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to marry or not to marry
Points to Discuss Pre-marriage.
To marry or not to marry depends on a few personal key points.
1. Do you get along? Do you get along well enough to weather difficult times, such as familial death, natural disaster, medical emergencies, and the stress of children?
2. Do you have similar views on children, esp. regarding the amount of and how to raise them? Do you agree on who will do the main part of childrearing?
3. Do you have similar views on money, esp. regarding whether both or one should hold a job? On who will do the actual legwork of paying bills and managing accounts, or how it will be done?
4. Are you both absolutely committed to the idea of marriage? Are you willing to do whatever it takes to make it work, or are you entering the relationship with the idea in the back of your head that divorce is always available? Remember, divorce is not painless or cost-effective. If it exists as an option for you, especially regarding this relationship, then you should probably not marry.
5) Doubts are common to newly engaged couples; this is not as big an issue as some make out. More important is whether or not you are willing to take advice and whether you see marriage counseling as a failure or a tool towards improving communication.
6) Do you trust your partner? Do you trust them enough to raise your children, to keep your secrets, to spend your money wisely?
7) Do you want to change major aspects of your partners personality? If you answer "yes" to this, than either revise your thinking or walk away. The only change a person can effect is within themselves. If you try to change another person, they will resent it and there will be discord. This is not a "maybe", this is fact.
8) It is possible, though difficult, to make a marriage work even if all of these points are not initially compatible. However, these are the most important issues, and if you want a slightly smoother start to a life-long mutually beneficial legal arrangement (ie: marriage), then it would be well to discuss these issues, as difficult as it may seem.
Look at it this way: if you can't manage a reasonable discussion of these very important issues at this stage in your relationship, then you probably are not ready for marriage.