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Using astrology to improve your relationship

Updated on November 14, 2014

More than just compatibility

Thereâs a lot of astrology websites out there claiming to be able to tell you whether you and your partner are compatible. I take a slightly different view. To me, whether it lasts six months or sixty years, a relationship is a success if you grow from it, if you come out of it stronger and more emotionally intelligent. So the success or failure of a relationship doesnât really have anything to do with whether youâre compatible, but everything to do with:

1. How well you understand yourself, your partner and the dynamics between the two of you.

2. How well you use this understanding to build trust and intimacy within the relationship

Astrology as a tool for self-knowledge

My own astrological journey began fifteen years ago when a chance encounter with an astrologer piqued my interest in this mysterious ancient art. She drew up a natal chart for me (which at first was as indecipherable as a foreign language!) and told me some very accurate things about my personality and past. Of course I was hooked and since then have spent many fascinating hours learning to interpret my chart. In the process I have gained a much greater understanding of myself, as well as the underlying motivations for my actions and reactions.

The astrology of relationships, or synastry, takes this process of self-discovery a step further by providing an insight into the way you interact with others. A synastry chart compares the various elements of your natal chart with the same elements in another person's chart. Compatibility analysis uses a very simple version of this, usually just looking at whether your sun signs are placed in similar signs, but this is just the beginning. A thorough analysis of the synastry between you can give you insights into the potential for:

* Communication problems

* Idealisation, or seeing one another with rose coloured glasses

* Conflict or abuse

* Sexual attraction

* Fatal attraction or obsession

An example of a synastry chart

As you can see a synastry chart is more complex than a natal chart. Instead of two it contains three concentric circles - the outer one showing the astrological signs, and the two inner ones showing the planetary placements of the two people in the relationship.

The red and blue lines are 'aspects' between the individuals planets that indicate areas of harmony or potential tension. These aspects are the key to understanding a relationship through astrology and need to be studied in depth.

Another thing to consider when reading a synastry chart is where the planets of one person sit within the 'houses' of the other. For example, if your friend's Venus was to fall in your seventh house of partnership then it is quite likely that this would be a relationship that was quite deep, affectionate and possibly romantic.

This chart was generated using free software at

Getting started with synastry

Understanding where you and your partner are likely to encounter challenges together can be extremely helpful, giving you the opportunity to avoid slipping into unhealthy relationship patterns such as co-dependence and pursuer-distancer dynamics. It can also give you clues to how you can communicate with one another most effectively, overcoming your challenges together and growing into greater intimacy and connectedness.

Synastry is certainly something you can learn for yourself and for those who are inclined there are many great books out there, some of which I have listed below. Having a professional reading can also be very valuable. To get started you need to know your friend's date, time and place of birth. You can then use one of the free chart generation programs available online to create the chart. The one I use is at Have fun!

Synastry books I can personally recommend

The following are all well-regarded authors in the field of synastry astrology.

1: Skymates: Love, Sex and Evolutionary Astrology (Volume 1)
1: Skymates: Love, Sex and Evolutionary Astrology (Volume 1)

A very famous book on relationship astrology which uses the easy to follow 'cook-book' style. This makes it perfect for beginners - just look up the sections that apply to you!

Astrology for Lovers
Astrology for Lovers

From the very popular Liz Greene... Enough said!

Synastry: Understanding the Astrology of Relationships
Synastry: Understanding the Astrology of Relationships

More in-depth and aimed at the serious student of astrology this book will be a reference for years to come


What's your experience using relationship astrology?

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    • Girlwiththorns profile image

      Girlwiththorns 3 years ago

      @joel-henry-3958: It was a very long time ago now Joel! They planted a seed and that seed has grown over the years. However I think the main realisation was that we are all a reflection of a greater whole. And that understanding any part of that whole will give us insight into a higher truth.

    • profile image

      joel-henry-3958 3 years ago

      Astrology is baseline for understanding how two people will relate to each other, where they will have difficulties and most importantly how to overcome them. Knowing this archetypal language, how planets react and interact with each other, can help tremendously in avoiding arguments and learning to appreciate each other's strengths and uniqueness. It does this mainly by creating an objective perspective, a third party if you will. It becomes a game, sort of, to figure out what new things will be coming down the pike by watching the transits to the natal and composite charts. Seeing the big picture to any situation allows deeper compassion to flow among the two individuals...

    • profile image

      joel-henry-3958 3 years ago

      @Rosanna Grace: how did the astrologer teach you? I am curious....

    • Rosanna Grace profile image

      Rosanna Grace 4 years ago

      I had a natal chart prepared for me just over 2 years ago and I found that very insightful. I haven't seen a synastry chart but the astrologer did teach me how to read other people's natal charts and I've gained quite a bit of useful knowledge that way. :)

    • MJ Martin profile image

      MJ Martin aka Ruby H Rose 4 years ago from Washington State

      Oh wow, some new love/relationship information I haven't studied before, yipee. Great lens on astrology. I am hooked.

    • momsANDkids profile image

      momsANDkids 4 years ago

      I haven't tried linking astrology to my relationship but I'll try now that I read your lens. Thanks for sharing.

    • beaworkathomemom profile image

      beaworkathomemom 4 years ago

      Very interesting lens! Thank you for sharing this :)