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When to Send Him Back

Updated on November 22, 2015

The"him"

Facebook recently posted a submission based on how dysfunctional relationships start and its basis around an unavailable person and another fixated on "fixing" them.

Welcome to my entire dating career....

Perhaps when women entered the workforce back in the 1950s it all started. Not of choice, oh no, the fathers were fighting someone elses war leaving their own children alone, along with the mothers to fend for themselves.

This fact and other similar situations brindled to it, I believe, are a primary cause of the disease and dysfunction we see in people today. There is a lack of love, a true and thick disconnect between others. A social and individual deformity, al beit spiritual, emotional or mental.

Think of the movie, Crash. The opening narrative and whole movies plot discusses car crashes, fights, rape and drama only occuring because human beings lack touch. There is an evergrowing absence of each other in our lives.

We dont know our postal service carriers anymore, there is no milk man, and the doctor is definitely not coming to your house unless youre Michael Jackson. This leaves us alone. Full of fear, as our own leading driver in the great rivers of denial all leading to the same sand pit. But we wont ever admit to it. Some of us will fight that truth tooth and nail until the death of us.

So, some of us create these cold, alone environments but may not stay alone all of the time. Some are still married. Some husbands never go to war. Some people have children in these cold climates. And then these children grow up cold.

Behaviorally and emotionally we are looking at a brand new ball field. Diagnosis of adhd, bipolar, depression, anxiety, autism, and failure to thrive babies and children are new consequences. Waging a war of prescription, otc, and illicet drug use is new. Being so grumpy, so unlively, so unenthusiastic at home, at work and in the world, is new. And it all stems from the consequences of not learning and loving about each other, including ourselves first.

The emotionless, grumpy, dying asshole that goes to school to get an engineered degree, then goes to work anywhere just to pay for that school and then continuously work until almost his deathbed just to make a lifetime salary miniscule to what fiscal bullish tyrants are making in a few weeks. This is the"him" that we are dealing with today.

And let me tell you, he isnt going anywhere anytime soon unless we do something about it.

Clicking "send"

for the past three and a half years I have stayed faithful learned about and loved one man. tonight after putting down my puppy, saying hurtful things about me already having a child and making it very clear that he didn't want to have any more children. this man who I call my boyfriend ate some of my food and before leaving said " I'm on my way back to my temple".

Things like this he has been saying the entire time that we've been together but for whatever reason I thought perhaps he would change. Perhaps I am such a great woman he will become an even better man. Historically I am a runner so even after previous contemplations fights Hubpages I've stayed with this man I have stayed for many reasons. I stay because I don't believe in breaking up I stay because I believe in family values and I stayed because I believe in commitment and him. however there comes a time when I need to look at the commitment that I have to myself.

Now this man is wonderful he is beautiful, he is spiritual, he is sober, he has a job, and he is responsible. He is the man that 65% of the time I can see myself with but 45% of the time I question our entire relationship and perhaps how he's even made it this far in life. I know that this man is the he that we are talking about in this hub page I also know that what we see in others is what we perceive in our self.

So then perhaps I should think less of him how he was raised and his character defects and more about mine and their relation to us. Regardless for now I think it's time for Mr him to go back to his temple while I get back to tending to mine



The Him and Me

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    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 2 years ago

      Very interesting! Hopefully your Hub will help others.

      Two statements that really stand out are:

      "Things like this he has been saying the entire time that we've been together but for whatever reason I thought perhaps he would change. Perhaps I am such a great woman he will become an even better man."

      People only "change" when (they) are unhappy.

      "I stay because I don't believe in breaking up I stay because I believe in family values and I stayed because I believe in commitment and him."

      Human beings make mistakes! This also applies to (choosing) the wrong mates for themselves! Most relationships were never meant to last.

      Believing someone will "change" and staying with someone because one doesn't believe they made a mistake and chose the wrong mate for them self have ruined or wasted many years of people's lives.

      Truth be told when it comes to love and relationships most of us (fail our way to success). Very few people hit the jackpot when it comes to relationships early in life. If that weren't the case we'd all be married to our high school sweethearts!

      The key is know yourself, love yourself, and trust yourself.

      Each of us is entitled to have our own boundaries and "deal breakers".

      Each of us gets to (choose) our own friends, lovers, and spouse.

      Once one figures out who (they are), what they want, and need in mate that's when they are ready to pursue a relationship. People who don't do this tend to allow "impulsive connections" and "happenstance" to dictate their relationship choices. It's the equivalent of going shopping without a list!

      If someone is having one bad dating/relationship experience after another it's probably time they re-examine their "mate selection criteria".

      As long as one plays "the blame game" they will never see their mistake in (choosing their mate) to begin with and therefore are likely to keep repeating the same mistakes over and over again.

      When we change our circumstances change.

      "Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary."

      - Oscar Wilde

      There are no "whoopee cookies" given out for staying in toxic relationships!

      If your man is putting you down he clearly doesn't think you're "special".

      Thankfully we live on a planet with over 7 Billion people! Odds are in everyone's favor there are more than a few people who would make ideal mates for any of us.

      There are only two ways to experience joy and peace of mind in relationships: We either get what we want or we learn to be happy with what we have. Accept them as (is) or move on. The choice is up to us!

      The world may not owe you anything but (you) owe yourself the world!

      Best wishes!