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Royal Wedding Drinking Game

Updated on April 13, 2011

Sickly Sweet

Overview

It’s time to face facts; if you haven’t received your invite to the royal wedding then you’re not going to, I’m afraid.  Many would be utterly distraught to find that they are not going to the biggest event of the year, the chance to ponce around with toffee nosed Lords and discussing how to select a good Port, is possibly lost forever. But fear not, help is at hand. While others would simply sit and sulk about their royal snub, there is an alternative to get you through the protracted wedding ceremony and true to the greatest of British traditions, this alternative involves binge drinking.

Time to prepare!  First, get yourself down to the supermarket with the following list (quantities for approximately two people):

·         At least two crates of lager – try to keep away from Stella here as you don’t want to end up punching a fellow player.  If you’re feeling thirsty then get way more than enough, you don’t want to run out of booze midway through this royal bilge and have to watch any period of the wedding dry.

·         A bottle of Whisky or Vodka – the cheaper the better. The irony won’t be lost that whilst the toffs on the TV are sipping good Champagne, you’ll be drinking fluid that could more correctly be used to take the paint of paintbrushes. Remember, it’s worth taking it easy on this or else you won’t be able to coherently hurl abuse at the television screen.

·         A bottle of cheap fizzy Italian white wine(2 litres for approx £3) – Adding a touch of class to your own party (why should those blue-blooded twerps be the only ones to drink bubbly?!). If in Scotland, Buckfast will do this job nicely.

·         A multi-pack of crisps – Leave the caviar-topped vol au vents to them, we’ll be having mini-cheddars, chip-sticks and Quavers, thank you very much. Such snacks are essential as you’ll need a good lining on your stomach.

So, the shopping’s done and now it’s time to play the game!  Get your TV on nice and early, it’s beneficial at this point to already have a few beers inside of you as your stomach will otherwise churn at the sycophantic crawling of the BBC pundits. Remember at this point not to throw anything hard enough to smash the screen at the TV as this will void the rest of the game and may lead to you having to listen to the rest of the event by radio, which would be crap. You’ll need a bit of space for the vast quantities of lager that you’re about to imbibe so don’t get too leathered just yet. Though it’s probably worth having a spot of breakfast to soak up the alcohol – make it something that won’t taste too bad as it comes the other way or stain the carpet irreparably.

No Surrender

The Game

Take your seats, it’s about to begin! OK, the rules to which you must adhere until the end of the coverage – let’s face it, you’re not going to make it all the way through so be prepared to pass out before the end. The rules:

1.You must be drinking whenever Kate and Wills are on screen together

2.The TV shows shots of the crowds outside Westminster - everybody hold their noses and drink to get rid of the stench of poverty.

3.Queen falls asleep; all drinks must be downed and a rendition of God Save the Queen made

4.Any shots of a gormless reporter standing in an empty street insisting "Katherine will be here any second" - drink whole time this goes on.

5. The appearance of Prince Phillip on the screen must be greeted by a loudly shouted racist remark. The last one to do so must drink a shot of whisky.

6. Any crawly remarks made by the BBC pundits must be loudly condemned by a hail of expletives. The person in the room felt to have made the least nasty remarks must drink three fingers of beer.

7. The commentator mentions Dianna; three fingers of beer

8. When the couple say “I do”, all drinks must be downed and the empty can crushed against the forehead. The last person to do this must drink an extra shot of whisky.

As is often the case with such events, the sheer boredom of the occasion may ultimately take over. In this instance, the channel may ONLY be changed in order to watch football. Of course, each individual party will want to invent their own rules to this already great game. Be sensible though, as you want to remain drunk enough to get through the entire event without completely giving up the will to live.

I hope this hub helps to make it more bearable for everyone not already invited to the actual wedding. Please post your own rules in the comments section below or visit the Facebook community page or the Royal Wedding Drinking Game and take your pick from several thousand rule ideas.

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    • lukecore profile image

      Luke Chant 6 years ago from Manchester

      Having played a version of this game I'm still not fully recovered!

    • profile image

      anon 6 years ago

      Any time someone says "love" or "happiness", regardless of context, you drink.

    • profile image

      josh allinson 6 years ago

      very well written and very fun 10/10 :)

    • profile image

      paul 6 years ago

      How about everytime the queen is on the telly, ypu hard to keep drinking your drink until she is off of shot again

    • profile image

      footy8 6 years ago

      whrn will it stert

    • profile image

      Garbs 6 years ago

      A shot of whiskey and 3 fingers of beer any time Prince Harry is on screen in the background looking miserable and left out.

    • profile image

      Wish I were a Princess 6 years ago

      This one involves a Brit mix: http://morningquickie.com/2011/04/25/the-royal-wed... And is racismer a thing now?

    • profile image

      Jim 6 years ago

      There's an iPhone Version of the Royal Wedding Drinking Game :) http://bit.ly/hGPEV7

    • Tamila Roberts profile image

      Tamila Roberts 6 years ago from Canada

      Didn't know royal life was that hard. Thanks much for useful info!

    • profile image

      Booboo Galore 6 years ago

      I don't think they're saying "I Do". The wedding response is "I Will". If they do say "I Do" it will be by accident and surely that will require at least half a bottle of vodka to be downed in celebration?

    • profile image

      Darren 6 years ago

      Ive Included this into my pre Easter Celebration weekend, involving a Beach BBQ followed by Slip and slide and this!

    • profile image

      sam  6 years ago

      great game! very funny and origional!! however, one question, surely they both say "I do" and you would have to down two drinks and crush against the forehead in the space of a few minutes. is this right?

    • mojefballa profile image

      Ikeji Chinweuba 6 years ago from Nigeria

      Fantastic but very funny hub which i enjoyed reading.

    • goprisca profile image

      goprisca 6 years ago from Bangalore

      Hai

      Very funny and interesting hub.

    • superwags profile image
      Author

      superwags 6 years ago from UK

      It should read crawly - basic arse kissing or sucking up to the royals of any kind.

    • profile image

      Akey69 6 years ago

      Explain rule 6 what do you class as Crawley remarks ??

    • profile image

      Grassick 6 years ago

      If Diana is mentioned then you must drink 2 fingers and pour 1 out for your 'homie'

    • profile image

      joan21 6 years ago

      Very funny - I might play a slightly watered down version

    • superwags profile image
      Author

      superwags 6 years ago from UK

      Cheers Invita! Hope you have even more fun carrying out the rules on the big day!

    • invita profile image

      invita 6 years ago from Tampa, FL

      That was truly funny. Thank you.

    • crystolite profile image

      Emma 6 years ago from Houston TX

      Nice hub,thanks for sharing.

    • superwags profile image
      Author

      superwags 6 years ago from UK

      Better get stocked up with the booze; only 7 weeks to the big event. I intend to get everybody to play this game and therefore the shops may run dry...!

    • Golfgal profile image

      Golfgal 6 years ago from McKinney, Texas

      Blimie Funny, jolly good

    • superwags profile image
      Author

      superwags 6 years ago from UK

      Cheers! Post a couple of rules to the game if you like and we can add them to the "official" rules!

    • quotations profile image

      Robert P 6 years ago from Canada

      I liked your humour. Nice hub.