- Gender and Relationships
Top Reason for Divorce
The Threat To The Marriage Institution
The marriage institution which has been the oldest since man' creation is going thorough a huge challenge.And that challenge is divorce.
Many homes are suffering from heartbreaks and it becomes somewhat an irreparable one.Most times when you hear the reason a husband or wife has to leave and break his or her relationship,you wonder why he or she has gotten married in the first place.
Little do these couple think about the effect this would have on the kids.Thew kids are the ones who surely suffer more when divorce happens.
But one question that keeps ringing in me mind is why divorce in the first place.
Just take some time and read this piece to discover my candid thoughts about the cause for divorce in many homes.
What If I tell You 3 Top Reasons for Divorce
Marriage is unique to man and it is such an incredible union between a man and a woman.We know that before this union exist,there would have been agreement by the two parties to want to be together with each other for the rest of their lives.
If you take mind back to the years before tying the nuptial knots.The many "I love you","I can't live without you",My life is not complete without you". Many of such phrases you hear from the lover boy as well as the beautiful Cinderella.
Then the two love birds court depending on how long they want it to be.Many see them together and start wishing they could be so bonded like they are.Friends and family can't wait for these two love birds to become husband and wife.
The D-day come calling and the wedding bell rings.They are pronounced man and wife by the Pastor and then the journey into marriage starts.
months into the marriage,the couples begin to discover things they never thought about each other.From small nagging to ranting at each other,then calling each other abusive names.This marriage that seems to be till death do us part seems to be cracking and cracking real big.
Now, what are the 3 top reason for divorce.
Knowing too Little about each other
Let take this one afther the other.
Many people who are in love don't take time to each too well before they decide to marry.Especially in our time, when everything seems to be on a fast pace,many who are engaged know too little about each other.
Every meaningful relationship takes time.It is like a plant that needs some time for watering,adequate light and cool air to grow,all this require time.In the same vein,people in relationship spend time together often and this time should be productive.
Many times than not,guys and girls in love are so blinded by their emotions that they get carried away and all they do is go to shopping,eat at the restaurants,talk and they don't barely scratch the surface to really discuss what really matters. Things like,personality traits,likes,dislikes,religious preferences,cultural beliefs,family background and the likes are rarely discuss.Even if they talk about this, they don't go deep down.
Consequently,they eneter into marriage without having a full grasp of who and what they are.
The next is the wrong worldview many couple bring inot their marriages.
What do I mean?
By worldview, I mean the ways the two parties see things and react to it.The guy maybe someone that grew up in home where there is more friction than fun.His Dad and Mum maybe the quarreling type and the home was never a place to enjoy.In all of this, he usually see that his Mum is the one to blame for the incessant fight and chaos in the home.
Therefore, the guys when married sees his wife the way he sees her mum anytime the wife seems to nag.And in response, he would wnat to show that he is the man and so give it to his wife double by either retorting back in anger or even beat up his wife.
In not time,the wife heads to her lawyer and files for divorce.
This alos applies to the woman as well.Her philospies about marriage from family or freinds if brough inot her marriage affects the way he relates to his husband.
The last but not the least is selfishness.
This is when each party is only concerned about him or herself.If the man would only want to have his way all the times and not willing to put his wife into consideration,this affect the relationship.
If say the wife,only pleases herself and care less about how much his husband feels about her behavior,the relationship is sure to hit the rock.
It is instructive that marriages failed miserably because many are not willing to accept the misdemeanor and accept changes that would allow their marriage to last till death.
Most of the marriages are at the precipice, and it takes God steering the wheels for any definitely change to take place.
What do you guys think? Share your thoughts here and share this article around.
Effects of Divorce on the Kids
I have already written about the reasons for divorce as you have seen above.Now, my focus is the effects it has on the children.
Many couple will file divorce and eventually break up think little about their kids.It is pertinent that for the kids should be taken into serious consideration in the event of break up.
This is not to say it only the children that suffer form such break up between parent.The man as well as the wife do suffer too.Even though they may pretend to be better off without living with each other.
The children whatever their age can't forget such divorce between their parent in a hurry.Children who has gotten emotional attached to seeing their parent together,living together,sharing things together and then suddenly,things got awry and fall apart for the once happy family.It does weigh down the children emotionally.
The Top on tghe list of the effects is
By emotional trauma I mean that the kids become so distraught and they feel disappointed at their parent.
They feel betrayed by each of the parties failure to solve their differences if only for their sake.They tend to takes sides.They may decide to sympathize with their mother and see their father as a monster so to speak.
Alternatively,it could be their mother they vent their anger on and sympathize with their father.That is why you see when cases are decided in court, they kids would want to go with the person they feel sympathy for.
This trauma comes with its effects as well.
The kids may decided to vent their feeling at the break up by becoming rebellious.They would want to make life hard on their parent by deliberately becoming stubborn and wayward.
Rebellion bring with it vices such as smoking,drinking and staying late nights and not wanting to have anything to do with either of their parent.
2.Breeds Unforgiven Attitude
The kids would not forgive the party they think cause the break up.That is,in the event of the parents wanting to make amend,the kids may decide to never want to see the person they feel is guilty.
No matter how the supposed guilty one may try to win over their love and trust,they tend to turn their back.
This happen when the children later become adult and enter into relationship.They tend to carry the mindset they have about maybe the father who was at faulty,and they tend to if the kids are girls,to see men as ingrate,wicked and cheat.
If they are boys,if they know that their mother caused the divorce,they tend to see women as nagging,naughty and wicked.
In the long run,they might as well never have a lasting relationship with the opposite sex as the case may be.They could as well go through the chain of divorce in their marriages.
In all,it is noteworthy that parents think twice before they break up.They should try and seek to make their marriage work by all means.They should not think of divorce at any slight provocation and keep their children in mind as its effects its damaging.
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Getting Past Your Breakup:
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The Guide to a Smart Divorce
Experts' advice for surviving divorce
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