18 Things You Should Never Do After You Break Up With Your Ex
It is imperative for a person to be cautious when it comes to implementing some actions after breaking up with his/her partner. When a relationship is severed, a person finds it hard to think logically thereby undertaking actions which appear right to do but in effect they're negative.
It is not only the dumpees who are affected negatively after they breakup with their exes but also the dumpers. Both of them feel every pinch of the hurt as hurtful feelings take precedence over their logical reasoning. In the end, the actions they undertake, unconsciously or consciously, prolongs the healing and recovery from the breakup and they live a negative-induced life.
Thereby, this article aims at drawing your attention to 18 things you should never do after you've broken up with your partner, whether you happen to be the initiator or receiver of the demise of the relationship.
1. Express The Emotions
Expressing hurtful emotions is nature’s way of dealing with a painful episode. It does not signify weakness but an understanding something hurtful has taken place. It is a bold step since you are not escaping from what you know is a fact. In fact, expressing your emotions is the first step towards healing and recovering from the breakup. Don’t suppress these emotions. Don’t run away from them.
2. No Contact
After the break up, don't text or call your ex. This is not the time to beg for another chance or reconciliation. You need your 'me' time to think things through. You need time to sort out your thoughts. You need time to heal from the wound created in your heart. Not contacting your ex aids you in analyzing the relationship on the positive and negative side. This will put you in a good position to know whether to give the failed relationship another try or not.
3. Contain The Emotions
After experiencing the hurtful emotions for some time, it’s time to deal with them. They have run their due course, now it’s time to say goodbye to them. You are now aware a hurtful event has happened; it’s now time to deal with the hurtful emotions. Do not let the emotions continue running their due course for long as they’ll end up taking control of your mind, and ultimately your life. When they become part and parcel of your life they will affect your life negatively. You need to deal with them.
It is very hard to forgive someone who has wronged or hurt you. It feels like you are condoning his behavior thereby giving him leeway to hurt you the more. This is not the case. In some situations you can forgive and condone the behavior. In some cases you’ll forgive but not condone the behavior. Forgiveness is for your benefit. It aids you in setting yourself free from the captivity of negative emotions such as anger and hatred. Also, it helps you in not letting your ex control your mind because you’ve allowed yourself to be angry, hateful and bitter.
5. Remember Not The Past Wound
When you have forgiven your ex, forget the wrong done to you. Try your level best not to revisit the past hurt(s). If you do so, you’ll never heal from the hurt nor recover from the breakup. This signifies you’ll be living like a person who is always hunted by an unseen force. You’ll end up not functioning well in your day-to-day activities. Try not to remember the hurt.
6. Stop Blaming Yourself Or Your Ex
Blame game. Either you’re blaming yourself for the demise of the relationship or your ex. You can blame yourself or your ex for as long as you want, but seriously, how will blaming help you in the long run? It is true if you were the cause you can blame yourself. If it is your ex you can blame him. Nonetheless, when the blame continues for long, it will not help in anything. In fact, it is you who is going to feel the blunt of hurt as long as you continue blaming. Accept the relationship didn’t work out, and if you were the cause of the breakup pledge to become a better you before you fall in love with another person.
7. Stop Stalking Your Ex
Stop trying to find out how she is doing. Is her relationship with her current 'man' going well? Stop reading her updated statuses on social media sites. They will not hep you at all. You are just doing yourself a disfavor. Stop trying to find out how she is doing. What matters now is how you are doing. Have you at least recovered from the breakup, and are ready to move on with your life?
You have a life to live. Stop living someone's else life. Give yourself a break and concentrate on yourself. Stop living like a zombie.
8. Stop Listening To Love Songs
There is nothing worse than listening to something which makes you sadder than you are. They will make you feel unhappy and a pathetic creature full of pity. They will increase the hurt, you’ll become bitterer and you might end up depressed. You might end up hating yourself and not loving yourself. You need to listen to uplifting or inspiring songs. Songs which will comfort, encourage, motivate and challenge you. Songs of hope and which will strengthen your inner self.
9. Don't Live In Denial
Face the fact. The relationship is over. Don’t live in denial the relationship hasn’t yet come to an end. You are just deceiving yourself. You are living in a fantasy world. You are denying yourself what is rightful yours – your ‘real’ life. You are trying to live someone’s life of which you know isn’t a good thing. Accept the fact of which it will help you in healing from the hurt, recovering from the breakup and moving on with your life. Don’t live on a past life. It never works. You are only fooling yourself.
10. Not Too Close Of Friends
If you end up becoming platonic friends, you will never move quite far in your life. Your life will be revolving around your ex. You should become casual friends for your own benefit. You don’t want to always remember the good old times. They will not help you. You will be living a wishful life which indicates you will be living in a fantasy world - out of reality with the real life - no longer conscious of yourself. In any case, if you get together very soon because you've become platonic friends another breakup is bound to take place.
11. Don't Rush Into Another Relationship
Don’t rush into another relationship to escape the hurt you know you’ll feel. Don’t jump into another relationship to show your ex you haven’t been affected and you’re better off. Not only are you hurting yourself the more, also you are hurting the new partner you’ve run off to be with. Before engaging yourself in another relationship, ensure you have healed from the hurt and have recovered from the break up.
12. Stop Hating Your Ex
You will not benefit at all by hating you ex. You are only making your life more difficult to live by. Hatred is a negative emotion. If you let it continue manifesting itself in your life, it will turn out destructive especially affecting your mind and physical health in negative ways. The only best way to deal with hatred is by forgiving your ex.
13. Don't Revert To Your Former Ex
Don’t go back to your former ex to escape the hurt or to find console or to think this time the relationship will work out. Not only are you deceiving yourself, your ex will end up getting hurt. Deal with your pain. When you have healed and have recovered from the breakup you will know whether it is alright to go back to your former ex (though it is not advisable). If you haven’t healed and recovered from the breakup, how can you survive in another relationship (whether of a new partner or an old one)?
14. Don’t Broadcast the Breaking News
Don’t broadcast to any and everyone about the breakup. You should only do so to your close friends or those you feel need to know about the breakup. For the others, they’ll get the news when they ask about you and your partner (ex). Neither should you broadcast the negative traits of your ex to the whole world. You should do so to your closest friend or the friend who knows your ex and you too very well. And, don’t try to justify yourself in order to feel good or for your friend(s) to feel sorry for you.
15. Don't 'Pull' Yourself Down
Don’t be hard on yourself whether you were the cause of the breakup or not. Don’t hate yourself, love yourself. You might feel you are unworthy, useless, a fool and labeling yourself other negative names. It may feel you deserve it but no, you don’t deserve it. Either way, whether you were the cause or not, don’t be too hard on yourself. Soften a little.
16. Forgive Yourself
You might forgive your ex but find it hard to forgive yourself. This is especially the case if you were the cause of the breakup. If you were the reason for the breakup it would be wise if you ask your ex to forgive you (not in order to reconcile but for a clear conscience). If he does or doesn’t forgive you, take the other step of forgiving yourself. If you don’t you will be living a bitter-depressed-hurtful life. You’ll end up hating yourself – not loving yourself - which will turn out disastrous in your future life and relationships.
17. Don’t Do Something Crazy
She ended the relationship. As far as you know the breakup didn’t affect her. You want to show her you have an upper edge against her. So, what do you do? Change your fashion style to a ridiculous one instead to one that will suit you for the better. Go for strange tattoos and post photos on your social media sites for the sake of showing her you are well off. You are just hurting yourself. Don’t do anything crazy to show your ex you have a life of your own, the relationship hasn’t affected you or you are faring well. Do things that will build you up for your own sake, not for somebody else’s sake.
18. Don't Pretend You Are Fine
No one is immune to hurt, and no one is a commando when it comes to feeling the hurtful emotions. Remember, you are not alone and is not a sign of weakness accepting you are feeling hurt. If you pretend you are not feeling hurt, know you are fooling yourself. This is the same as suppressing emotions. Don’t pretend to yourself or any person who asks you about the breakup. Don’t say, “It is nothing,” or “I am doing great” when you are not.
© 2016 Benny Njuguna