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The Wedding at Napa

Updated on June 12, 2015
Sea Smoke wedding ceremony
Sea Smoke wedding ceremony | Source

There is no greater story

dear reader about how ambition divides the wealthy from the poor as that of the Wedding at Napa…

In fact, this story has two weddings for the same persons, the first a groom sur-named Wenzlau, from a poor family, and the second, a bride-groom sur-named Sea Smoke, from a filthy rich family even though both of these families lived side by side in the Land of Napa.

And for this great wedding, each family brought their very own wine. Now even though both wines were made from a starter batch which included the same water, very different wines they were…

The Wenzlaus brought a wine

made from the leaf-strewn ground in the forest, the shale in the soil and the pacific wind. The Sea Smoke family, on the other hand, brought a wine made from glycerol and Pepsi — or at least their wine was laced with glycerol and Pepsi as a byproduct of mixing many wines from many places together to get the highest taste pleasure.

You see dear reader, even though these families lived side by side in the Land of Napa, they were very different families indeed. The poor Wenzlau’s descended from Burgundian farmers in a far away land called France, whilst the Sea Smoke family descended from a famous barrister named Robert M. Parker Jr. — or at least the Senior version of this Robert M. Parker who hailed from the Great Hall of the Royal Courts of Justice where dinner costs $2, 500 a plate.

Wedding in Land of Napa
Wedding in Land of Napa | Source

Now these families

who lived on different sides of the Silverado Trail in Napa were neither poor nor rich or vice-versa because of any great sin on behalf of either of them nor both… No Sir ee! These were delicate life-style choices tied in with each family’s mind-set, the Wenzlaus devoted to “things-as-they-are,” and the Sea Smokes devoted to improving things as they are to make them as good as they can get, for which they ( or at least Parker Jr. ) had invented a scoring system out of a hundred — much like batting averages.

The reason for this differential in philosophy was explained to me by a representative of one of the great family dynasties in the Land of Napa: Mr. Michael Mondavi, son of the great Robert Mondavi, one of the pioneers of turning water into wine tasting: “You see, the Wenzlaus who hailed from a damp cold climate in France, were grateful for those rare dry hot summers which permitted them to pick wine berries ripe which produced the best wine. The Sea Smokes who were natives of the Land of Napa, a land blessed with hot dry summers every year, took their good fortune for granted, and ran with it, picking berries not only ripe, but even late when they were superripe — because to their way of hinking, if a little bit of glycerol ( and alcohol ) were good, more of it was better…”

Now at first,

this was no great sin, and the families could inter-marry and drink from the same barrels, but as time went on, the Sea Smokes craved pleasure ever more and started to mix their own superlative wines which scored very high amongst those batting averages their forefather created, with the best wines from other viticulturist families to produce blended bride-grooms as-good-as-they-get…

The result produced extravagant weddings in the Great Dinning Halls of the Royal Courts of Justice bearing at least two Micheline stars but often more of them — which cost $700 dollars a taste from each of the 500 suitors who attended these now in-famous bacchanalian and orgiastic wedding parties…

On the other side of the tracks

—or Silverado trail—the Wenzlaus would inter-marry in more modest style at TriBeCa’s glass-enclosed Atrium where thirty-three private guests would gather to hear dialogues on the mouth-agape of things-as-they-are ( as long as they are picked early enough to hint of roasted meat and freshly turned soil ) to the spectators outside while listening to Louis Armstrong matching Mack the Knife inside...

One, two, three, four, two, two, three, four

Oh, the shark, babe, has such teeth, dear
And it shows them pearly white
Just a jackknife has old MacHeath, babe?
And he keeps it out of sight

You know when that shark bites with his teeth, babe
Scarlet billows start to spread
Fancy gloves, though wears old MacHeath, babe
So there's never, never a trace of red

On a sidewalk, blue Sunday mornin'
Lies a body just oozin' life
Some, someone's sneakin' 'round a corner
could that someone be Old Mack the Knife?

There's a tugboat down by the river, don't you know?
Where a cement bag, just a'drooppin' on down
Oh, that cement is just its there for the weight, dear
Five'll get you ten Old Macky's back in town

D'ja hear 'bout Louie Miller? He disappeared, babe
After drawin' out all his hard earned cash
And now MacHeath spend just like a sailor
Could it be our boy's done somethin' rash?

Jenny Diver, yeah, yeah, Sukey Tawdry
Hello Miss Lotte Lenya, good evening Lucy Brown
Oh that line forms, on the right, babe
Now, that Macky's back in old biggest town

I said, "Jenny Diver, look out too", Sukey Tawdry
Sit back Miss Lotte Lenya and wait Old Lucy Brown
I mean, I tell you that line forms way on the right, babe
Now, that Macky's back in town
Look out, Old Macky is back

Read more: Bobby Darin - Mack The Knife Lyrics | MetroLyrics


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