ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Communication: Why Do We Hate Asking In Relationships?

Updated on September 1, 2011

Once done freely in the past...Now you have to ask...

It seems that whenever a couple is having problems the old cliché “Communication is the key” is bantered around as the solution.

Commonsense also dictates that if you want something you should ask for it.

John and Amy have been married for five years.

When John comes home from work he says hello to Amy while sifting through the mail, afterwards he goes upstairs to change his clothes and heads out to the gym.

Early on in their relationship John would come home and the first thing he would do was hug and kiss Amy. They use to spend time with each other after work talking about their day, laughing about things, cooking dinner together, and cleaning up the kitchen together.

One night Amy followed John upstairs to “communicate”.

She told him she misses him greeting her with a kiss and a hug.

The very next day John arrives home, he gives Amy a short hug, a quick dry kiss as he headed towards the mail. Amy is not happy.

She wants to go back to the "beginning" as in my previous post.

http://hubpages.com/hub/relationshipsdowesaveourbestforthebeginning

Why do we hate asking In Relationships?

A part of us is upset because we feel we shouldn’t have to ask for things that were once given to us freely. When your mate gives you exactly what you asked for often times there's a sour taste of resentment in your mouth.

There is a scene in the movie “The Break-Up” where Jennifer Aniston is arguing with Vince Vaughn over household chores.

She says, “I want you to want to do the dishes!”

You know you’re being appeased by your mate not because it was something they desired to do but simply because you asked them to do it.

In many ways it’s a no win situation.

If you ask for something and get it you’re unhappy because it wasn’t “their idea”.

If you ask for something and don't get it that's a whole new issue.

Cold Hard Facts...

Basically there are there are two reasons why your mate would not give you something you have asked for multiple times.

1. They don't have it to give.

2. They don't feel you're worth the effort to give it to.

If you're not getting what you want you have a major decision to make.

1. If it's a "deal breaker" get out.

2. If it's not a "deal breaker" learn to accept things as they are.

Beating your head against the wall while trying to change water into wine will only lead to frustration on your part and resentment on the part of your mate.

People change when they want to change.

A Negative Connotation Is Associated with the word “Communication”

Whenever someone says, “We need to talk” or “We have a communication problem”. Generally speaking when one hears statements along these lines we anticipate the conversation will contain some type of (complaint), something (negative), or an (uncomfortable) subject matter.

Ironically we're communicating all day long at work, on the phone, and via email.

Therefore inherently we know the act of "communicating" is not a bad thing at all.

The difference in those situations is we do not feel the need to "announce" that we have something to say.

It's the "formality" of scheduling a time to discuss something that turns most people off or puts them into a defensive mode.

The only thing worse for some people than having to ask for something is being asked.

No one enjoys hearing the gravity that comes with the words "Can we talk?"

The next time you have something to discuss with your mate simply wait for the appropriate time, (Be considerate) and say what's on your mind!

There's no need to set things up with an agenda complete with a PowerPoint presentation.

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • katiem2 profile image

      katiem2 

      7 years ago from I'm outta here

      Yes a person should remind their lover of what is important to them and what they feel the need to have, enjoy or experience. We are ALL on our best behavior and slack off over time but we should be receptive to request made by our loved ones. Great Info.

    • Woman Of Courage profile image

      Woman Of Courage 

      7 years ago

      dashingscorpio, You are very welcome to recieve my comment. Thanks for responding back, and I agree with you 100 percent.

    • dashingscorpio profile imageAUTHOR

      dashingscorpio 

      7 years ago

      Woman of courage, thanks for your comment!

      I agree with you some things shouldn't have to be asked for. It's funny how in the beginning of most relationships you never have to ask for anything! The person does everything they think you would like. It's only after there is an "emotional commitment" that it becomes necessary to "ask" or "communicate" for us to get things that use to be given to us (automatically)! I suppose we'd all do better to remember the same things it took to get our mate is the same things it's going to take to keep them!

      We're either growing together or growing apart, nurturing or neglecting...

    • Woman Of Courage profile image

      Woman Of Courage 

      7 years ago

      I agree that a person should ask for what they want, but I don't think a person should have to ask all the time. Some things should be a natural thing to do without someone asking.

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)