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Why Am I so Jealous?

Updated on January 29, 2016

Why am I so jealous? This question is probably the most popular question everyone asks themselves when they're in a relationship. You might be thinking that you're going crazy but being jealous is natural, and surprisingly healthy. Being jealous means that you care. It means that no matter where your relationship is heading, everything your partner does, you care, maybe a little bit too much, and I'm going to give you a couple of tips on how to deal with that emotion. Is he out with his mates and you haven't heard from him? Or is she at a work party and has turned her phone off? Although jealousy is a healthy emotion, the main priority is how you choose to deal with it.

Dealing with jealousy

Ask yourself this question, 'why do I get jealous?'. What was your answer? I'm guessing you had great difficulty answering that question, and somewhere in your answer were the words 'I just don't know'. I cant stress enough about how normal that answer is, its not helpful in any way, but its OK, because dealing with jealousy in a relationship isn't going to happen over night. There are certain steps you need to take in order to feel content.

Are you happy? If you're happy in your relationship, then the chances are that the jealousy you feel, is actually fear. Fear that he/she will find someone better, or that you're going to make one wrong move and your partner decides to cut things off. Getting rid of this fear is the beginning to all wisdom. But how? Good question. Talking to your partner about how you are feeling would be the first step. This means that they can reassure you that you are overthinking and you will then have their full trust. Of course, your mind will still wander and think of the worst, but you have to take baby steps. If you're new to the whole relationship scenario or maybe you're too anxious to approach your partner with this subject, then confide in someone else. A close friend of yours, and older relative that may have been through this stage before, or someone you can trust. They can help you deal with it, talking to other people if not your partner is very important.

When you start to feel the jealousy, keep busy. And by keeping busy, I mean occupy your brain in any way possible. Do some housework, read a book, walk the dog, grab yourself a coffee. Anything that will distract your mind from feeling the frustrating emotion called jealousy! We've all been there. We are madly in love, and the times we are apart from our partner, we cant help but to overthink. Keeping busy will not let you have any time to wonder what your partner is doing. If he/she has told you where they are going and what they are doing, you have to trust them, because that is what a relationship should be based on. But sitting around and checking your phone every 5 minutes to see whether they have posted anything on Instagram or when they were last online on whatsapp, isn't going make anything better, but instead it will have a major effect on your well-being and your mood. We do not want that. So occupy yourself, go and see a friend and spend the time wisely.

How do i know if my jealousy is a bad thing? The answer is simple - you will just know. When you're in a relationship, you know that person inside out. If they were doing wrong, you would feel it. The jealousy you have would be slight anger, and that is not healthy. If you have suspicions that your partner has broken your trust, the first and foremost thing to do is talk to them. By looking into their eyes, you will know from the energy they present to you whether they're lying or being truthful. If this is the case, you have two options - work through your problems, or part ways and find someone new. Neither of them are easy, and both will hurt. But do you really want to live your life in a whirl wind of jealousy, anger and bad energy? You may want to use all the love you have to start over and work through your problems, or you may want to have a break from each other for a few weeks. Either way, the jealousy emotion you are feeling should be a good jealousy, not a bad one, If your partner has betrayed you in any way, talk it through and build that trust back up, if not, then it isn't over. There is hope for everyone in the world.

This article is about things you can try and do to focus your mind on other positive things in life rather than being borderline with putting negative thoughts into your head because of jealousy. We all have a life and we all deserve to live it. If the jealousy you feel is a good jealousy and these tips have helped you through, I am so happy for you. Carry on with love in every aspect you can, love is the one feeling nobody can ever live without, and that is not just in relationships. That being said, if the jealousy has torn you both apart, you don't have to find love with another man or woman in a rush. You can find love in a sibling, in a friend, in a parent or in a work colleague. Love is a beautiful thing that we feel in everything we do. Always remember that when life knocks you back, or if you feel like your love life is over because the bond of trust has been broken, take a deep breath and tell yourself it is not the end. Everyone has a life they deserve to live and spend freely without bad energy, negative people and hurt, so why not start now?

© 2016 justdiana


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    • dashingscorpio profile image


      2 years ago

      Jealousy is usually the end result of (fear & insecurity).

      One fears their mate is not as emotionally invested in the relationship as much as they are. Or they can't believe someone would love them!

      They're scared they love her/him more than they are being loved in return. Oftentimes it's comes down to a person not behaving as (we) {expect or want} people to behave in relationships.

      In extreme cases some people don't even want to share their mate with his or her own family, friends, or co-workers. They expect their mate to give up all of their connections with other people.

      Some people have even had arguments over their mate being kind or smiling back during a business transition or while being served in restaurants by wait staff. It's as if their partner is telling them:

      "I don't want you to smile, laugh, or appear happy unless it's towards me!" Otherwise they want them to be rude to everyone else!

      "Your smile/laugh belongs to me!"

      For them their mate being nice to other people makes them feel (less) "special". Clearly that's obsessive and controlling behavior.

      And yet some folks confuse jealousy and controlling behavior with love. It's a very twisted love at that.

      If someone has to change their (core being) in order to make a relationship work that is a clear sign they are with the wrong person!

      There are only two ways to experience joy and peace of mind in relationships: We either get what we want or we learn to be happy with what we have. Accept them as (is) or move on. The choice is up to us!

      Very few people are walking around with a hand raised in the air screaming: "I'm looking for someone to change me!"

      People want to be loved and accepted for who they are.

      One man's opinion!:)

    • profile imageAUTHOR


      2 years ago

      Understandable, I'm the same. But this article is for people who do experience jealousy, I didn't mention that everyone will experience it, it's just for those who do.

    • Michaela Osiecki profile image


      2 years ago from USA

      I've never really experienced jealousy in a relationship. If my S.O. is out for an extended period of time and hasn't made contact, I tend to worry if he's okay or not. But I've never gotten jealous.


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