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Wonderful tips for getting over heartbreak

Updated on December 9, 2011
Learn to be strong.
Learn to be strong. | Source

'The best way to get over a man is to get under another one.' - unknown

It doesn't matter if you've just had your heart ripped out for the first time, or your going on your first dozen. Heartbreak sucks, no matter how many times you've been through it. There are some ways you can make it worse, like stalking your ex (driving past their house or on Facebook), drinking from the bottle while browsing over their pictures or messages, or drunk texting them during the late night hours. But if you don't like holding on to the pain involved, then stop. I know, easier said than done, but there are ways to dull the pain while your heart heals.

Here are my best tips for getting over a bad breakup:

  • Get a sassy gay friend. It doesn't mean you have to have a guy who's gay become friends with you, but that never hurts. "Sassy Gay Friend" is a modern slang version of a mentor, or tough love coach. Someone who slaps some sense into you when you can't see things straight, and you need it the most. In case you need a better idea of this kind of intervention, here is a good example of someone who cares enough about you to call you a "stupid bitch":

Sassy Gay Friend talks sense into Juliet

  • Accept "Tough Love." The last thing you might want to hear is someone playing drill sergeant and telling you to stop feeling sorry for yourself, delete all your emails/texts, burn your photos, and cut all contact with your ex, but it's the best thing that you can do when your heart is bleeding. Think about it: how do you feel when you look at photos of the one who broke your heart? Don't you start crying when you read the beautiful messages they wrote to you? How does it feel to chase after someone that can't return your love? If you answered "like crap" to any of these questions, it's time to listen to the friend who tells you "like it is."
  • Get rid of all the reminders. That means doing the above actions: burn pictures, delete all correspondence, even remove contacts from your phone, Facebook or email address. As a warning, you may feel like your heart is breaking all over by this action, but it is a much faster process to heal. Imagine it like pulling a bandaid off: done slowly, it will be painful longer. Yank it off, and it hurts like mad for a few moments, but then you feel so much better.
  • Channel negative energy through music. Try to avoid the really painful stuff, like love songs that you enjoyed listening to while you were together. Why? Well, that would be referred to in the previous post about "get rid of old reminders"-- which includes avoiding your favorite hangouts, restaurants, etc. Get angry, shed tears, but let it out. Whatever you do, don't feel sorry for yourself; feel sorry for the fool who let you go. Here's my choice pick for such an ignoramus:

Linkin Park No More Sorrow

  • Get high. And no, not on drugs! On natural stuff, like Endorphins. Work out. Do yoga. Meditate. Take walks and clear your mind. The more time you invest on getting a rush on natural highs, the faster the healing process will repair your broken heart. Avoid drinking excessively (I know it's sometimes impossible not to let yourself go occasionally). Try your best to find the positive outlet for your emotions.
  • Let out the anger. Some people find it therapeutic to punch pillows. Others opt for breaking glass. I wouldn't recommend that, just because you could hurt yourself more with any shards that bounce back at you, and the cleanup is just a mess. One funny story I remember reading when I was going through my divorce was from a woman who was betrayed and left for another woman by her ex. He left gourmet teas in her home, and she "celebrated" him leaving by dumping the teabags into the toilet. Think symbolically: you are getting rid of waste in your life. Flush it, and let the plumbing take it to it's proper resting place.
  • Allow the grieving process to run its course. You may think by repressing your feelings that you will get ahead of yourself, but you can't fool anyone. Especially your heart. The steps are: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and finally, acceptance. Let it in, deal with it, then let it go. Here is a humorous take on the process:

5 Stages of Grief

  • Love yourself unconditionally. Go to the mirror and say, "I love you." Mean it. Pamper yourself with whatever you love, like a shopping spree, manicure/pedicure, luxury bath with aroma therapy candles, a full body massage, you name it. Whatever makes you happy, do it. Rent some funny movies. Have a girls'/boys' night in or out, and do crazy stuff (that isn't breaking the law, of course).
  • In an emergency, break the glass of seduction. I didn't want to have to bring this up, but let's be adults, shall we? Everyone is entitled to "one free night of uninhibited sex." No judgment, no regrets. Just be safe and use protection. Some reasons to "break the glass" might be:
  1. Your ex cheated on you.
  2. You did everything right in your relationship, and your ex still bailed on you.
  3. You got dumped in a text message or email.
  4. The text or email was only a few lines, like you never really mattered.
  5. Your ex just stopped contacting you. Make sure you get someone to buy you a drink in that case.
  6. You have also been abstinent for several months, and are one horny toad.
  7. A cute guy buys you a drink. Or a cute woman smiles at you. It doesn't take much, just a smidgen of attention.
  8. Your breakup is the end of a long, painful experience that finally came to an end.
  9. You want to test out something you just read in "The Joy of Sex."
  10. You feel like it.

Bottom line on these tips: try to let out the negative feelings and embrace the positive ones. Remind yourself of all the blessings in your life (just think about it and you'll find them. If you have use of your limbs, have a roof over your head, and food in your fridge, then you have plenty). There is nothing wrong with you. You just haven't met the right person to see all of your shining qualities and knows how to cherish them. That day will come, but baby steps each day until you get there.

If you'd like to ask any relationship or dating questions, feel free to message me. I aim to help others. And last but not least, you are NEVER alone. There is always someone out there in this huge world who is going through the same hurt as you. It will get better. Chin up. Go ahead and invite your "Sassy Gay Friend" out for some Appletinis. You'll feel better in an instant.

What is your favorite method of getting over a bad breakup?

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    • wonderful1 profile image

      Sheila Varga Szabo 4 years ago from Southern California

      I'm not a man, but I've learned that men (in general) don't like to be alone. So they rebound a lot or go back to their exes. Even a bad relationship is easier to bear than facing the pain of a breakup.

    • profile image

      strong1 4 years ago

      great article with helpful tips on how to move on and keep moving. can you tell me why guys go back to their horrible relationships and place on twitter and facebook how happy they are?

    • profile image

      sta 4 years ago

      this world is so bad it listen everything like well pin drops silence but it never listen breaking of heart. so painful.

    • epigramman profile image

      epigramman 5 years ago

      ..although that said .... I think your hubs are better than chocolate - lake erie time 8:29pm

    • wonderful1 profile image

      Sheila Varga Szabo 5 years ago from Southern California

      Thanks for the comments Epi and SilverGenes. Laughter is the best medicine (after the passing of time). The thought that we are never alone in no matter what emotion we're going through is a soothing thought as well. And yeah, chocolate can sure make the hard days pass more smoothly, right?

    • profile image

      SilverGenes 5 years ago

      Another really good hub, wonderful1! It made me laugh in places and tugged at my heart in others. Chocolate is absolutely necessary, and is especially good when surrounded by some sort of ice cream hehehe. The sassy gay friend is even better than chocolate and is an ideal companion for watching those funny movies while dining on Thai takeout. I once had the end of a relationship come about in an email from another room in the same house! It's funny now... thanks for the funny, sassy, empowering ideas! ;-)

    • epigramman profile image

      epigramman 5 years ago

      ....well I just posted this awesome piece of writing and advice to my Facebook page with a direct link back here - you obviously grace us with a lot of proverbial food for thought and your provocative writing style has surely affected a lot of people here not only at the Hub but as FB as well ....lake erie time ontario canada 2:28pm

    • wonderful1 profile image

      Sheila Varga Szabo 5 years ago from Southern California

      Chocolate is essential-- thanks for including, and commenting, bmxchick!

    • bmxchick profile image

      bmxchick 5 years ago

      I love how you put everything! =) I agree having a tough love coach helps so much! I loved this Hub! Break-ups are very hard to deal with, you just have to have the best friend and chocolate to help get over them. =)

    • carolinemd21 profile image

      Caroline Marie 5 years ago

      Wonderful great hub, had me laughing. I think the best way to handle it is taking care of yourself. I used to be reckless and start a new relationship right away. It never works! I will be visiting your page a lot! Great writing.

    • profile image

      Jus 6 years ago

      When torturous thoughts seem to rule my mind, I've discovered how to train my brain about who's boss. I place a loose and thin rubber band around my wrist. Every time I find a thought in my head which is painful, immediately I pull and snap my wrist with the rubber band. The only way it seems to work for me is if I snap as HARD as I can humanly tolerate, and it must occur every single instance of negative or painful thought, no matter how fleeting or many times repeating. The hardest part is forcing yourself to inflict shuddering pain, EVERY TIME NEEDED. It doesn't take many wicked snaps in the same place for whelts and then bleeding lacerations to occur. If/when that happens, switch landing the snaps to a different spot on the wrist. I have a few times exhibited angry red whelts oozing blood clear around both wrists, but every time has resulted in a most definite re-training and re-direction of thoughts so successful I've yet to ever find need of a consecutive torture session. creepy. sad. but true. truly amazing...considering in less than 12 hours, I'm no longer thinking painful sad thoughts!

      PS- I've had a few wide rubberbands deliver snaps which resulted in some lingering but temporary nerve involvement and shooting vibration sensations so be aware and jus stick to skinny bands. good luck

    • wonderful1 profile image

      Sheila Varga Szabo 6 years ago from Southern California

      Thanks for the comments. Roxanne: breaking the glass is certainly a "last resort" and not for everyone. My point is that it's okay to blow off some steam without the guilt.

      zzron: I've never thought of going into a relationship with a plan in case my heart is broken, but that would make complete sense. I guess that's what happens when you open your heart to love-- it shuts off your defense mechanisms to hold back or protect yourself. I still haven't figured that one out.

      Dashingscorpio: thanks for your input, and you are spot on. When you love yourself and give off your positive view of life, it will attract others. Out of the 7 billion, your chances are pretty good that you'll be compatible with at least a few. And my "diet wagon" is shot. Truth be told: I really, REALLY enjoyed breaking my diet! ;)

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 6 years ago

      Some very useful tips. I especically think it's important people remember your statement to continue to love themselves. Oftentimes when someone gets dumped they start to believe they aren't worthy of being loved. It's important to remember he or she is just ONE person who said no. There are 7 Billion more people on the planet! Odds are in your favor not everyone is going to say no to you. If you love yourself and are happy with who you are then you're likely to attract others. Everyone wants to be around positive people. It also doesn't hurt to fall off the diet wagon for a weekend or two. lol!

    • zzron profile image

      zzron 6 years ago from Houston, TX.

      This is all very good advice. It is good to have a plan in case of this kind of situation. Positive action produces positive results.

    • profile image

      Roxanne 6 years ago

      Thanks for being that friend, and so far not telling me to shut up! Lol. I have not resorted to breaking the glass, because I seem to feel worse afterward. I'm not one who can do that. But everything else, YEP!