get to work.
Facebook is Your Friend:
At this point you haven't talked to him for at least 3 weeks and he's wondering what you've been up to. It's time to sign back on to Facebook. Change your settings so his posts and pictures do not come up in your news feed and you are forbidden to look at him. This isn't about stalking him on Facebook (it will only upset you) this is about him seeing a glimpse into your single and fabulous life
Post Pictures on Facebook:
You are going to begin strategically uploading fabulous but ambiguous pictures of yourself. Don't go crazy! You don't want tons of pictures of you having fun because it will be obvious that you're trying to get his attention. All you need is a few pictures of you out on the town with your girlfriends. Pick a cute guy at the bar and get your picture taken with him. Tell him you and your girlfriends are having a contest to see how many cute guys they can get their picture taken with and smile. Men can't resist a pretty smile and guys at a bar are putty in our hands. After you get your picture, post it on Facebook with a caption. Just put up a few pictures of you out and one picture of you with the cute guy.
Get Tagged in Pictures on Facebook:
You have to enlist the help of your girlfriends. You can't be the only one uploading pictures because it looks like you're trying to get his attention. Ask your girlfriend(s) to upload a few pics and tag you. We need un-posed pictures of you and the cute guy talking. While you're not allowed to write captions on your photos, your girlfriend should. She can write cute little things like: "He just wouldn't give up" or "Good Times."
The goal is to make your ex wonder what's going on but you shouldn't lie. Lying is never the answer; ambiguity is. Don't pretend you have a new boyfriend if you don't. The goal is to make your ex realize that you're single, available and guys are taking notice.
Keep Ignoring Your Ex:
If your ex boyfriend tries to get in touch with you, keep ignoring him. If he wants you back after breaking up with you, he needs to make a grand gesture. He's doesn't have to pull a John Cusack a la "Say Anything" but it needs to be substantial. Until that happens, ignore him. Men are hunters. If they want something, they go after it and if he really wants you back, he'll come for you. You need to wait.
Socialize with Your Ex:
You can't force this or manipulate your way into making this happen. Since you probably share mutual friends, eventually you are going to socialize with one another. When this happens, try to follow the final rule in 10 Mistakes Women Make when Trying to Get Their Ex Back: Don't Go Alone. Try to take a guy your ex doesn't know. Go to the party as friends with your mystery man and keep it cordial. Don’t pretend to be dating if you’re not because it will look fake. It won’t matter if you’re only friends with your mystery man because your ex now thinks that there’s another man in your life. Don't ignore your ex, be polite and say hi and make sure to introduce your friend. If he still harbors feelings for you, seeing you with another man will make him seriously reevaluate his feelings for you.
Following these tips will give you a chance at getting your ex back. However, sometimes no matter how hard you try, nothing is going to work. It is simply over and the sooner you accept it, the better. If you've tried all these techniques and he's still not calling you to get back together, it's time to read my lens: Break Up | 8 Steps to Move on From a Failed Relationship. There are lots of fish in the sea ladies. Time to go fishing!