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10 Reasons You Should Never Reunite With Your Ex: Why You Should Let Your Ex Go

Updated on May 3, 2019

The two of you were in love but one of you decided to break up the relationship. Whether you came into terms and broke up peacefully or the break up was followed by drama, the end of it hurts. It tears our hearts into pieces. The pain is experienced by both the initiator and the receiver at different levels. Whoever recovers quickly depends with the nature of the relationship, the personality of the person and how the two parted.

After some time, your thoughts are filled with the need of wanting your ex back. As a dumper you feel the decision you made to end the relationship wasn’t wise. Or, you think your ex has changed his/her bad habits the reason you ended the relationship. It is time to give the relationship another try. As a dumpee, you are hurt and you want to approach your ex in the hope she will give the relationship another chance.

The question remains: Is it okay to get back with your ex? Is it advisable? While a number of reasons may make a person to want to get his/her ex back, the high ratio of advice you will receive is that it is not advisable. Why is it not advisable? Read on to find out.


1) Why Your Ex Broke Up With You

There is always a reason behind every break up. For a person to end a relationship, he/she must have thought a lot about the relationship. The person perceived he/she cannot continue in the relationship anymore.

Why would you want to get back with your ex, when the ex doesn’t want to be with you? The ex doesn’t want to be part of your life, why force yourself to be part of his life? For your ex to have come up with the decision to end the relationship, he must have thought a lot about you and him and made out there was nothing to call home between the two of you. Don’t you think as a dumpee you deserve better?

2) Insubstantial Love

Is the love substantial after reuniting or is it different as compared before the breakup?

When people fall in love, the love they share is real. The love binds their hearts together. The feelings they feel for each is real and strong. They feel as if they are in heaven. The first love is usually sweet. A love we long will go on forever.

Even so, after a breakup we feel hurt. We feel we have been betrayed. We feel our love was taken for granted. We feel humiliated. When the two of you try to get back together, the love you’ll share will be different from the first love.

Will the love stand the test of time after you reconcile? Will you still love your ex the same way you loved her before the breakup? If your ex was the one who initiated the breakup, will she still love you the same way she used to love you? Remember, there was a reason why the breakup happened. Your ex had thought a lot about it which led to the lessening of love for you. Do you think yours will still be as strong as it was before the breakup?


3) Dissimilar Feelings

The feelings you had for each other before the break up will be different after the breakup. When a person hurts and betrays your trust, your feelings before and after the breakup will be different.

You will no longer have strong feelings like you used to have before the breakup. It will have dwindled. What’s more, after getting together, in the long run, you might end up despising your partner.

You can never force yourself to have feelings for your partner. Actually, you can never force yourself to have feelings for somebody so as to love that person. It comes naturally. It’s never forced. Don’t force to have feelings for your ex when you no longer have them. If they have lessened it means you are no longer in love with your ex.


4) Trust

For a person to love another one, the person must trust that person. No trust no love. You cannot love someone without first of all trusting the person. When you fall in love, it’s the feelings which lead you to love that person. You have strong feelings for that person. For love to grow and mature, you have to trust the person.

When a person betrays your trust or hurts you, you will no longer have the same level of trust you used to have.

If the two of you reunite, one of you or both of you will have trust issues to deal with. Consider your ex-girlfriend who cheated on you, ended the relationship and wants to come back. She hurt you. She betrayed your trust. Would you want to get back with somebody who treated you cheaply? Who broke your heart? Who betrayed your trust? We are talking about your heart. It matters a lot. It’s not a machine.

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5) It Will Happen Again

Are you sure when you get back together, the issues that led to the end of the relationship won’t repeat all over again? Are you sure the reason she made for ending the relationship she won’t make again another decision for the same reason, or a totally different reason? Are you sure you who was the receiver of the breakup will not be the one who will call the shots this time? Are you sure the breakup won’t happen again?

We can never change the behaviors of others. We cannot force them to change. We can suggest. Some behaviors we cannot tolerate, and as far as it goes it’s the truth. When you get back together there is a high chance your ex has not changed a lot. It doesn’t mean you don’t love your ex. True you love her as she is. The thing is if she has not changed it will cause problems in the relationship. There are behaviors if your partner doesn’t work on will have negative consequences in the relationship and in your life.

A lot of people think their ex hated them because of their weaknesses or they are imperfect. This is not the case for the majority of breakups. No one is perfect. We have our weaknesses. But, we cannot endure somebody’s behavior for long for it will start affecting our lives and relationship negatively. We love them but some of their behaviors get into us. Consider a woman whose boyfriend likes to flirt with other women. I am sure you will agree with me this will not go well with you.

When two people decide to be together there are some behaviors or habits they have to stop doing.

6) Sub-Reasons

Love is both a complex, simple and tricky feeling. You might be in love with someone but your partner sees your love is not enough. You might invest yourself in every aspect to make the relationship work but your partner feels she is not emotionally fulfilled. Why, then do you want to go back to a relationship that didn’t work because of a variety of many underlined reasons of which one of you or both of you don’t know they exist? Yeah, she did give you the reason. However, do you know there are other underlying reasons which led to the end of the relationship? She gave you the reason she thought would be sensible and you might agree. But, didn’t you know there are other reasons that contributed to the breakup?

For every reason of a breakup don’t forget there are other sub-reasons which also contributed.

7) A New Love

Why would you want to go back to something that never worked in the hope it will work? True, some work but they are not many in numbers. This indicates it’s very rare breakups work.

Why don’t you open your eyes wide and look around? There are plenty of women. There are plenty of men. Why go back to somebody who doesn’t love you when there is one out there who loves you? Why go back to something that failed in the hope it will work out when the possibility is very slim? Why hold on to someone who is not in your grasp anymore? Why hold on to somebody who decided to walk away? Why hold on to someone who broke your heart and betrayed your trust?

Don’t hold on to something that is no longer there when you can hold on to something which is near and waiting.

5 Definitive Reasons Not To Get Back With Your Ex

8) Wastage of Time

One sad fact about breakups is time that was wasted with someone who would never be a future wife or husband. There is only one life, not two nor three. On top of that you can never rewind time and life is short. If you reunite don’t you think another breakup is bound to happen? If it happens, wouldn’t you have wasted your time? Or, the way we usually say, “She/he wasted my time.” Do you want your time to be wasted again? Time is too short. You will find yourself hitting forties with the same partner – getting together breaking up, the cycle repeating itself over and over again.

9) Not Up To Mark

Why did she end the relationship? Don’t you think it’s because you weren’t up to the mark? You were not good to her, the reason she decided to call quits. For someone to end a relationship the person did a lot of thinking and came to a conclusion you weren’t good for her/him. You didn’t pass the marks. You didn’t attain the grade she wanted. You failed miserably. You didn’t attain her standards. Don’t you think when you get together she will be the same kind of person who will treat you the same? Even if you passed the marks she wanted, don’t you think the way she would be regarding or treating you will be the same or different? Meaning, not the way you expected?

10) Adventure. New Challenge

The thrilling part of adventure is that it is thrilling. It provides a person with a challenge to conquer.

Why is it you want to settle for something that didn’t work? What happens when you return to it and it doesn’t work for a second time? The first instance showed it didn’t work. Why not try a new challenge of finding another partner who will fill you with adventure? You got used to your ex; it doesn’t hurt to find a new love. It will help you appreciate life.

It is very hard to want to leave a place we are familiar with and move to another location. As an ex it is hard to want to go and find another new love. We want to stick to the ex we are familiar with. I know it’s hard to start initiating a new relationship. But, think of how thrilling it will be to begin initiating a new relationship. To get to know the other person from the start, to begin the thrill of falling in love and to get to know all about that person and enjoying time together; it is an adventure in itself and it is fulfilling.

Never give up. Today is hard, tomorrow will be worse, but the day after tomorrow will be sunshine (Jack Ma).

© 2016 Alianess Benny Njuguna


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