"Buyer Beware" Are they Prince or Princess Charming or A Womanizer or Gold Digger?
If people had owner manuals...
This is about my first hand experience dealing with a different kind of abuse. As we all know the most common abuse that we hear about is of course physical abuse. Some of which have made tragic headline news.
The most famous was an athlete that everyone loved, and after the athlete's chase on the freeway the families lives were never the same. And another famous one a singer, who was a tiny person but she came out on top. Made movies about her life and how she overcame the abuse she went through.
This lens is written with humor, and not meant to hurt anyone, but to let you know that you are not alone. Since laughter is the best medicine I hope that you will laugh along with me and not at me. I hope that this will help you heal not make the fact that abuse is very serious and dangerous.
Hindsight is always 20 20 but if we had an owners manual that would tell us what to look for and then turn to that page on how to handle things wouldn't life be grand.
Friend or Foe?
Keep your frends close and your foes closer.
There are many degrees of abusiveness and some, such as physical abuse and stalking situations are more in the public limelight. But, there is one that may be inherently more dangerous to us all. The unsuspecting and unprepared person may be at risk from the womanizer or maneater.
Friends will always be there for you and not ask anything of you other than your friendship, while foes will always try to get things from you for themselves not caring one iota for you.
I hope that this article will give you hope, courage and inspiration to move on with your life.
There's more read on..
If all relationships could come with a guarantee..
I have written the following information as a "Buyer Beware". Are they Prince or Princess Charming? or in the modern day Womanizer or Maneater? I have lived through physical abuse, but nothing prepared me for what I was about to embark on.
My hopes are that you the reader should never have to run into one of these types of people. Unfortunately, I wish I could say that this was only something men did, but it is not. When women do it they are called "Maneaters".
Let Me introduce you to..
Bill Bob or Bob Billy they are interchangeable.
I will not use the real name of the person as to protect myself from them. But lets call the first one Bob.
Bob, had told me from the beginning of our relationship that he had some physical and emotional disabilities. I had a hard time seeing them at first. So this is how he set the stage for me to be sympathetic towards him. When in actuality he was working on controlling me.
The other we will call Billy.
Billy was a charmer. He had a smile that would melt your heart.
Even as time goes by... - Sometimes I still find myself wondering..
No I am not wondering about them anymore, I am wondering where I would be today if for not meeting these people. Well that's enough about wondering. Here are some things I found that helped me and maybe they will help you too.
The Womens Owner's Manual of Her Guy!
Instruction and Owners's Manual for the Newlyweds
A womans character...
Where is the advance warning....
It is in most women to be nurturing and helpful.
There is no signs of abuse at first, and they know how to sweep you off your feet. Unfortunately we do not receive any advance warnings before meeting these type of people.
Beware! As they inhabit a variety of disquises. Some are "easy going" blue eyed charmers, with tousled blonde hair; some are driven professionals, well-groomed, well dressed, well mannered and very charming with captivating green eyes; some are true genlemen or gentlewoman, world travelers, well versed with perfectly sprinkled salt and pepper hair. They are short and kind of plump, or tall and very athletic. They come from all walks of life.
1 for the money. - Watch how the money gets spent.
It seems like the are our prince charming or princess charming sent to us by angels. They seem to say all of the right things to win your affections. They will introduce you to their parents. They will even go to the lengths of telling their parents that you are the one that they want to spend the rest of their life with. Bob introduced me to his father, while Billy introduced me to his mother.
Billy's mother was a very likeable person, and I had no problems with being around her, or so I thought. Billy's mother was losing her place to live due to the current economy I figured that family needs to pull together and make the best out of things, so I gladly welcomed Billy's mother into our home.
2 for the show.
This is one we could all live with out.
Billy was sly and very good at trying to get things out of me, he was so good that i did not realize that I was in jeopardy of losing my own home. Bob was very good as well, he would stage a scene, and since he had already put me on alert to his disabilities I would minimize what he was doing. The best part is that he would tell our neighbors and his friends that I was using him
They are definitely smooth customers but all along they actually have several women strung up and waiting at their beckon call..
3 to get ready.
Your about to go for the ride of your life.
They will tell you that they love you to your face, but behind your back they make fun of you, call you horrible names and mock you. My prince charming strung me along for a year, and as a hopeless romantic that most women seem to be, we fall head over heels in love with them. Well at least I did!
In most normal relationships you will have your ups and downs during that first year as you both are getting to know each other, and each others little quirks. But that was not the case with Billy or Bob, when they were done with me I felt like a babbling lunatic. I have yet to figure out hows most of us women who have fairly high IQ's can be manipulated by these charms. Let alone make us second guess ourselves, The try hard to convince us that we must have said or done something wrong. Well, my prince charming managed to make my IQ go straight out the window, and the darn thing didn't even look back to say good-bye.
Our Prince or Princess Charming want us to be totally dependant on them.
4 to go. - Run like crazy...
Both, Bob and Billy did this when I left. First, they will call you up, tell you that they miss you and want to work things out. Ok, so now the bait has been thrown out to see if you will bite. This is to see how much control they have over you, they wait to see if you will bite or not before moving on to their next victim.
Since most of us want to give them a second chance, still having some doubts we proceed cautiously. At first it is, "Hey baby lets get something to celebrate with, for this weekend." So naturally we say sure, we like to have fun after a long work week, and what is wrong with that every now and then. Now we have said yes, you notice that it is becoming an everyday event.
This is where you have to be very careful, because now it has gotten fairly explosive and you are not trying to rock the boat, sort of speaking. Many times you may not even be aware that you are in danger. Everything seems to have calmed down now for at least a day maybe even two. Sometimes it will seem like every thing is going great for a week or two maybe even a month. Just when you think everything is all good, don't let your guard down, especially if you are at work. This is when everything starts fitting together. At the beginning of your relationship they told you that they don't lie or cheat. Yeah not so much.
The ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend
time to fill heads with made up things
So while you are at work they run to the ex's home. They tell them how horrible you are to them and that things just are not working out between the two of you. They proclaim that they have found the errors of their ways and want to work things out with them now.
So, they start stringing the ex along into oblivion. They tell them that they should hook back up together, and it is only a matter of time, and they say they will make the move out. And of course, they don't want you to have the chance to meet up with them. That would give them the chance to compare notes, which would narrow the playing field that they have manufactured in their own mind.
There is hope for all of us hopeless romantics.
But of course, none of the relationships start off the same.
Some will actually go out and get a job for a while. Then they move in, and things start going downhill. They quit their job, telling you that they were unhappy with their job anyway. You try to be positive and understanding about the job situation, cause at some point in our own careers we were unhappy with our job and would have liked to quit. You give them the pep talk that things will be ok, and they will find another job in no time.
Things go well for days, weeks, months or even years. And during this time they are figuring out how to make the move away from you so that you cannot do anything to them. But if you are anything like I was, I get very depressed when my bills back up and I start to worry.and stress over the bills and how you are supposed to make it. Tempers start flaring, they will convincingly make you believe that everything will be ok.
Do they really care, NO, they don't!
They get you upset so that they can leave and do what they want.
So as you scratch your head and try to figure out where things changed.
Stop it! It is not your fault and as much as they will tell you that it is, it is not!
Just so you know, this is not ok, and if you are paying all the bills supporting everything, this is because they have taken control and instilled fear into you, but there is no physical fear, yet! All the efforts of Billy looking for a job were null and void. This is when they start asking you for money, but not too often, they don't want you to know the reason why they need it. They hide it and use it later.
Hopefully you will see these as the red flags that they are. But don't be to hard on yourself as this is what they do to gain control, and it works for many months before the proverbial other shoe drops.
No, it is not you!
It is them!
So, if you find yourself worrying and getting upset once in a while, it is ok and it is normal. And during this time they have no problem giving us the whole, Why wont you talk to me" act. When in actuality you have been talking to them. The just are not listening to anything you are saying. The best one is when they go to the extreme and say "You are ignoring them", or that you are psycho or maybe you are being pissy.
Billy and Bob both had to have my emotions all wound up in a ball before they showed their true colors. Now, we are fragile, and we are balling, screaming, crying trying to figure out if we really are going crazy or not.
You hurt so much right now, that all you would like to do is gouge out their eyes out of their heads, or maybe rip their heart out and stomp and spit on it, like they have done to yours.
Now they are packing their bags, and moving out. And they are wanting you to beg for them to stay. Some will keep your temper going so that they can tell their friends how mean of a person you are to them. And that you are some psycho. Don't try to figure it out cause you will cause you will drive yourself insane. There is no logical answer, or rhyme or reason for what is happening. They will try to make you talk while you are upset.
Don't do it! Believe me, there will be some not so choice, colorful words flying out of your mouth before you know it. And no sooner have you said these things, you start to feel bad about it. This is because you did not mean most of the things you just said.
Stepping Back to Watch...
Turning the table..
Bob was very good at this with me, I would try to make up, but he would run down the road telling me that I was twisted or some off the wall thing. And as a final effort they will say "We can work it out".or "that we can still be friends."
This is to take any fear out of your already fragile emotions and gives them time to scope out their next prey. You don't figure this out until they finally say, let's just be friends. They have already thrown out the bait for the next victim. They have already figured out what they can get from them and how long it will take for them to achieve their goal. During this time, they call you and say "Come over and Kick it with me." So you hop into your jalopy and head over to where they are to spend time with them. They ask you to stay the night with them, and with high spirits you agree to stay a couple of days or nights with them. Everything seems to be going great again, Billy talked me into celebrating, what? I have no idea. The best part or maybe it was the worst, Billy and Bob would say they were doing thing for the both of us, wrong....it really is what they want for themselves. They seem so sincere when they say "Baby, I love you",
Now we have the ingredients:
One man or woman, and any form of alcohol or substance to alter their moods. Mix together well, and get instant Mr. or Mrs. Hyde or is it Mrs. or Dr. Jekyll. Now you really have no idea how this two way street has just turned into a one way nightmare. Something has gone awry, and wham bam they flip the script on you. You are at a loss for words because anything you say or do will go awry. If you are like myself, you are puzzled and have the dear in the headlight stare. Scratching your head again as you try to figure out when and where did things go wrong.
Ladies and gentlemen, you are not crazy or psycho. You have done nothing wrong.
Sweetie, it was wrong from the beginning, but our prince or princess charming had to have time to build up your trust in everything about them. And we do! If I could turn around what they have done to me and reverse the rolls, I would never need another thing again in my life. But of course we wont do that because we still want to believe there is a night in shining amour out there for us.
Heed my warning!!
So, don't second guess yourself, you are not twisted, they have just altered everything that we know to be right from wrong. I am telling you, you will feel the exact way that they want you to feel. This leaves them the opportunity to tell their friends and family how mean and cruel we are to them.
They will say that we have hurt their feelings. However, that might be true if they had a heart for us to hurt. BUT THEY DO NOT! Don't buy into it, step back and see if you know where they are going with their conversation with you.
I had my prince charming pegged almost down to the minute. It will be hunky dory one minute, they will want to be alone and tell you that they will call you. Maybe they will even say they had a wonderful time and make plans for dinner and a movie. But when you check back with them to confirm the plans for dinner and a movie are still a go, they act like they have no idea what you are talking about. Then they tell others that you are spying on them, following them, or even stalking them.
Get away from these womanizers and gold diggers. All they will do is bring you down, and try to keep you down. "RUN FOR THE HILLS!!"
There are really nice people somewhere out here, where they wont want anything but you. No X-Boxes, no expensive toys, just little ol you. And when you are lucky enough to find them hold on to them. One more thing, if they should start showing signs of prince charming, "GET OUT QUICK!"
They don't have the right to tell you who you can or cannot be friends with or to. People will like you for who you are. Short, tall, slender, pleasantly plump, Just Be You. These prince's or princesses charming will look like the "court jester" that they really are.
So, Beware of the Womanizer or Maneaters!!