- Gender and Relationships
15 Signs You Haven't Recovered From A Breakup
It takes a considerable amount of time before a person recovers from a break up. Some take as long as three years to finally get over the break up. In order to recover from the breakup, first of all you need to heal from the wound inflicted in your heart as a result of the breakup. If you haven’t healed you will never recover fully. You can move on without having healed or recovered from the breakup. Nonetheless, as a result of not having healed and recovered from the breakup, your future life including the relationship(s) you’ll engage in will be faced with problems. These problems will arise from having not taken time to heal and recover from the breakup.
Studies show women recover pretty well from breakups unlike men who move on. Women find moving on difficult. After recovering from a breakup it takes them a considerable time before moving on. In the case of men, they have not healed from the ‘wound’ nor recovered from the breakup thus their moving on is or will be jeopardized.
How long does it take to recover from a breakup? It depends. It is possible to recover quickly from the breakup if you have taken time to heal. You can gauge for yourself whether you have taken a lot of time to recover from the breakup when you’ve already healed. As an estimate, it takes two months to recover from a six-month relationship. It takes four to six months to recover from a year relationship and one year to recover from a two year relationship. Again, it depends on a variety of factors such as the length of the relationship, how emotionally bonded you were to your ex, how much you had invested in the relationship etc.
The following signs are to guide you as to whether you have recovered or are still grappling with the breakup.
1. Idolizing Your Ex
He has become a god to you. No one can be likened to him. You think he is the only one who can satisfy you, understand you better than anybody else, cares for you than anyone else can, loves you more than anybody else can love you and so on. You believe no one can come close to attaining the qualities that he possesses. Understand everybody is unique in his/her own way.
2. Weighing Balance Machine
Your ex has turned out to be a weighing machine. When you are approached by a man you compare him to your ex. If he doesn’t meet the qualities of your ex, that is, they are lower than your ex you refuse to be his girlfriend or lover. It happens even if you are not ready for a relationship; you compare men to your ex to see if they exceed the qualities of your ex.
3. Rerun The Good Times
The mind is pretty good in filtering out the bad moments that were experienced in the relationship. Instead, it concentrates on the good times you shared with your ex. Well, it ain’t good at all. You feel happy and content in dwelling on the good times. You haven’t come to the point of looking at the other side of the relationship signifying you haven’t yet recovered from the breakup.
4. You Are Bitter, Angry And Hateful
Six months after the breakup you’re still angry. It indicates you are a long way from recovering from the breakup. It signifies you have never dealt with the negative emotions that resulted from the breakup. You have let the emotions take control of your mind, and ultimately your life. You have to control the negative emotions from having control of your life.
5. Not Forgiven
You haven’t forgiven your ex for hurting you. You are still bitter at him. Remember forgiveness is the major key in getting rid of negative emotions from imprisoning your mind, that is, having control of your mind. Also, it aids in strengthening your inner self when faced with hurtful situations, and acts as an indicator the past hurt will not dictate your future.
6. Living In Denial
You are living in denial seven months after the breakup. You cannot bring yourself to face the fact the relationship ended. You are offering yourself false hope your ex is still in love with you. You haven’t brought yourself to the reality you’re an ex and your ex is your ex; no longer your lover. Face the facts.
7. You Cannot Believe
You have to believe because it is the case. You cannot believe the breakup happened. You don’t want to believe the breakup happened. You sure know it had happened but you don’t want to believe it is the case. You believe the breakup was never meant to happen. It was a mistake. Whether it was a mistake or not, you have to believe the breakup did happen.
8. Your Ex Fills Your Thoughts
You think a lot about your ex. Most of the time you’re idle you spend it on thinking about your ex. The more you think about your ex the more it will take time to recover from the breakup. Your ex is an ex for a reason. This is not the time to fill your mind with the thoughts of your ex.
9. You Are Jealous
He is no longer your lover, why do you feel jealous when he gets a new girlfriend? You can be jealous even if you don’t have feelings for him. Maybe you want him to be single as you are with no strings attached. It maybe for any other reasons but as long as you’re jealous of your ex you will never recover from the breakup.
10. You Listen To His Favorite Songs
At nights and during weekends you cannot help yourself to listen to songs he liked listening. You ensure you play them every moment you find a chance to be free from a task. Stop listening to them. Delete them from your phone or laptop or damage the CD. They will remind you of things you better forget.
11. Adore The Teddy Bear
You are holding tightly the gifts he bought you. It is a year since you broke up and you have his gifts in your grasp. Holding tightly his gifts will cause the same reaction as listening to his favorite songs. Donate the gift to a charity organization, tear or burn it. Ensure it as far away from you as possible.
Signs You're Not Over Your Breakup
14. Rebound Relationship
If you have jumped into another relationship immediately after the breakup, know you were escaping the hurt you would feel. And, as long as you are in that new relationship you will never recover. You will just cause more problems in that new relationship. You will know you’ve recovered from the breakup before entering into a new relationship. It is something you will feel inside of you that you’re ready to enter into a new relationship.
15. He Has An Effect On You
If his smile still weakens you, you haven’t recovered. You are not over him. If you aren’t over him you cannot recover from the breakup. If he shakes your hand and you feel kind of electric current running through your blood, know you are still grappling with the breakup. The process itself of recovery hasn’t started. When you have recovered from the breakup, he will not have an effect on you since your feelings for him are no more. It won’t be good when you are in another relationship your ex still has an effect on you.