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When you become a mother, do you loose being a wife?

Updated on April 9, 2013

Most will answer this question by saying BOTH!

Do you remember when you and your husband first fell in love?, do you remember when you used to sit and talk about things that you both found interesting and exciting?, are you still doing that today or are you busy running around trying to take care of everything the household needs and by the time everything has settled you are so exhausted that you just want to crawl into bed watch a little TV and go into a deep sleep just so you can wake up the next day and start all over again...

Set a plan, and follow it...

It's morning, you're awakened early by a screaming child or just because your internal alarm has been well adjusted to get you up at dawn. You take a few moments to quickly brush your teeth and wash your face before rushing in to check on the children. You prepare breakfast and start to plan your day around all things home and children.

If you are a working mother, you head off to work and deal with the hectic schedule of doing a good job to please your boss, so you can rush home and please your children, make sure they're clean, well fed, their homework is done and the house is tidy. You plan something really special to please your husband, a nice steak dinner will surely make him happy and that gives you the prize of being a great wife, or so you think...

Unfortunately, the last thing on your husband's mind is that steak dinner, your day at work is no different than his day at work, he worked hard also. The fact that the house is clean, the children are fed and their homework is done makes you a wonderful mother, but he doesn't see the wife in all of this, he wants sexy, gorgeous, and most of all your full attention.

All you have to do is take a close look at some of the couples you know, most couples end up in divorce or estranged relationships soon after the children leave the house for college, and it's not surprising, most couples end up focusing all their attention on the children and forget about each other.

I'm not saying it's easy and this is why our parents warned us "marriage is hard work", just as you plan to cook, clean, bathe, a plan needs to be added on being the sexy, independent girl your man fell in love with in the first place.

I watched my mother and all my aunts chop off their gorgeous long hair soon after delivering their first child, they seemed to get shorter and more rounded, they stopped paying attention to themselves and beauty was a memory. They turned into everyday maids we call mothers and aunts, I watched their husbands slowly drift into a world of their own until there was nothing left in common.

I vowed that I would never let that happen to me. It's easy to find many excuses to not do something but here are some rules I follow in my life and I hope all or a few of these ideas will be something you can use

I make sure and dress up everyday, just like when he met me no matter how tired.

I wear my makeup and fix my hair everyday, so he always sees me as beautiful.

I wear perfume before going to bed so he can sleep with the sweet scent of me

I declared Saturday night "Mommy & Daddy's", no matter what!, Sunday is family time

When we go out, I talk about anything and everything except home and kids

I refuse to switch my sexy undergarments to white cotton

I send him quick loving text messages throughout the day

I like to get him laughing, so I try to tell a joke often

He didn't like hairy legs before, I don't think he'll start now, Shave!

Once a day, I make sure and ask him a question about him or his work and give him my full attention.

Everything you're reading is not difficult to do but makes a great impact on the way a man feels. You must think, how selfish!, because all those things relate to taking care of me. He fell in love with you for your cheerful, honest, loving, independent, beautiful personality, gorgeous long hair, skinny ass, flat stomach, etc... whatever it was that he fell in love with you for, try to not change it if you can. it's not fair to him or you.

If you love your husband like I do cherish him and don't assume he knows it, make sure he knows it. I cherish and adore my my children, I make sure they are well balanced and taken care of, It is because I love them so much that I make sure they do not become the excuse and the reason their father and I drift apart.

You are the balance that keeps it together so you must stay balanced:

I am a career woman dedicated to taking care of my home, my work, my children and remain as my husband's wife and mistress. I am successful only because I am dedicated to taking care of me, if I don't take care of me, there will not be anyone to take care of them.


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    • hair bender profile image

      hair bender 5 years ago

      I agree that you only get one chance to be each other's soul mates. I believe the hierarchy should be 1. God 2. Spouse 3. kids.

      We have been driving together for 7 years and married for 9. It's really hard to slam a curtain!

    • Pascale1973 profile image

      Pascale Skaf Saliba 5 years ago from Orange County, CA

      That's great and that's really the best way to be, most would say that's a selfish way to think but I disagree because kids grow up and move on, we better like and enjoy who we're left with. Good luck and how fun is it to drive together... Cool!

    • hair bender profile image

      hair bender 5 years ago

      Since my husband and I drive a truck as a team, we are together 24/7. My husband has a son by an ex-wife(that's another whole situation) so I am step-mom to a 24 year old male who happens to be living with his mom at this time. My husband and I try to do little things for each other during the times that we are driving. However, there is not a strong connection between my stepson and me-his mother poisoned his mind by telling lies about me. So I guess I am a wife first and foremost-actually, I am my husband's girlfriend. I wrote something similar in my hubpages.