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why people argue

Updated on May 20, 2011

So why does it all happen??

You don't really know why it happens. Perhaps you don't really know when it all was starting out or what it all was about. Somewhere down the line, you guys stopped being nice and started to show your annoyed feelings.

Do you remember what it might have been like to live with your brothers or sisters? (Assuming you have any) Do you remember how much the little things they annoyed you? They could say one word, any word, and it could set you off a cliff.

It tends to get that way in relationships also. Maybe you live with him/her, and before that, it was a great relationship. You loved to spend all your free time with him/her and you felt like you had so much to catch up on for the one day you missed spending with him/her. There was always something to do, something to say, and something to learn.

But now that you live with them--or even if you don't--things are starting to change. There's not a lot of learning to do anymore, there's nothing really to talk about, and you're not going out every night.

Just like in the siblings example, the little things are starting to bother you. In fact, they might actually start heated arguments between you two.

what it looks like

Here's what it may look like. It may look like a simple gesture that has been taken the wrong way and misunderstood. Now you guys are arguing about why the other one does what they do, Why they act how they act, and why they believe what they believe. Then, past mistakes start getting brought up and it just makes things worse than they were.

Maybe he didn't include you on a decision you felt that you should have been a part of. Now you feel left out and it sets off a whole chain of emotions that you don't want.

Maybe she didn't take into consideration that when she has an attitude and tells you what to do, it makes you feel like she's treating you like a kid.

Maybe he didn't stop to think that his false accusations can really cut a thick gash in your heart. Something you, as a girl, can't express.

Maybe she didn't truly understand how you feel every time she hangs out with a guy that you don't feel right about; even though she says he's like her brother.

How you can fix things

So now that you have a little insight on how it happens and what it looks like, the next thing you need to know is what you can do to help your situation--assuming you don't want to fight anymore.

First off, you need to shut up and bite your tongue every time he/she says something that makes you want to say something hurtful or negative. That's probably going to be the hardest thing to do, because every one has pride, and everyone feels the need to defend themselves. Well, I'm telling you to swallow your pride, and be the bigger person that says you won't retaliate and add to the fight. Just take the punches and hold your tongue. Yes, it will be hard to do, but it will be worth it in the end.

Next, I want you to consider why you guys fight in the first place. What is the one thing he/she brings up every time you fight? Well, whatever it may be, fix it. Do your part to correct the one thing that bothers the other one.

After that, I want you to rekindle the love that you once felt. Chances are, the reason you guys are fighting is because life with each other got boring, and reality took over. Bills, finances, stress of life, etc. all are setting in and setting you guys off on each other. Start doing your part by making kind, romantic gestures. Guys, remind your girl why it is you love her. Do something special for her; surprise her with something. Girls, do the same thing.

Next, I want you to start doing things together with each other. Convince your guy/girl that you should go to a community event, join a gym together, or take up a hobby together. Just as long as it is something you both like to do and can do it together. Remember, families that play together, stay together.

When problems arise in your relationship, I want you to do the best you can to communicate and not argue when trying find a solution. The other person might not be able to handle the situation the same as you, but try to be understanding of them. If you learned anything from dating, you should know how she/he reacts to stress and problems.

Hopefully all this helps

I'd hate for you to walk away from reading all this thinking, "it will never work." Because the truth is, there is no magic formula to solving this problem. It all just takes hard work from both parties. Do what works for you, but make sure you're doing all of it in the best intention for the one you love.

Leave a comment to let me know what you think about all of this and let me know if there's any questions you have for me!


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