Infidelity: Why men are unfaithful
Some fellas cheat on wives who are very attractive – even more attractive than they are. Others do it to fill an emotional void created by a current relationship.
For men, cheating is not always just about looks or even just about sex, despite beliefs to the contrary. Men are more complex than often thought. There might be as many reasons for men cheating as there are men, but we can narrow it down to a few basic categories.
Whether it’s evolutionary, biological, or both, men desire several partners and are more sexually aggressive than women. There is just something compelling about getting as many sexual conquests as possible. This is not a good excuse for cheating though; even nature’s force can be resisted sometimes.
It is unfortunate, but some fellas do not want to eat the same pudding. They want to sample other dishes, even while they eat some pudding in between. To them, it’s just part of a balanced diet. Women should be extremely wary of these variety cheaters; they’ll cheat even if you’re doing everything right.
Some men get tested; some are tested more than others. I know a guy who toys with women whom he does not consider attractive. The buffoon even claimed that he’s strong because he “resists temptation.” But what if a woman he considered attractive tried to cripple down his untested defences? Women deal with this better than males do; after all, they’re tested regularly. In a few cases, men simply fail a temptation test that they are not familiar with and cheat.
Remember when you weren’t supposed chew gum in class, but you had to have the Tutti Frutti? Well, the thrill of cheating is something like that – except that it’d take plenty Tutti Frutti to match it. Some men get a high from the spliff of infidelit; it’s dangerous, fun and forbidden. Avoiding detection also adds some excitement to the game – until discovery ends the thrill.
Problems with the relationship
Issues with the current relationship can motivate a guy to seek solace in the arms of another woman. Perhaps the wife or girlfriend does not seem adventurous enough. The problem could even be outside of the bedroom – some emotional disconnect or void. Persons tend to underestimate the emotional motivation for cheating. A man feels inadequate or misunderstood in his relationship is especially susceptible to an available, enterprising woman.
Some fellas cheat because it makes them feel useful and desirable; it builds their ego. Even when that ego is massive, they want to share it with others. For some, it is therapeutic – a way to counteract verbal abuse with a relationship. Be warned though. Even though their wives might think the world of them, there are fellas who just want their own female fan club.
They can separate sex from emotions
Some men do it better than others, but males are generally better at separating sex from emotion compared to females. To this group of male cheaters, sex is in LA and their emotions are in New York City. The distance helps them to both deal with their guilt and justify their actions.
At least one in every two guys cheats on his woman. This book offers practical guidelines to put a leash on those dogs.
They can get away with it
Women sometimes let men get away with cheating for various reasons. When they give the dog another bone, they may not make it clear that it’s their last bone, or they aren’t taken seriously. A few fellas truly make an earnest effort when given a second chance; repeat offenders feel that they can squeeze another one.
There is no single profile of a male cheater, so to say that men cheat because they are dogs does not fully address the issue. However, once women don’t tie themselves up with men who like variety, lots of options and plenty ego-stroking, the possibility of infidelity is much lower.
More on why men cheat...
While there are books that have explored the feelings and experiences of wives whose husbands have been unfaithful, the question of why men cheat and whether it is because of sexual dissatisfaction, emotional dissatisfaction, or something else has remained largely unexamined. At last, The Truth About Cheating presents many fascinating and provocative answers.
In Why Did He Cheat on Me?, bestselling author and infidelity expert Rona Subotnik helps you understand what drives men to be unfaithful--and what you can do about it. From the first telltale sign to rebuilding trust, marriage counselor Subotnik takes you through the sometimes painful, always challenging process of dealing with infidelity.