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What Makes A Great Husband

Updated on October 24, 2013

The Husband List

When I was about 16, I made a list of all the qualities I wanted in a husband. Must be the cutest guy in the whole world. Must have a great job making millions of dollars. Must treat me like a queen. Stuff like that. Well, after two marriages and two divorces, I made a different list. A more reasonable list. I'd like to share some of that list with you. And I'd also like to share how my husband, John, stacks up to that list.

In my house, we have what we refer to as The Great Waffle Incident. It happened about 3 years ago. John wanted chocolate chip waffles but he couldn't find any chocolate chips. So he settled on plain old chocolate waffles. Now the only thing chocolate in the house was a tub of chocolate frosting. But he didn't let that stop him. He got himself a couple spoonfuls and mixed it right in with the waffle batter. When the waffle iron was ready, he poured in the batter and closed the lid. It only took about 30 seconds for the chocolate batter to start oozing out of the sides. My husband, being a novice waffle maker, had walked away from the waffle maker, so he didn't notice right away. By the time he came back, half the counter top was covered in a brown sticky mess. Needless to say, his waffles are now made in the toaster.

You might be wondering where I was during this whole incident. Well, I was sitting quietly at the table eating my secret stash of chocolate chips.

John has what he calls his invisibility glasses. When he wears them, no one can see him (that's what he thinks!). The sad thing is, I think he really believes he's invisible. When he sneaks a piece of cake right before dinner, he wears his invisibility glasses. When he realizes he's left 9 dirty cups sitting in the living room and tries to sneak them into the kitchen, he wears his invisibility glasses. When he tries to sneak my socks out of my drawer (I don't know what's wrong with his socks), he wears his invisibility glasses. And then when I say "I can see you!" he acts shocked. Except for the times when he ignores me (in hope that he's still invisible and I was just talking to the cat).

Johnny will do just about anything for a dollar!

Johnny will do just about anything for a dollar!
Johnny will do just about anything for a dollar!

My husband is a great guitarist. When he plays, he puts all his concentration in it. He really gives it everything he's got. Most of the time he closes his eyes, bobs his head around and just goes with the flow of the music. It would be amazing to watch him except.............Did I mention he plays the air guitar? Did I also mention he likes to do this while he's driving?

Enough said.

Must be honest

But not too honest

I love honesty. I crave honesty. I just want to be told the truth. But sometimes there's such a thing as too much truth. John likes to tell too much truth.

For instance, a couple weeks ago I bought two pairs of jeans. The first pair looked great. The next pair didn't fit so good. What did John have to say about it? "You look like you're 30 pounds overweight and trying to fit into your little sisters jeans"

Really? He couldn't just say the first pair looked better?

How could I not love a guy who sleeps like this?

How could I not love a guy who sleeps like this?
How could I not love a guy who sleeps like this?

Both my ex-husbands were older than me and that's the way I like it. In fact, every man I've ever dated has been older than me...... Except Johnny. Nope. Not Johnny. I really robbed the cradle with this one. I'm a whoppin 6 years older than him. Now, I know what your thinking. Six years isn't that much of a difference. And your right. I don't even think it's that much of a difference.......until I start to think about it. Consider this:

One day we were sitting around with our friends talking about September 11. I stated that I was at home with my 3 kids when it happened. Johnny said "I was sitting in my 8th grade social studies class"! Oh my gosh! Did I ever feel old!

Johnny was 12 when my first child was born. (12!!)

By the time Johnny graduated high school, I had been married twice and had 4 kids.

I started smoking before Johnny even started kindergarten.

I had my first kiss before he was even born!

Now tell me six years isn't that big of a difference!

I know this one sounds weird, but my ex used to follow me around the store like a two year old asking if we were done yet. Thankfully, Johnny doesn't do that. Oh, it's not that he likes shopping....He just finds ways to amuse himself. Here's a couple of his favorite store games:

1. cart racing (complete with sound effects)

2. Seeing how many cereal boxes can he knock over with the cart

3. Collecting those little papers with the paint colors on them (every single one!)

4. Seeing how many donuts he can eat before we get to the checkout.

4. Seeing how many stereos he can turn on before a clerk stops him

And two new games...

5. lemon juggling!

6. Attempting to open every door in the frozen food section at the same time, which requires him to race up the isle (it looks like he's on an episode of Supermarket Sweep!)

Sigh....... At least he doesn't follow me around asking if we're done yet.

Dammit John!! T ShirtsBUY NOW

Must be good to animals

even fish!

There's this lake about 45 minutes away from where we live. On this lake is a boat dock. A long time ago the owner of the boat dock started throwing food to the catfish who dared to come close enough. Then he started selling fish food at the concession stand so visitors could also feed the catfish. Now, when someone walks on the dock, a whole herd of fat catfish come swimming to the surface begging to be fed (I swear they're like dogs).

Well, Johnny and I went to the dock the other day. It was my first time, so I was sooo excited to feed the fish. But when we got there, the concession stand was closed. I accepted it and decided that seeing all the fat catfish was good enough. But Johnny wasn't so accepting. He wanted to feed them something. Anything.

First he started spitting. For the first couple minutes, every time he spit a big fish would come to the surface and gobble it up. Then they realized they were getting shafted, so they started ignoring him again.

So he started throwing lint. And of course they gobbled that down too. But a person only has so much lint.

So then he started throwing the only thing left in his pocket. Pocket change! That's right. Pennies, nickels, and dimes all went into the water. And those stupid fat catfish ate them!

All I could think about was when I used to watch my parents fish poop when I was a kid. Fish don't exactly have a big poop-hole. So how are those pennies, nickels and dimes going to come out? I'm guessing they're just going to stay there and someday when a fisherman nabs him a big fat catfish, he's going to find a little surprise inside.

Since we're talking about animals...

Johnny is allergic to cats.

Johnny doesn't like cats.

So what does Johnny do to display his dislike?

He cuts off the cats whiskers.

Must be handy at repairs

I fully believe that every man should know his way around a tool bag and possess at least a basic knowledge of how things work. So of course I would expect my own husband to be able to handle common household repairs, even if it's just a temporary fix.

John's handyman abilities are touch and go. He can install a complicated ceiling fan, but he can't figure out why the hot water heater quit working. He can reframe a door but he can't fix the doorknob. I never really know what he's going to be able to fix, but I still trust him to handle the simple stuff. So this morning when I walked in and found the shower head holder was broke, I figured he would be able to rig it up for at least the 15 minutes I needed it for, so I called him in and asked him to do a quick fix until we could get to the store. It took him about fifteen minutes to come up with an idea and about 5 seconds to "make the repairs". Afterwards, he turned around and looked at me like I was an idiot for not coming up with this idea myself.

His Genius Plan

Ummm...I don't think so.

3 seconds of John

This is a sound I hear a dozen times a day. Every time he's happy, mad, excited, bored or just plain awake, he does this.

The new list

I've looked at my list over and over again. I've tried to figure out a way that my husband can meet every quality on that list.

It's just not possible.

So I've decided to make a new list. It only includes two things.

Must love me more than anything

Must make me laugh

There. Now he meets every single quality.

This lens won a purple star award!

Photos and text; © 2010-2013 Catherine Taylor. All Rights Reserved

Reproduction in whole or in part without permission is prohibited.

Did you ever make a husband list? All comments are moderated and html is removed.

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    • profile image

      Stuwaha 4 years ago

      I read this article years ago and have already liked it but it's been worth another read. No, I never made a list. I never thought I'd want to be married before I met my husband and can't imagine what I would have possibly included on such a list as a teenager. I'm sure it probably would have been embarrassingly cringe-worthy, and now I sort of wish I had done it :) Your husband is an adorable uber goober.

    • profile image

      happynutritionist 4 years ago

      I love this and especially like your "the new list":-)) Wonderful pictures.

    • profile image

      grannysage 5 years ago I am looking at my husband and even though he is every bit as, shall we say eccentric, as yours is, he wins because he will not cut my kitties whiskers off. Johnny is definitely a keeper though.

    • JanieceTobey profile image

      JanieceTobey 5 years ago

      Thanks for this!!! Your personal story on what makes a great husband really brought a smile to my face!

    • gottaloveit2 profile image

      gottaloveit2 5 years ago

      Ok, I was totally with ya until you went on that 6 year different in age tangent. You lost me babe! I'm a cougar (12 year difference) and loving it. But, I've played that 'when I was' game in my head and out loud a lot. Some of these are funny - like, when I was graduating college, my excellent boyfriend was, well, in 3rd grade....Love your humor. Really great article. Had me rolling.

    • pkmcruk profile image

      pkmcr 5 years ago from Cheshire UK

      I re-read this on my way into the office tis morning and was chuckling away. I still love his invisibility glasses!

    • chuckholmes301 profile image

      chuckholmes301 6 years ago

      Your husband seems like a great guy. I'm going to take a few ideas from your list and try to be a better husband myself. Thanks for sharing.

    • TonyPayne profile image

      Tony Payne 6 years ago from Southampton, UK

      I've been through 2 divorces as well, and it's definitely third time lucky for me :) I think you both need to have give and take to make a marriage work. You need a good sense of humor, to take care of each other, and above all have fun together. Excellent job, thanks for introducing us to John. Blessed.

    • Brite-Ideas profile image

      Barbara Tremblay Cipak 6 years ago from Toronto, Canada

      he has to love you now! no choice in the matter! nice to do this for him :)

    • Nancy Hardin profile image

      Nancy Carol Brown Hardin 6 years ago from Las Vegas, NV

      Awww, this is so sweet! It's very obvious he has all the qualities you need. Love his humor!

    • profile image

      anonymous 6 years ago

      Hmm... This looks like a ladies only list, but I couldn't help myself butting in! Wish there was an honest practical assessment done by all the (exceptionally spicy) spouses to make ends meet! I've been husbanded before; so it is gonna take a lot before I can be wifed again! :)

      PS: There is no grain of doubt about 'why' the second list works! :)

      PPS: Wish to come back here for a 25 year assessment and more! :)

    • OhMe profile image

      Nancy Tate Hellams 6 years ago from Pendleton, SC

      Love this! Sounds like you have found the right man for you even if he wasn't the one in your dreams. lol

    • profile image

      ChristmasWishes 6 years ago

      Love the idea of the invisibility glasses! :-)

    • SylviaRolfe profile image

      SylviaRolfe 6 years ago

      I love your new list. And I totally feel for you on the age thing. My husband was only 14 when I had my eldest daughter. But like you I went for the younger one for the first time ever and it turned out to be the best choice ever. I love your lens. Blessed!

    • RhondaSueDavis profile image

      RhondaSueDavis 6 years ago

      My husband is a keeper, even if he is 4 years older. I had determined quite young I was never gonna get married, and no kids....23 some years later we have three boys and still married, And he has taken to cooking from scratch lately and prefers to do the dinner meals...we both lost our wedding rings along the way but that is another story altogether. Glad the marriage has lasted longer than the wedding rings. This is a very funny lens and brings a lot of light on what really matters to most couples....they can get along in the highs and lows most of the time if they don't think they are all that all the time.

    • Othercatt profile image

      Othercatt 6 years ago

      @Christene-S: Wow. I was planning my wedding in kindergarten!

    • Christene-S profile image

      Christene-S 6 years ago

      I never made a husband list. I never really thought about getting married at all when I was a teenager.

      My husband and I are 7 years apart. I was 25 on 9/11 though (he was 32). hehe

    • Ramkitten2000 profile image

      Deb Kingsbury 6 years ago from Flagstaff, Arizona

      Your stories made me laugh. Your husband sounds like a hoot! And those last couple of things -- the "new list" -- so important for me too. My best to both of you. I know a lot of this was kind of tongue-in-cheek, but you obviously adore him.

    • profile image

      anonymous 6 years ago

      I so made a husband list when I was 16 too! And my husband met them all, I only had three requirements. 1)He must be a good driver. 2) He must be able to speak french. 3) He has to have good feet (weird i know:) ) Enjoyed reading this lens!! :)

    • viscri8 profile image

      viscri8 6 years ago

      You identified the two most important things. Good for you!! Keep him well.

    • howtocurecancer profile image

      howtocurecancer 7 years ago

      I love your lens! You are in love, deeply in love, congrats.

    • profile image

      clickityclack 7 years ago

      great lens!!!

    • ZenandChic profile image

      Patricia 7 years ago

      This is a wonderful lens and I can relate.

    • Othercatt profile image

      Othercatt 7 years ago

      @jennikitten lm: Afraid not. Poor Cinna-kitty has had to go without whiskers 3 times.

    • jennikitten lm profile image

      jennikitten lm 7 years ago

      The cat thing is a joke, right?

    • Tagsforkids profile image

      Tagsforkids 7 years ago

      LOL, great lens! Sooo, where can one get a pair of those "Invisibility Glasses"? :)

    • Jhangora LM profile image

      Jhangora LM 7 years ago

      No, but I'd like my wife's father to be a billionaire and she should be really really beautiful. Congrats on the Purple Star!

    • Lady Gotrocks profile image

      Lady Gotrocks 7 years ago

      Cute lens

    • Rita-K profile image

      Rita-K 7 years ago

      This is just plain hysterically wonderful! Thanks for sharing your adorable husband with us! He doesn't look old enough to vote! LOL

    • profile image

      anonymous 7 years ago

      Oh, I loved this lens - qualities of a great and ideal husband.

      Well deserved "Purple star"

    • profile image

      anonymous 7 years ago

      I am so ROTFLMAO, congratulations on your Purple Star, but geeze, this one deserves a gold one LOL

    • Othercatt profile image

      Othercatt 7 years ago

      @anonymous: You just put a permanent smile on John's face!

    • profile image

      anonymous 7 years ago

      Do you rent John out to those who would like to experience a good husband? I will pay top dollar!!

    • Fcuk Hub profile image

      Fcuk Hub 7 years ago

      He must be really great husband :)

    • profile image

      giftsforeveryone 7 years ago

      i love your story thanks for sharing

    • magicgeniewishl profile image

      magicgeniewishl 7 years ago

      No, cant say I have, but I think I have a pretty good catch, as I am not perfect either. We seem to fit well in each others lives. Nice lens :)

    • darciefrench lm profile image

      darciefrench lm 7 years ago

      I love your love story - what a great tribute -:)

    • profile image

      KDimmick 7 years ago

      Fun! My husband is my soul mate and fits everything I could ever put on a list :)

    • profile image

      anonymous 7 years ago

      No but I sure could use a pair of those invisibility glasses. Great lens and just oh so cute.

    • KarenHC profile image

      Karen 7 years ago from U.S.

      So much fun to read....and to listen too :-) (The two seconds-worth!) Gave me a good laugh! Really a nice tribute lens for your husband!

    • EuroSquid LM profile image

      EuroSquid LM 7 years ago

      This lens got my second blessing as a Squid Angel. I just emailed it to my wife.

    • profile image

      anonymous 7 years ago

      SquidAngel blessed because it was just as sweet and funny the second time I read it.

    • natashaely profile image

      natashaely 7 years ago

      This is such a wonderful and funny lens yet so sweet at the same time. It made me laugh! I like your lenses they have a great feel to them! I think you are very lucky to have found each other, laughter is the key! Yes I made a list when I was younger, even though i didn't want to marry...just in case! When I met my husband I rewrote the list as he was everything I wanted and didn't know! Fab lens

    • kare2share profile image

      kare2share 7 years ago

      I truly enjoyed reading your story. This lens is sweet, funny, honest and romantic -- hmmm, those are good qualities for my 'list' as well! Thank you for sharing, and I wish you continued love, joy and success in the new year!

    • profile image

      kt_glasses 7 years ago

      really fun lens! and also meaningful!

    • profile image

      anonymous 7 years ago

      Okay, I had to wait awhile to stop laughing before I could write a comment. I particularly like the shopping games.

    • javr profile image

      javr 7 years ago from British Columbia, Canada

      This lens has been blessed by a Squid Angel.

    • deyanis profile image

      deyanis 7 years ago from Oz

      I 100% agree with your new list, love and laughter conquer all the weaknesses of my husband. ^^ This is a very sweet lens dedicated to your husband, from his picture, he looks fun and creative (the waffle incident) :-) Hope you'll both grow old together and always find true happiness with each other.

    • Board-Game-Brooke profile image

      C A Chancellor 7 years ago from US/TN

      Genuinely sweet lens. Blessed!

    • Senora M profile image

      Senora M 7 years ago

      I did make a husband list and my husband made a wife list. We did this when we were first dating and traded them to see how we compare. We matched up to each other's lists pretty well. I wonder where those are now... :) COOL LENS!

    • Virginia Allain profile image

      Virginia Allain 7 years ago from Central Florida

      I like for my guy to be able to assemble new furniture, fix computers, cook gourmet meals and keep the finances straight. After awhile, though, I start to take those abilities for granted. Maybe the sense of humor and loving me most of all really are the best things.

    • sheriangell profile image

      sheriangell 7 years ago

      I did. Twice. The first one was all superficial "stuff" and that's exactly what I got. The second one, by the time I wrote it I was much wiser. I listed all the character traits that were important to me. Now I'm happy!

      Your lens is so sweet, I just love it.

    • MargoPArrowsmith profile image

      MargoPArrowsmith 7 years ago

      Love the one you're with..... he sounds nice. Enjoy

    • hotbrain profile image

      hotbrain 7 years ago from Tacoma, WA

      Congratulations on a great lens! I'm a Squidoo angel this month and I've blessed this page. It is one of my favorites!

    • poptastic profile image

      Cynthia Arre 7 years ago from Quezon City

      What an adorable tribute to your husband! I made a list when I was younger and my husband turned out to be more than what I wished for too. (: ~Blessed~

    • malloryjane profile image

      malloryjane 7 years ago

      Very cute lens, and I like the two qualities on your list. They are the only two that really matter to me.. now just to find him! haha =)

    • SmBizGuru LM profile image

      SmBizGuru LM 7 years ago

      I think if we married the husband we created in our list we'd be bored out of our minds. Thankfully we don't always get exactly what we ask for.

    • Lisa-Marie-Mary profile image

      Lisa-Marie-Mary 7 years ago

      Love this lens! Too funny and sweet! :-D

    • darciefrench lm profile image

      darciefrench lm 7 years ago

      What a joy to read- I adore this lens. Your hubby and mine sound very similar :)

    • JollyvilleChick profile image

      JollyvilleChick 7 years ago

      You have such a great sense of humor and it sounds like your husband provides plenty of fodder!

    • RhondaAlbom profile image

      Rhonda Albom 7 years ago from New Zealand

      Love your story and your intro photo. And, my list matches your current list. Blessed by a Squidoo angel and added to Angel Blessings From Pukeko October 2010

    • WebIsFun profile image

      WebIsFun 7 years ago

      I'm delighted you found a mate who loves you - it's worth it! And yes, there are so many qualities that really don't matter. I got lucky with my husband. He's loving and lovable. That all I need. Having him great me at the door (or me greeting him) with a HUGE burst of love .. gets us to delight in being married every moment!

    • WildFacesGallery profile image

      Mona 7 years ago from Iowa

      This is so charming. I love the invisability glasses. :) Clearly you're in love since you tell this with amusement. I've been married twenty years and most times I just roll my eye at my husband. :

    • profile image

      anonymous 7 years ago

      Hilarious! Sounds like this guy definitely makes your life interesting! Lensrolled to Why chihuahuas are better than a boyfriend :P

    • VarietyWriter2 profile image

      VarietyWriter2 7 years ago

      Cute lens. Blessed by a SquidAngel :)

    • joanhall profile image

      Joan Hall 7 years ago from Los Angeles

      That's so sweet! Giving this lens an Angel blessing and will feature it on SquidAngel At Your Service.

    • profile image

      the777group lm 7 years ago

      Johnny - soul brother! Thank God I've found you!

    • tandemonimom lm profile image

      tandemonimom lm 7 years ago

      I love both lists! Great story! (PS I like a guy with a hairy chest, and fortunately I got one!)

    • Othercatt profile image

      Othercatt 7 years ago

      @alesxandrea: I know exactly what you mean. I've always steered clear of men with hairy chests. Yet my husband has a whole jungle growing on his! I guess we can't help who we fall in love with!

    • alesxandrea profile image

      alesxandrea 7 years ago

      That chocolate chip story really made me laugh! LoL. This is one COOL lens. love it love it love it! I have always liked fair-skin guys -- never had I imagine I will end up with a tan guy.. I did! It's just one irony of life.

    • Heather426 profile image

      Heather Burns 7 years ago from Wexford, Ireland

      ROFL, thanks for a great way to start the day! love it, sharing it on facebook

    • profile image

      ItsYourLife 7 years ago

      Brilliant Lens!! Made me feel happy :)

    • hayleylou lm profile image

      hayleylou lm 7 years ago

      I think your new list is perfect - who could ask for more ?

    • NarrowPathPubli profile image

      NarrowPathPubli 7 years ago

      You cracked me up with this lens. It's obvious how much you love your husband and how much fun you have together.

    • profile image

      RinchenChodron 7 years ago

      You must be an expert with all those previous husbands - maybe make another lens about the worst husbands qualities? Just an idea.

    • religions7 profile image

      religions7 7 years ago

      Love this lens - funny, made me cry happy tears :) glad to see you're having fun being married.

    • lankanwriter profile image

      lankanwriter 7 years ago

      Now I have some tips about what makes a woman happy, lovely lens :-)

    • profile image

      myraggededge 7 years ago

      What a character! John must be so much fun to live with! Lovely list too.

    • Stazjia profile image

      Carol Fisher 7 years ago from Warminster, Wiltshire, UK

      This made me laugh, particularly the bit about store games. Blessed by an Angel.

    • LisaAuch1 profile image

      Lisa Auch 7 years ago from Scotland

      And i thought my husband was the only one to play store games, hehe.