The abusive adult child
The abusive adult child., elder abuse
There is much talk about nursing home abuse of seniors but most abuse of the elderly happens right in their own home by family and care givers . Thousands of parents are abused emotionally , financially or physically every day by their adult children .
The adult child that bullies their parents may have psychiatric problems , drug problems,or they may simply be a bully, or a selfish child who wants financial control over the parent..
I have watch for years as my brothers abuse of my mother got worse and worse every year , so I know how hard it is to deal with . My mother who is a wonderful mother and who was a very strong woman began to weaken as she aged . The weaker she became the more my brother tried to control her. I Have noticed a definite pattern in my brothers abuse . I Seen it when my father was dieing . My father never put up with my brothers temper but when dad got sick and weakened ,my brother started to become verbally abusive with him . My brother began to try to take control of my parents home. The weaker dad got the more controlling and abusive my brother became. At this time my mother was still strong enough to keep my brother some what in check .
After dads death , over the course of two years, my brothers abuse of my mother began to escalate . The weaker my mother became the more the abuse and control escalated .
This is a definite pattern with adults who abuse their parents . The weaker the parent becomes, the worse the abuse becomes .
If I tend to ramble some what while writing this, it is because I am going threw the process of trying to stop my brothers abuse, so I am also on a learning mission .
. I could not understand why my mother defended my brother or hid from me the extent of the abuse until my mother had a mental brake down .
I have a hard time understanding why the child in the family that was spoiled the most, would become abusive . Maybe it is because he is accustomed to getting what ever he wants , Maybe his child hood temper tantrums worked so well, he is now trying to get his way as an adult with the same screaming and tantrums .
I have a hard time understanding where he learned to treat people this way . My parents were good parents, never putting us down or abusing us..
My brother dose have some mental health issues but I do believe he is quite aware that he is doing wrong.
What is Elder abuse
There are many types of elder abuse . An adult child may abuse the parent in one of these ways, or all of these ways.
Verbal abuse and Emotional abuse.
Psychological abuse includes humiliation, swearing , blaming , isolation, intimidation, threats, and inappropriate control of activities. Removal of decision making power when the elderly person is still competent to make his/her own decision is also considered to be psychological abuse.
Physical abuse includes any kind of physical assault, such as slapping, pushing, kicking, punching, or injuring with an object or weapon. It also includes deliberate exposure to severe weather, inappropriate use of medication and unnecessary physical restraint.
This is the misuse of an older person's medications and prescriptions on purpose or by accident. It may include withholding medication, over-medicating or not complying with prescriptions refills,
Sexual abuse includes any forced sexual activity, or uninvited touching
Neglect is any lack of action required to meet the needs of an elderly person. It includes inadequate provision of food, clothing, shelter, required medication or other kinds of health and personal care, as well as social companionship.
The adult child cons the parent into giving money , borrows money and dose not pay it back , takes control of the elderly persons finances and uses the money for their own purposes . The adult child dose not allow the elderly person access to their own money .
Bullies and threatens the Senior if the Senior dose not give the adult child money .
Examples of financial abuse
Stealing the seniors checks ,
Others are less obvious, but are still financial abuse. They involve pressuring or tricking the senior into giving away money, making changes to legal documents, even selling their home.
Another example of how an adult child may financially abuse a senior. The adult child may yell at , and gets angry at the elder if they do not give them money This may include making the elder feel guilty . Saying things like you don't care about me etc . Putting stress and pressure on the senior for not handing over the money.
Books on elder abuse
Senior and Elder abuse
Is your adult child abusing you
Do you know some one who is being abuse
It is a very hard thing emotionally to end this kind of abuse.. but for the health and safety of the abused, it must end.
If you are being abused by your child here are some things you need to do.
1. Make contact with as many people as you can .
2. Tell your Dr what is going on. If the abuser goes to the Dr's office with you, make an appointment for a private problem that requires a physical like a prostate exam or a personal ladies physical such as a pap smear . That way the abuser will not be in the room at that time and then tell the Dr what is going on.
3. Tell family members, relatives, and friends, any community support worker you are involved with , and ask for their help.
4. Call the crisis line in your area, crisis lines are usually manned 24 hrs a day . You can call then just to talk if you need some one to talk to.
Make an appointment with an abuse counselor .
5. If you are ready to end the abuse and the abuser lives with you and they do not pay rent, contact the police and have them removed from your house ., Ask for a restraining order or NO CONTACT order .
Make plans to not be alone , Here are some suggestions
1, Find a friend or relative you can stay with until everything is safe .
2. You could also try and get some one to stay with you.
3. Hire some one to stay with you for a few months
4. consider moving to a seniors residence where you will be safe . or seniors only housing complex/ apartment
You may still love your abusive child and you may feel you are being cruel buy putting a restraining or on them or kicking them out, but things will not get better until you do If your adult child is abusing you or taking advantage of you they are the ones doing wrong , not you .