- Gender and Relationships
8 Questions to Help You Tell if You Should Break Up or Stay in a Relationship
8 Questions to Help You Tell if You Should Break Up or Stay in a Relationship
We've all done it... we either stay in a relationship that is bad for too long or we screw up a perfectly good one by saying or doing the wrong thing. When it comes to love, we often ignore the signals that would normally help us to make the right decisions. That's because love is blind. We think with our hearts, not with our heads. We ignore the red flags because we want so much for things to work out.
Another common mistake is made when men expect women to think like men, and when women expect men to think like women. That's setting yourself up for disappointment. We're just wired differently... but that's what attracts us to each other in the first place!
It's not our fault we don't know this stuff. They don't teach it in school, so we learn by trial and error. Each time we mess up, our hearts take a beating... but it doesn't have to be that way.
Is Our Relationship Worth Saving?
Should We Break Up?
If you're not sure what to do, asking yourself these 8 questions will help you tell if you should break up or stay in a relationship....
1. What first attracted you to your partner? What did you have in common when you first met? If these things still exist, it shows hope that you
are still compatible.
If these feelings have changed, then it may be time to break up. Think about it this way... how many of your friends from 5 or 10 years ago, do you still hang out with? Why is that? Because people change. True love allows people the freedom to grow and to change. If you can't do that, then it's a good sign that staying in the relationship is going to hurt one or both of you in the long run. Breaking up would be better than staying in a relationship that doesn't allow you to grow.
2. How do you feel when you're together? A healthy relationship will bring out the best in both of you. If your partner does things on purpose to make you feel bad, it's time to break up. Jealousy, mistrust, and control tactics only make a relationship toxic. You deserve a relationship that makes you feel good.
3. Has your partner done something unforgivable? Ask yourself, honestly, if I had done the same thing, would I want to be forgiven? Do I have a double standard or am I being fair about this? Is the mistake so big that it's worth breaking up? Or is it possible to stay in this relationship by putting my ego and hurts aside? If you think your partner is really sorry and won't do it again, then it may not be worth breaking up over. But if this thing has happened before, don't keep staying in a relationship built on false promises. There's a big difference between forgiving someone and being a doormat.
4. Is the word, "sorry" used too often in your relationship or not enough? If saying "sorry" is a hard thing for you to do, it makes it difficult to stay in a relationship long term. Everyone makes mistakes, and in relationships, that often means someone's feelings get hurt. That's when it's time to say, "sorry."
Saying "I'm sorry" can be difficult, especially for men. The male ego is conditioned not to admit it's wrong. But here's a tip... saying you're sorry is a magic word. It mends the hurt and melts the anger of your partner. Even if you gently say, "I'm sorry you feel that way." It lets your partner know you care. This goes a long way in healing a relationship.
If the word "sorry" comes up too often in your relationship, it could mean the relationship is toxic. First make sure that you or your partner is not being overly-sensitive. If it looks like hurt feelings are all too common, it's time to break up. Love shouldn't hurt.
5. Is your relationship abusive or controlling? If your relationship is physically or emotionally abusive, get out and go to a safe place immediately! If your partner will attend counseling, make sure to choose a professional who is trained in abuse. It goes without saying that you should never stay in an abusive relationship, especially if you have children. No one deserves that.
6. Do you like what you see in the mirror? Would you want to stay in a relationship with someone like you? Think of what you want in a partner. Do you want someone who is likable, easy-going, kind, considerate, etc.? Then, be that yourself.
7. Are you playing the blame game? Remember, the reason people stay in a relationship is because it makes them feel good. Blaming someone does the opposite. Being willing to take responsibility for your part in the break up will help to patch things up.
8. Can you be yourself in the relationship? A healthy relationship allows you the freedom to be yourself. Now, this doesn't mean you should expect your partner to put up with your inconsiderate or obnoxious behaviors. What it means is having the freedom to express your unique talents. It means supporting each others' dreams.
Asking yourself these 8 questions will help you tell if you should break up or stay in a relationship. Staying in a relationship takes skill, patience, and commitment, but it's worth it if you are good for each other. Here are some other things that have worked for me....
The Magic of Making Up
This guide is designed for couples who have just broken up or are close to it.
T. Hub is a down-to-earth guy with practical relationship advice based upon experience. This e-book contains over 60 pages to help you decide if it's time to break up or stay in a relationship.
Do you have these symptoms?
- Leaving the radio off because every song makes you cry
- Loss of appetite
- Binge eating for comfort
- Calling your ex several times a day
- Text messaging and emailing constantly (Text Message Terrorism)
- Constantly checking your email and voice mail to see if he/she called
- Not going out because you are afraid to miss a call
- Thinking non-stop about why they REALLY left you
- Feeling massively depressed
- Feeling urges to spy on them
- Endlessly rehearsing what you should have said
- Endlessly rehearsing what you will say if you bump into them
And when you do get a hold of them, it usually turns ugly because without a clear plan of what you are supposed to do... what happens? P-A-N-I-C... defensiveness... arguments... and then it gets really nasty.
The techniques, principles, and advice you will receive in The Magic Of Making Up have helped hundreds of men and women just like you win back the mind, heart, and soul of the ones they love.... or make a clean break.
Whether you need help getting over your ex or getting back together again, this guide shows you how.
----------------- CLICK ON THE MAGIC BOOK ABOVE for your instant download -----------------
Testimonials - Does it really work?
Find out what people are saying about The Magic of Making Up...
"Remember, we all stumble, every one of us. That's why it's a comfort to go hand in hand."
~ Emily Kimbrough
"Shared joy is a double joy;
shared sorrow is half a sorrow."
~ Swedish Proverb
Relationship Help - These books have helped me understand what it takes to have a good relationship and make it last!
"He who has never experienced hurt, cannot experience
~ Tristan J. Loo
"How do you know love is gone? If you said that you would
be there at seven and you get there by nine,
and he hasn't called the police - it's gone."
~ Marlene Dietrich
So you're breaking up, now what?
While you're processing the hurt, the anger, the thoughts of revenge... sometimes the best way to get over a relationship, is to find the humor in it.
One of the best comedy movies I've found on the subject of breaking up is the movie, "It's Complicated."
Meryl Streep and Alec Baldwin star as a couple who get back together after a break up. It's hilarious to watch them make many of the mistakes that T.Dub warns us about in the Magic of Making Up. I won't give the plot away, but things get interesting when Steve Martin becomes another love interest in the relationship.
You can probably rent the video, but if you're in the middle of recovering from your break up, you're probably going to want to watch it more than once. You can pick it up at Amazon at a bargain price.