- Gender and Relationships
The Key to a Long Lasting Marriage
Tips to keep your marriage happy
It used to be that divorce, separation and 'breaks' between married couples were things that just never happened. However, sadly, this is not the case today. It seems these days that quite often as the last chord of the wedding band rings out, many couples face an uphill struggle from the beginning. External factors, such as, work pressures and economic issues mixed with internal family pressures (i.e. children) can often lead to wedding ruin. Hopefully, the following hints can help to avoid these break downs.
Trivial matters should stay that way!
Try to remember what is important. OK, so the toilet seat has been left up but is that really a major thing to get stressed about and argue over? Probably not. With a little discussion and trying to make your point clear and understood an argument over very little can be avoided. If you feel the anger building step outside for 2 minutes and look at the sky. It can be very calming.
How to Avoid Arguments
Don't make all the decisions off your own back!
Everything from deciding to fall pregnant and picking the colour of the lounge to deciding on the new car and whether you can afford your football clubs season ticket should be matters that should be discussed and agreed between both of you. Just lunging in and doing something without any consultation will just leave a partner feeling unimportant and alienated. Respect your other half enough to discuss things through with them. It isn't a case of being 'under the thumb', it's a case of making decisions as a couple, which is what you signed up for on your wedding day.
Make time for each other!
Remember the early days when it seemed you had all that spare time to go to the cinema, go out for meals and spend all weekend in bed. You know, before children or the stresses of work? Make sure you take time out to rekindle your partnership and have time as just the 2 of you together again alone! It's amazingly important what difference breaking the routine can have and how you'll remember what is really important instead of becoming lost in day to day stresses. Also, remember what you used to find entertaining back in the good old day! If you can, try to revisit some of these entertainment ideas. Go for a walk, go to the gym together, go shopping, go for a meal... there's a lot you can do.
You don't have to be carbon copies of one another!
There are bound to be things that you will never see eye to eye on! But, you can bet that these differences of opinion and passions were things that initially attracted you to one another in the first place. So, remember, you don't have to be in complete agreement all the time just don't squash your partners opinions. Agree to disagree and smile!
Admit you are wrong!
Sometimes the ultimate kudos you can actually gain from your partner is by admitting you were wrong in the first place and being big enough to admit that maybe you'd had a bad day at work and needed someone to take it out on. Whilst swallowing your pride is not something that will come easy to anybody it can be done. And, in being on the opposite side, make it easy for your partner try to avoid the 'I told you so scenario' and gloating about them being wrong. It will just add fuel to the fire and cause resentment. Be gracious and try to understand your partner.
Don't lose the spark!
As mentioned, make sure you make time for one another not just by sitting in front of the TV either. Rekindle the old passions (or, never let them die in the first place!) and be romantic. You fell in love for a reason and passion will have been an important factor so don't let it fade.
Put the Passion Back...
Remember who you fell in love with!
The person you fell in love with is still the same person. If you harbored feelings of wanting to change them then you should never have gotten married. Who they are is who they is and hopefully that’s why you fell for them. It’s easy for couples to think their partners have changed and are not who they thought they were. Maybe they were just never the person you thought they were. More often than not though it is probably that they are now caught up in life on many more levels (i.e. providing for a family) and so have more factors affecting mood and leisure time. Remember though, for better or worse, these are the vows you made so understand and make that time for one another.
Feel free to leave any tips, advice, helpful anecdotes etc... be great to hear from you.