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Sex and marriage, why the sex stops after marriage

Updated on October 17, 2016

Sexless marriage help

All of those jokes that you have heard about getting married and how the sex stops, is there some truth to this?

As a sex therapist I would like to say no, but the statics are quite staggering when it comes to just how many married couples are living in a sexless marriage. The good news is that the statics do not have to be a part of your marriage.

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Men and women do not view sex in marriage in the same way

The statics are that more women in marriage are the ones that contribute to the sexless part of the marriage but there are also a percentage of married couples where the husband is the one that no longer wants to have sex with his wife.

The problem with the sex in the marriage starts before the couples even gets married. Men and women when it comes to sex do not see it in the same way, and this is where the problem begins. Men in marriage typically put more importance on sex than women do but the problem is that many couples don't discuss this in the marriage and just assume that the sex drive is the same or the need for sex is the same, but it is not.

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A mans perception of himself is tied into his sexuality

In many polls that I have given over the years on a scale of 1-10 in marriage a man puts the importance of sex in marriage on an average of 9-10 being the most important part and women were in the range 5-6 in importance of sex in marriage. The reason that the results are so different is because a man and woman view sex or love making in the marriage differently. Men will not only view a wife that wants to be sexual with him as a sign of love but also that he is functioning in society as a healthy vibrant sexual man.

The problem with a man living in a sexless marriage, and his wife no longer desiring him is that it not only plays out in the marriage but also in the way he will view himself as a man. The men that are having regular sex with their wives in marriage are the men that feel confident in themselves and the way that they function in the world as a productive male. For women this concept is so important because not only does a man feel unloved by his wife when she is no longer desiring him but he feels like he is not longer a man, and this will affect him in business, family and friends. A man's perception of himself as a man is tied into his sexuality, this concept is not the same for a woman.

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Sex in marriage should be enjoyable

Not only is the frequency of love making important but the way in which a husband has the ability to please his wife and the way that she shows her desire for him. A wife who is actively enjoying love making with her husband, in her actions, her sounds and in her ability to climax, will give her husband the ultimate feeling of being a man that he is able to please his woman.

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Changing the way you view sex in your marriage

The solution to all of this sexless marriage talk and what you never new but wish you had known about sex is the power to change the relationship. The way to do this between a husband and wife is to change the way that you behave in the bedroom, whether you are the man or woman in the marriage, if you are the one who is not initiating sex then stop what you are doing and begin to change your attitude around your sex life today and initate sex.

The secret is in how you view sex in your marriage, if you view it as a chore, or something that you have to do, than your marriage will become a static. You must change your attitude around the sex in your marriage and make it fun, exciting and important; you have to work on sex in marriage.

Marriage takes work and so does the lovemaking between husband and wife, so don't sweep it under the bed any more, bring it on the top of the bed and make it a priority in your marriage. The marriages that lasts, are the marriages where the love making" is about love" and making of love is fun, exciting and wonderful.

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      kokomagne 5 years ago

      i think the reason sex stop after marriage is because couples had overused it's relevance and sated their thirst long before they tied the knots and what they therefore have left is just out-of-duty-sex.

    • inspirehislovef profile image

      inspirehislovef 5 years ago

      wonderful. thank you. sex in marriage should NEVER be a chore! I really like your words.

    • infiniti99 lm profile image

      infiniti99 lm 5 years ago

      great lens thank you for sharing and caring.