Wonderful tips for getting over heartbreak
'The best way to get over a man is to get under another one.' - unknown
It doesn't matter if you've just had your heart ripped out for the first time, or your going on your first dozen. Heartbreak sucks, no matter how many times you've been through it. There are some ways you can make it worse, like stalking your ex (driving past their house or on Facebook), drinking from the bottle while browsing over their pictures or messages, or drunk texting them during the late night hours. But if you don't like holding on to the pain involved, then stop. I know, easier said than done, but there are ways to dull the pain while your heart heals.
Here are my best tips for getting over a bad breakup:
- Get a sassy gay friend. It doesn't mean you have to have a guy who's gay become friends with you, but that never hurts. "Sassy Gay Friend" is a modern slang version of a mentor, or tough love coach. Someone who slaps some sense into you when you can't see things straight, and you need it the most. In case you need a better idea of this kind of intervention, here is a good example of someone who cares enough about you to call you a "stupid bitch":
- Accept "Tough Love." The last thing you might want to hear is someone playing drill sergeant and telling you to stop feeling sorry for yourself, delete all your emails/texts, burn your photos, and cut all contact with your ex, but it's the best thing that you can do when your heart is bleeding. Think about it: how do you feel when you look at photos of the one who broke your heart? Don't you start crying when you read the beautiful messages they wrote to you? How does it feel to chase after someone that can't return your love? If you answered "like crap" to any of these questions, it's time to listen to the friend who tells you "like it is."
- Get rid of all the reminders. That means doing the above actions: burn pictures, delete all correspondence, even remove contacts from your phone, Facebook or email address. As a warning, you may feel like your heart is breaking all over by this action, but it is a much faster process to heal. Imagine it like pulling a bandaid off: done slowly, it will be painful longer. Yank it off, and it hurts like mad for a few moments, but then you feel so much better.
- Channel negative energy through music. Try to avoid the really painful stuff, like love songs that you enjoyed listening to while you were together. Why? Well, that would be referred to in the previous post about "get rid of old reminders"-- which includes avoiding your favorite hangouts, restaurants, etc. Get angry, shed tears, but let it out. Whatever you do, don't feel sorry for yourself; feel sorry for the fool who let you go. Here's my choice pick for such an ignoramus:
- Get high. And no, not on drugs! On natural stuff, like Endorphins. Work out. Do yoga. Meditate. Take walks and clear your mind. The more time you invest on getting a rush on natural highs, the faster the healing process will repair your broken heart. Avoid drinking excessively (I know it's sometimes impossible not to let yourself go occasionally). Try your best to find the positive outlet for your emotions.
- Let out the anger. Some people find it therapeutic to punch pillows. Others opt for breaking glass. I wouldn't recommend that, just because you could hurt yourself more with any shards that bounce back at you, and the cleanup is just a mess. One funny story I remember reading when I was going through my divorce was from a woman who was betrayed and left for another woman by her ex. He left gourmet teas in her home, and she "celebrated" him leaving by dumping the teabags into the toilet. Think symbolically: you are getting rid of waste in your life. Flush it, and let the plumbing take it to it's proper resting place.
- Allow the grieving process to run its course. You may think by repressing your feelings that you will get ahead of yourself, but you can't fool anyone. Especially your heart. The steps are: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and finally, acceptance. Let it in, deal with it, then let it go. Here is a humorous take on the process:
- Love yourself unconditionally. Go to the mirror and say, "I love you." Mean it. Pamper yourself with whatever you love, like a shopping spree, manicure/pedicure, luxury bath with aroma therapy candles, a full body massage, you name it. Whatever makes you happy, do it. Rent some funny movies. Have a girls'/boys' night in or out, and do crazy stuff (that isn't breaking the law, of course).
- In an emergency, break the glass of seduction. I didn't want to have to bring this up, but let's be adults, shall we? Everyone is entitled to "one free night of uninhibited sex." No judgment, no regrets. Just be safe and use protection. Some reasons to "break the glass" might be:
- Your ex cheated on you.
- You did everything right in your relationship, and your ex still bailed on you.
- You got dumped in a text message or email.
- The text or email was only a few lines, like you never really mattered.
- Your ex just stopped contacting you. Make sure you get someone to buy you a drink in that case.
- You have also been abstinent for several months, and are one horny toad.
- A cute guy buys you a drink. Or a cute woman smiles at you. It doesn't take much, just a smidgen of attention.
- Your breakup is the end of a long, painful experience that finally came to an end.
- You want to test out something you just read in "The Joy of Sex."
- You feel like it.
Bottom line on these tips: try to let out the negative feelings and embrace the positive ones. Remind yourself of all the blessings in your life (just think about it and you'll find them. If you have use of your limbs, have a roof over your head, and food in your fridge, then you have plenty). There is nothing wrong with you. You just haven't met the right person to see all of your shining qualities and knows how to cherish them. That day will come, but baby steps each day until you get there.
If you'd like to ask any relationship or dating questions, feel free to message me. I aim to help others. And last but not least, you are NEVER alone. There is always someone out there in this huge world who is going through the same hurt as you. It will get better. Chin up. Go ahead and invite your "Sassy Gay Friend" out for some Appletinis. You'll feel better in an instant.