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- Advice & Tips for Men in Relationships
Mastering Your Relationship With The Woman In Your Life
To be or not to be...that is the secret!
To achieve and maintain a successful relationship, you must be what your woman needs consistently most if not all of the time. That’s it, the key to your success. Yes, I’m revealing that ever-evasive secret right up front! Sure, she must do the same for you, but some men think women are more effortlessly successful at being what their men need. Some men say their women make it look easy. Some men say her job is not as challenging as his because a man’s needs are simpler than a woman’s. Whether this appearance of ease is real or merely conceals the woman’s hard work, the man must reciprocate equally to be successful.
Where's the Manual?
Why don’t women come with instructions? First off, they do. Secondly, there’s a customized set for each woman. Thirdly, if you (her significant other) don’t find and then refer to this “manual” yourself (i.e. alternatively someone has to bestow it upon you…usually by the woman herself) its contents become nearly entirely void. Sure, it may be a cruel truth, but there it is nonetheless.
Now, now…don’t despair. The fact that you’re still reading proves you’re willing to make an effort to learn more about how to decipher and interact with your female companion. Good for you! That’s a little something from the man’s instruction manual…”praise, praise, praise every effort he makes.” Anyway…rest assured, that the answers you seek are out there, but like precious treasure, they are only found after relentless effort and admirable commitment to thriving together harmoniously.
Know...in order to be!
Being what your woman needs sounds simple, but first ask yourself, “What does she need?” If you don’t know what she needs, you can never be it for her…ever. So first, you must learn what she needs. She’ll share some of her needs freely. “Please book us a reservation for dinner tomorrow night.” “Could you take the trash to the curb before bed?” First key to success - any need she conveys openly, fulfill it without argument or complaint. Then make a note to repeat those tasks without being asked. Not only will that meet her need, but she’ll strive to do the same for you.
But often times the really important needs might be unspoken or, even more challenging, unknown even to her. That doesn’t mean you can’t figure them out. It just means it’ll take work on your part to learn them so you can then meet those needs. How can you learn what she needs? One word…research! Much like any topic you study, the more you research the more you learn and know. Your significant other should be one of THE most researched topics of your life. And you know how to research from your schooling years. Think…what would help her be happy? Ask questions, make notes, talk to her friends and family, observe her as she goes about her life.
For example, how will you know that she’s nervous about her upcoming doctor’s appointment and therefore needs your help? Well, you’d have to find out she has an appointment in the first place, assuming she didn’t mention it. Note: if she did mention it, don’t miss that fact, or worse, forget she mentioned it. Ask her to share what the appointment is for, what day/time it is, etc. And don’t be shy to ask her flat out, “What can I do to make this easier on you?” There’s no shame in being direct. But have a game plan if she responds, “I don’t know.” It may feel like it’s her problem if she won’t tell you what to do for her, but again…if she has to usher you through how to help her, step-by-step, all your thoughtfulness in the matter is pretty much replaced by her own.
Ironically, it’s quite possible she won’t even tell you something important is coming up, especially if it’s troubling her. Like the doctor’s appointment. She probably doesn’t want to go at all, or doesn’t want you to worry, or is embarrassed, maybe even scared, or all of the above. If she didn’t say anything about it ahead of time, that doesn’t get you off the hook. This is a great opportunity to shine by being what she needs. Take an interest in her upcoming schedule. Proactively converse with her about how she’s doing and what’s coming up down the road in her life. And help her share by sharing your schedule during the same conversation. Do you keep a calendar on the kitchen wall? Have you noticed an entry that you don’t recognize? Ask about it in such a way that doesn’t imply you’re snooping. Make her feel you really care, not that you’re coddling her.
How do you make it up to your woman when you make a mistake?
Well begun is only half done!
Based on her answers to your questions and any other research you gather respectfully, brainstorm how you can meet her needs. Take care not to offer ideas you cannot pursue. Example - don’t bother offering to go with her if your work schedule cannot accommodate it. Though, if your schedule can be modified, humbly request to accompany her for support…yes ask permission to do so. Don’t just declare you’re joining her, that’s rude and presumptuous as her companion (only the father of a dependent child has the right to come with her whether she wants that or not). Be kind and considerate. What she needs may be for you to back off and let her handle whatever it is. You’ll learn that when you talk with and listen to her. If that’s what she needs, think of what you can do besides going along. There’s rarely a time when what’s needed is for you to do absolutely nothing. Take her out to breakfast the morning of. Or tidy the house that evening so she doesn’t have to. Think…what would help her? You can come up with things; there’s no need to make her tell you.
It's Not Fiction...You Can Achieve It!
To start, this will consume most of your time and attention. But once you’ve got it you’re on the fast track to success. Become a master at figuring out what your woman needs, being that for her, and then doing this on a consistent basis. The doctor’s appointment example can be applied to any aspect of the relationship.
- Learn her needs
- Be what she needs
- Leverage your research to apply that knowledge to future scenarios
But Wait...There's More!!
Is it really that simple? Yes! The formula for success when in comes to woman is simply stated, sure. But, it’s more easily said than done. The work you invest in following your woman's instructions is directly proportional to the rewards you will receive. Want more tips to success? Here are some tips that come standard in each instruction manual for women.
Tip #1: To avoid the dog house, always behave as though you’re trying to get out of it.
There is nothing more appealing than a man who treats his woman like the queen she is. I’m not talking about sniveling submission. I’m talking about a man “worshipping” the goddess he had the luck to discover at all. Yes, it is a miracle you found her. It’s a greater miracle you are aware she is worthy of your adoration. It’s beyond miraculous you never want to or prefer to cease mistreating her. But I’m talking royal treatment 24x7. Now that’s a tall order. No, by “royal treatment” I don’t mean waiting on her hand and foot. Though consider that idea on extra special days in her life. No, what I mean is putting her before you nearly every moment of every day. For some this concept is instinctive, so I know it exists. But for most, it’s not easily done. Practice makes perfect. Give it a try!
How? Whenever you think, think of her first. Whenever you do anything, consider how it will affect her before proceeding. Whenever you buy something, buy with her in mind. Everything you live and breathe should relate back to her in a positive way. If it doesn’t, make sure that’s what you really want to do before you do it.
Worth the Rewards!
Tip #2: Don’t be mean.
Ever encounter a young girl at a family event or out in public? Take the same care when speaking with your girl as you would with, say, your niece. Don’t hurt her feelings, no matter what. But don’t talk down to her or lie either. Instead make her feel special, heard, and important. For example, did you laugh at her for going to see a psychic? That’s mean. She doesn’t laugh at your NCAA predictions. Apologize, and then take time to tell her that what she believes in is no laughing matter to you. Important: don’t bother having this discussion until you mean what you say. Then go to her next session with her…perhaps even base your fantasy sports bets on the psychic’s predictions after you pay her fee.
Did you assure her it’s too expensive to take that vacation she desperately needs? That’s mean. Apologize, and then talk to her about what you can do to give her a break within your budget. Offer to pick up some extra shifts so traveling is more feasible. Suggest a getaway location closer to home to reduce expenses. Queue the expense as her Christmas gift that year. Suggest a staycation where you clean the house while she sits on the couch painting her toes. Cut back on your beer purchases to add that cash toward a getaway together. Your follow up actions are essential to proving to her that you’re not all talk. An apology alone will not go over well.
Did you head off to work without a backwards glance when she’s home with the flu? That’s mean. She’s not oblivious that you still must go to work, but you can help her regardless. Try setting your alarm earlier so you can start some slow simmering soup for her lunch. Make sure the kettle is full and her mug is prepped so she just has to turn it on for some tea. Keep her company as much as you can before you have to leave, assuring her that it’s no trouble to pick her up some pharmacy supplies on your lunch break. Offer to draw her a hot bath the second you return home (with her favorite take out in your hand). And do consider calling off work to stay home and care for her. She’d consider all this for you if you were ill.
Did you decline her invitation to go jogging because you don’t want to? That’s mean. Apologize, and then tell her you’ve been on your feet all week at work so you’ll whip her up a smoothie while she’s gone. Or tell her you’d love to get some exercise with her, but prefer to take her on a nature trail hike, if she’s game. Or tell her you’d prefer to stay home but you realize how important her fitness goals are to her so you’ll come along if she’s willing to consider sharing a shower afterwards as your reward for joining her.
Tip #3: The Golden rule. First place wins!
No one likes a hypocrite. But that’s doubly the case for your female companion. Treat her the way you’d like to be treated right off the bat. That’s all she’ll need to treat you in kind. If you want her to make your dinner, you best make her dinner before you ever expect it of her. If you want her to give you a back rub after your long work shift, you better give her a back rub after her long day first. If you want to go watch the game at a bar with your friends, you should consider scheduling her a salon visit for that time if she doesn’t want to join you. If you want her to do your laundry, you best work hers into your loads before ever hoping she pitches in with your clothes. Or, trade gestures. If you want her to shop for a gift for your mother so you don’t have to, tell her you’ll mow the yard or clear out the gutters while she’s doing that favor for you. Be careful; don’t offer to trade tasks if you can’t complete yours by the time she does hers, unless she’s ok with that.
Tip #4: Damage Control.
You’re human, she knows that. You’re gonna make mistakes. THAT’s not the problem. The problem is after you’ve slipped up, you don’t make it right. Every example above includes the crucial apology to acknowledge your mistake and take responsibility for it. Too many men simply won’t apologize under any circumstances. They prefer to argue about why their poor behavior is acceptable. Fine, but don’t expect her to be happy with you any time soon.
If you forgot her birthday, make it up to her on your birthday…and every other day that year. Don’t like that…well, you shouldn’t have forgotten her birthday! Man up and make it right. You forgot to pick up some milk on your way home…go back out and get it…yes even if you’re tired. If not, make sure her breakfast the next morning doesn’t require milk…by making her a fabulous, no milk needed, meal. Did you promise to clean up the garage and then never do it? Don’t argue that you’ll get to it when you get to it, or that you never specified precisely when you’d clean it so you’re not in trouble. Fix it by doing what you said you’d do right then, or give her an ETA on when it will be done so she can stop stressing about it.
Tip #5: Start a tab.
You can position yourself in her good graces in advance, and should…to establish credit for when you make an error. Bring her flowers (unless she doesn’t like flowers) on a regular basis and on days that have no sentimental significance. Go for the gold and send them to her work. Her co-workers will be stunned when she confirms they’re just because, not “I’m sorry,” flowers. Make sure her car is fueled and her travel mug is ready to fill next to the coffee you’ve prepped to brew for her Monday morning. Clean something in your home while she’s working her overtime hours. Note: don’t just try to clean it, but actually get it clean. For example, if you vacuum but there’s still debris on the floor when you’re done, you’re not done. You wouldn’t appreciate it if she started cooking your fried chicken dinner, but didn’t get it cooked all the way. It’s the same concept. And that’s the key…don’t just try to be what she needs, actually be what she needs. Yes, Yoda has it right, “Do, or do not. There is no try,” when it comes to being what your woman needs.