ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

When to End a Friendship

Updated on August 13, 2011

Friends. They're "like diamonds, precious and rare," "good as gold." And, increasingly difficult to come by. And, they're forever, right? So we should do everything possible to keep all the friendships we have, right?

If we were all to remain stagnant, exactly as we always have been without change, growth and steps forward and back, yes, we could probably maintain many lifelong friendships. But we all change in different ways, at different rates. As Heraclitus said, "The only constant is change." With all that movement, some friendships can endure, but many will not. Sadly, there are friendships we may want or need to let go of, as there are friends who may want or need to let go of us. As difficult as it may be to accept sometimes, it is the normal evolution of things.

Severing a relationship in which you've invested time, energy and, most importantly, heart, is not easy. But, do you keep a friendship that doesn't fit anymore, or that's even unhealthy? By keeping friends who no longer suit you, or who hold you back, you're risking your own happiness and well-being. And you can't possibly create space for new nurturing, vigorous relationships.

But, you say, "Letting go isn't so easy."

Know the Signs

If your friend steals your spouse or talks trash about you to your boss, things are clear. Deception or calculated attempts to hurt are easy to recognize. But, most of the time, signals aren't that obvious -- thankfully. Additionally, we're taught to be forgiving, s/he's a friend, afterall. When things go wrong or we're hurt, we say to ourselves, "s/he didn't do it on purpose," ''Oh, s/he's just that way," or "she's just been really stressed out lately." (even if '"lately" is over the past two years) But closing our eyes and being so forgiving over prolonged periods of time isn't just unwise and naïve, it can be unhealthy.

Is it time to end a friendship? Here are a few questions to ask yourself that might help.

Do I feel better after meeting up?

Does your friend put a bounce in your step? Does s/he leave you feeling inspired and motivated, or calmed and grounded?

Or

Do you say to yourself, "Oh my God, that was just painful!"? Do you feel as though you've been sucked of energy? Or, do you feel angry with your friend, with others, or yourself? Exasperated? Disappointed?

Everyone goes through bummer periods, and part of being a friend means sticking with friends through tough times. But if you always feel bad or "sucked dry" when seeing this friend, s/he's a vampire and is draining you of energy and "spirit" that is rightly yours. It's the stuff of life that could be put to more constructive use for your own well-being. You may do better to take what's yours and go home!

One writer friend and I try to meet up once a week. I go away from our time together energized and filled with so many ideas, I feel there aren't enough hours in the day or days in the week. She tells me she feels the same. Do I feel better after meeting up? Absolutely! Is this what we should expect? Absolutely!

Does this friend bring out the best in me?

Do you go away from time with this friend feeling good about yourself? Or having learned something about you to be proud of? Do you feel you brought value?

Or

Do you think, "I'm a bad person" or "I feel so stupid"? Maybe you experience a vague unease, or a feeling that something's not quite right.

"I realized that we'd spent the entire lunch griping about and laughing at our common friends ... people who I actually like," Sarah said. "Caroline just pulled me right into the mood. We were having fun at other people's expense."

Okay, none of us is perfect. Who doesn't like a good ol' gossip session once in a while? But, some people are expert at "stirring up the pot" and gathering those around them to belittle others. "I really didn't like who I had become during that lunch," Sarah said.

People who seek to criticize others and situations, who take comfort in putting down those around are, themselves, cheerless. Their cheerlessness is contagious and you'll surely catch it. These people are not capable of finding the best in themselves and they're certainly not interested in finding the best in you.

I have the luck to belong to a speakers' group where members look to improve themselves. It's a "safe" place where we all give and receive positive, constructive feedback. The goal is to bring out the best in us all.

Is this friend a positive influence on my life?

Does your friend encourage growth in other areas of life? Does s/he support you in doing what you love, even if it differs from his/her own interests? And, is it done in an affirming, non-condescending way?

Or

Do you find there's a domino effect starting up in your life? Do your friend's problems emerge as yours? Are her bad moods becoming a part of you? Do things you love no longer have the same sparkle they used to?

Pam went through an arduous period with her friend, Amelia. Amelia was going through a long-term on-again, off-again relationship which enveloped all her energy and emotions. Pam was her sounding board, ear and confidante. But Amelia's relationship problems began "encroaching." Pam started having more arguments at home with her own husband. Realizing that she was bringing home her friend's problems and sabotaging her own marriage, Pam had to quit the friendship cold-turkey. The guilt she experienced was terrible, but she did what she had to do for her own life.

When your own life starts being dragged down by your friend, consider it's time to cut the rope.

When I haven't been in touch, how do I feel?

That project has had you working late nights, you've been cramming for exams, or your child's brought home a slew of viruses from school. You haven't had time to see your friend. Do you feel sad not to be in touch? Looking forward to catching up? Or do you feel guilty? Dreading the first phone call? Have you felt relief not seeing him/her?

Some years ago, I went through a difficult phase. I had moved from a city that I loved, to live with my then boyfriend. I had given up my job, left friends behind and began having health problems. I fell into a depression, and tiring of complaining to friends, hid myself away. One day I received a scathing email from a long-term friend. She berated me for being a horrible friend and accused me of forgetting friends because I had a new boyfriend. She knew I was unhappy, but my silence was all about her. That email was invaluable. For the first time I saw what our friendship was. For several years, she had taken the lead and I followed willingly. We did what she wanted to do, in the way she wanted it done. I was busy forging my career and had little time for social planning. It worked for me; it worked for her. But the friendship turned. I had to always make sure to call her when I was supposed to, I agonized over the right birthday and Christmas presents, I answered emails in a timely manner, and even made sure I dressed well in her company. None of it was done out of love or caring, it was out of fear of being bullied and guilt for being "a bad friend."

If I had taken the time to ask myself how I felt without her, I would've realized that there was more relief than a sense of loss.

If you feel mostly guilty, fearful, or relieved when you don't see your friend, free yourself!

Do we both make an effort?

Often, there's one person who makes more of an effort in keeping a friendship going. This is only natural. But do you find you're always the one who calls or initiates? If so, it's possible the other person is trying to send a signal to move the friendship back a notch.

Do you find that you somehow never manage to take the initiative? Are you unconsciously sending a signal to your friend or to yourself?

Of course it's also possible that you've both just fallen into a bad routine that you've only now become conscious of. If you think this is the case, a sit down together, and a gentle conversation about sharing more of the effort may be all it takes to get the friendship back into good health.

I've been on both ends of this dilemma: In one case, I've been the friend who has consistently put in little effort; in another case, I've been the one almost always to initiate. In the first case, my friend has had to make many compromises in her expectations of me; in return, I've tried to make greater effort -- though I will likely never give her all that she wants from me. In the other case, I've had to lower my expectations and resign myself to making all the compromises. In both cases, I know that what I get from the friendships far exceed the "inconveniences."

As you can see, this question is anything but simple. The bottom line is to weigh the pleasure against the pain. If there's more pain, get out.

Do I get my turn, too?

No relationship is always 50/50. One day it might be 30/70, the next week 60/40, and once in awhile, it could even be 10/90. But do you find that there's always an imbalance that's not in your favor? Does your friend consistently monopolize the conversation about what's s/he's doing and doesn't ask about you? Is s/he always the one who's in need. If so, s/he has an imbalanced view of your friendship and you might want to reconsider what you're doing there.

If you're typically a good listener and "un-needy", you may be oblivious until the day comes when you need a bit of attention. If you're not really sure (after all who really keeps a tally?), watch for tell-tale signs when you're in a group. When you talk with others about your life, does s/he pipe up and say, "Hey, you never told me about that!"? Assuming you're not keeping secrets, it's likely that s/he never gives you the opportunity to talk about you.

"I called her to ask her a specific set of questions," Patricia said of a friend she's trying to break off with. "Before I could get a word in, the conversation was all about her. She talked and talked and when she was finished, she said, 'oh I gotta go. It was great talking to you.' I never got to ask her my questions. That's so typical."

A friend who never gives you your turn, can little by little make you feel invisible and insignificant. It can sneak up on you, and suddenly hit you in the face. If your goal is to gain super hero status as the invisible man or woman, unrecognized for being who you really are and what you have to offer, hold this friend close and dear.

Am I allowed to feel the joy?

Do you freely and easily talk about the joyful events in your life? Do you feel supported by your friend for the good that happens?

"It's like she's got killjoy radar!" Susan said. "Whenever something great happens in my life ... when I've got something I'm proud of, she finds something to criticize or finds a way to twist the situation around so you see the negative side."

Some people really do seem to have radar. They home in on joyfulness and then send in the bomb. I, unfortunately, know one woman who is expert at this. On the surface, she appears very happy for me. She compliments me and finds nice things to say, but ... She always has a "but" and manages to dull the brightness of the situation.

Stick with this friend if Mudville's your intended destination. No joy!

Take a Deep Breath

Congratulations

We cling to our friendships, they're precious and rare. But when a diamond turns to coal, if through some alchemy that gold turns to lead, it's the time to let it go and move on!

Know that it's not really important whether someone makes you feel invisible, joyless, bullied, guilty, sucked of energy, or stupid. What is important is that this person makes you feel bad. That reason, and that reason alone, is enough to think about ending it.

Congratulations, you've taken the first step toward creating positive space in your life by identifying if a friend is dear to you, or just a habit, obligation and unhealthy.

Next Step: How to break off a friendship.

You're welcome to share your experience here, or I just discovered that you can also express yourself and Tweet it on #ourfriendshipendedwhen

Have you Ever Ended a Friendship? - When did you know it was over?

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • profile image

      resabi 6 years ago

      Yes, I have ended friendships before. Sometimes there is just a parting of the ways due to diverging interests and priorities. That's the easy slide -- usually just mutual attrition. But to formally set out to end a friendship is a different thing altogether. I had to do this with a friend who was so close it was truly an amputation -- but the relationship was becoming toxic to the other parts of my life and the situation couldn't be rectified. On a happier (much!) note, that long-lost friend reentered my orbit many years later and we are friends once again. The timing -- and circumstance -- and the strong feeling that never did go away made a renewed friendship possible. (oh, p.s., blessed)

    • corinnemwestphal profile image
      Author

      corinnemwestphal 6 years ago

      @resabi: how very lucky that you were able to step away (and probably save the relationship in the process) and be able to renew the friendship. Bravo!

    • corinnemwestphal profile image
      Author

      corinnemwestphal 6 years ago

      @PromptWriter: Always sorry to hear about a friendship ending, but as you say, your friend certainly was disrespectful and that had to be hurtful for you. In the end, yes, her loss.

    • profile image

      dannystaple 6 years ago

      I've not seriously had to end a friendship, but had them dwindle. Although I do recognise some of these signs. One serious piece of advice is never to work with someone you've actually got a close friendship with - that is sure to put a strain on it, and introduce problems that would otherwise not be there.

    • corinnemwestphal profile image
      Author

      corinnemwestphal 6 years ago

      @dannystaple: Very good suggestion about not working with a close friend. I've had one or two near close disasters. Thankfully, the friendships endured.

    • profile image

      anonymous 6 years ago

      i started a band with 3 good friends and it didn't work out. 4 months later and counting, I am not speaking to any of them Not a a good idea.

    • corinnemwestphal profile image
      Author

      corinnemwestphal 6 years ago

      @anonymous: Mixing friendship with work or business can be tough. The best of friends don't necessarily make the best of colleagues (or band members).

    • profile image

      anonymous 6 years ago

      @PromptWriter: THATS HOW I FEEL ABOUT MY "FRIEND" IF YOU EVEN WANT TO CALL HER THAT. I HAVE NOT SEEN 7 MONTHS. IM ABOUT TO END THIS FRIENDSHIP. SHE MAKES PLANS AND NEVER SHOWS UP EVEN WHEN I DO. I HAVE INVITED HER TO MANY EVENTS SINCE MY BIRTHDAY AND SHE NEVER COMES.

    • corinnemwestphal profile image
      Author

      corinnemwestphal 6 years ago

      @anonymous: I'm very sorry you're going through this -- how very sad.

    • corinnemwestphal profile image
      Author

      corinnemwestphal 6 years ago

      @BarbRad: Thanks for the blessing. It sounds like you were able to repair the friendship. That can take an awful lot of hard work. That's wonderful!

    • profile image

      anonymous 6 years ago

      This was an excellent article! I recently decided to "cool things down" with a long-time friend of mine. We've been friends since high school and always seemed to have a lot in common...but as upon entering our twenties, things we had in common seemed to dwindle. We've been there for each other through some rather difficult periods, but sometimes it feels as though I'm the only looking to rise above personal issues. I got married at a very young age, dropped out of college, ended up splitting with my husband two years later when he became abusive, then became depressed and got hooked on pills...yeah, not fun. But over the last year, I've re-entered school, overcame my addiction, and was recently accepted into one of the top universities in the nation with a 25,000/yr grant. I've also been in weekly therapy. Overcoming problems isn't easy, but it's required if we want a decent life. My friend, though, doesn't seem to understand this. She refuses to get a job (only wants to babysit), lives with some gullible guy she can't stand for free, smokes weed all day, thinks college is overrated and seems to be done with it after many failed classes (she's very intelligent but doesn't apply herself), and is literally obsessively in love with a guy who broke up with her two years ago (she checks his and his new girlfriends facebook daily and has never gotten over him...it's creepy). I'm working on my own recovery, struggling to find a new job to save up for the college I'm transferring to in the fall, working hard school, yet I get 2-3 calls from her and various emails a day about all of HER problems. It's seriously a new drama everyday! I suggest she get therapy and she literally says "I don't want to hear it, I'm not doing it." She claims her issues are the root of her parents not loving her...although her dad is constantly giving her money, hence why she isn't very motivated to get a job.

      I was conflicted because in some ways, I really value our friendship. She is a very intelligent person, she was there through the failure of my marriage, she has a great sense of humor, and her gossip is hilarious. But is that worth listening to how horrible her life is everyday? I don't know. Part of me feels guilty...like I should be there for her (she doesn't have many friends...people are always distancing themselves from her). Not sure what do to....

    • profile image

      anonymous 6 years ago

      I just ended a dear friendship to me but now I don't know if I made the right decision or I'm just going through the motions. My male friend and I have been friends since high school abt 17 years. We are both married with small children and have a lot in common. After all these years, only recently has the conversation turned sexual..seems like out of nowhere. I kick myself everyday because I should have nipped it in the bud when it started but I didn't say anything. It just felt so awkard. He would just make sexual comments here and there and it was not like him. It got progressively worse and more explicit. Anyway, after weeks of this, my conscience started to bother me..thinking of his wife and how she might feel if she heard what he was saying to me. I know how bad that feels because my husband cheated on me last year. I started thinking abt him everyday and even having vivid dreams of having sex with him at night. It made me nervous. So instead of talking to him about it(because I punked out), I sent him a text just saying that I couldn't talk to him anymore, that I loved him and that I was sorry. He laid me out in his response saying that he respected my decision not to be friends but that he couldn't respect how I communicated it to him through text. He said that if he made me feel uncomfortable that he would have stopped to spare our friendship in which we had such a strong foundation. He called me selfish and dismissive and basically that I didn't know what love was...that I didn't even give him a chance to expalin or correct himself. It's been two days since this happened and I've been miserable crying and feeling horrible trying not to show my feeling around my husband. I just wish it didn't get to this point. All my girlfriends told me to cut off the relationship but my heart doesn't feel right about it. I just feel terrible....heartbroken.

    • profile image

      anonymous 6 years ago

      This is a great article!! Thank you so much for it! I'm at the beginning of this process right now and this article helped me a lot because I've been feeling really guilty. But this has empowered me to make a positive change for myself. I think it's sad but true that we sometimes do have to end friendships, because we change and it hurts more to try to pretend to be your old self for the sake of the other person. I know that it's time to end a friendship if I leave the person and consistently feel worse/depressed/stressed/angry etc. It's easier to tell when you compare it to your other, healthy relationships. One important thing to note is that it's important to always be compassionate about the process (unless the person is abusive or something, in which case you need to be firm and clear). I've gently let people out of my life because we just don't match anymore, but then found that five years later we have things in common again. Anyway, this comment rambles a little, but I just wanted to compliment this excellent article and say thanks!

    • corinnemwestphal profile image
      Author

      corinnemwestphal 6 years ago

      @anonymous: Celeste, I'm sorry to know that you're seeing the end of a friendship. That is never easy. You are absolutely right about being compassionate, leaving the door open for a relationship to possible blossom again. I'm glad that you found this of interest! Thanks for your feedback!

    • fluffyclouds profile image

      fluffyclouds 6 years ago

      I ended a friendship. My best friend and I got into a big fight and while we tried to reconcile, she kept punishing me and I eventually had to cut ties entirely. She still reaches out to me once in a while, but I learned the hard way it never works out. I actually just made an opposite lens to this one on how to make a friend: https://hubpages.com/relationships/how-to-make-a-f

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      I just 'ended' a friendship of 7years, and it was one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life. I wrote up a brief note, and read it out loud in person - saying we had different expectation levels in the friendship that were causing me to be hurt too often. I was careful to blame it on my expectation levels. And, I stated that I wanted to be open and honest, rather than just back away from a friendship that had been great for so long.

      She was angry and started to accuse me of things, but that's exactly why I wanted to be up front - because if you aren't, the whole relationship turns into petty little grievances and hurts - and fills friends with bitterness and resentment. I couldn't let that happen.

      However, I have felt true heartache. But, you know, I truly missed the friend that I could laugh with and time together was effortless. It had gotten to the point where everything was difficult, and my good, dear friend had turned into a really selfish person. As much as it hurts, I think it was better to be up front an honest - just saying that I had to pull back from the friendship, rather than let a series of little offenses turn into an argument that severs it - all with hurt and anger.

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      I am currently struggling through a friendship triangle. My daughter's best friend fell out with her and basically her mother said some bad things about my daughter but thought we could carry on as good mates. To make it more difficult my best friend has now become her close mate and their children play together all the time, go places etc..basically replacing my daughter. I have known these friends for years yet there is a part of me that wants to end the friendships. I feel more upset for my daughter. Its so hard because I really appreciate friendships, yet I feel so strongly about this, angry and somhow let down by their behaviour. It is also hard when you live in a small community.

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      Thank you for this article!

      It is tremendously helpful for me to break up a friendship with a friend.

      Actually, when we started out as friends 10 years ago, I was the bully. Neither of us liked the other, but somehow we started to get along over the years. I believe I bettered myself as a friend, and that brought about a change. Now, for the last 2 years, I have come to the slow realization that her family has been very abusive of me. They make me cook and clean after them for days without eating or sleeping, and never have anything nice to say to me. hahaha what a joke. And for so many years I felt guilt and depression while being around them. But now I can recognize that it was my own fault for not feeling good about myself. I think that's really the trick to getting out of useless relationships. Just focus on building your self-worth. It's amazing the changes that will come about.

      Thanks a bunch!!

    • profile image

      totalhealth 5 years ago

      friendship is the greatest we could have, it's a give and take relationship but if its pulling you down or draining you out, its time to consider if your efforts are worth it.

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      I ended a friendship which existed for over 4 years. She was like the ultimate human being when i first met her. However, it was not too long when i started to realize that she was a manipulator. She just love things to go her way, we had to go places she wanted to go, do things she wanted to do etc. It was a friendship i never felt a part of because my input was constantly ignored. Eventually i got tired and left. Of course i was wrong for leaving the friendship according to her but enough is enough. As this lens rightfully pointed out-you feel drained and anytime sometimes can drain you like that tell yourself it is indeed time to leave. Great lens!

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      I've had a friend since 6th grade. I used to think she was very annoying but we soon became best friends. Over the course of high school I noticed she tended to have a way of yelling at people who didn't do as she liked. She has a very poor family life, and I usually sit and listen to hr problems, but when I try telling her mines, she gets mad and says I'm spoiled for complaining. I'm still trying to end things but I don't want to hurt her feelings. Things have been really rocky lately since I decided to pack up and move away to attend a better school...

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      I had to end it in the end. She was making me jealous, petty. Every time I was around her I felt so angry because she always took me for granted. In the end, I realized that it was not worth keeping the friendship alive. This article helped me realize that.

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      I had this friend six, we were best friends.We did everything together, always hung out had a good time. We seriously got a long so well we were like twins, we knew what each other was thinking without even saying anything, laughed at things that only we got. We were always competitive but that's what made the friendship good, we pushed each other to do our best..we brought out the good in each other. After a while i kind of felt sick of it, he began acting weird. Always talking about him, his new friends, his job, his girlfriend. I felt bad cause i had no job, and no girlfriend i felt inferior when i was always use to being "on his level" he always said thing that put me down, they were so negative. We had had our disagreements but always patched things up. We always talked about how cool it would be to be friends till were old. It obviously didn't go as planned. At a party i tried approaching him about why he had been ignoring me all day, it didn't go so well. He walked back inside. I felt so bad, i just stood there. It was at that moment were i realized that i didnt need "friends" like that. I was always the one trying to fix things but no this time, i was sick and tired of it. I walked home and he ran after me..he just said "your really just gonna walk faster" i ignored him and kept walking. Hes a good person and hes fun to be around and everything, whenever he hang out he have the best time but that's enough. I don't need someone who thinks they have to outshine me all the time and act differently each time we hang out with other ppl. I haven't talked to him since, and yeah i think about the good times and all but..i guess we just grew apart.

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      I have ended several friendships with many people. It typically is the same case for every person. I initiate and make an effort, and they never oblige to give anything back. We talk about hanging out, and either it never happens, or we set plans and I follow through and they forget. I can't count how many times they have forgotten plans with me. I end these friendships by doing the exact same thing they do to me: ignore me. I have found some relief with almost every friendship I have ended. I may be lonely, but at least those people won't bring me pain anymore.

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      I used to have a really good friend...

      I knew him for a while back, but just got to know him a lot better the summer after sophomore year of high school. Over the summer and throughout junior year of school, we were still pretty good friends. I often slept over, we small talked and had deep random conversations at night too. But for some reason, towards the second half of junior year, we started to part. Awkwardness, silence, and so on. I felt horrible, often wondering what happened? This occurred towards the end of junior year and a month well into summer. I then started to realize that this wasn't a friendship worth keeping. I did all the work in keeping it alive, I realized. Now, we don't even talk. It's weird to say, but it annoys me SO very much when he is around, and I have no idea why. We say hi and shake hands when we do see each other, but nothing more. I can't look him in the eyes, I can't start a conversation with him, it's absolutely awkward now. But, people come and people go. It is what it is.

      I used to have a really good friend...

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      i have went to a new school and my friend is in that school.She started saying to everyone that I am her friend,and could make any new friends and actually I was deprresed and still.. Now my brand-new friends don't tell me if tey are going out because they think that I am going to bring that one so what should I do????:(

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      What a timely article. Iâve been friends with someone for over 25 yrs and Iâve recently considered ending it. Sheâs married and we live on opposite coasts. Sheâs in an abusive marriage but denies that anything is wrong. However, her husband controls everything. She no longer has contact with her family. She only calls me when sheâs away from home and she NEVER gives me the option of calling her back at home. Itâs always âdonât call me, Iâll call you.â The few times I have called her at home if her husband answers he is abrupt and one time banged the phone in my ear!!! When I told her she said I misunderstood. I am sick of the lies and sneaking. Recently she left me several voice mails telling me how busy she is and when to expect her next call. Iâm ignoring her calls. We have talked and talked about the issue and she denies that there is a problem. Iâm not enjoying our calls anymore. Itâs time to let go.

    • corinnemwestphal profile image
      Author

      corinnemwestphal 5 years ago

      @anonymous: Hala, I hope you've been able to find a solution. Starting up in a situation, whether a new school, new job, or new neighborhood is never easy. Taking on anyone willing to be our friend is sometimes tempting. I hope you've slowly be able to see which people you really want to be friends with, which people you have common interests with, and which people you can really share and trust.

      Hang in there. It will all fall into place.

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      Ah, this is exactly what I was looking for. Reading through it, i realized that some of it applied to me and other parts where I might just be the friend that isn't so good to be with. My friend constantly makes poor decisions, an opinion shared by everyone that knows her. Relationships, money, cleaning everything. For a long time i thought I was supporting her by helping all the time, maybe she was depressed, things were tough at work etc. Now I just think she's lazy, and her values and mine are so different. I also hate her partner and her house is absolutely filthy, so i can't bear to visit her at her home anymore. I really love her and it's painful but I can't take her constant blaming of everyone around her for things that she is clearly the one in control of, and I can't bear the person I am with when I'm with her, so judgemental, smug and superior, I'm sure she can feel that. But honestly, I would pick up the dog poo in the middle of my lounge room, so it is difficult not to feel a bit superior to someone who tolerates this sort of foulness around them. I'm really grieving the loss but have found other friends with whom I share my values and who do leave me feeling good, not anxious, worried and a bit..grubby.

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      @anonymous: I'm sure you will make more friends, you sound like a decent person.

    • Zodiacimmortal profile image

      Kim 5 years ago from Yonkers, NY

      added to my Pen Paing INtro & Ettiquitte Lens (still under construction at this time.)

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      Thank you for the advice..just what i needed at the right time!

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      I had a best friend for 32 years but it began to seem like she was using me for my talents:baking,sewing,cleaning,etc. When I went to her home(3 hours away) she never had food in the house or clean sheets or anything else you would expect from a hostess. When she came to my home,I made sure to have something cooked when she arrived and the shelves stocked with her favorites. She let her dog chew up stuff in my house and didn't offer to replace it. Her kids were loud and rude and very disrespectful.

      I had relationship problems and money problems over the years when she had money from inheritance but I would never ask her for help. She had money problems once and I drove to her house and gave her my last $50 and drove back home.The last straw was when she got extremely drunk at her daughter's wedding and screamed at me,loudly in front of a house full of guests. I got in my car and drove home and never looked back.

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      Great article, and I have found that all these have applied to the (pseudo)friendship I had years ago. The friendship began in the workplace, and she seemed very nice, friendly and genuine. I knew the friendship was over when she started speaking negatively about me and divulging my personal business to others. The male co-workers who showed in interest in me, she would instantly have an interest in them. This woman went as far as being intimate with them and one of them I was dating.

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      Yeah....I had this one friend, HAD, and she was one of my best friends. We were so close and she never what ppl thought about her. She wasn't girly at all, which I liked. She was hilarious too! We started to be friends at the end of our 4th grade year and got closer ever since. She became a little girly in 6th grade but it was ok since nothing in her personality changed....But in 7th grade, everything started to change. She began to think she was emo and started to 'cut' herself. I didn't think that she was emo cuz she always laughed. She also loved to wear bright colors. -____- I was still ok with that. One day, she got into a stupid fight with one of my friends. I tried not to get dragged into it but I did somehow. She wanted me to choose between her or my other friend. She also called me a backstabber. It was pretty stupid. Then weeks passed by and we stopped talking even tho were still in the same group.I tried to talk to her but she would seem not to care. But she would laugh and talk with pther ppl. Soon I had enough of her bs so I left the group with my two best friends. That night, I checked fb if she put anything about me but turned out she deleted me. So now I deleted her from my life. This helped a lot to make me realize 100% that she isn't a friend to me anymore.

    • Lemming13 profile image

      Lemming13 5 years ago

      Excellent lens, very helpful. Blessed.

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      i knew my friendship ended when after 2 decades of bonding and secrets she starts putting other friendships first making promises soon to be broken after 20 years i thought of us as more as siblings instead of friends but when someone puts others first that they have not known as long as me then i feel the friendship has to end this was not the first or second incident this has happened there is only so many times a person can forgive

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      This article has given me a better understanding of what has recently happened between a ?friend and I. I was constantly put down by a friend, even in front of other people. It was making me feel ill eventually. I love this person dearly and always showed them that I forgave them and that I vaue them and their friendship. But, friendship, like any other relationship, is a two-way street not a one-way street. I still feel the pain since I decided to break off the connection. The friend was not as open as I was. I opened myself and my heart up to this person, not seeing that they were not on the same page as I.

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      This article has given me a better understanding of what has recently happened between a ?friend and I. I was constantly put down by a friend, even in front of other people. It was making me feel ill eventually. I love this person dearly and always showed them that I forgave them and that I vaue them and their friendship. But, friendship, like any other relationship, is a two-way street not a one-way street. I still feel the pain since I decided to break off the connection. The friend was not as open as I was. I opened myself and my heart up to this person, not seeing that they were not on the same page as I.

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      @anonymous: Yes, I agree with you. It is exactly what I was looking for too. I value friendships. It was obvious that my friend doesn't. My friend makes poor judgements too, especially when it comes to believing that all the friends she has are really acquaintences.

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      I had two friendships that I had to end because both of these friends only had me around when they had no other plans on their agenda and would talk bout all the fun parties and things they did with OTHER people and never invited me...I felt critizied and judged and often left feeling bad bout myself when with them, after awhile I began to see that they were not healthy people for me, they were my only friends so I hung in there but that only hurt me in the end, now I am just enjoying my life, not looking for a friend, and if one should appear, I will go much slower this time!

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      i am in the middle of a friendship that is ending..or changing. the friendship has had signs of being unhealthy for a while now. i was told a few months ago that we would no longer be friends, but we still were. now its being said that distance and space is needed, and this seems to be sticking. there are days when we talk and have pretty good communication, then other days we don't really talk. my friend has another friend and they seem to be getting pretty close. this transition is hard, and its not clear what the future will bring. i realize the change is good though because depending on one friend for too much is not a good thing. doing most things with one friend is not a good thing. having most conversations with one friend is not a good thing. throughout the friendshp, we both depended on each other too much at different times. i would like for the friendship to be restored to a healthy one, with time it may. for now i need to let go of the past and move on...this is what i am in the process of doing.

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      @anonymous: yes it is a shame when people have issues in their life that were there before we met them and their issues are introduced to the friendship. we try to help them but get hurt in the process...healing is needed

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      This article expresed a lot of what I have been feeling about a long time friend. It is time I protected me.

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      I just ended a friendship in which I felt my boundaries, beliefs or needs were not respected. At first I down-graded this friend to acquaintance, and it went on like this for quite some time. But then I realized that I felt obligation rather than joy, and even though this person always behaved like a 'provider' or 'caregiver' to me, it was an unhealthy equation, because we are both peers and there is no need for one person to behave as a parent or become a crutch. When you allow someone else to be your crutch, you take away your own power, and that makes you feel powerless. Also, this friend had no sense of boundaries when it came to my family and friends. When I started to hear concerns from them, it made me feel like it was time to end it.

    • profile image

      DingFish 5 years ago

      This article is great. I'm currently experiencing that limbo state when you're not quite sure where you stand and whether questions should be said or that the friendship should be allowed to just peter out. My phone calls are rarely being returned, or being returned through my friend's husband - being 'busy' seems to be the usual excuse (as it has been mine, validly, in the past).

      Our things in common have dwindled - we don't have the funds to take several cruises a year and we aren't into horse-racing or poker.

      I think the last defining point that really has me teetering is last month when we attended the birthday part of the husband. Admittedly we were late to the party as we live 2 hours away and it was after work, and everyone was well-sauced by then - but my friend spoke two words to me all night and I haven't heard from her since (only the husband). So. I think I may be answering my own question here!

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      I recently ended a friendship, it was a long time coming . To much emotional attachment , we shared a lot about ourselves and our lives and became very close. I felt very hurt and let down when this friend decided they were to busy to say hi or have a nice chat like we used to. I know people's lives change, but that's no reason to ignore a friend in need or otherwise. I tried to be understanding but in the end I was suffering, holding onto hope that things would change and he would care enough to make a little time for me. I have issues with depression and I didn't mention it to my friend, don't think he realized how much I needed the communication. The info on here makes me feel better about how it turned out. I think I did the right thing. Thanks.

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      I had to end a friendship about a year ago with a woman who I thought for a long time was my best friend. We met in our late 20's and became instant best friends. We did everything together and talked on the phone and via text message every single day. We were so close and were together so much that people often asked us if we were "together". But after several years I started to realize that when we were hanging out, all we talked about was the newest negative relationship or situation she got herself into. Dating men who weren't single. Going out partying on weeknights and going to work hungover. Shopping uncontrollably knowing each month it would cause her to fall behind on payments and force her to borrow more from her parents. She refused to change any of her bad habits and started turning every conversation back to herself. We stopped speaking for a month or so when I found out she had begun text messaging and calling my fiancé behind my back to have another person to cry to and also repeating to him things I had told her in confidence about arguments he and I had or problems in our relationship. I reconciled with her b/c I missed our friendship but within weeks of us starting to hang out again (although it was less than before) I found out she had continued text messaging, calling and even meeting up with my fiancé to discuss her and apparently all of our problems too. She was also still taking up most of our time together talking about her newest bad relationship with some man living with his girlfriend. She had turned into a different person and it was someone I couldn't constantly be used as a way for her to feel better about herself and I felt she was lining up her next prospect with my fiancé as well. I tried talking to her for the second time about how inappropriate her relationship with my fiancé was and how she was self-destructive in her behavior and she told me I "wasn't her mother" and to stop telling her how to live her life. So I stopped talking to her all together. I got several text messages and emails from her over the next few months apologizing and making promises to change and to delete my fiance's phone number, etc.. But I had already experienced life without all her needs and demands on my time and mind and emotions and I didn't want to "try again" just to find out once more she was still toxic to me.

    • JohnRayner profile image

      JohnRayner 5 years ago

      Such a difficult step to make but once you do it gets easier.

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      Just ended a friendship of 18 years. We met when I moved into town I was 20 she was 19. She was always there for me, we partied a lot in our 20âs, lived together for a few years in our 30âs, she become an alcoholic, I took care of her daughter many times when she passed out but never judged her, when we went out I baby sat her when she got too drunk to realize what she was doing, now we had great times to this is just the basics. When I lost my job she gave me a place to stay till I got back on my feet, if I wanted something I could not afford she would help me out, we were closer then sisters. When I moved out and into my now FIâs apartment almost 8 years ago things started to change. I went to see her often but as time went by she stopped answering the phone when I called and started texting excuses to me. This went on for so long I stopped calling. We had a big fight one night when I visited, we were drinking and she took it overboard and said something nasty about me as a mother. I was so angry I stopped coming to see her; I obviously was not helping her get sober if I was visiting and drinking with her. As time when on she started to come visit me, I started to notice she only come to visit me when her daughter who lives on my side of town with her dad wanted to do something on my side of town when it was her weekend to have her. Occasionally we would go out to lunch and catch up. I started to notice if something good was going on for me she wanted nothing to do with me, but if I had drama with my man she was all about it. I got engaged when she was single and afraid to tell her because she never seem to like hearing anything good for me anymore, but given she had been in my life so long and we always talked about being in each otherâs wedding I felt obligated to ask her to be my MOH. She pretended to be happy about it then ignored every aspect of my wedding. About 2 months after I got engaged she met someone, 4 months later she told him she would not move in unless they were engaged so they got engaged, she started planning her wedding and told me only her daughter was to be in her wedding but she wanted me to be as much a part of it as possible? So I basically played the part of a bridesmaid but wasnât I was there for her every step of the way all the time she never talked about my wedding? She started competing with me on every aspect of my life. I could tell she was upset her ring was not as big, all she did was brag about her Fiancé and then the lies started. Now she has always been on to lie to me if she wanted to be selfish instead of help me out or be there for me so I thought nothing of it. She opted out of my Bach party and told me to plan it myself, she opted out of giving me a shower, after she got married which was before me which was fine with me but after she still never talked about my wedding or even treated me like a friend she engulfed herself in this man she had not known for even a year yet she did not say one thing independent it was always Hubby and I. If I asked her anything it was always that. Then she opted out of my wedding said she would not afford it then started going on trips and vacations and lying to me about it. She basically started using my facebook as a template to compete against, I was told WELL I know what you are doing all the time because right after you do it she does it and puts it on her facebook. I was like she copied everything I did. She started saying things like we prayed for you just now; this is after I told her we had to put our dog down? Weird She stopped drinking and got sober before she got married and I was so happy for her but she turned from drinking to obsessing over trying to be better then it seemed. I had to end it. I started by disabling my facebook, (best thing I ever did). Within 24 hours after I broke it off with her I felt so happy, I felt like there was a rock in my chest and it has finally been removed. She was just draining my essence for years. Getting married did not end this; the event was just the eye opener of how selfish and uncaring she really was for me.

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      I'm considering ending a long term friendship, with someone who increasingly disrespects my spiritual beliefs and makes me feel stupid and worthless. Actually I would have cut him off long ago, but I am even closer friends with his wife, but she is becoming more negative like him and now takes his side when he bullies people (its not just me that he does this to). It's hard because for many years I considered her my best friend, but I feel like she being poisoned by his negativity and I don't know if I can deal anymore. I know it would really hurt her if I cut her off, so this is a hard decision.

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      @anonymous: I've been there. I had a friend for over 20 years that treated me like that and also, made up lies about me and told her other friends. On one of the rare occasion when she invited me to spend time with another friend of hers, and this friend express how much she liked me and wondered how come she'd never met me, then my "friend" proceeded to talk all manner of trash about me and I left in tears. I finally cut her off, but she still tries to contact me and acts like she doesn't understand why I no longer talk to her.

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      I think the ending for me was when she was snotty to another co-worker/friend for no good reason. She also got mad at me because I got more work hours than she did one week - like I was trying to take food out of her mouth. She made a snide remark about it. It was those 2 events that made me re-think wanting to maintain the toxic friendship. It was all about her--always had been and now that she continues to hang on to an emotionally abusive man, she throws out her venom to people who don't deserve it.

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      @anonymous: I can kind of relate as my "friend" became less & less open & talkative as her dysfunctional relationship w/her guy grew into the toxic situation she's in today. There was no room for me in her life because he made sure she didn't have any time to do anything other than what he wanted her to do. She's pushed away other people as well which has helped me to let go of her even more. She's really just very messed up and is too afraid to admit it or even see what the truth is. I deal more in reality now and my friend chooses to stay in denial. It's not healthy either way but I don't have to continue to pretend that we are good friends when she has not acted consistent for a very long time now.

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      @anonymous: Your friend is in an abusive marriage. It doesn't sound like she's blowing you off as much as it is that she's stuck with someone who is very bad for her. My former friend is also in an abusive relationship but they are not married, don't live together, but I believe he's verbally & emotionally abusive to her. I have reached out several times to try to talk to her about what is going on without saying anything negative about her guy--he has successfully isolated her from me (and others) but she continues to date him. Her behavior has been moody, unhappy, rude, you name it. Other times, she acts totally happy & fine. The hot/cold episodes got old though, so for that reason, I'm distancing myself from her. Until she decides to leave this controlling relationship, nothing will get any better. I can say the same about your friend's situation but I wonder if someone should be tipped off (perhaps someone in her family) about what's going on? Could he be physically abusing her? I don't think that's the case w/my friend but I know others are aware of my friend's situation as well. Sometimes we cannot help someone who does not want to be helped. All we can do is pray.

    • profile image

      flowertinker 5 years ago

      Im in the process of ending a friendship. Putting it in the past and getting on with the day is not easy. It keeps jumping into my mind. It's helping to journal it so I can understand what has gone wrong., so I can move on.

      We began a small craft venture on-line and that is when it went wrong . My friend didn't put effort in to it to remember the passwords to our account ,and leant on me to do all the set up work.She didn't reply to important emails and it was obvious my msg's were not read properly.Sometimes she said she never received them. I felt unheard and it started to annoy me. When the day came to open our online shop she didn't list her items, and I had to chase her up. I felt really angry. Her excuse was always " being busy, drama with her family etc, and I kept excusing her behaviour.

      My instincts were to get out now!. Luckily I have had an early escape. What you see is what you get.

      Funny thing is that I got my finalised divorce papers arrive in the mail at the same time this was happening. This made me realise that it's not worth having another "sinker around my neck", that I am free and divorced :)

      I still feel upset. My children are friends with hers. It's an old friendship. I see I have changed a lot from when we first met. Life is short and I don't want to waste energies in this negativity.

      Thanks for listening here. It helps to share and read others stories.

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      I can't decide whether to end or not. we've been friends for arnd 15yrs, very close friend but i always feel i have to initiate. she would have some major thing going on w/ her life (trips or life changing news) and I always have to hear thru a 3rd party (who happens to be our common friend. This friend claims she has to call her too to find out what's going on w/her life ). when my husband was hospitalized for a stroke March of 2011, she left me a short message, saying she'd call again. she never did. we met at a party July and i ignored her. She knew something was not right. I've been trying to avoid her and ignoring her since w/ c is very awkward coz we have the same circle of friends. she sent me a gift for my 50th b-day w/ an apology. However, I'm not sure if she meant to be back on speaking terms (only) or to renew the friendship. I did not respond to her letter nor acknowledge her gift, what shld i do?

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      I just ended a friendship in which I felt my beliefs or needs were not respected.I realised that they wants to do timepass only.It was at that moment were i realized that i didn't need "friends" like that.

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      I just ended a friendship in which I felt my beliefs or needs were not respected.I realised that they wants to do timepass only.It was at that moment were i realized that i didn't need "friends" like that.

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      I ended my friendship with my best friend about six months ago and it was shit. ending a friendship with someone that you shared some of your most intimate thoughts, had some of the best experiences with is an absolutely shit feeling. Why I finished it was because the bullshit that was going on just wasn't worth the struggle anymore. We had a massive argument and we both said some really horrible and hurtful things to one another. So I ended our eight year friendship that meant so much to me. I blocked her number and her family members numbers, burnt all the letters and photos I had of the both of us because I had to erase anything associated with her for me to live on. People may think this was extreme but she had hurt and betrayed me so badly that I actually could not function properly if I had anything of her near me. But recently, a close friend of mine who is friends with both of us is really sick and has begged me to talk to her again. I need some constructive, honest help and/or advice. She tells me my ex best friend misses me a lot and all that stuff. I would never ever consider it under normal circumstances but because my sick friend is pleading with me to I am considering it. She's never pushed me on the subject and understood why I had to end our friendship and has been supportive of me and everything but because she's gotten really sick, I guess her illness has given her a new outlook about forgiveness. I do miss my ex best friend here and there but I'm still extremely angry and hurt underneath it all. Please help.

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      Loved the article. Thank you! I'm just now ending a ten-year+ friendship that's been a steady, draining, drift-apart for several years. Your article helped me assess the significant events and patterns in the friendship. It helped me realize the problem really was the friend, and not me, and it prepared me with a suitable response should my friend try to come back. Thank you for so thoughtfully and gracefully presenting a complicated topic. Job well done!

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      never ended one but thinking about it.

    • kevingomes13 lm profile image

      kevingomes13 lm 5 years ago

      I tend to meet people who are borderline narcissist so I don't really hang out with them. My old friends are always the best.

    • chrisssy profile image

      chrisssy 5 years ago

      I had a best friend. I told her all my deepest, darkest secrets. No matter what I was going through she seemed to always be there for me. At one point in her life she was an actual counsellor so that was a big one on why I felt I could trust her. Pretty soon, the more I opened up to her, the worse my life was getting. My family kept warning me about her but I refused to believe them. Soon enough, I found out everything I confided in her was being used against me as a joke

    • profile image

      yaM93 5 years ago

      Yeah. I decided to end my friendship with this particular girl. She was my schoolmate, been my classmate and sooner became one of my friends. Well, when we became friends, I was really happy, and I liked her. Slowly she gained my trust, and so I told her about this guy that I fell inlove with. I knew this guy for almost 10 years already, but I have no special feelings for him way back then, not until he made a move on me just 2 years ago (2nd year in college). He was a sweet talker i'd admit. And i know that he ain't a good guy for me because he was temperamental, somewhat playboy, and very confident guy. But, I guess you can't really teach your heart who to love, and so I began on accepting his character. I thought he just needs someone who will understand him in spite of his not so good attitude. We were always texting on hat time and he was so sweet, and so I fell on his trap. Even though he had done a lot of things that had unintentionally hurt me, I accepted it and tried to understand him. I told my circle of friends about this, including this girl. She knew my feelings and also my heartaches regarding this guy. I trusted her. But few months later; in our 3rd year in college, I've been feeling something, something not good; I was kinda amazed that this girl and the guy that I like began to be closer to each other. I admit I was jealous, and I told one of my close friend about this. I said to my close friend that I trust this girl but I do not have trust on the guy, because I know him, and he can easily make a girl fall for him. But my friend reassured me that that girl was a friend and won't do such a thing that I'm thinking. So I had to keep her word and trust this girl. I kept sinking on my mind that "she's a friend, she would never betray me, it's not on her character".

      Few months later, they became partners on such event in our school, I supported them because they were our representatives in fashion show. It was really hard on me but I kept my trust on that girl. After that event; days, weeks, and months passed by, and I grew some jealousy on my heart. They acted really sweet to each other as the days goes by. Until one day, I heard that the guy began to like this girl, and the girl also shows interest on him. The girl played as a "tough girl" and the guy was challenged on her so he began to court her. Now I can see them together. I don't know if the girl already answered the guy, they always deny it. But oh gosh, it's like they were slapping something really hard on my face.

      I was really really hurt, and to the point that I don't know what to do.. (And worst, my circle of friends knew about this, but no one ever approached me or confronted me. For how many months I was blinded. They thought it was best that I do not know about this, but what they are really acting only hurts me more.)

      I had put so much trust on that girl, yet i think that was a HUGE MISTAKE!

      And so I decided to cut the ties with her, i do not want to keep a friendship that would only bring me unhappiness and pain. But sadly, my friends are her friends too, so until now it's so difficult for me.

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      @anonymous: Thank you for posting this. I am going through some pain letting go of a friendship. I have walked away from this friendship 4 or 5 times in the past, always to start it up again. We met when we were 18. Now we are 44. I have repeatedly let her know that I can't handle her level of negativity and criticism of all the people in her life - many of whom consider her friends - yet she is trashing them daily. She ignored my requests to stop spreading so much negativity even whenI told her I felt it was impacting my health. She texted me daily about how stupid everyone she works with is, how all the men at work want her, how all her married clients want her, how all men cheat, and she shared with me her feelings for "taken" men - usually telling me there is reciprocal feelings. Somehow these men never show up to be involved with her - so she is imagning these scenarios with taken men from my best guess. Every time I would get a text from her it is to tell me in some way she is hotter, smarter, or cooler than somebody else - regularly telling me others were "dumassess." She even told me her favorite word was dumbass. She also once contacted my mate behind my back via email and then acted like she couldn't believe I was upset. The whole point of the contact was to let him know she is a cooler, more desirable female than me - masked as sharing some information with him. Also, she has let me know repeatedly she doesn't believe in cancer treatment when 3 of my siblings are cancer survivors. She told me this while I was undergoing cancer biopsies scared out of my wits. No one in my life has ever understood why I am friends with this person - not my mother, sisters, any of my friends, or any of my boyfriends. We have a deep long connection of loyalty - but that loyalty was to a different person who I haven't seen for the most part since she was in her 20s. She has been a good friend to me in many many ways too over the years. I'm not discounting that. A lot of her focus is on her appearance and she tells me nearly every day the people she comes across in her path are all dumps. I am very appearance conscious too and being her friend kept me focused on keeping up my attractiveness. She helped me a lot with this.I got lots of benefits from the friendship, but now, and for a while, I am mainly just disturbed with her level of narcissm and negativity. None of my other friends would ever treat me this way. Others checked on me when going through cancer tests. She made sure to let me know that she would never have them. Now that I am facing even more serious cancer, anything and anyone not good for me has to go. I truly believe allowing this friendship in my life all these years contributed to my poor health. It is time I take responsibility and choose the energy I want in my life. I'm a kind happy simple person and have no interest spending another day hearing about how someone else "blows" or about the latest married man after her.

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      Yes, I severed a 30 year friendship 4 years ago. I had already known for many years that I no longer liked this person due to her constant negativity, bulliness and bragging about her 6 figure income, but I didn't see her often, so it worked to just fake it and tolerate her when I did see her. She was a lifelong childhood friend of my husband's, so that's why I avoided the confrontation. I finally ended the friendship after a horrible night at our house, where she behaved very badly and fought with my son. If I were to mend this friendship with her, it would have only been for her and I would have had to continue to fake it. I ended the relationship for myself and my own well being. It has been one of the best decisions I have made for myself. It was like removing a pebble from my shoe!!!

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      This article has some good points BUT fails to discuss the aspect of addressing these issues with your friend FIRST. It doesn't take into consideration that you (the one considering ending it) may be misinterpreting things...and no, just b/c you feel bad sometimes doesn't automatically mean you should end a friendship. Why did you become friends in the first place? How did you end up so close if this person makes you feel so bad? Obviously, they didn't make you feel bad at first...so explore what is behind the change. It may be that you two just outgrew each other or they've grown jealous of you. But if you don't give this person the benefit of the doubt, then you are not a great friend, yourself. You don't just dump somebody that has invested in YOU b/c you don't feel 'happy and giddy' after spending time with them. Your friend is not a ticket to Disneyland. You have to take the good with the bad in friendships if you want them to have any depth. That's real life. IF however, you address it with your friend and they are not open to discussing it or treat you even worse than before - then it is time to consider walking away. But too many adult friendships end b/c one of the people can't actually behave like an adult and deal with confrontation. They'd rather just run away. Friendships take work - don't be lazy or cowardly and blame it on someone else.

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      @anonymous: Reading this has helped me feel better about my decision. I have put off ending this relationship for way too long. I first ended it a year or so ago and against my gut feeling let her back into my life. It started as an occasional dinner here and there and of course that is not enough for someone who is literally obsessed with you. I told her today, leaving no doubts about how I feel. I told her not to call my house or show up at my door. She is making me very uncomfortable and I am ending this friendship for my own peace of mind. Wow! It is creepy.

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      @anonymous: Jamie, I totally relate to your experience. I had to end a relationship which consumed a lot of my life, WAY TOO MUCH ENERGY spent feeling weird!

    • RosemaryB profile image

      RosemaryB 5 years ago

      Good question. Good topic. No real right and wrong answer.

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      I ended a friendship recently with my former best friend. I met him when I was 12 years old and was friends with him throughout grade school and our undergraduate degrees. We had even attempted to date a couple times, though nothing ever came of it.

      He was the kind of person who didn't bother to keep in contact, didn't initiate anything, and would only see his friends in huge groups so he didn't have to dedicate as much of his time to people. When we actually saw each other, he was so distracted by everything else in his life that he failed to pay attention to what was in front of him. There was a definite sense of "you don't matter" conveyed by his actions, and bending my schedule to go see him became excruciating during my post-secondary years. Furthermore, our communication was so bad that every time I brought something up, big or small, it was either ignored or it made him so angry he didn't speak to me for months. Finally, it hit me that the only thing keeping our friendship alive on my part was nostalgia ... I hadn't made a single good memory with him in years! I called it off months ago and it was a great decision.

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      I am not sure what to do with my friend. Every time we get together it ends up being her conversation, who she's gotten together with, etc. Every detail. It goes on and on. I took a trip recently and she wanted to get together for dinner to hear all about. I didn't respond - I realized I was avoiding her. Then another e-mail the next day about celebrating the fact that it has been one year since her chemo. (she is now cancer free.) She had a rough year last year with the cancer and mom dying but how long does one have to keep hearing about it? am glad for her that she is well but also realized that the get together would end up being all about her. It seems that when I speak she starts yawning or appears uninterested. I've called her on it a few times by saying "oh, nevermind, you don't seem interested." then she'll say"oh, yes I am - go on." I responded to the dinner invite with being busy and trying to catch up from my trip. She has many other friends so I don't feel that losing me as one would be a big deal for her. At least that is how it seems to me.

    • MindPowerProofs1 profile image

      MindPowerProofs1 5 years ago

      I am lucky, I never have to end a frienship.

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      I just had to a friendship last night. She has been my best friend since 7th grade. We are both graduating this year, but now I feel like I will be graduating on my own. Our friendship was founded on the love of God. We meet at church and bulit each other up all the time. We has some other really fun memories that have shaped my life, my character, and just who I am. She taught me Jesus, the best gift ever. But she has fallen off the narrow road. She calls herself an athesist now. I had to give up that part of me. It would be wrong for me to keep that bad influence in my life. I would affect everything about me, but most importantly it would effect where I will spend eternity. This is me taking a stand for what I believe in, even though it hurts soooo much... I know it was the right decision. I love you Lord, you come before anything or anyone else. You are love.

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      I think I NEED to end a long-term relationship with my best friend. We've been Bffs and drinking buddies for years, but recently I joined AA and she says she no longer feels comfortable talking to me because she's drunk and I'm not. It appears that alcohol was the glue holding us together, This hurts me deeply, but I can't allow this to jeopordize my sobriety. Any comments? Thanks.

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      During my freshman year of college I was best friends with a girl we'll call Katie. However, I didn't realize how draining the friendship was. Katie was confusing because it seemed like she had two personalities. Sometimes she was the best friend I could ask for, staying up late with me to talk about whatever was on my mind, or standing up for me. Other times everything was completely about her. In her mind, she was never wrong, the fault was always with someone else. I guess I was insecure at the time, because I felt like I needed her in my life to be popular or to be liked by others. She did not make me feel good about myself, and these negative aspects of our friendship only increased as the year went on. She established a power base with me, dubbing herself the leader and me, her follower. She wanted complete control over me and our other friends. She began talking to a guy I liked, and didn't see anything wrong with it. I felt worthless when she would ignore me, not realizing that she was the problem. This year, I have distanced myself from her which has been difficult as well. She has guilt-tripped me all year, saying that I am a horrible person for not being her friend anymore. To be honest, she still affects me somewhat but I'm definitely stronger than I was when I first met her.

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      I ended an association with a group of people from church when I discovered that they've been gossiping and trash talking me to each other. I've gone through a difficult two months and instead of supporting and loving me, they complained about my trials. I tried to justify staying in the group, but I felt terrible after each gathering we had. Then they lied to me and the entire group knew about the lie - that was the straw that broke the camel's back. When friends lie and cover up deception, it's time to move on down the road. Also, if friends can't be supportive during a period of unemployment and illness, they're not really true friends.

    • profile image

      friends2012 5 years ago

      @anonymous: I went thru something similar. My friendship was ending and as much as I tried to restore our friendship the more my friend pulled away. Then another friend tried to walk in but I was too hurt to allow myself accept this new friendship. I would literally cry because of the way my old friendship ended and was afraid that the new friend would turn on me as the old friend did. Although, in the outside it may have looked as I had a new friend. I wonder if my old friend had a hard time seeing me with a new friend. Just as your friendship, we also depended a lot on each other and you are right it can't be a good thing. So how are you doing now?

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      I had to end a friendship with a man recently. I began to like him a lot and we even got into a light romantic mode at one stage. We love and respect each other and our friendship was special. I refused to get physically intimate with him cos we both are from Muslim backgrounds (non practicing - I go to church) and I don't want to lose his respect. But his one time ex-girlfriend came back into the scene after they had broken up for a year and I received some nasty text messages from her, accusing me of sleeping with him which was not true. Then she told him some lies and he got angry with me and said something very hurtful. When i showed him the text messages she had sent me, he went quiet and we have not spoken since then. We are still not talking and I am hurting.We also had a business relationship and now i have to move my work elsewhere to another business. I wonder if he is hurting too and if we will ever be friends again...one thing I know is that we can't be while she is there. I also miss him.

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      This article hits on the key points I never realized. I just ended a friendship of 12 years. It was unplanned yet a long time coming. I just stood up in her wedding a few weeks ago. The problem is for the past year she had become increasingly close to another girl; whom at last minute also became the other 'maid of honor'. This other girl was extremely selfish, materialistic, and rude. I noticed my friend and her had the same interest in material things and going to clubs and would be rude to a waitress together. (mind you they are 31 years old!). I was also trying to please my friend and make my friend happy and even pretended I was interested in this obnoxious club music to fit in. Then they went on the botox wagon. Meanwhile, I felt she did not know what was going on in my life. I am going to soup kitchens to volunteer and taking in my autistic brother. She was the last person I would think to call about my personal life because she was increasingly becoming more and more self-centered. She wanted her entourage around her and arranged it for her destination wedding. She claimed she valued me as her 'bestie' but her actions said otherwise. I have had a lot of fun with her in the 12 years we have known each other. I am talking immense belly laughs. But we were changing. I was becoming more mature and placing value on things in life that matter - not materialistic things. I have felt anxiety this past year trying to fit in with her group of friends. Finally, it took a small argument for me to just finally tell her how I felt (via Facebook of course). She does not get it. She thinks I am being childish and that I should not judge her for her friends. I just told her we are worlds apart and I am not myself when I am around her and have to say good-bye. I know she is really hurt and I feel really bad about the whole situation but it had to be done in order for me to live a happy, healthy life. I feel a great sense of relief for being true to myself. This article was very insightful.

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      Great article. I am really in need of this. However, I feel that my situation is a bit different. I hold my friends dearly, and I am willing to do anything for them. But sometimes, I feel bad around them. It's not actually entirely their fault, I think they are not bad friends. It's just that most of the time they are not good enough. I'm not saying I'm demanding or have high standards though. For example, I texted my best friend if he's already back from a different country a lot of times, and I didn't receive a single reply. I do not think that he intentionally hurts me, but whatever his reason is, it still hurts because he cannot do this simple, little thing that friends are supposed to do. He always does that, not answering me back even when I am asking a simple question. When he had a girl friend he did not talk to me in a year unless I have to make the first move, in which case he also ignores or answers in a very dry way. I've been calling my friend a while ago for like, 20 times to ask if we're still for a movie and I did not get a reply. I saw he was online in Facebook and asked him, but he just logged out without answering me. In my group, I seldom hear from them. I always have to do the first act, ask how they are. It hurts because I feel I am not important and all I want is for them to find it in their hearts to miss me and let me know that they still remember me as a close friend. When we get together, everything's fine, but after that I would not hear from them. I understand that they are busy and all, but despite my hectic schedule I find a second or two to say hi to them while they cannot even like a Facebook status of mine. I'm doing my best not to appear needy, but I value my friends greatly and it just hurts when I feel under appreciated by the people I really love, especially in times I really need them.

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      I had to end a friendship about one and half years ago. 6 years ago i had to move from a nice loaction to a new place i was very scared i had no one to talk to. I then had to go to a club for the first time i was so frighted that i did not want to make friends that day. A few weeks later the club folded a new club formed and i was ask to become one of the leader of that club. I went to the first meeting i then stared spending more time with them still being scare of making friends but soon being bored was diving me crazy so i was keep coming over to his house hanging out and i was going home at midnight evernight of the week i was 20 years old. I spend way too much time with them but ever thinking of moving in to his home being so lonely i was very stuiped the club folded within a year. My friend was in trouled with the law i trust him other poeople didn't like him or lose contact with him. then a few days went by i was stess with something he said and he kicked me out the next day i went back i said sorry. We try to forget it then few more month he was stessed about something i left again. I said sorry again and we try to be friends again but had never fallen out with a friend like that before so i was scare still. He had to move house so being a friend i had help him. He move to a flat his was in between house so we spend a lot of time hanging out then the night that frighted me i was playing a joke on him he was about to eat a chocalte bar when i made him go to the loo i put the cake in a cupbord and went to the living room he came out and he was mad he thought i ate it as the one i half ate the day before and he lost it again and attack me but i still said sorry.We stilled had many fights i didn't want to lose anyboby so i always said sorry. I had turned 22 i started to asking what more imporent in life my dreams or friends i grew up a little bit and start to ask deep things to my friends what he did was talking about the same thing forever and about going out and doing stuiped things i started to get bored of him so i stared to see him lest and lest. I didn't know how to say why i wanted to leave to him i just left but always felt gulty why because i always hated losing friends i had to know if i make the right choice in life. sorry for the long comment needed to let someone know.

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      Had to call it quits on an almost two year friendship, had to end it for most of the reasons stated above. We talked and talked when things got bad, but all it did was turn ugly. My friend turned everything around on me constantly, making me look like the bad guy. The friendship had begun to feel like a toxin after a year, but because I really cared for this person, I tried very hard to keep making it work somehow. At about the two year mark, it was time to break it off. She expected me to be there with her practically 24/7, and my relationship with my partner had even begun to suffer because I was spending entirely too much time focusing on this one person. After what was either a nervous breakdown, or something like it, I finally just said, sorry. See ya.

      Great article here, this is some good advice for those dealing with toxic relationships. Get out while you can. When the first red flag goes up. You may feel guilt for a time, but life goes on.

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      @anonymous: Michelle I have the same issue now... A friend has just walked away just as I was about to have a breakdown.... Hope your feeling better

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      I came here to learn how to deal with being dumped by my best friend who decided to move on to other people and leave me behind. But I found this page immediately after reading about how and why I was dumped, and I related right away to the comments that keeping this friendship going was, in effect, sucking the life out of me. This page made me realize that from MY point of view, this friendship wasn't great, either!!! I was unhappy with the friendship, too, although not quite for the same reasons as my best friend. This page says it all. I feel much better. I no longer feel hurt. I wish I'd seen this page earlier.

    • profile image

      dellgirl 4 years ago

      This is a very informative lens, itâs very helpful! Thank you for sharing.

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      my best friend and I fit the good parts about all of this perfectly :)

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      @anonymous: i feel the same way. Now i know i will make the right decision in ending it. You, michelle , opened my eyes! thanx so much

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      I have a best friend that I want to end the relationship with but it's so hard. There are so many things that I know and that I've held inside for so long that it's tearing me apart. It makes me feel like i'm bi-polar because one minute im ok with our relationship, but the next minute I just want out because of the things that I find she does and says behind my back. Its such a long story and I just want out but don't know how to come out with it.

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      I knew my friendship with my best friend was over when I realized how drained and completely taken advantage of I felt after we'd hang out. She was temperamental and moody, but I noticed she only acted that way towards a select few, myself included. I finally confronted her on how I felt and asked her why she treated me like her emotional punching bag throughout most of our friendship and she very calmly replied, "i don't know. You were there." At that moment I knew she didn't care and maybe she never did. By the way, she is a person who is VERY easily influenced by the people around her and her new friends were pretty inconsiderate and mean, so I guess she just followed suit. I knew it was over and I know I deserve better. She and I haven' t spoken in years and honestly I don't miss her. Good riddance, emotional vampire. :P

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      I'm ending my friendship with a friendship that began as working companions. After a couple years, I moved to California and we kept the friendship going. At the time I was unemployed seeking work and having a hard time. She on the other hand was working and in college. We kept in touch and I begin to feel that she really didn't know what to say because of my circumstances. Then about 7 months ago she met someone and she is not in a relationship. Our talk time dwindled to maybe every 2 months by phone. She and I would send each other a quick text or I would initiate an email note to her. I understand how relationships go and the time it takes to invest. But I feel our friendship has run it course. I'm fading to black and I'm ok with it.

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      @anonymous: That is pretty much exactly the situation i am in right now! I have a friend that i have only known for about 3 years but we hit it off and were very close, we used to see each other often and text/fbk most days. when i was away abroad we would skype. It was always loving and easy. Then over the last year things have changed. She has pulled back from communicating very much at all, if i text or msg she will reply but very rarely initiates unless its to tell me something negative in her life that is worrying her. I always take the time to respond and send postitve replies to try to make her feel better and support her. I check up on her to make sure she is ok from time to time but she never supports me back. she tells me she will always be my friend and always be there for me but when i do tell her anything she just brushes over it with a quick 'it will all be fine' and that is it. Also her messages now are colder and distant with little emotion or affection in them. No hello lvly, or friendly loving words. it really makes me sad. she has some problems in her life that are ongoing but im not sure that has a bearing on our friendship?! I know she interacts constantly with strangers on twitter that she has never met and shares everything of her life on there more than with her actual friends which i find very strange! I also see her go out and socialise all the time with other friends (she has tons of friends) but she never ever ever initiates a night out or even a coffee with me. If i ask her she will usually try and fit me in but it always takes me asking and i feel resentful of it. I have told her all of these things and hoped that she would take my feelings on board just a little bit but she just hasn't at all :-( i took her off my facebook and stopped contacting her for a bit but missed her so much i ended up caving in and texting her and we met up. But nothing has really changed. I've been away for a couple of weeks and i have promised myself that i wont make the first move this time and see how long it takes for her to contact me or ask me to go somewhere. I suspect i might eventually get a text but very much doubt i will get asked to go anywhere or do anything. The friendship occupys so much of my thinking time and makes me feel terrible. I know i should let it go but for some reason i can't! I move about a lot with work and different jobs/people so my life is very unstable with no fixed place to live so its hard and i value my handful of close friends so much as they are my only constant in my life! I honestly thought she was a very special person in my life and i am so hurt and disappointed that its gone like this! she has decided she doesn't want the same friendship with me clearly but i don't really understand why! she says its because she can't be close to another person at the moment because of her stuff going on at home but i think that is rubbish as she is hanging out with other people all the time!! And there is no need for her msgs to be void of any niceties when i see her writing gorgeous, lovely, hunny etc to complete strangers all the time or other friends on fbk!! so it is clearly just me! we arent children, im late 30's and she is late 40's. I still have to see her in gym classes maybe once or twice a week so its hard to sever all ties and move on but i don't even know how to be around her anymore and feel nervous before seeing her! its horrid! I am a kind loving person and i miss her. I don't have many friends in the area i am in at the moment and she is only 5 mins away!! anyway thanks for listening! i hope you are feeling better now and i can reach that point eventually. xx

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      @anonymous: I know where your coming from ! I had a friendship that ended up unhealthy as well in a similar way you descibe. We would arrange to meet up but often didn't and after a while I suspected she was still going out after telling me she was ill. So the next time she did this I still went out as planned at the place agreed - there she was having a glass of wine with some chap. I didn't say anything but after that I noticed other things that began to irritate. We would arrange to meet and I would think it was just going to be us but then more of her friends (who I didn't know) would turn up and it was clearly not by chance. Each time we meet she would talk and talk about herself and her various crap boyfriends. The worse time was when found out i was carrying a baby that had died and had been told I would miscarry naturally in the next few days or I would need an operation. I was at her new flat and again I thought it would be just us and our children but then her mates arrived and I couldn't tell her. I nearly died from massage blood loss during the miscarrage and was in hospital a week. She never came to see me, or even a card nothing. It was after that my husband told me what he thought of her and I took his advice - dumped her. I still think of her and the friendship we had once enjoyed and if I saw her again I would say hi but that would be it. If your not there when your friend nearly croaks it then your no friend at all.

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      I haven't ended a friendship and I don't ever want to end a friendship but I feel like one of my friends will cause I get jealous that they go out and party without me and get drunk and everything and I don't get to do anything with them and so I am always texting them and bugging them and one of them told me that if I don't leave them alone this Friday our friendship will be over so I have to be women enough to leave them alone and that's going to be hard any one have any advice for me about how to keep my friendship with this friend

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      I am in this situation right now, I have a friend of over 10 years who we have been through it all together, but lately I am going through so many changes in my own life, that she doesn't seem to understand that I can't always be there for her. She seems to always complain about the negative and it is always her. She never seems to listen to what I have to say to help her out, and the last time we hung out was great, but I felt myself feeling distance from her. She wallows in the negative things so much that I am feeling drained whenever we talk, I try to suggest good things for her to do and to move forward from the negative but it is getting harder. I know she is struggling with her own life things, but she never seems to come out of the fog and be the person I remember her being. Now that i am moving further away, I just want to be friends but not invest so much of myself emotionally as i have in the past. This is not a easy decision to make, but it has been a long time coming.

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      @anonymous: Hi Jamie. I am writing from a talkshow and we are doing a segment on best friend breakups. I read your story and would love to talk to you. If you or anyone you know that has also been through it are interested please email me at amoracasting@gmail.com

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      im Patrice H. thankyou for those answers it just boosted apart of my life and know i can move on without feeling any remourse about my future decision towards unneedy people in my life.GODBLESS.

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      I did when I noticed she had a new friend that she never included me with. She (Lisa) only called me when she had nothing else to do. I thought how silly why can't the THREE of us be friends since we are ADULTS-however, after being not being included so many times I became to really not like Lisa and felt strange around her, as if hanging out with me was not a BURDEN to her. Lisa and I do not talk anymore ever.

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      I'd like more conversations about one-sided friendships with needy, self-centered persons who blow up if you assert what you want. These friendships are a nightmare. On the surface, these people seem wonderful.

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      I was actually on the other end. The friendship was ended because of me. I did try and ask, what I did wrong, and her answer was "you never listen". I tried to tell her, well I'm listening now, tell me what I have done wrong, and I will try and fix it. I never ment to hurt you.

      And all this started with her sending me a message about something I had apparently said (and even turned out was not true, and she knew it, but she just "had a bad day" and vented on me about something she knew was incorrect. Go figure)

      But if there is any one out there thinking of ending a friends ship, do not do it via an e-mail. It is unfair to the person who receives the message, and if they in return the message back, is unfair to the person receiving the message in return.

      I got a message from her telling me how I don't listen and how she felt like she was attacked when I triend to figure out what was wrong, and was there maby something I could do differently, because it was clear I was hurting her, but not on purpose. When I told her I was willing to talk it out, she send me a text message saying she had nothing else to say, and felt that the discussion was over. She hoped we could get trough the work we were doing together normally and that was it.

      Now I'm constantly thinking "what did I do wrong? Am I a terrible person? have I hurt her for a long time? Am I hurting others?" even looking at my self in the mirror has become difficult when all I can think about is the flaws in my appearance, and apparently the flaws in my character. I don't have many friends, and the once I do, are close friends with each other. This brings even more stress to me when I try and think that have I hurt them, and are they thinking on the same lines as the one that "broke up with me". So unless you are very angry and in bad term, try and talk the ending of a friendship with them. some people have triend to tell me not to be affected by the event, but how can I not? A person I have considered close has judged me as something ugly and unpleasant. Something you want to get rid of as soon as possible. The ending of a friendship will affect the other party to, so be mindful on what you say. Because the plase I'm in, is not pleasant. (both of us are over 20 years old)

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      I ended a long term relationship with my former college roommate after she did not apologise for some very bad behavior on her husbands part crossed the line. It is one thing for her to take his control freak ways, it is totally another for her to expose this idiot onto her unknowing friends. We had no idea he was such a boar. until we went on a short trip with them, and learned he was a controlling, belittling, napoleon with personalitie issues...I cut it off and cut it off hard...I am glad we did...I am not going to waste my time on anyone that does not have the courtesy to keep their dirty personal laundry to themselves..

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      I have a friend who is always saying who are you mad at now! We have huge fights! When i fight with other of my friends all we say is a few mean things and make up we never yell! But with my other friend its different our longest fight was like two or three months! I want to tell her that i think its time to end our friendship but how?

    • profile image

      howtomakefriendsnow 4 years ago

      I absolutely love your lens, I've had to end a few friendships myself and I wish I had this lens here to help me out with it. On a more positive note, I've got a lens on making friends, maybe you could check it out if you start to feel lonely!

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      Been friends with someone for years and we just had a huge argument a few months ago. Haven't talked since ... Seems like you don't know what a bad / good friend someone is until you step back and examine your life with the person...

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      I recently broke off a friendship, it was mutual on both ends actually.

      I will summarize this as best as I can.

      I met my best friend through someone else. We started hanging out all the time and we would laugh, talk about life and agree on many subjects. We were both introverts and we were both kind people.

      After a few years of being good friends, we started to drink alcohol together, which is part of the ending of the friendship.

      I never wronged my friend in any way, on purpose that is. One night, when I decided to drive my stepdads car to my other buddies house (along with my best friend who was sitting in the passenger seat) I accidentally backed into the front of his truck.

      It was pitch black night outside, and his truck is a dark blue so it blends in during the evening. He also parked way too close to the garage. The damage wasn't bad, only a fender bender. I just bent his bumper slightly, his truck was still drivable.

      I told him I would pay for the damages once he fixed it. He never got around to it.

      After a few months he started becoming more hostile and said I shouldn't have been so clumsy by backing in to his truck, and that I should pay the damages or buy him a pair of sunglasses that he really wanted. He said this while drunk (we were at a friends house).

      I bought him a $80 pair of Rayban sunglasses and he was satisfied for a little bit. But a few months later he started becoming even more hostile and asked why I didn't pay for his broken bumper yet. I would always stay quiet or say "I bought you those sunglasses, I'll give you the rest of the money later when I get it."

      But it is his truck and he is the one who needed to go to a mechanic and get it fixed. I would have paid for how much it cost to repair it, but he never did get around to it.

      But the bumper incident was really just an excuse for his underlying anger and other problems he was having. He worked all day, while I went to my college (which my parents pay for). I think this made him jealous, and I also think he expected because my parents were rich, that I would just give him a few hundred dollars for his truck.

      He became even more outrageous and would berate me. He would hurt my feelings and then he would justify it in one way or another. He always came over after work and bought beer every other day when he did come over. He would ask why I didn't buy the beer or pay. I did buy the beer when I had the money. But he was the one who encouraged the drinking by always bringing beer over. He would also tell me how his day went and blah blah blah

      I would defend myself verbally whenever he started an argument. But it was just him being an asshole and he would try to justify his being mean and berating of me. So there was no point in arguing, because he wouldn't stop.

      It came down to one night a few months ago when we were drinking in my house and he started insulting me and telling me of all my past mistakes. He was being a mean prick, I was trying to avoid argument. Then he started talking about the bumper of his truck and saying I owe him money. He brought it up just because he is very negative and that's all he had left to be a dickhead about.

      I had $20 on me and offered the money to him. He refused to take it. This told me that he just wanted to verbally abuse me like all the other times before and use his broken bumper as an excuse for the 300th time.

      Then out of nowhere he all of the sudden wants the money. I refused to give the money to him because I offered it and he had his chance. He threatens to hit me (which he did the past before as well). This put me on the verge and I was tired of being pushed around and bullied.

      He stated that if I didn't hand him the money he would never talk to me again. I stood there and refused to give the cash to him. He is now out of my life.

      If I did give him the money that night, he would've continued harassing me and threatening me. He became a negative bully. I wish he was like he used to be during the first few years of our friendship. But like you said in this article, sometimes you just have to get rid of friends that end up treating you like crap.

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      This article really hit home for me. I recently acknowledged the ill feelings I was always left with after meeting a certain friend. We pretty much grew up together and watched both our parents divorce and go through some pretty tough times. She was always very proud and mean, but I loved her like a sister and even when she would remind me of some things I had done that I wasn't proud of, I let her enjoy her glory as the more well-rounded one of both of us. Since I have gotten married, I have made many efforts to catch up with my friend, only to have her constantly respond to mentions of my achievements or future goals with detailed reminders of my bad past. I suddenly realized she always did this, and had always been quick to blow out my flame, while I had always been her number one fan. I feel so down on myself after we meet - EVERY time. I don't know how to let go as both our families are such good friends. But I need to because I shed tears during the night just because I can't let go of the feelings she causes.

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      What a great article! I wish it had been written years ago. Sadly, it took me more than a decade to not "end" a friendship, but change my response to it for my own well-being. I was part of a threesome of women who were close (threes are not always good, I have learned), but I soon became the person left out of activities (followed by odd excuses as to why I wasn't included). Because these friends were such a tremendous part of my everyday life (and our kids were friends), it felt like drawn-out divorce at times - sometimes I was included; other times not. I would retreat in hurt and seek out new friendships to protect myself, but I couldn't necessarily "break" away completely. Finally, after far too many years of feeling this pain, I realized that they deserved happiness and their obvious bond, which also included both of their husbands in the mix, provided that for each of them. I could enjoy their company when invited, but I became somewhat emotionally less vested - almost detached. Once that happened, I found myself ready to forge similar close relationships for myself that left me feeling recharged and elevated my spirit. And as my children get older, my husband and I are carving out friendships that will sustain us when we are empty nesters. Now, when I am excluded from the original friendship, I no longer feel that pain and I am looking forward to what transitions and new friends will bring to my life! I wish them the same as well. That is what growth is all about, though it can be difficult!

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      I have recently ended a friendship. This person was my friend for a long period of time and during the time our children were small. I felt she was a lot of fun and although she often let me down without explanation I made excuses for her. She also talked about people behind their backs to me whilst seeming to be their friend. I also excused this assuming that because we were so close I was the only person she was saying these things too and she needed to get things off her chest. She has recently made some big changes in her life and has been extremely nasty about people I thought she liked. I know that the things she has said are lies. She has made things up in order to justify her decisions. I now look back over our friendship and see that I have made it easier for her to behave like this by always excusing her bad behaviour and covering for her. I no longer trust anything she says, even when she appears to be being nice. She will do anything to make herself and her family appear to be perfect, even when it isn't really the case. She will lie and mislead others in order to gain opportunities for her children, who in her eyes can do no wrong! I have been told by people who I know do not normally join in gossip that she has told some horrible lies about me and I am now not prepared to continue seeing her if I can possibly help it. We have some mutual friends so i will only see her if we are both invited to an event as I want to see these others, but not her. This whole situation has caused me a great deal of sadness and a lot of sleepless nights. I now try very hard to put her out of my head whenever I think of her, but I know it is going to take a long time to get over. I feel very stupid and used because I was warned about her repeatedly and chose to ignore what I was told. My only difficulty is she is still very friendly with one of my closest friends. I see the same thing happening to her as happened to me and although I have tried to warn her, I cannot stop her being friends with this person. I know I am a much nicer person and she will end up having to make new friends every few years as people get to see what she is really like and they then back away. This experience has made me very wary of new friendships, however life goes on and you have to stay open to new people and experiences!!

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      I "have" a Bestfriend that I have known for a long time but she is always to busy to talk, text, or hangout. She never used to tell me she was busy and she would always say "Yeah come on over" but now we never hangout anymore. What should I do. Thanks

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      ive just ended a friendship, and it is hard and painful. This girl was just constantly bitter, negative, draining and bitchy, and every six months or so would sit me down and tell me what a shit friend i was and we would try to work it out. I recognised that she was unhappy in life and had lots of issues that weren't about me and i tried hard to help and be supportive, but i'm done, i can't do it anymore, i can't listen to being told how much of a bad friend i am all the time, and usually in front of other people in a public place. I feel sad, as we did have good times, but mainly i feel relieved. Now i can concentrate on the real friends i have, and on being a good friend to them. if you are reading this and feel the need to address a toxic friendship, read the article above and do it.

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      Know what, i`am one oft those strong persons but i admit i cried for her 2 times then after that i got stronger i let her go secretly and went with other people....a girl like me is just that strong but i didn`t tell or old her about the way she acted and the way she changed yeah shes looking for herself but c`mon! Its just too much she`s underestimating me , bringing me down and making me feel like im a nothing and she even called me MEAN so im the mean person now? Im not mean i just don't want somebody dictating my life...im sick and tired of her attitude i feel like i don't know her she tells me that she loves me then cut me down im sick and tired of her reasons ive no one to believe in she asks me for my love then she`ll push around and i need her like a heartbeat but u know shes got a mean streak she makesme run for coverwhen shes around....she said that she couldn't trust me no more well guess what im the onewho couldn't trust anybody! Then she tells me that she needs me but when i walk away she gets mad and says i hate you well i hate you too! Since the firstday of school! 2012...

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      Yes, I ended a friendship recently & I am having a hard time letting go. Any suggestions?

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      well right now um going through a hard time with someone who is supposed to be a very close friend (bff) this past year has changed a lot for the both of us. she moved away first and then later on stopped by at my place n asked me if I would move where she lived because she was lonely for friends and had no one really to talk to, I told her i would think about it and after considering my situation n life where I lived, i though hey'' kind of like a fresh start and new scenery .. so i moved . we both got our self's into bad relationships, where mine became domestic and the relationship she had was also verbally and mentally abusive among other things.its been over a year now and we have argued over things that don't matter, to the point where she even got physical with me n shoved me hard, she has become miserable. I see it in her and the way she acts. I am not perfect my self , theirs days when I say things to her because it really upsets me for the way she is. she calls me a user and started talking about me in a bad way and i in return didn't say nice things about her but I realized what i was doing and felt guilty for acting in such a way and I became disappointed in my self and ashamed for who I was. I promised my self i would not act that way again but tonight was the last straw. first of all she exploded on me over the phone this evening so I sent her a message n called her miserable and told her she needed help! next thing you know she was in my face and we where arguing and yelling at each other. I think I said what i needed to n she called me names like a ''user'', that kinda ticks me off! she has no right to say that to me when I have helped her with her kids and everything else. I am done. I feel exhausted and drained from her episodes of rage and random explosions. ..I have to stay away from her but don't really know how with out making it totally awkward. sigh'' I haven't any friends or family here and the only few people i know are her kids n i stay with her mom :(..i don't like dragging these others down just because we are not getting along. It is not fare to them and uncomfortable ..Lord help me .. want to do what's right but in a healthy way.thanks for listening

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      I believe in reflecting on friendship, all the different kinds, I just wrote about making Rendezvous Effort because it just happened to me!

      http://www.how2surviveyour20s.com/rendezvous-effor...

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      I just realized after having the thought "When do you know it's time to end a friendship?"-- The obvious answer is now. I feel like we don't connect anymore since I am growing. She feels less and less authentic, and isn't opening up about her life. I see right through her. She is in a relationship with someone that is showing obvious signs of dysfunction, but she won't admit it. She hasn't done the work to end it. She just doesn't feel present since I introduced them 2 years ago.

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      I had this friend Abby whom I know for years, we have mutual friends. Every time we girls meet, they seem to speak in one voice. Abby appears to be the leader amongst us, everybody looks up to her from where we dine, what to eat and then listen to her persistent complaints which to me are totally invalid. Worse still, she insists on getting intimate with me probably I could help her with her homework. I don't like to gossip and I never complain, to me the friendship is getting abusive and I decided to end it. My only concern is how to deal with the mutual friends, it seems that there is not much choice as they will 'respect' Abby and stay away from me.

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      I have a friend and im in the same position now trying to decide weather its best to walk away, We met about 3 years ago and for a while we were very close, used to be up all the time at hers or doing things for her or going places or chatting every day. I really did believe she was a close friend, but things have changed over the past 7 months and i feel sapped trying. I have tried to be patient and understanding as she has kids of her own. It started with something minor deleting me off facebook, then blocking me which is fair enough not big deal who cares only facebook, but she can't give reason just excuse that having a clear out but keeps people that she doesn't chat to, but i could be patient. Then after asking for months about going swimming which we used to do all last year, she goes off doesn't invite me any more and when i ask she makes up some excuse. I do think the friendship is coming to an end, as ive run out of effort trying, and feel more angry and stupid to keep trying. The only sad thing is i get on well with her kids and be sad in a way, but maybe its best move on and hope for the best. We had some great times and i will always remember them but sometimes i guess things do change, and if you let the minor things keep stacking and they don't care how you feel or think it becomes major. I hold no anger at her, just at myself for not acting on the other minor things before and keep saying having patience and understanding to myself,

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      I just ended a friendship with a boy I really really really liked, we were really close for about 2 years, we shared everything, good and bad memories included, we helped each other through everything, he was my rock. Then one day he told me he liked me back and I was so happy, then he went on holiday. Then when he came back he told me he liked somebody else and I got pushed aside and I was forgotten about, we didn't speak for 6 weeks, and then tonight, he spoke to me via Skype, but I wrote him a massive paragraph explaining why we couldn't be friends any more. There is a lot more to it really, but those are the basic facts.

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      @anonymous: HI i can definitely relate.

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      I am 25 and there is someone I certainly once considered to be a close friend, in a wider circle dating back to school days. Eventually I went to college and moved in with my partner - all in all being away from my hometown for 5 years. With the geographical distance, both of us being busy and making new connections, we would meet only for planned occasions - birthdays, trips away etc. every few months. We were rarely very intimate and conversations were largely group 'banter'. I was comfortable with this kind of distant relationship - I did not want more from the guy.

      Now, having gone through a break up with my partner of 5 years and having to return to my home town my situation and views have changed dramatically within a few months. I, frankly, cannot stand the guy. The level of sympathy or emotional understanding he showed to me after this breakup was much less than even occasional acquaintenes who expressed real sorrow for me and gave me company but more importantly - space. This friend texts me on a daily basis and phones almost as much pretty much demanding trips to the pub, swimming etc. On one occasion, having not met up for 4 days, he asked why I was being so 'busy' 'all the time'. Yet when we do meet, I am increasinly finding that the behaviour I years earlier viewed to be fun joking about is largely embarrassing and at my expense. Quite frankly we are not compatible- I'm not interested in socialising literally everyday, even with good friends. He is simply overbearing and disrespectful... It is at the point where I really must say something or make a better attempt to send the signals I want to move apart. If anyone has been in this situation please do comment.

      PS I am a guy as is the friend in question - its interesting how most articles pin these problems exclusively to women.

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      @anonymous: OMG>>> I had a friend just like this! Is it possibly the same person? LOL, she never actually went as far as dating a boyfriend of mine behind my back or attempting to meet up with one (that I know of...), but as far as our friendship, it was nothing but me listening to her rant about her bad, negative flings with jerks and "yes" many of them were men with girlfriends. she constantly text me or called me (daily/nightly) about the most trivial sh*t all in regards to the douche-bag she was stalking at the moment... yikes! Her world revolved around nothing more but the latest guy she was obsessed with and I began to feel drained after all our conversations. I finally cut the ties when she started getting easily agitated with me when I didn't say exactly what she wanted to hear... and guess what? I do not miss our friendship! The easiest way to tell whether or not it's time to end a friendship is to take a break and if you feel that a weight has been lifted and hardly miss the friendship then don't look back and let it go for good!!!

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      I once had a friend and she seemed perfectly fine when I met her. We would hang out a lot and I would tutor her in math class. She seemed like she wanted to be around me and I also was in need of a friend. After a while I noticed that she always gossiped about people and she would get angry over stupid things. She would always try to bribe me to be nice with her, by buying me stuff and saying that I was "awesome". One day she gave me a call and we got into a small argument about what we were taking about, and then I told her I don't want to fight over something stupid and she said "why not". Then she started saying how I was sensitive and how I blame others, which frankly sounded more like her. Well, I was upset about how my so called friend could be so mean all of a sudden, so later on I emailed her and told her that I don't want to tutor her and that I want an apology for what she said. She wrote me these long paragraphs of how she hates what I do, which was ridiculous because I had known her for barely a year and I tried to be as nice as possible with her when I was her friend. I thought this girl is insecure and has some issues. I ended the relationship. Now I think I was being a bit too nice in that relationship...

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      Im wondering wether i should end a friendship....we have been friends for 10 years, we met when i used to go to get tans done at a beautician, id been dumped and so had she so we got on well..... i met her bestie and we started hanging out... over the years we have had good and bad times but over the last few years shes become selfish, the few times we go out she abandons me in town, shes had a go at me for stupid things..... even believed rumours that were spread about me without even taking my side.... we don't really catch up much now and the last few times we have gone out she deserts me and runs off with any guy who shows her attention. WHen we have caught up i feel its awkward, like the only reason we were friends was because we were clubbing....shes blaming me for situations she caused and all the resentment ive had towards her for the times she been nasty to me over the years has finally boiled over when she accused me if letting her down after she ruined my girls nite by bringing her boyfriend...... im just so mad that shes blaming her problems on me so ive deleted my fb page because i just don't want her around me.. im angry/sad/upset that shes treating me like this after all this time....shes been my bestie for so long and now i feel like i have to pull away.... i feel like she dsnt have my back anymore....

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      Michelle (not her real name) and I were together in a social group in High School. We were the 'uncool kids' and really, were friends for convinence rather than actual like or similarities. We honestly don't have much in common at all. I can't honestly say we were ever really friends, I just have a habit of looking through the world with rose-coloured glasses. We didn't 'click' over the three years we spent in each others lives and we never will.

      Michelle sometimes exhibits socially inappropriate behaviour and is rather volatile when angry (which annoyingly, is over some of the trivial things and seemingly random). Ever since I known her I've felt that there was something irksome about her and I eventually realised that she had serious control issues. My mother never liked her and didn't want me to have much to do with her. Michelle clings onto another friend (a real friend of mine) and it is really annoying.

      I have been wanting to fully break contact with her after high school but this hasn't been possible. I don't want to hurt her feelings or ruin relationships with the others in my group who I still love to pieces (platonically). So I've really only been socialising with her if our high school group comes together. She hasn't inciate contact after high school, so I haven't either. I feel sympathy for her as Michelle has Asperger Syndrome and she finds life difficult but I really feel that if she can't be a true friend to others she doesn't deserve them. She should really take the consiquences of her actions instead of being constantly forgiven.

      I really only came here to vent off steam, if you've been in a similar situation please don't hesitate to reply.

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      @anonymous: Hi,

      I haven't exactly been in your situation but I've had to decide to walk away from a fair few people in my life for various different reasons. Sometimes we change and the relationship can't compensate for that.

      If you have just had such a dramatic life change then you may be feeling over sensitive and angry at the minute. Do you have perspective for a start? You mentioned that previously your friendship had only been long distance and now that you've moved back he's demanding upon you. Is this his "guy" way of showing you support? Trying to keep you busy so you can't dwell? Have you tried explaining that you need space and asking him to back off? May be he would - is it worth a try?

      These are all questions that you need to ask yourself. I would strongly recommend asking him to give you space and seeing where you go from there. If he doesn't give you it or belittles you over the request etc then you'll have a definite answer.

      It is possible that he is just one of those "not very nice" people in life and you are just coming to realise it after so much contact. Anyone who puts you down or makes you feel bad about yourself isn't worth being around. However, some people "tease" in an affectionate way which when feeling down after a dramatic life change could feel like a put down?

      Ultimately its your call. I just wanted to give you a few things to consider. If you decide that you are totally in perspective and that the guy is a jerk then GET RID!! Life is too short!

      Goodluck

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      Rachael, if you ever read this I just want to say I'm sorry about the way our frienship ended so abruptly.

      Here's a message to any and all out there who have been "defriended" on Facebook. First of all, all "casual" friendships burn out eventually. Ex- BF's,

      Ex-GF's, friends from college and so on.

      The primary reason why frienships end is because one or both of the people in the equation feels that the friendship has outlasted it's usefulness; plain and simple.

      I dated a girl in Atlanta off and on for four years. She was dealing with some personal issues but asked my opinion as to whether she should remain in Atlanta to deal with them or return to Tampa to live with her mother. I loved her very much but I advised her to go to Tampa.

      She moved to Tampa met a guy on her job and moved in with him. Needless to say I was a bit jealous for sure! : ) So I sent texts for a month and she answered.

      She also returned my calls a couple times. Into the second month I'm still texting but I'm doing all the initiating. I wanted to remain a part of her life even though I had decided to let her go to Tampa. People's feeling s change with the passing of time and with distance and "casual" frienships don't last the test of time; especially if it's becoming obvious that this person is moving on. I continued to send Facebook messages and she was friendly but not overly so. I chose to ignore her signals.

      I asked to come visit and she said "Fine, but you have to meet my boyfriend"...

      she continued: "I will ask him about your visit tonight or tomorrow, OKAY?"

      The next morning on 9/11/12, I woke up to find she had deleted me from Facebook. I was in shock needless to say for several days. She sent me a text to say she was severing all of her ties in Atlanta; including me, the ex lover. and so called "best friend". Upon receiving her text, I rang her phone and asked what went wrong and her reply was "she didn't feel comfortable talking with me"...

      Here are some final thoughts; Number one; friendships with someone other than your significant other, relatives or children are fleeting at best. Number two; a casual friendship that was once intimate when you were with someone in person will never survive on Facebook indefinitely. Number three: A true friend will meet you halfway. You text them they text you back. You call, they return your call and so on. At the end of the day you may have to be your own best friend. If someone dumps you on Facebook with no warning maybe they weren't your friend to begin with.

    • profile image

      sean-smith 4 years ago

      @anonymous: Hey Dana: Hang in there! I was defriended on Facebook by an ex girlfreind recently! Usually relationships end because either two people don't compliment each other or the relatrionship has run its course. It's going to take a while to get over. Talk to friends who are willing to listen and they'll help you "detox". Go out with friends and so on. You may also want to try a routine of walking every morning or in the evening. You have learned from your last experience so pick yourself up and get ready for your next relationship. Next time you will be better equipped; both spirtually and emotionally. Best wishes! Now go get em!

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      I seriously need help I have been I a friendship and I can't get out of it there is no way to avoid this person in my life I am serioulsly struggling to get out a a connection bewteen this person I can't stand it I have terrorable depression ad sadness I refuse to talk and smile and it's affecting my education as well please help me

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      Im kinda in this situation. I believe our relationship is unhealthy for the both of us. We basically just hang out to party. Im not perfect at all, but she isn't on the same page as me as far as family, our kids, doing better. And its to the point now, where I just want her around when I need something and that's not fair to her and even though I do it, I feel horrible afterwards. I want to end the relationship for her benefit and mine.

    • Onemargaret LM profile image

      Onemargaret LM 4 years ago

      Yes, I have because the person was not a good influence on me or my family. She was in a self-destruct mode for a long time. I was forced to let go and move on. It was and still is a hard decision but it worked out best for everyone concerned.

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      i always suspected that we werent really friends.  God knows i have tried to connect with you.  And i think even one time i asked and you undeniably said no we are.  But here is the thing.  When a friend writes to another, stating her difficulties in life;  a friend wouldnt write back oh so sorry then on the same line go into your daily events.  Its okay, now i know where i stand.  I suspected, long ago.  I only suspect that you just hung me there so if something came up for you, (like a donation for your Haiti trips) i was then at your disposal.

      I imagine now that i have gotten to know you, that when your mom took your horse away, she was only trying to teach you a lesson.  There are other people out there,  its not all about you.

      Every conversation i tried to have with you never was a conversation, it would always go back to you. 

      You couldn't be happy for someone and wish them good luck or congratulations, and say "oh i  am so happy for you".  I felt you showed jealousy or competitiveness.  You never complimented on anything, sometimes you would just make a snid remark instead. 

      I have only tried to be a friend, i wanted to share good and bad things as friends do.  I know that i was more than giving and generous.  So i felt i had been a true friend.

      I now have to part with our relationship.  As i know you have parted long ago.

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      I have a friend that I've had for many years. We have been friends since we were kids and now both of us are adults. I understand that he/she is moved away and can't make time to see me and that she/he has a life of her/him alone. I make an effort to contact this person each day. But here's the issue. We get into an argument about everything that I seem to say.

      I would like some advice to know if it would be a good idea to lose the friendship or to change something around it to make it work for another few years. Anything would be fine.

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      @anonymous: Your story fits to my situation almost exactly, from age to moving back from college to the whole problem. I've just broken the friendship up and I feel so relieved.

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      I am going through a friend break up due to my friend keeping very important info about my teenage daughter to herself. Yes she was told the info by her family member and swore she wouldn't say anything but i feel that she should have changed her mind once she realized how serious it was. My friend also decided to tell another one of our friends what she knew before she told me and the only reason she told me was because I found out on my own about the problem and then she decided to say well i knew but didn't feel it was my place to tell u. I hate to loose a good friend but she doesn't even see that she done anything wrong so she really is leaving no choice in the matter. Does anyone out there see my point of view or am i just being an over the top B****h. By the way the info was concerning drugs serious ones

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      I just ended a long-term friendship after she verbally attacked me over something that she says that I did to offend her -- something that happened 3 years ago, and that I don't even remember! This same type of thing happened with her a couple of years ago, when she called me at 6:00 am in the morning for the explicit purpose of scolding me because she didn't like the "tone" of an email I had sent a week earlier (there was no "tone" or anything remotely negative in the email that I could see). I forgave her the first time, after she issued a rather weak apology. But when it happened again, I simply couldn't let slide. She definitely has some emotional issues and other problems in her life, but that's no excuse for what she has put me through. Although I wish her luck, I'm not willing to be her punching bag a third time.

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      I am the bad friend. Which is probably why I haven't any friends. They've all left me. But at the same time as I agonize over how I must change to obtain friends and how I have to become an entirely different person, I wonder if I am actually meant to be by myself. I must be a high maintenance person, demanding and needy. Maybe I am a burden.

      Then I should not pursue to have friendship. I cannot force anyone to be a friend to someone who is a bad friend.

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      All the contributors seem young but this can happen to an older person too. I'm 68 and recently ended a friendship that had been in existance for almost 20 years. Our kids grew up together and we had some fun times together and were there for each other through some rough times-death of our parents, surgeries etc. I believe some people are "givers" and some are "takers" - I was a giver and she was a taker. She'd make plans with me and if a better offer came along she'd stand me up. I felt she used me to swim in our pool and spend time at our cabin. We recently moved and she never lifted a finger to help, we found out who our real friends were thru that experience. I got so sick of her incessant calls that always started out with "Hi-How's it going'?" I finally ended it with a letter saying our friendship had run it's course, thankfully I haven't heard from her since, I don't miss her at all.

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      I found this forum because I was mulling over what appears to be the sudden and totally unexpected end of a thirty-year friendship.

      The other day I met up with Anne, we have known each other for about thirty years, we have worked together and brought up our children together. We don't meet very often, because we both have busy schedules, but we always talk non-stop when we do meet and we e-mail each other on a regular basis.

      When I went through a very difficult divorce, Anne was there to help and support me.

      However, recently I have begun to realise that she doesn't want me to move on emotionally, she would prefer me to be embroiled in the divorce so that I need her help. She is always in the front line when friends or acquaintances are in difficulties, but she can even become invasive in her desire to help.

      I tried to point out to her that the divorce was now a thing of the past and that I had reorganised my life and was looking towards the future and she became quite nasty, making hurtful remarks.

      Later, she also began to express opinions that I found extremely distasteful, showing deep racial prejudice, although I had never heard her speak like this before. I was horrified and changed the subject, but she was obviously offended that I did not agree with her.

      She is now ignoring my e-mails and phone calls.

      I don't want to lose a friend that I have known for such a long time, but I am wondering whether I ever really knew her.

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      Let me say first that Im not perfect nor will I ever be. My situation is I dont feel like Im a good. I want to be, and I know I can be. Im wondering if its not that Im a bad friend, but since Im trying to move forward in my life, no matter how slow. That maybe the friends I have now, just arent on the same page. Ive always been what they call a "home-girl", but seem to have had only "street friends". I have one friend in paticular. She has bad habits, using people, heavy drinker, loves to party, still real child like. And its almost now like, well if I have to continue to put up with her, Ill use her too. That I hate.

    • profile image

      connie-anderson-31586 4 years ago

      I lost my 10 years relationship during April. My ex left me with so much pains and since then i have been heart broken and shattered. I have contact 15 spell casters and 10 of them has rip me off my money without any result. I have Emailed so many sites online looking for a good spell caster till i was directed by a 16 years old girl to Esango Priest, At first i never believed him because he was requesting for some amount of money to buy items, it took him three weeks to convince me and something occur to mind and i said let me give him a trial.I was very shocked when Robben called four days after i sent Esango Priest the items money. He apologies for all he has done wrong and i am very happy that we are together today because he proposed to me last night. I will advise you contact esangopriest@gmail.com because he has done wonders in my life and i believe he can help you out in any problem

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      About a month ago, i ended a friendship with the person that used to ne my best friend. Let me begin, i met this girl named paola at the fair with her cousin, and at that time, i was interested in her cousin, we played games and got on rides. When the day was over, i said farewell and hoped to talk to her soon, and the next day, i got a comment on my status on myspace, saying "thank you for making her day and making her smile, she really needed it." Gladly i replied, and thats how my friendship began with her! Soon we began to talk and try to get to know eachother! And thats how it was for a year! Until i began to develop feelings for her, so one day, i called her and i told her what i felt for her, and how long i had been keeping it inside. She then told me it would be best to wait? So i agreed, but slowly my heart was beating slower, and slower, and slower. Due to the reason that she would send quoted pictures saying "only because you love someone doesnt mean you should be together, but stick as bestfriends." She would send me these pictures eventually, to a point where i felt that my chances were impossible with her. So o told her my feelings were gone, but soon enough, arguements began, and jealously. But later we made up, we became friends again, but she wouldnt stop blaming me and rubbing in the fact that we used to be best friends and how close we were, and this would cause me pain, so i ended it? I didnt lnow what happened next, but what ive noticed, is that i love her. But now i cant speak to her bc of what i ended?

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      About a month ago, i ended a friendship with the person that used to ne my best friend. Let me begin, i met this girl named paola at the fair with her cousin, and at that time, i was interested in her cousin, we played games and got on rides. When the day was over, i said farewell and hoped to talk to her soon, and the next day, i got a comment on my status on myspace, saying "thank you for making her day and making her smile, she really needed it." Gladly i replied, and thats how my friendship began with her! Soon we began to talk and try to get to know eachother! And thats how it was for a year! Until i began to develop feelings for her, so one day, i called her and i told her what i felt for her, and how long i had been keeping it inside. She then told me it would be best to wait? So i agreed, but slowly my heart was beating slower, and slower, and slower. Due to the reason that she would send quoted pictures saying "only because you love someone doesnt mean you should be together, but stick as bestfriends." She would send me these pictures eventually, to a point where i felt that my chances were impossible with her. So o told her my feelings were gone, but soon enough, arguements began, and jealously. But later we made up, we became friends again, but she wouldnt stop blaming me and rubbing in the fact that we used to be best friends and how close we were, and this would cause me pain, so i ended it? I didnt lnow what happened next, but what ive noticed, is that i love her. But now i cant speak to her bc of what i ended?

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      @anonymous: This helps me out a lot. Thanks!

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      I had a best friend for 25 years. We both had different social circles all that time. He was down on his luck with work, and I helped him get a job in my world. What a HUGE mistake. It took a couple of years of denial, but in the end, I realized he was TOXIC, TOXIC, TOXIC!!!.

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      I just got back from my honeymoonâtwo weeks in Europe, with a man I love more than anything. I owe it all to Dr Ode, spellcaster extraordinaire. Perhaps I was greedy, but I wanted both a love spell and a money spell. What I got, only seven days later, was a wealthy, wonderful man who loves me more than life, and treats me like a princess. The most powerful Obeah magic made my dreams come true, and it is all thanks to obolospelltemple@gmail.com. They truly cares about people and has been a valuable spiritual guide to me for a long time. I have never been happier in my life, and I feel like all of my dreams are coming true. Thank you, Dr Ode, for making my life so rich. Thank you for the love spell that brought me my wonderful husband and the money spell that made us able to fulfill our wildest fantasies. If youâre still wondering whether or not you should give this a try, just think of how amazing my life has becomeâlike a fairy taleâall because of giving Dr Ode a chance.

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      I've just ended the relationship with my best friend, who I realized was tearing apart my life with negativity and drugs and alcohol. Now i'm realizing my only other 'good friendship' may be just as unhealthy, and I may need to cut that one off, too. But I can't tell.

      I'm more of the one doing harm at this point. I don't initiate contact and I talk more about myself than listen. I end up answering in rants that sometimes become emotional. I talk more than he does and I feel like i'm draining his energy reserve. And in a way, I don't care. The main problem with this friendship is that awhile ago, this friend intruded one of my boundaries, if you could call it a sexual boundary. I haven't been able to bring it up, and since then I have a strong underlying feeling of betrayal that becomes resentment towards this person. I handled the whole thing wrong and feel as if I can't confront him about this.

      It's partly my issue for not bringing up the issue. But talking about what happened is not going to make the resentment go away, there is no choice but to break this one off because I was hurt and then i've hurt him in small ways back, now all the balance is out of whack. It's also not right for me to keep pretending it's the same because they are getting hurt. The resentment makes me care less whether they get their turn to speak, or whether I respond to their messages, and that's not right to do to anybody.

      The first friend, my best friend, was so hard to cut off. I cried for days like a break up and am still grieving. This one is easier. That must mean something.

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      @corinnemwestphal: I have been in a relationship for over 20 years with 2 other women ( A and B) which has become "the friend of my enemy is my enemy" kind of relationship. It is my fault; several years ago I angrily confronted A with her long-term prescription drug abuse when she had hurt me and in so doing, I deeply hurt her. I apologized to A, several times, in fact, but have never been forgiven and, when my brother died, A refused to acknowledge my own pain. We are never a group of 3 friends anymore, and A has established a bond with B that excludes me. I, too, have established a bond with B where A is excluded. I am aware that I am in competition with A for B's approval, especially as B is physically fragile, and I go out of my way to help her. I am also aware, however, that B controls both A and myself. I would really be happy if I could run into both A and B sometime, truly by accident, and just try to act like a Christian person with them. I have recently discovered that B actually protects A from me. If I happen to phone B while A is visiting her, she pretends it is someone else and warns A about when I might show up. She tells me she is trying to heal us both. I now suddenly feel as if B is a spider in the center of a web, and that A and I are both being manipulated. I became very angry at B about this recently, then apologised for my own behavior which might also be controlling. I know I have contributed to the break-up of this friendship and have told them both I am sorry for this, but I know, too, that this is a toxic scenario. I need to walk away from this. The trouble is that B does often need help, and A is too "drugged out" to help her. B does have family, but-I feel guilty. Please help me.

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      I recently lost a 20-year friendship with a woman I've always believed to have considerable integrity and emotional generosity. When times have been difficult, she has always been there for me. But over the last few years I realized that she preferred to talk about all the troubles in my life and would change the subject when I wanted to talk about deeply held aspirations and dreams to move ahead with my life. I tried to talk to her about it but she claimed she didn't have the energy to discuss it. I think that shocks me more than anything else. The relationship was almost completely free of conflict and the first time I needed to address the issue she pushed me away. She actually ended the relationship rather than talk. I have to assume that the relationship didn't mean as much to her as did to me and that hurts most of all. Or maybe I never really knew her and she's just really shallow? Whatever it is, the loss of this friendship was very painful.

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      When I was younger I had a person tell me that I was worth nothing anymore

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      @sean-smith: EXCELLENT ADVICE...THANK YOU!

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      I am in the process of ending a friendship that I never felt comfortable with. Me and an old high school friend started attending the same adult college school. She slowly started making her way into my life but would dog all her other friends out and play victim. I trusted her with some of my private business that ended up as beauty shop talk. When I asked her about it she denied it and blamed it on a jealous aunt of mine. She told my business to a guy who she was dating who I guess liked me. I never had no dealings with the guy but I think they both became obsessed with me. This was 2 years ago but she brings him and the situation up a couple times of the year saying he said I told him this and that. I have never had a personal or phone convosation with him. I think she brings it up out if guilt and its starting to get to me. She keeps contacting me but I have not returned any phone calls. I don't know when she will get the hint. I am very non confrontational and I've been really niave to people's agenda in the past. Am I doing the right thing? All her other friends just stop all of a sudden stop talking to her and ignore her calls.

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      I just ended a 44 year friendship with someone who was my best friend since we were 12! During the past 10 years or so, she had major problems with her adult son, who became a drug addict and wound up in jail for a long stretch. The experience completely changed her entire personality, for the worse. Not only did she neglect our friendship, despite that I was supportive of her every step of the way, she did a bunch of pretty crappy things to me. Then she became a right wing religious fanatic. A friend who is a social worker explained that she was exhibiting addictive behavior, which is common among people whose children get into serious trouble. I hung in there as long as I could, because of our long history. Then after she posted some really offensive right wing garbage on my Facebook wall, I realized that the person I knew and loved all those years no longer existed, and I ended the friendship. It wasn't easy. In all honesty, I should have cut her off long before I did. I am sad, but at the same time relieved. I wish her well, but I can no longer have her in my life.

    • profile image

      China Abarquez 2 years ago

      Sometimes we weigh each relationship using the rewards and cost we received (as used in social penetration theory). When rewards are higher/positive we tend to continue this relationship but when it is negative we end this relationship. Same as to friendship, when we think that we haven't benefited on it or we are on the wrong track we end it. As for me, I ended my 3 years friendship with people whom I was with since my first year in college. I think of it for months if I should really do it. For many reasons, I ended it. After that, I felt happiness in my life. Sometimes we talked inside the class but not as friends but as classmates. Did I miss them? Did I regret? No, I never miss them because the time I cut my relationship with them I also cut all the care and worries. I also never regret it because I'm happy now. I mean, considered to when I was with them I am more happy now and true to myself and other people around. I realized that friendship is not about how long you've been together but it's about being true and feel the real happiness when you are together.

    Click to Rate This Article