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- Online Dating
Why Choose Online Dating
Where to start?
In a world of day to day tasks, what time does one have to date? the dating "scene" has changed so drastically that flirting has taken on a new face so to speak. As a single mom, I know that I don't always have the time to go out and meet new people. I know many other women with the same problem. Work, Personal obligations and the "hustle" sort of narrows the time frame in which a person has to dedicate energy and time to building a romantic relationship so why not use the computer and phone. There are so many websites which have apps so you can be dating on the train, by the pool, on lunch break, in the bathroom (JK but not really, studies show a large percentage of people check social networks and text while in the bathroom. ewww) Anyhow, you get the picture. a person doesn't have to get all dressed up to online date as long as they are armed and ready with their best " I woke up like this, no filter" pictures.
Easy enough right? Wrong! according to the Pew research center, one in 5 daters have asked someone else to help them with their profile. Get out the wine, crackers and cheese, invite some girlfriends over and get that profile up and running. Now you may ask "Is it really worth the trouble?" According to the same study, 5% of Americans who are in a marriage or committed relationship say they met their significant other online (www.pewresearch.org) I would say that's a pretty good reason to at least give it a shot. I mean think about it, don't give out your phone number and familiarize yourself with the "block" feature and you should be good to go. Now if you are thinking to yourself "I must be desperate to have to go ONLINE to find a date", save the pity party for a better occasion, the stigma behind online dating is pretty much gone. I have quite a few friends who have met husbands, serious boyfriends or have just developed great friendships with online dating. I have to include myself in that group, there isn't a thing wrong with online dating, however the difference between online dating and traditional dating is that unfortunately there is a larger amount of exposure to potential "suitors". In a bar or a club, you may have to say "No" or politely decline a few offers for the night; with online dating, multiply that by like 10! I am just estimating based on personal experience but in any event, to some that is a daunting task. I have a close friend who tried online dating for an afternoon and she said it was too time consuming. She said she received a lot of messages from undesirable men and quite frankly, people are a little braver behind a screen so you just have to be just as brave and politely decline any advances that are unwanted. So let's get your profile ready! keep reading for a step by step on getting started.... and don't forget to take the poll!! I want to know how you feel about this online dating thang!!
How likely are you to use online dating?
Create your profile!!
Ok so your girlfriends are at the house, laptop open, wine or liquor in hand; it is now time to pick the website. The variety of websites are vast. There are websites geared to different religious groups, lifestyle groups, financial status, even financial arrangements! So once you pick your website, now its time to fill in your profile and put up pictures!! ahhhhhh!! ok calm down, its not that scary of a task. Put down the selfie stick, and please put the makeup down slooowly. You do want to look nice and a little makeup to enhance those features is appreciated; as well as a little amateur photography skills but the idea of a profile pic is to look natural. I am referring to natural in a sense of a lighthearted, happy depiction of yourself. If by some chance you ran into someone in the street at 3 o'clock in the afternoon, are they seeing you in full-on makeup with club wear? If your answer is yes than you might want to reevaluate a few things in your life. I'm just joking but not really, lets be realistic. If you portray a version of yourself that you normally don't present to the world, you will be looked at as a liar and we are all visual creatures. I don't want you looking like some creature that lives under a bridge either so as my mom says "a little concealer, mascara and lip color does wonders" and I gotta agree with my momma!! She even has to remind me of this every so often. Now unfortunately one pic just won't cut it. I mean go hard or go home right? you can have that one pic where your dressed up to show "yea, I clean up nicely" but you should also include the pics of you out at a barbeque or at the park and SMILE!! we all like an artistic approach to photography but more than one picture of you looking at the floor or out the window is a little corny. What do you have? a pocket photographer? they seem to just capture these perfect moments? no, we all know you don't so pictures like that have a "cool" factor but people want to see you having fun. Smiling (not to mention people don't want to be into you; you finally smile and your grill is jacked)
*** Avoid pictures including your children and links to your social media as a safety precaution. We can run into a dangerous individual anywhere but because your exposed to more people simultaneously when online dating, you want to be extra careful.***
OK! pictures are up, got a nice variety and that task is done. Now its time to write about yourself, OH BOY!! what to say, what to say? The "About me" section is in my opinion the most annoying section to fill out. I find a lot of people become self righteous and narcissistic when filling this out. A lot of times people tend to require more than what they offer and I believe that is in general. I believe it just comes from a primal idea that when looking to mate, the alpha is the most desired. We want the best we can find but often if we are not prepared, we can have a hand in destroying that gem we worked so hard to obtain.
My suggestion is to keep it basic. Touch base on some goals you have, briefly about where you see yourself in the future. What you like to do for fun and some of your likes and dislikes. If your dislikes are more than I would say 5 items, you look very bitter and hard to please. Only a glutton for punishment will take on that task of trying to impress you. Keep it simple; 5 likes and 5 dislikes. Nobody wants to walk into an inferno.
Have fun with it!!
Profile is up, pictures are up and now its waiting time. Please don't stare at the computer waiting for it to do something. You don't have to monitor the website, it works properly and you will be notified if you get a message. Go on about your day and live your life. Online dating is another avenue to possibly meet someone, not the ONLY option. Just because you have a profile doesn't mean that now you do nothing but wait for messages, no! you still go hang out with friends, go out to lunch, hit the gym etc. Mind you, those are also places you can meet someone and you just might but you can also meet someone online. The nice thing about online dating is that you are exposed to people that you may not have the opportunity to be exposed to daily. You may be into music but because of your day to day "hustles", you don't get to meet a lot of people with similar interests. Online dating makes that possible so that is a plus. The cons are in my opinion, the cons of dating in general. Meeting someone who is crazy, simply put. So be careful and have fun!!