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Why Do Men Leave Their Families

Updated on August 29, 2017

Why do men leave their families

Some men leave their families because they become overwhelmed by father hood and the challenges involved in being both a loving husband and dad.Having your man leave your family can be heart breaking especially when it is unexpected.Most men never took the time to learn what it takes to become a loving husband or a caring parent.It is just something most people think they can handle until they face the reality of married life.I once had a friend who was so frustrated with having to deal with his pregnant wife that he worked out on her.Shocking!!! He was probably unable to deal with the emotional changes in his wife as a result of pregnancy.Here are a few more reasons why men leave their families and how women can deal with it.

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Poor communication can lead men leave their families

One of the reasons men leave their families is being overwhelmed by family responsibilities.I know the first thought that will come to most people's mind will be financial.However this is not always the case.Most men who do not make enough money to take care of their family do not first think of leaving .They first think of more ways to make money.This might include getting another job,getting an education or even starting their own business.

They become overwhelmed by this responsibility because they fail to share their attempts at improvement with their wife and children.Of course ,this is shortsighted on the part of men because despite the fact that both men and women work,the bulk of the work at home,which includes taking care of the children is done by women.By failing to recognize this,men do not get themselves effectively involved in the family .This leads to the family not working as one.A family unit that is not united usually gets divided in more ways than one.

So men who do not communicate effectively with families are more likely to leave than those who do.One way to change this ,is to make your man a better communicator by asking him to write down his fears and feelings.

Poor emotional well being

Poor emotional well being is one of the reasons men and women leave their families.This is because it is difficult to be happy in the family without emotional fulfillment.As I said earlier one of the sources of frustration within the family is poor communication.Another big source of poor emotional well being is the feeling of not being listened to.This happens when both parents do not agree to a family discipline plan so that the kids constantly get away with things the man feels is unacceptable.

This will accentuate the feeling of being useless and not being needed in the house and could lead to intense frustrations.Some men deal with this situation by turning to alcohol and drugs.Remember the candy society.Others deal with this by turning to their computer and living in a virtual world.Some do this by saying enough is enough and quitting on their families.They just leave.

They leave because of their inability to manage their emotions which they blame on their family.The better thing to do is learn how to become emotionally intelligent .Reading about questions couples ask themselves and emotional well being is one the ways men and women can prepare themselves to learn how to manage their emotions and stay with their families.

Who Is RESPONSIBLE

Who is more responsible for men leaving their families?

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Finances-a reason some men leave

Some men leave their families,because they become overwhelmed by the pressure of not being the provider in the family.These days every body contributes to making the family better,but some men leave when they are longer the financial provider.

This is common among men who have been lording it over their wives,using their financial role in the family as a means to control their wives and children.This happens when such men lose their job to which their identity is tied and then come home to discover that without money they cannot control their families.This makes them even more frustrated.

Instead reaching out to their family in love so that they can figure out how to deal with the financial crisis such men lash out and blame all their problems on their wives .They feel they will be better off alone and leave their families.

Sometimes the problem with finances is that the woman earns more than the man and this affects his self esteem.This can be a big problem where the man expects the woman to hand over her paycheck since he is the head of the family.The solution to this problem is simple,let him know gently but firmly, it won't work that way.

Unfortunately some men would rather walk out on their families than change their role from captain to co-captain.This is a shame and reflects the harm pride can do to a relationship when it is tied to finances..

Criticism-a Reason Why Men Leave Their Families

Criticism is one of the reasons why men leave their families.The problem is that most women like to correct and teach.May be it is because of their nurturing nature.To men being constantly reminded of your mistakes without any mention of the few things you have done right on a daily basis can be very exhausting.

This kind of criticism will make most men feel as if there is nothing positive about their lives.Sooner or later some men get tired of the constant correction and feel that it will cost them more energy and stress to stay in their marriage or relationships than to leave.

Unfortunately for most women,telling their husbands what they do wrong is just their own way to try to help make things better in the house.Such women consider men who complain about criticism as cry babies,especially when there is some truth to the criticism.

One way to get round this is to speak the truth in love by asking your man a lot of self revealing questions.

Health - a reason why some men leave their families

Health can be a reason why some men leave their families.I know of a man who abandoned his wife because she got very sick and he felt she was not going to get any better.She was losing weight and coughing a lot with no improvement despite many months of treatment.One day he just took his wife to her mother's house then disappeared.He was convinced she was going to die.

Well,Susan refused to die.Her mum was able to find a doctor who helped take care of her.She didn't have cancer,in fact her diagnosis was resistant tuberculosis,from which she eventually recovered.

It took her a longer time to get over the fact that the man who had married her before her illness and had claimed she was the love of his life could so easily abandon her.

Poverty-a reason why men leave their families

Poverty is a reason why some men leave their families.This happens because a poor man can hardly ever be respected even when he is right or has kind words for his wife.

If you are a poor man and you care very much about your wife,but cannot provide her with the comforts of daily living be prepared for the resulting frustration from such discomforts to be vented at you.

If there is no housekeeper to clean the house because you cannot provide for it ,good luck expecting your wife to know that you care deeply for her welfare .This is worse where the man does not participate in the important task of cleaning the house. All your wife knows is that the pain and discomfort involved in keeping the house clean is not being equally shared or taken care of.As long as this pain persists all the ensuing frustration will be vented on you.

Unfortunately most men are too emotionally immature to distinguish between venting and personal attacks. When men with poor emotional strength and poor self esteem come under the strain of regular venting and curt responses,they crack.This is not too surprising since poverty does not help build up self esteem ,instead it tears self esteem down.

In other woods such men snap and leave their families.This is a quick and easy way to avoid staying at home to work out the difficulties and challenges in their marriage..

Loss of Intimacy- a Reason Why Men Leave Their Families

Loss of intimacy is one of the reasons men leave their families.At the beginning of most relationships ,most couples are so intimate that even the mere thought of their spouse will bring a knowing smile to their faces.At this time the level of intimacy can be as high as 10 out of 10.

Sadly though with time and a few grudges and misunderstandings here and there,things begin to change.Thoughts of spouses no longer bring frowns instead of smiles.The level of intimacy drops.Instead of having a score of 10 out of 10 the score drops to 5 or less out of 10.This is a sign of loss of intimacy.

For some men ,this loss of intimacy is due to their tendency to treat their wives like finished projects .This leads to a build of resentment because no human being likes to be treated as a project.They forget that marriage is like a garden that requires work and love everyday to give its best.

Men who leave their families because of loss of intimacy ,start by looking for relationships outside the family ,instead of working to build up the relationship in their family.They find an uncritical listening ear whom they can tell how terrible their wives are.They conveniently forget their own role in the situation .This usually starts as a hidden relationship and with time and the formation of new habits,some men completely abandon their families for their new found love .

Boredom-a reason why some men leave their families

Boredom is a reason why some men leave their families.I know of friend who left his lovely wife because he said the thrill was gone.He said he easily gets bored once he feels he has conquered his girl.He enjoyed his relationships best when he was still chasing or dating a girl.He enjoyed the uncertainty associated with each visit or encounter.

He said he found married life boring and predictable.He said marriage was like having the same meal over and over again.He felt trapped and caged in by the daily routine of married life.He said life was much more exciting when he woke on different days with different women lying by his side.I couldn't help asking him the obvious question.Why did you get married?He said his ex-wife was the most exciting and interesting person,he had ever met in his life.He said he was so excited to be with her ,he wanted to marry her and be hers for ever.

What changed after marriage?He simply said ,she changed and became boring and predictable so he had to leave the marriage.Fancy that.!! I wonder who changed or refused to change.

Sensitivity-a reason why some men leave their families.

Some men have a very thin skin.They react easily and violently to every comment by their wives,so that everybody around them is on pins and needles.This creates an atmosphere in the home where everybody is under a lot of tension.

I remember a friend ,telling me about the beautiful marriage of John and Jane,which broke up because Jane always criticized John for keeping his glasses face down after using it to drink water.It was the way his mum taught him that glasses should be kept after a drink.

Jane felt it was wrong because it meant the drinking rim of the glass could easily pick up dirt that can be transferred to the mouth.John didn't see it that way so they quarreled and had a series of arguments.

Finally ,in the middle of one of such arguments ,John stomped out of the house ,saying he couldn't live with someone who repeatedly insulted his mother !. Jane was shocked by his action.

The problem with sensitive men is that the things most people would consider little and insignificant,stands out like a looming mountain to them.This leads them to make major decisions over the smallest incidents of daily living.

How can you know about your man's sensitivity?Surprisingly ,one simple but easy to find out out is to ask questions.Do not to be reluctant to ask your spouse questions?

Grief-a reason why men leave their families

Sometimes the reason why some leave their families is grief.This may be following the loss of someone close to the family form which they never fully recover because they blame their spouse for the loss.

I know this may sound strange to some people but this has happened in the past.I know the story of a Joe and Ann who lost their three year old son in a swimming pool accident while getting ready for a family reunion.Ann had gone to the grocery store to buy a few things while Joe stayed at home to continue to make arrangements for the family reunion.Joe did not know that their son ,Jacob was at home with him.

By the time Ann came back and asked Joe about their son ,Joe was shocked."You mean ,"you didn't go with him ?"was all he could whisper." A frantic search by both parents found Jacob lying in the pool.All efforts to resuscitate him failed ,Jacob had drowned in the pool.

Joe blamed Ann for the loss of their son and could never get himself to love her after that.He said Ann should never have left the house without letting him know she was not with Jacob.He said their son was simply too young to die.He started drinking after the loss and six months later left the family.He said he could not continue living in the same house with a murderer.

Joe never accepted any responsibility for what had happened and even refused to go for grief counseling when Ann had suggested it soon after the accident.Ann was left alone to take care of their remaining two kids by a husband who could not get over his grief.

Poor sense of self-A reason why men leave their families

Some men leave their families because they are foundamentally opposed to themselves Their sense of self is so poor that they are opposed

to everything they are involved with,including their marriage.Some of such men say that they only reason they got married in the first place was to conform to societal expectations. These type of men know deep down in their hearts that they do not want to get married but still pretend to fall in love and marry.Of course after a short while of living together with their wives and their family the pretence wears off .This leads

them to revert to their prefferred option of being left alone and they begin to look for ways to blame their wives and kids so that they can leave.

One way to avoid being in this kind of situation is ask tough questions before you marry.Do not allow yourself to be carried away by apperances or circumstances.Ask your spouse what he understands by love and marriage and how these concepts fit into his own sense of self.

Lack of Respect - a reason why some men leave their families

Respect is tied to our self image or how we see ourselves and our place in the world.When this self image is constanly eroded by being told day in ,day out that you are stupid and lazy ,most men look for the exit signs.

This kind of situation is usually reflected in the frequent name calling and cursing that goes on in such families.Some women see this as telling the truthand being assertive.They have absolutely no intention of backing down or changing.

On the other hand the men that leave their families in such circumstances see this as lack of respect!.They see everything as a fight and a struggle.There is no peace from morning till night.From shopping to eating to sleeping leads from one misundrerstanding to another.

This is a very stressful situation which leaves most men to conclude that their only way out is to leave their families or stay married and die ..

Poor Listening-A reason Why men leave their families

Poor listening skills is one of the reason why men leave their families. According to Dr.James Peterson the author of "Why don't we listen better? Communicating and connecting in relationships" to be a good listener, one has to be able to listen without agreeing, defending,advising or disagreeing. Unfortunately because most men are used to seeing their wives as people who nag all they time, they end up listening to their wives in a defensive manner.

Listening in a defensive manner does not help communication and connecting in relationships.Instead it leads to distrust and helps to build up resentment. Men who listen to their wives in a defensive manner, are quick to find fault with everything their wives say without first making sure they are clear on the feelings and thoughts their wives were trying to share with them.

This leads to the wife accusing the husband of not listening and the husband complaining that no matter how hard he tries he always gets blamed. This inability to listen with empathy leads to a vicious cycle of accusations and counter-accusations until tensions reach a boiling point . It is at this point that most men leave their families , convinced that their wives always blame them without even listening. What an irony!

State your opinion about stress

How does stress affect men and women? Do men hate stress and women own "sress"?

Do women own Stress?

Exhaustion:A reason why men leave their families

While most men find it easy to proclaim that the they love their families, few are prepared to deal with the emotional and physical exhaustion that daily family life leads to. This type of emotional burn-out is one of the reasons why some men leave.In most cases the man just gets up and leaves the house without saying a word. This type of behavior usually completely catches the wife by surprise because in most cases the marriage has lasted for many years. Sometimes 5 years, other times 10 years or much more.

Men who behave in this manner are usually quick to make excuses. Their biggest complaint is usually that their emotionally needs were not being met in the family. There is typically a pattern of "going out with boys" on weekends or such men having their own special weekend activities which do not usually involve the rest of the family. This leads to a pattern of seeking and finding emotional fulfillment outside of the family.

The other consequence of this type of activity is that it makes the family a source of emotional tension. Such men, first complain that their wives are always correcting them or being told what they do wrong. They see their wife and kids as part of the problem. When they get to a point where they feel that even if they talk, nobody would listen , they begin to indulge in extramarital affairs which they justify in their minds.They blame everybody but themselves. Eventually the pattern continues until they become emotionally exhausted and come to the conclusion that their best option is to leave the family.

Men leave because of limited emotional benefits

Some men find themselves unhappy with their marriage because of limited emotional benefits.Since they do not have the courage to talk about their feelings they talk about their financial status. and then blame their wife and kids for their situation.Usually the reason for the unhappiness is pervasive and multi-factorial. It usually involves both the person's emotional poverty and financial limitations.

Of course, admitting that your emotional poverty could be responsible for your problems will be too hard for most men.The easy target is blaming somebody else.this is one of the reasons why men blame their wife and kids and work out on their marriage.This usually happens when communication between husband and wife is so poor that nobody is benefiting emotionally from the relationship.

Spirituality related issues;a reason why men leave

Spirituality related issues is another reason why some men leave their families Sometimes. when men stop praying together with their families they begin to develop other interests. Think about it.At the beginning of marriage, most families go to church or other spiritual activities together. Sometimes, problems arise, when one person becomes disinterested in religion and spirituality.

On the other hand , the problem could be that the husband or wife, discovers religion. If the wife is the one who does this, the husband might agree to go along initially. However, after weeks of pretending, the true feelings will finally come out and they will stop praying together. This can lead to frustration which can make some men get angry and leave their families.

Men leave because of daily disapproval

Some men find themselves in a bind. They want positive feedback but they end up with daily disapproval. They get tired of being told in many different ways that they are not god enough. Their wives cannot help themselves. They have to tell their husbands all the time about the their failed chores. After the men fix the kitchen sink ,they are immediately reminded that the kids went to school without their jackets. You mow the lawn and you are reminded that the trash has to be taken out. It never seems to end.,,,,,,,,,,,,,This approach can be relentless and exhausting. It can make men walk out on their marriage unless everybody makes adjustments.

Impatience : One of the reasons why men leave their families

One of the reasons why men leave their families is impatience. They are in a hurry to make everything work well at the same time. This usually leads to making simple misunderstandings worse. There are many examples of these throughout the day and they usually lead to arguments.Instead of taking time to make sure that their wives express themselves fully and that everyone gets a chance to say what is bugging them impatient get angry when a difference of opinion is expressed. They forget that when two adults have a conversation, to some extent everything is up for negotiation. You have your view and the other person says her view. Some men get inpatient and expect their wives to agree with a viewpoint simply because they think it is the truth. Men who are not prepared to have their wives disagree with them get angry when this happens . They become very autocratic when this happens repeatedly, especially when they are married to a woman who is equally prepared to speak their mind too! Unless adjustments are made or understanding is deepened, this situation eventually leads some men to leave their families.

Wrong Assumptions

When people make wrong assumptions they end up making wrong decisions. One of the reasons why men leave their families is that they make wrong assumptions about the intentions of their wives. This may be as a result of hearing bits of a conversation without asking further questions. At other times it is because of coming to false conclusion because of certain actions taken by members of the family, without asking questions. Based on some of these wrong assumptions some men storm out of long-standing relationships. Sadly, even when they later discover their assumptions were wrong, they are too proud to admit their mistakes. In the end everyone suffers.

The perfect wife

No matter what you do, you will fall short. If your wife expects nothing but 100 percent from you all the time then you are in for a long journey. Its either you get 100% or zero percent. This means that even if you have 9 out of 10 things done, you will told off exactly the same way a person who did zero or 1 out of ten things would have been told off. Why? Your failure to complete all ten things in a satisfactory manner reflects your incompetence.What a shame!!!You deserve zero percent because 9 out 10 things shows that you can never be trusted to do something as simple as doing your duty, which is usually inconsequential compared to all that your hardworking wife has to do.

Some men leave because they get tired of being constantly reminded of the " poor job", they always do. If you are a man.Man up! Stop complaining and improve yourself.Lazy man!!You should be grateful for having such a hardworking beautiful and perfect wife!!!!!


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      Anon 6 months ago

      To the anonymous man who left his Japanese wife and kids. I know you think you did the right thing, to leave so that your kids never "saw how unhappy you were and blame it on themselves" . Well now they won't. Instead they will see how you left and blame it on themselves. I find you a monstrous coward. And no, I don't pity your culture shock or feeling trapped in a different country in an unhappy marriage. Want to know why? My dad was in your situation. He was overseas in Asia, with an Asian wife. They had me. It was a bad relationship and he was terribly unhappy. You know what he did? He left. And he took me because he was a more suitable parent. Then he raised me on his own and still tried to work with my mom so that she could be in my life as much as she wanted to be. I must say I have to thank you though, because I never would have quite appreciated what an upstanding human being he is until I read what an awful one you are. I am sure people who make decisions like you did feel like it was the only thing they could have done. Well open your eyes and look around. There are many, many amazing men out there who, when faced with the same struggle, prove every day that men like you are full of BS.

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      Jasmine 12 months ago

      Men are responsible for their own decision to abandon their families. No one can be responsible for the mans decision and actions but him. Regardless of what his reasons for leaving, it was ultimately HIS responsibility to stay and his choice to leave. If a Woman ever left her children, this article would be about how to have a Woman arrested for child neglect and abandonment. Women arent given the option and excuses to abandon their families like men are. This is why women would be better off going to a sperm bank to have a family, instead wasting time with a man smh.

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      Ann 21 months ago

      Twelve years ago my husband left me and our five children for a married woman who later divorced her husband. It started when he got a job and started talking to the woman where they both worked. I noticed he was acting weird, like shining his shoes, using face cleansers, dressing more fancy and wearing colognes when the whole 18 years we were together he said he was allergic to any perfumes or colognes. I had a feeling something was wrong, but I knew for sure when I heard him on the phone one night telling someone he loved them. I walked in and asked who he was talking too and he hung up on whoever and told me no one. I took his phone and as he was trying to get the phone away got the last call. He stepped on my foot and ripped the phone out of my hand. As time passed he would start phoning home at night telling me he was working late and would be home late. Now I knew that this place of work was not open at 12 midnight, but I prayed that my thoughts were not true and he was not cheating on me with someone. I loved my husband very much and never believed he would do anything to wreck our marriage and relationship. My youngest child at this time was 6 months, the oldest 8. One night he said he was going to be late and he came home at 1 a.m. in the morning saying he had to shovel his car out of the snow. I had to know so I had a friend call the job and ask what time the store closed that night. They said they had closed at 7 because there was a Christmas Party and all the employees and their families had attended a Christmas party that night at a hotel in Boston. I felt devastated, my thoughts of him cheating were correct. I called him at work and he came home and was so smug about the whole thing. I told him it was either the woman or his family and he left us!!! I was so heartbroken that for 6 months after he left all I could do was cry. Then he threw us all out of our maritual home with no where to go with no conscience at all. The court allowed this! I tried to work things out with him, but he wanted nothing to do with it, he said he fell out of love with me and I did not understand what he meant, how can one fall out of love with someone. I couldn't understand how someone could switch off a light switch and fall out of love. He said he felt trapped and that he did not want the baggage anymore, we were baggage? Over the past twelve years of raising our five children I have gotten very sick, I do however love our children very much. Two have bipolar and autism. He does take them once a week, we however cannot even talk without him criticizing how I have raised them. I homeschool our two daughters because of learning problems and to him that is a big joke. He leaves us and I am always the joke of the day. He goes on vacations with the woman he left us for and I struggle to keep a home to live in and food on the table. I am on SSI because of my disability but I still put 100 percent into the care of our children. It is not always a feeling of failure that men leave, a lot of them leave to be with other women because they feel they can have more with the next one, or more of a fulfilled life with the woman they left for. Most of the time its just plain selfishness and cruelty. I waited six years for my ex to come home and when he did not I said a prayer, and closed the door on him forever. GOD was good and put another man who was more than happy to step in and help me raise my ex children. Sad that men of this day are not strong or willing enough to stay and finish what they started. My children are loved and cared for, even 12 years later. They have a father, but they never really had a dad.

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      Wanna Help 2 years ago

      I found your article to be very informative and it might help me find answers to my family's situation. I also thank all of the respondents, that's been helpful too. My brother found a new girl friend, who has 2 children of her own. He has a teenaged son and a 7 year old daughter. My brother has decided to ignore our parents, our sisters, and me (also a sister) for over a year now. Shortly thereafter, he decided not to see his daughter anymore. He is raising his son in his girlfriends house, so that's good. It's all a very awkward situation. My parents and sisters are very biter and negative about it, which I can't blame them for. But I cannot talk with them about love or forgiveness because they are instantly reminded how he has hurt them. I have stopped over to his house about 3 times. He never asks me to leave but he doesn't invite me in either. He listens but doesn't talk much about the elephant in the room. I try not to talk too much about it because he too has built up a wall. I also don't want to come across as nagging and have him completely shut me out too. I'm willing to take baby steps in helping him, that is, get him to see his daughter. She is miserable with her daddy. But he just won't take me up on my offer to bring her to him on a weekly or biweekly basis. I think he is in a deep deep depression and maybe he can't even ask. Our parents are alcoholics (our childhood sucked with constant partying in the house and my dad lost a good job), my brother didn't finish high school, doesn't have that great of a job, our mom is constantly critical of men, my sister and his girlfriend had a falling out and have never reconciled. It's a mess.

      I think he needs professional help. What can I say to trigger him to take action? I think that his girlfriend might help. But he has to say or do something to make his own life better.

      My sisters and mother have given up on him, which is so wrong! I mean you don't give up on your family, ever. My dad texts him and he never responds.

      It's tearing this family up. There has got to be a way. Any advice on helping him help himself or to face the facts that he needs help with depression would be greatly appreciated.

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      mr s 2 years ago

      I would like add that it take a lot if time and effort..people change and grow...with a little time things might work out..i am a man but I will try my very last breath to stay with my and children...

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      Highhorse 2 years ago

      @#nunyobizness:

      Wow, really? Isn't that a two-way street?

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      #nunyobizness 3 years ago

      wives- question. Did your husband want kids? No, really?

      If you forced the idea on him, because all he wanted was to be a husband, not a dad, then its YOUR fault why you can't prioritize your time to treat him like you did when you wanted him as a HUSBAND.

    • davidcompass profile image
      Author

      davidcompass 3 years ago

      @lifelongdad: Awesome!! lifelongdad. You sound like one of the truly good dads out there.Could you share with us, how you did it? Believe you me, a lot of dads and moms in the midst one of their battles today, would still gain a lot from your story. We all can !

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      lifelongdad 3 years ago

      not only am i a man that stayed to raise his own kids i also so adopted several kids and raised them. and got with my high school sweet heart and raised her kids as my own

    • davidcompass profile image
      Author

      davidcompass 3 years ago

      @nlablabla: Thank you for your comments. I agree with you that men should tackle their responsibilities instead of running away from them. However, I also feel that the more we know about their issues or concerns, the more we will be able to figure out what makes them happy, what worries them, bothers them or what makes them angry. This will help us get a better a grip on their emotional drivers. After all, we all know that our emotions influence our actions.

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      vera78 3 years ago

      I've been married for 10 years and my husband seems to have no passion to work and take care of me and our two kinds. In fact, I have been surviving on my own by God's grace. His family and a few friends have advised him to get a job but he refused. He most times gets depressed and seeks solace from facebook, hang around with friends till 4 am at least four times a week. he doesn't even inform me before leaving where he is going or call or text me unless for anything to do with our children. He even cheated on me after three months of wedding and to add salt to injury I was pregnant of my second child. I have done everything possible as a wife and human being to advice him but he takes my word for a pinch of salt hence I decided to start the new year by focusing on myself and kids. His family always defend him whenever I raise the issue and we no longer contact one other because they expected me to build our house down home and implement their heart desires despite my struggles to pay rent, bills and provide household essentials. I can't remember the last time he paid a bill or rent. God knows how much I have contributed both financially and physically but they don't appreciate. Right now, I struggle to look at his face because he has caused me so much pain and doesn't care to know if I'm hurting or not. I do not know the next step but I do know that my children are the reason why I am with him because I want them to grow up in a complete family unit. god give me the strength.

    • davidcompass profile image
      Author

      davidcompass 3 years ago

      @heartbroken39: Thank you for sharing your story. Concentrate on staying strong for yourself and your kids. Focus on what you can change and let go of the things you cannot change. Remember the story about if you let a bird go or the thing you really love, the bird or the object of your love will come back to you.What will you do while the bird is still away? Find your inner compass, pray and find ways to create new positive memories with those who love you.

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      heartbroken39 3 years ago

      My boyfriend of 18months who i ived with in a house that we are on a lease and he has to pay half for 8 months, left me and my 8 year old daughter and 19 year old son. its been 3 weeks im so upset can't eat sleep, heartbroken so is my kids.see i didn't live like i should i do now i can't believe how much im alive , going out i work now and im finally the way he feel in love with me but he is gone and wont contact us. he took all his things and cut off acble and phone. i have left him messages and he will not call me back.i was very negative and cranky all he time. i tierd findong work for a year and i think he got fed up with me even though i was a housewife and did everything served him drinks and supper got him everything always i felt like i had a full time job. well i started working at mcdonalds the on;y place that called, and backshifts at that for two 3 weeks.it killed me i wouldn't and couldn't sleep only three days a week and then stayed wide away for 4 in a row. he bugth me sleeping pills and wake up pills but i didn't think they were safe as i only got 4 hours in a sleep in those three days as i had to pick up mydaughter after school.we got into a big fight he thought i was going to quit my job as that tuesday after i fainted my body shut down from lack of sleep i guess, i had to work that night and called in , he left and went to his parents house. i woke up the next morning and there was a facebook messagesaying in so many words he is not in love with me anymore and told his amily what he has been putting up with from me, he told them i was crazy and they said things to hm i said to them? that shocked hima nd hurt him and said he never wants to see me again, he went so far the next day he tried to get me off our lease? as that turned out he couldn't so because he left on a lease we just signed he is stuck paying until april 2015, which then i will have to move with my s=daughter to a new school again since when we moc=ved in a changed her school.im so shocked at this and hurt and i don't understand it at all. i do derseve this pain as i was hard on him but see he liked to have two drinks a night and play video games, when i wasn't lovely it bothered him. i had to call him if i left to go out always or he would me bad but he said concerned. if we got into a fight i slept on couch he would carry me back to bed. i can't lie i enjoyed all of that from him and miss him so much. im working days now for a week at mcdonalds still sucks got a cheap sitter for daughter but as soon as i go home im upset and miss him so much. why does he hate me so much ? he has not been in a longer realtinship than me, and im thinking he has already moved on he has blocked me from facebook but i can see single and he is taking pictures of himself.why don't he think of me this way? you have to understand we were so close maybe to close but very in love for a while after night shits i was a different cranky person as no life or sleep was too hard on me i got imsomia from it and still can't even sleep a good night sleep.i wish this pain would go away. i reached out to his parents his dad always hated me, but his mom didn't , i sent her a message and shedidnt respond saying how bad i felt i hated who i was and i have changed rrally so much I want a second chance to show him and no one responds, my daughte rcalled her nanny and she called him daddy.he didn't even call once fro her or say goodbye.what do you all think I heard he did this to every x this is how he hasbrreaks up and never goes back, but i know down deep we had the real thing he knos it too maybe the old me .im her again and now he can't see it ,will he ever come back he has a key to my the house and wont give it back he says its so i don't break the lease.

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      nlablabla 3 years ago

      @davidcompass: Crazy! So you are in fact encouraging this man to leave? Never good, one Can not run from their problems! Even if they are not at fault initially, ,leaving makes them fail themselves and word, ,and that's all we have! He then becomes a weaker man,! A coward not a conquerer, ,face ur situation do not run, fix it or end it! Leaving urn avoiding your responsibilities, Making more money as we know is the excuse!

      X

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      davidcompass 3 years ago

      @jay1972: Hello Jay1972,

      Thank you for sharing. I think you are on the right track. Getting a higher paying job will help you to reduce the stress that requiring help with the bills has generated.Getting a job that takes you out of town will help you put some distance between you and the criticism you have been getting. While you are working on your plan, make out time to go for evening strolls , so that you can find time to meditate and reduce your daily stress load.

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      jay1972 3 years ago

      I have been married 10 years. I have had job problems in recent years. I keep working and not giving up though. I have had my current job 3 years. It does not pay well so I ask my wife for help with bills. She has either insinuated or directly told me she is ashamed of me and does not respect me. I have a nine year daughter and I want to continue with my family obligations. Right now I am contemplating getting some work skills that will allow me to get a high paying job out of state or on the road. That way, I can continue to be married but have a valid reason to be around the witch. Criticism only works with positive affirmation, inspiration, and support.

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      davidcompass 3 years ago

      @vera78: Thank you for sharing. I can see that you are dealing with an emotionally difficult situation.Our emotional well-being is a very important component of our relationships and daily happiness. However, you appear to be someone who is mentally and spiritually tough. It is unfortunate that most men do not know or have not learned that the emotional-well being of their marriage is a shared responsibility. The first step towards achieving emotional balance in any relationship is understanding each others personality and world-view frame work. Fortunately you already have some insight into this because you said,"he is a proud and defensive person" The second step is to find out what motivates the person. It is only when you know a person's motive that you can figure out what will work or not work with that person. This process is difficult and challenging and you have to continue to find ways to make yourself happy while helping others become more emotionally balanced. Do not give up on your right to a joyful and happy life!!!!

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      vera78 3 years ago

      @davidcompass: Thanks davidcompass, he is proud and defensive person. He doesn't give me full details about what he does out there. I mostly hear the full story from outside e.g friend or relative. Sometimes he doesn't even bother. Do u know that if he is expecting a visitor, he tells me when they are ringing our doorbell? I have evolved myself to live with this attitude because I want to restore some sanity and mental happiness to myself. I mean, I just think of ways to make myself happy without offending or denting both my image and family's.

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      davidcompass 3 years ago

      @vera78: Hello Vera78,

      Thank you for answering my question and sharing some more. Good companionship, emotional balance and reliability, financial responsibility are crucial for good marriage in addition to good s-x.If someone is exporting goods without evidence of returns then the person needs to learn to be financially responsible. This means money for the business has to generate enough money to buy the next car. If this is not possible then the business model has to be reexamined. However, this re-examination will not occur if the person running the business is not held accountable for his actions.Humility is also part of the fabric of a good marriage.Humility is what will allow one to admit their weakness and graciously work with their spouses to overcome them.Do you think this is something that applies to the situation you are dealing with?

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      vera78 3 years ago

      @davidcompass: thanks for your reply. That's a good question, the only thing that makes him happy is good s_x but I try to let him kno that it is not everything in marriage. I think about work, bills, rent, clothing, food everyday.my brain works round the clock even when asleep. He is very good at exporting goods to our home country and never brings a penny back. He spends money on hotels, friends and friend's family who hosted him and so on. His motivation is basically I doing everything for him... he lacks one for important things apart from football, calling friends and fb.

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      davidcompass 3 years ago

      @vera78: Hello Vera78,

      Thank you for your heart-felt comments. Since you have decided to remain in the marriage, you have to make sure you remain, happy too. I know you said your main concern was your children. However, I am sure they will be happy to see happy.What do you think will make your husband change or get him excited and motivated?

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      davidcompass 3 years ago

      @b1145184: Have you tried going for counseling together? You can for couples therapy, that way, you can both share your feelings, fears and concerns with someone who can help each person see their blind spots and give you a different perspective. The good thing about counseling is that you are part of the decision process.Just remember that any acceptable solution will require time to be implemented

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      b1145184 3 years ago

      Well I have been married for 17 years and with dating added in there been 23 years with her. We have both battled addictions ( me early on - her last 10 years ) Our only child is 17 years of age and going to start college a year early at that age. Wife went and got her BSN @ 6 years ago and says can't deal with the stress that comes with nursing. I have recently reached a point now she is conversing with a supposed childhood friend frequently and all hours of the day and night. I do believe her when she says it is as friends yet I can not help the turn to him for emotional support is ruining our relationship. I am a soon to walk out father/husband that's just completely full of the addictions, the stress of trying to uphold everything, my job, all the stuff that happens in 20 + years. Attorneys have been so negative when speak of divorce. I am willing to walk away with just clothes on my back ( everything else can be replace ) heck home is 2 years from paid off. I just want to run away and start something for me and my sanity. Am I a bad person for wanting/doing this. I can't take and or put anymore in this situation with out feeling of running away or a bullet in my head sometimes. Something must change for my sake of living I feel....ideas or suggestions

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      davidcompass 4 years ago

      @anonymous: Thank you for sharing. Your strength is amazing.I am particularly struck by your determination to find comfort in the good memories of the past while striving to make more good memories now and in the future. Awesome!

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      anonymous 4 years ago

      My husband just one day, left us. When he left us our kids were 11, the twins were 3.5 and our son was 16 month old. I was the main financial provider. I supported him, his uncle and our four children. His mother changed his cell phone number and we haven't had any contact from him or his family, absolutely none. It's like we don't exist to them. I am left holding all the responsibility still wondering why he checked out. Constantly our children are wondering where he is, and why he doesn't call. I was completely blind sided, and for a while I had no idea what to tell them, just that I love them. What does one say? Moving on has been difficult, but I didn't want our kids feeling any more abandonded than they need to feel. We do find comfort in the good memories and we continue to make more without him. I have chosen to stay a single mom, the last thing they need is another upset. I think if you ever fall into my shoes know that it's not you and there probably wasn't anything you could have done differently, he was going to leave no matter how much you loved and cared for him. What I have learned is that I am a lot stronger than I ever thought possible. Good luck and keep loving your children, you are all they have.

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      anonymous 4 years ago

      My husband just one day, left us. When he left us our kids were 11, the twins were 3.5 and our son was 16 month old. I was the main financial provider. I supported him, his uncle and our four children. His mother changed his cell phone number and we haven't had any contact from him or his family, absolutely none. It's like we don't exist to them. I am left holding all the responsibility still wondering why he checked out. Constantly our children are wondering where he is, and why he doesn't call. I was completely blind sided, and for a while I had no idea what to tell them, just that I love them. What does one say? Moving on has been difficult, but I didn't want our kids feeling any more abandonded than they need to feel. We do find comfort in the good memories and we continue to make more without him. I have chosen to stay a single mom, the last thing they need is another upset. I think if you ever fall into my shoes know that it's not you and there probably wasn't anything you could have done differently, he was going to leave no matter how much you loved and cared for him. What I have learned is that I am a lot stronger than I ever thought possible. Good luck and keep loving your children, you are all they have.

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      davidcompass 4 years ago

      @anonymous: Thank you for your comment. Peace of mind is priceless.

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      anonymous 4 years ago

      @anonymous: I like your post. I left my husband after 10 years for the same reasons. I will always choose peace of mind over being constantly belittled!

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      davidcompass 4 years ago

      @anonymous: Thank you for your comment. Life can be full of unexpected surprises. Sometimes a bad experience may turn out to be a great lesson in disguise.

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      anonymous 4 years ago

      I am still wondering why my ex left. he moved to the USA, then he was on Facebook having a blast with new people. I visited him a year later and he was very different. he made it clear he did not want me. left me at airport and did not call to find out if I had gotten home o.k. A great mess I called it. Should have listen to my mom.

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      davidcompass 4 years ago

      @anonymous: Thank you for your comment.

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      anonymous 4 years ago

      My ex husband was the nagging person in our house. We both worked, he never helped, and was always away fishing or hunting, but he was the one to complain. Go figure. The final straw was his stupid cheating ass-caught him, I only hope he caught something too. He also wonders why the kids want nothing to do with him now.

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      davidcompass 4 years ago

      @anonymous: Thank you for your comment

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      anonymous 4 years ago

      @anonymous: Women also have a moral obligation to not be "bitches." It cuts both ways,

      Life's too short to be stuck with a woman who thinks you will stick around no matter how bad things get.

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      anonymous 4 years ago

      My reasons for leaving my wife of 5 years:

      1. Constant nagging. She never missed a chance to criticize me. She increasingly started to criticize me in public using loud voice to make sure that everyone around us heard her. She always needed an audience for a fight - neighbors, friends, random passers by. Anyone would do. She just needed to show her moral superiority over me.

      2. If I did not do the loundry, the loundry would not be done. If I would not vacuum the house for a month, the house would not get vacuumed for a month. Her idea of "doing housework" was calling the maid service.

      3. She found some fault with everything I did, no matter how much heart I've put into it.

      4. Sexless marriage. I lost all desire when one evening she started arguing with me DURING sex. That was the last straw.

      Now l live alone, and I will never get involved with another woman. This marriage was such a bad experience, I think I will be better off alone.

      To those who think that men leave for sex, think again. I could take the sexless marriariage, but I could not take the constant nagging and being put down. Life is too short to be stuck in a bad marriage.

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      anonymous 4 years ago

      mine left when our baby was less than two weeks old because he mother made him choose between me.or her ...of course he chose his mom and.now gets visitation with our son and complains that its not enough time and that its unfair that I have my son every day

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      anonymous 5 years ago

      @anonymous: Benny:

      You say, "I left to give my babies a chance to live a life of pan of knowing how unhappy their father was...it would make their lives unhappy."

      Uh, sorry but I don't get it. How do you know it would make their lives unhappy? Are you not responsible for your own unhappiness? And do you think that your wife and children, whom you left because you didn't communicate well nor does it seem you even tried despite the cultural differences, will be happy with your decision?

      How can you be happy knowing that you've already abandoned your children because of your own whiny needs? Think again carefully, because your own happiness will never be complete, knowing that you left 3 unhappy people behind.

      In the end you are responsible for your unhappiness. Don't think that by exchanging your external situation you are going to remedy the internal turmoil you feel at your family's expense.

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      davidcompass 5 years ago

      @anonymous: Thank you for your comment.

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      anonymous 5 years ago

      @anonymous: I know what you mean, and it is even harder when you care for them but can't live with them any more. Self preservation.

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      anonymous 5 years ago

      i think its hard that me and my ex have a 3 yr old and then we just had another baby shes not even two months yet and he just got a job and his first pay check he left gave me a hug and kiss sd hell be right back and never came back then i seen him 4 days later with a hickey on his neck and he did't have any money to help with bills or neccesities and he is on meth and is drinking alcohol all day everyday and then he got his 2nd paycheck didn't cash it till three days later and still refused to pay a bill or help with out children he just left me all alone i don't have a car and only one child is in daycare and i have bills to pay and im back at work now from maternity leave and its terrrible with my 3 yr old does't want to eat what i make and doesn't want to go to bed on time tells me no all day gets off time out finally stays on time out then apologiuzes but reversed his potty training im going on 4 hours of sleep sometimes 5 but im exaushsted and my feelings are hurt because i feel used this whole time we were together and i was there for him and his family and no one has shown me any appreciation or given out a helping hand im all alone with everyones responsibility haunting me i just want to relax but my thoughts about everything dwell for longer than a min.

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      davidcompass 5 years ago

      @anonymous: Thank you for your comment. I agree with you that criticism without balance, boundaries or an acknowledgement of even the smallest shade of positive regard is very difficult to handle.

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      anonymous 5 years ago

      You want a reason? My life: I rise around 6am spouse between 9-11, during the first hour no talk allowed. Then the criticism starts and ends at what time she says I can go to bed. Is that enough. Being told of your uselessness cconstantly will send any guy packing, especially after 15 years of it.

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      davidcompass 5 years ago

      @anonymous: Hello Benny.Thank your very touching comment.I can see that it must have been hard for you to leave your family.It seems as if your decision was more an act of love than anything else. Since you said that,"All that I do now is for them",it might be a good idea to try to reach out to your children.

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      anonymous 5 years ago

      This somewhat interesting. I will probably take a considerable amount of flack for saying this however, I left my wife and children. I moved to Japan and met my wife there. We got married very quickly after we met, and things tended to move quickly thereafter. All the while things really didn't change for us and become more challenging till the day we got married. And very seriously so, immediately after marriage our relationship was not what we had both thought it would or could be. All that you mentioned above in your post I experienced in our marriage. We had incredible times. While our son was in his first year was truly a sharing time. In the next six months of his growth, I really felt even more love for my son. My wife as well. But our challenges communicating really turned our love around. I just became a paycheck and a man that was supposed to do something without question. I was also constantly compared to my father in law, who in japanese culture just accepts the role their given. In addition I started to have cultural differences living a place that was not home. No family, no support. Cultural barriers and the list goes on. It progressively got worse. We started to fight about how we going to raise or kids. A big argument turned bad and my wife left the house with a luggage bag and the car. I had two little babies then. I was stuck, in Japan no less. And my wife didn't care. She came back, and wanted to make a truce towards the end of the week, but I couldn't trust her. It I couldn't take my kids either. I would be arrested at the airport. So, I left to give my babies a chance to live a life without the pain of knowing how unhappy their father was, and having to grow up seeing this unhappiness. It would make their lives unhappy. It would mark their spirit with this memory of "Did I every make Daddy happy?" or "What did I do to make my Papa feel so sad?" . I couldn't do it. I would rather it be tough for everyone and have them grow up with positive love and risk not knowing me and have questions about that maybe they might want an answer for when they are 18years old. But I knew there was a chance I would never see them again. I didn't do it for me. I did it for them. I send as much money as I can possibly send every month to my wife. But they will never know, at least until they can read the mail. The only hope I have is by them looking at themselves being part westerner. The chance they will be curious to find out about their father. I never wanted to leave, but felt I had no choice. There isn't a day I don't think about them. All that I do now is for them.

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      davidcompass 5 years ago

      @anonymous: I do not think it is smart for men to ignore women, especially when the woman in question is their wife.

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      anonymous 5 years ago

      Men ignore women when they have no plans to comply. If forced to interact.( wife) is crazy and a nag

      So frustrating...she was set up to loose.

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      davidcompass 5 years ago

      @anonymous: I agree with you that people have a moral obligation to support those they bring into this world.

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      anonymous 5 years ago

      I think some men leave because they are selfish and immature themselves and have no self esteem. If you had any pride about you, you would NEVER allow your children to go without things they need and to see their mother going through an emotional breakdown while still having to hold down the fort alone. Do any of these cowards realize the extent of the damage they do when they run away? Let me clear the previous term because they do NOT walk out, they RUN away. I don't care what a bitch the woman may be, you have a MORAL OBLIGATION in life to provide for the human beings that you bring into this world. Did men in the BIBLE ever tell stories of running out on their family? Come on, these men are as LOW to me as a child molester. For real.

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      davidcompass 5 years ago

      @anonymous: Thank you ConfusedMe for sharing your situation and thoughts with us.It is sad that sometimes having more money makes some men act against their better judgement.They want to act and prove to their friends that they are still one of the boys.Most of them are not too happy with their change in behavior but they may be too proud or too confused to admit it.I think you should start by talking to him......Ask him if he is really happy?Ask him what he wants you to tell your children? Spend sometime meditating and looking for inner strength.This will also help you find out what you really want.

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      davidcompass 5 years ago

      @writerkath: Thank you Kathy T for your comment.I agree with you.Honesty and Effective communication is very important for both men and women.

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      davidcompass 5 years ago

      @anonymous: Thank you for your comment.People have many reasons for leaving their relationships.I think they more we can learn from situations others have experienced they more we can find positive lessons we may be able to apply to our different situations.After all,we all want peace and happiness.

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      anonymous 5 years ago

      ive known my fiancé for 6 years and we've been together for 4, we have 1 daughter together and we were planning on having a son. Little after he got a better paying job and shortly after that our relationship has been falling downhill. Next thing i know he is walking out on us and hanging out with wrong people and just ignoring us completely. Now i don't even know how to handle this or if this is just something that he needs to go through or what...

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      anonymous 5 years ago

      Truly written by a woman! How did you get all these men to admit these are the reasons for leaving. Sounds like ones interpretations of many situations. Is there another article for why women push their husbands out the door?

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      anonymous 5 years ago

      I am man.I have to agree with the article posted above. At times it feels so overwhelming I just want to walk out of the door and never look back. Being responsible for a family is so hard. The financial burden seems to never end and meeting emotional needs of wife and kids just saps all of my energy. I love my family but if I had to choose I would NEVER marry and NEVER have kids

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      anonymous 5 years ago

      @anonymous: my husband walked out on this 13yr marriage n 3 kids..he doesnt c hs kids either...the kids dnt acknowledge him too...he says kds come out of a relatonship...when the relationshp is no more wth the frst wife..so r the kids...all non existant

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      anonymous 5 years ago

      my husband whos been marred 13 years with 3 kids walked out on his wife n kids plus is working on even getting to change their last names he doesn't want to lend his last name to the kids or the woman, he says she was trial n error n he thinks his kids arnt beautful enuf it spoils hs genes...he says kids come out of a relationship, when the relationship doesn't exist anymore...even the kids are non exisitent to him....he showered wth me with so much love and jewelry n money....he is a nice guy

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      anonymous 5 years ago

      My husband left me with 3 children after 13yrs of marriage, just up and left on 28th August 1979. He has never written or phoned in all that time. My younger son found out where he had gone March 1998, back to his native Scotland he had left me in London all those years before! He had a partner and he boasted to my son that he had 6 stepchildren, 5 sons & a daughter. My eldest son and my daughter do not want anything to do with him, my daughter asked me why did he choose to bring up someone elses children and not us? He has never provided anything either before or after he left us! He would rather take than give he was raised in Glasgow in a poor family and he did exactly the same thing to his own children. He did us a favour when he left! I hope he gets paid back one day he certainly hasn't got a conscience for what he did!

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      writerkath 5 years ago

      It's a difficult topic - each situation is unique. I think being unprepared, not having had good role models growing up, and being unskilled at communications are some of the things that cause the frustration. In my past jobs in education/career coaching, I have seen a LOT of this... Sad. And, of course it's not just the men.

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      anonymous 5 years ago

      @anonymous: Easy to say until it is you in her shoes. She wanted an opinion not to be judged dummy.

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      anonymous 5 years ago

      im face with the same problem,my husband is having an affair with an older woman ,we have three children ,i only found out two years now but his affair is seven years i told him its me or the other woman no comprise,there r quarrels everyday,he said he can"t leave the woman so hewalk out leaving us.much more to talk about

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      anonymous 5 years ago

      @anonymous: Bitter? Get a life instead of stereotyping other human beings

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      anonymous 5 years ago

      @anonymous: Molly...your EXACTLY right!!! After 23 yrs of what I thought was a good marriage, my now ex-husband walked out on me and our 2 children for another man's wife!!! Did I see it coming? Absolutely not. They say the wife has to know something but I did not. I'm not stupid, I just believed the best in him like a wife should, y'think? Said he loved me but wasn't 'in love' with me anymore......???? I know I exhausted EVERY possible way to convince him what he had gotten himself into was going to lead down the road to destruction (which it did) but did he listen? Of course not. She dumped him 10 months later and ran back to her husband where she remains today, 6 yrs later. We did end up divorced and he didn't even stay in the state to be close enough to be able to see our children on a regular basis. He moved 800 mi away and that was Dec. 2007 and hasn't even tried once to come see the kids!! Nobody has kept him from seeing them. He's since moved in with some divorce'e and just lives with her. Even too cheap to send a dollar card on the birthdays. He texts for free on their birthdays only. This past Christmas, not one word from him via text, call, card...nothing. Today is Father's Day once again. Both kids refuse to acknowledge him. He walked out yes, but there's NO excuse for not trying to see your kids in 4 1/2 yrs!!! What'ya think of that?

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      anonymous 5 years ago

      I think that many men lack communication skills and cannot take a cold, hard look at themselves, be honest about their own faults, and have the courage to try to improve. I believe that it is more about themselves, their past, their childhood and their inability to "face" their own fears and disappointments that causes them to blame their family. This lack of emotional maturity leads to pain for everyone.

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      anonymous 5 years ago

      This article is ridiculous. Obviously the men leave because they are selfish pricks and didn't mean what they said at the alter.

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      anonymous 6 years ago

      I agree with you some respect.But I would have to say that as a married man, I have struggled withn my wife making more than I. I don't want to control her finances or anything but i do think that she uses it to her advantage at times. My wife is someone that I have come to almost hate because she has controlled over our four kids and never support my decisions.I try to talk to her but we always go back and forth. She has always challenged me around the kids and that has always set me in orbit to a point that i just don't respond and walk away. She has even at times said that all her friends at work said that she should not marry me because i am a police officer. More over, she is a cops worst nightmare,always getting traffic violations and not paying for them due to the cars are listed to me as primary owner. When I first met her she was a very different person, hanging out with me as if one of the fellas. Now we hardly even look at each other or have sex. We have four kids and its hard to be a dad when you are married to a demascultating woman. I have put up with a lot and have become almost ill where my well being is failing at times. I was once a very organized and responsible man and have now almost given up who I am as a man. I' ve can go on forever rambling about this. I know i'm not the only strong minded man to have this problem. Ive considered leaving my wife but I don't want to lose my kids.

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      anonymous 6 years ago

      I don't think that if LOVE is in the air - than men will tired from this relations.

      i think that if you already have a couple, you (woman or man in 50%, of course sometimes we have some more from other side, but this is from who love more and who want to stay together more) you must try to do life of your partner more shining. its just from silly games on the free time for example, from more patience in making love, in attitude to woman and man - like a simple postcard or fields flowers - its not so hard to stay somewhere in road and cut of them from field - more harder - to hink about this. woman very like simple and romance things like baloons or hearts from paper in the her pillow in the morning. the same as man like good cooking and cleaning of home, good dresses with sexy neckline and just words (as woman too of course) in publicj how Damn you pretty today!!!.. you know - not need to be lazy and try to do all in right way, but if you want to have a copuple you need work on it and do all best. as much as you want to have in back.

      and one more thing. if you really love this man/woman - you need to do as much as you only could to win her/him again and not wait the same in back. sometimes need much more time to do life together more better again.

      if this all will help you realize that this woman/man is all for you - any work or meeting with other person will not do you stop to cook/do something special for your beloved.

      or you could try to found your woman in this way

      http://jump4love.com/welcome58.html