divorced and happy
divorce - time to start challenging perception
Anyone who has been through the break up of a marriage knows only too well the stress and unnecessary angst of getting through the stage of things being "OVER"!
Yet so often when anyone cites divorce as their marital status or responds to a question "are you married?" with a rather uneasy "no I was but now I'm divorced".
Now the next stage of this conversation is usually "oh sorry to hear that", "that's a shame", "dreadful, how are you coping?".
Seriously are these people on this planet? If you have ever heard these responses you will maybe die to YELL with joy "It's not a shame, its the best decision I ever took, My life is so much happier now". Yet we don't, we just look at them, maybe shrug our shoulders and rapidly move to a different topic of conversation. The other person is usually very relieved to move the chat to a more "positive" one.
Why, why why, why is the status of divorce seen as such a negative place to be in? Let me tell you, many of the people I know who are divorced are happy and relieved to be living their life happy, positive and hopefully with someone with whom they are more suited.
Please let me caveat this though: I know when children are involved it can be even more upsetting however again the upset and disappointment can often come at the breakdown in the parents relationship. I, for one, was relieved when my parents split after years of my mother "putting up with my dad" and listening to the fighting, the horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach when you just know an argument was starting due to behaviour or attitude of one parent so for children a new chapter marked by a divorce can prove a positive one for their mental well-being and create the right expectations for their own relationships when they are older.
The hard bit is the dawning realisation any long term relationship is over. I know many people who never marry yet relationship ends but they are not carrying any stigma of "woe is me" - Are they heck, they are delighted to have got out of what was not working and move on with their lives.
With the drop in people getting married and choosing instead to live together is it not time we adjusted our attitude and response to those who have been the mill of relationships breaking down, separation and reaching the decision to finalise the "break" for good?
I am not suggesting we take divorce as the easy option, quite the opposite. It is a major shift in anyones life however once you are officially divorced let's allow the divorcees to move on as we do with those who leave a long term relationship.
I feel more for those trapped in an unhappy marriage with no options to get out, those who financially cannot leave or those who stay for the sake of an abusive partner as they do not have the strength or support to get out. These are dreadful, awful relationships yet again the taboo of saying this out loud still isn't seen as a "conversation topic". These poor people live their lives frustrated, sad and angry and these emotions will come out in other ways detrimental to their own wellbeing.
Yes I know there are some who never get over the impact of a divorce and if they choose to see glass half empty as opposed to the opportunity to making the most of the rest of their lives then we have to agree to disagree.
Knowing you are no longer living every day with someone who doesn't want to be with you or you do not want to be with them, knowing you are living life to the full and working towards contentment in whatever form this takes, surely this is the way to live.
Divorce is not "the journey" of a break-up, divorce marks the end of what is no longer viable and the beginning of the rest of your life. Divorce does not cause your break up, it marks a new era where legally you are free to do as you wish relationship wise. Divorce is a yukky word but it only feels that way because of others reactions to hearing it.
Next time someone finds out your marital status, make sure your response is about your new exciting chapter in life and do not be raking up old, distant, unhappy memories of being stuck in a rut!!
Divorce is good.