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So she dumped you?

Updated on January 30, 2013

''I'm too good for her anyway''. ''I wouldn't take her back even if she begged me''. ''It's provably for the best''. That, my friend, is looser talk. Snap out of it. I know it is hard for you to see her dating others, liking other guy's statuses on FB, ignoring your attempts to chat with her on FB, etc. All after you took her love for granted and left her / she left you because you were cheating on her / you both left each other because she read somewhere that a trial separation works wonders...

So let's face it. Now you feel lonely with no one to ''hug'' in the middle of the night and no one to call your own. It hurts like hell, but she won't take you back. You are going to need a game changer, the perfect plan to get her back - a plan, so deviously clever and so wretchedly brutal that it just had to be made by the devil himself. Where do you find it, mate? Guess what... You've come to right place.

Image copyrights: sxc.hu - Love is all

CAUTION!

Do not, and I repeat, DO NOT, buy into any other ''get her back'' advices you find via other sources, because those advices will not only result in you not getting your girlfriend back, but will also destroy any chance of this happening. That junk usually gets written by people who never even had a girlfriend or never experienced the uppercut-like feeling of your girlfriend leaving you. No guy, who had even once experienced the pain of being dumped, would write advices like: ''But her a bouquet of roses, make her feel appreciated.'', or ''Give her some space, make her see how badly she has it without you'', and my personal favourite: ''Leave her alone''. Oh, you are saying that there is nothing wrong with the last one? When you finish reading through my article, you are going to laugh off when you hear advices like that the next time.

The 4 Easy Steps

Why am I giving this advice away? Let's just say I got my heart broken too many times before and at one point I had enough. What I found out over the years is, that being the good guy, who listens, is kind and understanding, etc. does NOT work. If you look hot (at least a bodybuilder if not naturally good looking), no girl will ever dump you, or will at least want to take you back very quickly after she does so. But there are things and manoeuvres you can imply that will help you manipulate her into liking you, or, in our case, wanting you back. Without further ado, let's look at the four easy steps to get her back.

Image copyrights: sxc.hu - Black dice 3

  1. Get Ready... Set... DRAMA!

    Firstly, you need to shock her. Start screaming, and pulling your hair out. Why not take it public? Make a scene in your local coffee shop. Plan the whole thing; learn her schedule, and make it appear to a coincidence that you both appeared there. Make sure there are a lot of people present when you make a scene. Affront her with wild accusations and try to appear as mental as possible. You want her to think you are a bit crazy. When choosing your ''make-a-scene'' place, make sure you avoid locations with professional bouncers or punchy waiters, because you want your outburst to end in you leaving the place on your own free will. The purpose of this step is to encourage negative feelings in your ex girlfriend - her being scared, surprised, and above all, shocked. After you are done with making a scene, contact her the same night. Use text messages if she won't accept your phone calls. Say you are sorry, cry into the phone (or type to her that you are crying), etc. Make as much drama as possible. ''I can't live without you'', ''you are everything to me'', and ''I would do everything to be with you, babe''... If she turns off the phone leave 20 messages and 30 calls. Supersize your obsession with her and smother her with your attempts to show her that you truly love her, and that you are sorry for the previously caused scene in the coffee shop. Write something on her wall in FB, send her letters... Do this for a total of 24 hours.

  2. Harvest the Amazing Power of Contrast

    In nature, some animals use contrast colour combinations to scare possible predators, to appear bigger, etc. Such colour combinations are red and green, blue and yellow and above all black and white. In this step, you are going to utilize the power of said contrast. If you did step no. 1 correctly, your ex now thinks that you are a complete maniac, a crazy person, who will stop at nothing to get her back. This is your black basecoat - now to make a white stripe or two; completely ignore her. Delete her from your FB friends, stop talking to her friends, stop talking to people who like her or who have anything to do with her. If she tries calling you back (she shouldn't), ignore the calls. If you see her in public, look right through her and walk right past her. If she tries to make up with you, ignore those attempts. This is the hardest step of the four, because of two things. Number one; it lasts for two months (yea, it no good) and number two; you will probably be tempted to brake the ignore strategy. Following the angry and desperate dude (black colour) is the dude that is nowhere to be seen and that ignores you when he sees you (speaking from your ex's stance). This contrast will at first make her feel calm, as she will think: ''oh good, he stopped with the craziness.'', but will follow with: ''I wonder why he lost interest all of a sudden'' (1 month), ''Did he get a new girlfriend?'' (1.5 months) and finally ''Why does he not attempt to contact me no more?'' (2 months). Usually it would take several months before these emotions would appear in your ex's mind, but due to the contrast you used, the times are radically cut down (for her point of view, not yours). Not this is the tough time, as this is where you must fight the urge to return her calls and messages (and she will try to contact you, believe me). Do this second ignore phase a bit differently though. Even the most retarded people nowadays know that ignoring someone is often done for them to be jealous. Having said this, the second ignore phase should last 6 days from the time she first tries to contact you (first call, message, FB poke).

  3. Only Friends?

    Congratulations, you have succeeded! You now have your ex-girlfriend back. Right? WRONG!! After the stuff you have just pulled, that special person of yours will mostly likely say some soapy crap, such as: ''I want us to be friends, ok?''. How will you reply? A very enthusiastic: ''Great, sure, best friends.'' Follow this big a big smile (if she sees you) or a big smiley face (if you are chatting) or the sound of you smiling (telephone talk, duh?). After this it Welcome to the Ingnoreville, episode 2. This time ignore most of her following attempts to contact you, yet sometimes still answer your phone, but do not show any enthusiasm. Refuse to see her in public or to do things together. Very soon, she will ask you thing like: ''What is the matter?'' or ''Are you mad at me?''. Your reply to said questions: ''Nothing is the matter, I am just tired (or something like that)'' and ''No I am not mad, I just have a lot on my mind.'' This way, you constantly unleash mini contrast games for the second time. At times you will appear somewhat interested in her, but then again you will be cold to her the majority of time.

  4. Get Her Back

    After you hocus-pocus her with your contrast games for a while, she will soon want to get back together. At this stage, abort the four steps guide, because you won't need it anymore. Just remember, whenever your relationship with this girl is in trouble don't try too hard to save it. If it is not meant to be, it is not meant to be, accept it. Or you can always come back here to have a go at my next 4 steps guide: How to Get Her Back Yet Again!

Let's Debate!

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