- Gender and Relationships
Virtual Relationships and Virtual Love
Virtual Relationships - A Virtual Crush or Love?
This Lens approaches the growing number of virtual relationships and the ways they can develop, the healthy long distance relationships and the unhealthy - If you have any doubts about a relationship you think its jumping to your "real" self and if you are unsure on how to look at it and how to proceed this lens is for you.
It will state some more frequent types of online dating and virtual relationships, how they differ, which ones have a good outcome, which ones don't, how to think of it and more general info about the subject.
I am currently committed to a great girl who I met online and I had a virtual relationship with her for about 2 years or something so I'm really talking about my experience with virtual relationships - this one passed to the "real" me, but since I am a second life player and online experienced guy I bumped with interested women often and learnt how to separate things.
Since I first started this lens, I got a lot of feedback from people that are committed or found out their love in this kind of relationship, so for those that are against this type of flirting remember, you can find on the net people of all kinds, just as in real life, and it's pretty simple that cases where this happen will inevitably slip into love some times.
If you have an online crush, then you must read the following lens.
So, virtual relationships work, and I'm the living proof as I converted one into a real life relationship. Is it going to work for you? Read and be the judge.
The growing phenomenon - Virtual Love
Why is it getting more common?
This topic is easy to cover.
The first point is - We spend more time in the computer.
The society some years ago (and not a far away past) saw the internet as a mean of gathering info, a work method, a work tool, and maybe an ocasional place to hang out.
Now, we as individuals are spending lots of time on the internet and face it as a networking tool. Social networks like facebook, orkut and hi5 are an expansion of our true self, we use online gaming, second life, chat roulette and all those services, apps and games that join us with thousads of other players, users, and possible crushes daily.
Other than that, our society is getting less sociable, we don't speak to our neighbours the way we used to, we don't know everybody in the pub like some years ago and people got isolated. The web is the safe haven for social interactions and people talk to online friends for more time than they talk to real friends.
Another good point is the interest niche. If you use second life - second life is a like you have. And the thing is, you will only meet people that like second life on second life, which is obvious. This segments a population piece for you. So, using the net you are also getting an increased chance you will meet people that match you.
But it is easy to get a crush on someone that uses an avatar to get himself/herself represented. Avatars are usually idealized and aesthetically attractive, and it detours your mind that there is a real person behind it, and you get the fantasy that you are talking to it, you grow an emotional tie with the avatar. (the picture has a secondlife avatar).
How to sort out a Virtual Crush from a Virtual Love - It can be tricky, but I'll tutor you...
So, as the image says, a crush only lasts for 4 months - But this is applied to "REAL" cases. Yours is a virtual one so this study doesn't bear the same weight.
This happens because you have a barrier between you and her. You don't see her move around and do normal things, you don't see the full array of expressions, you don't catch her in moments she is not prepared, and every sentence can be prepared and you can always make ammends if something goes wrong. These are just examples, the truth is a virtual crush can last longer.
So now I'll teach you how to tell the difference.
If you are a guy... - Two cases.
Case 1 - You have a girlfriend.
This was actually my case, I had been dating the same real life girl for 3 years.
Make yourself these questions. (Comparing the real life girlfriend and the virtual crush)
1- Who do you like to chat with the most?
2- Who do you think about more troughout the day?
3- Who do you preffer to say goodnight or good day to?
Now, think about why did you answer the way you did.
Lately this point is the main point:
As you are a guy, you have some real girls besides your girlfriend you are interested in or didn't mind hanging out with. Compare your biggest real life crush with that virtual crush.
Question- If you could get the real crush would you leave your girlfriend to be with her? If you could choose between the virtual crush, the real crush and the girlfriend, who would you choose?
Analyze the way you answered.
These questions suffice, if you answered favourably to the virtual crush in all these questions congratulations, you are inlove. Fight for her.
Case 2 - You are single
This simplifies things. Think that you could have any girl you know. Would you still want to get together with the virtual crush? Do you imagine yourself old in a sunset with her, with kids with her, making your life with her? Or are you just enjoying the "hunting game" and you didn't even think about marriage and life with her?
If you haven't thought of marriage and family with her.... it's a crush.
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If you are a girl - ....2 cases, with an extra dose of attention.
Case 1 - You have a boyfriend,
The steps from the boy list apply, make these questions and analyse them - however you may not have a real crush at all so in this case think about it this way. Look at your relationship - Are you resigning and thinking - I will never get the virtual crush, might as well stay with him... - or - I love my boyfriend, and though I Love this virtual guy this is impossible and will never happen.
If you are thinking any of these two you are rationalizing, you do this to avoid the main question - If you had the choice to pick anyone of the two, who would you honestly, sincerelly pick? Think about it and be honest with yourself. If you have picked the virtual crush then you are inlove. Leave your boyfriend, you are making him act as dumb.
Case 2- You are single.
The same question as in the boy category applies, with this extra question - Did you confirm his personality? Guys have the love for hunting and even if they love the girl more than everything they will make up some central keys of they're speech. Investigate what he claims through google, and confirm his identity and his claims. You may think im being suspicious but Im not. Guys have that problem even if they are honest and inlove. They desperatly want to look interesting and are SUPER afraid of rejection. If you find out something is a lie just tell him its ok and say you don't like him because of this and that. If its really a huge fact he is hiding or changing - be careful
The extra dose of attention: Well I am more careful with the girl advices because there are lots and lots of predators and pervs around in the web. Im sure you heard this lots of times, but I have some really clever girls I know that were deceived by long distance and online dating.
You have to understand the male body and mind are tottally different from the feminine one so here are the 4 key points to suceed in filtering honest guys for less honest ones:
- Confirm everything he says - If you are questioning about your feelings for him he must already gave you his name, school or job etc...confirm those in google, its really simple
- Try to understand if you are not just another one, part of his hunting game or gallery
- Try to understand if he sees you as a lover, a crush or if he sees you as a woman, possibly the mother of his kids.
- Above all, if it seems too good to be true, don't trust him blindly, confirm it again :D
The meeting - ...so you have decided you are inlove and the other half decided as well.
The meeting has 2 key points you should respect.
Point One - Its always the guy that meets the girl. For obvious reasons. A girl going alone to meet a stranger is always dangerous, no matter how good you think the other person is. Guys that love their girls wont mind being the ones to go to her anyway am I right? :)
Point Two - Don't pressure things, take the time you both need. It can be awkward to meet somebody finally. Its normal that you don't feel the same way than when you have a keyboard or miles between you two.
From my story, I can tell you that it went pretty good and I now date my virtual love in the real life - for 2 years and something.
Still it felt kind of awkward at first. The first 5 minutes she even refused to look at me because she was embarrassed.
The final thing I have to say is:
Never give up just because society or the easy way tell you too. You have the right to be happy.
Life will test you to see if you are worthy of obtaining happines.. you have to fight to prove you deserve it.