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The Worst Places to Get Hit On...Ever!
Don't be a Wolowitz!
This hub is inspired by a true story or several true stories, actually. Some funny, some strange, and some just downright bizarre, but such is life. We all have those moments where we wish our life played out like our favorite romantic comedy and that the big moment of meeting the love of your life happens in a silly, yet sweet way. Like bumping into each other at a party or grabbing the same item at the grocery store.
However, it doesn't usually happen that way. And the ones that do not happen so sweetly usually make the best stories. Some of these stories happened to me and others fortunately did not. Names have been changed or omitted to protect the innocent (those hit on) and the ignorant (those fools who gave us the wrong lines).
Getting hit on is a common fact of life that can either lead to a real relationship or a real horror story. And then there are those times where it's just awkward. Say for instance in any episode during the first couple of seasons where Howard Wolowitz tries to mack on Penny. it eventually got so bad she ended up setting him up with a woman who could tolerate him, the lovely Bernadette. Wolowitz was not only bad but he also used the wrong setting to do it in.
So for all of you mini-Howards out there, this hub tells the story of where you should not try to romance someone and why.
#5 The Classroom
I understand why some people think the classroom is the place to get your romantic swerve on, but history and common sense have definitely taught me otherwise. I am a female and did not have alot of male instructors until college. But there was never, ever a point where I envied Villi Falaau and Mary Kay Letorneau's situation.
And then there was another thing that is very important to me overall, regardless of age: attraction. That's one thing that is either there or not there. And you know pretty instantly what's what. However, there's something about books and chalk that make some people go wild.
I have been the target of classroom advances, but in all honesty it was seventh grade. And the other person was a seventh grader who at first was silly but we grew to be good friends by the end of middle school. Needless to say, it was all kinds of awkward.
I happened to be passing out papers in Social Studies when Ken all of a sudden asked me to go to the dance. I froze and kept walking, but of course he asked again and I said no. Then he got all Law & Oder on me and started asking why. At the time, I was quite sure my mom would have said no. But really, I just wanted to go dance to N' Sync by myself and eat free pizza without much drama.
Of course, Ken did not say it that way and while at the dance asked me to dance. Again, I said no. But eventually I understood my apprehensions and finally saw that I was one twelve year old who liked staying twelve.
Who knows what would have happened had I said yes, but I would venture to think I would still be telling this story and Ken would still be trying to Elliot Stabler the situation.
That being said, there is something about the classroom that does make some people stand out more. You know, those of us who answer questions and look interested or at least try not to pretend we dosed off ten minutes ago.
But honestly, I would like to separate the romance of learning from the romance of everything else, but that's just me.
#4 Place of Employment (You or Them)
Again, I do not see what is so sexy about seeing someone at work. That is unless they happen to be in uniform, with a musical instrument, or caring for harmless creatures. Everyone else should be acknowledged and respected, but not fantasized about it. I mean, who goes to Jackson Hewitt and thinks about the retired accountant doing their taxes? Then again, if this were true- I would not be writing this hub.
I have worked a few jobs over my few years in the workforce and fortunately have not suffered much in terms of being the target of someone's affections. But of course, there's a first time for everything.
One job I work from time to time happens to be as a Test Grader for Measurement. And while I would love to tell you what I do, that's pretty much it. But anyway, we are inside for most of the day and only during lunch and breaks do we get to walk around the building to feel our legs again and catch fresh air.
Unfortunately, where we are located is next to a junkyard full of guys who spend way too much time watching reality shows for dating tips. One guy, Junkyard Dog, let's say always spoke. I thought it was a friendly gesture and would wave or speak in reply. But one day it got to be too much when he edged up to the fence and starting yelling, "Yo Boo!" And that was my cue to go inside.
I understand he did not know my name, but neither did he ask. It's one thing you should not need an app for. Also, did he really know what I did or my interests? Of course not. So once I realized he was only looking for a "good time" like those people whose numbers get posted in high school bathrooms, it was pretty much the end to most of my activity around the building.
And then there are people who are brave enough to hit on you where they work. This is even more disturbing because they are really serving themselves while they should be serving or attempting to serve you.
That's exactly what happened when I went one Saturday night my freshman year of college. I did not feel like eating at the dining hall, so I went and got something from a joint on campus. Little did I know, the cashier wanted my digits while I was trying to get my chicken tenders.
It would be okay if we had met before or he at least struck up a friendly conversation but it was about as cheesy as Wolowitz coming on to Penny in Big Bang Theory. Except this dude looked scarier than Wolowitz's bowl cut.
And this is what he said, "You seem like a rather attractive young lady, how about I get to know you outside my work clothes?" I said, "No thank you" and left without laughing. I do not know what was more insulting his line (What the heck does "rather attractive" mean? Is that like safety school attractive or first choice?) or that he jacked part of it from Alicia Keys' "You Don't Know My Name." I'll go with the latter just because if you're going to steal from the greats, at least be good at it.
But the moral of the story is, I do not care what the person does or you do. It's better to only admire the person from afar and then wait until they or you leave work.
#3 Medical Waiting Rooms
We all have to keep our health in order and we all have to go see the doctor for one reason or another. Sick or well, you need to know what's going on with your body. But that does not mean you should want to know what's going on with someone else's while in the waiting room.
Thankfully I have not been a victim of this situation, but I have witnessed it. The thing about being at the doctor or clinic in general is that you are already not your best because you know that you are about to be examined on a cold table, have your teeth excavated like some Paleozoic fossils, or be stuck with more needles than you would like to imagine. That's far from sexy if you ask me.
Not only that but if you do decide to be a mack in the waiting room, by the time you finish paying medical costs, you will not be able to afford much more than the McDonald's dollar menu.
Another thing people cease to consider is that the type of medical facility you are at sometimes drops hints about your behavior and health. For instance, the last place I would date someone from would be after seeing their bunions at the orthopedist or whatnot. While you know their problems upfront, the mystery is completely gone (if you call that a mystery...).
But what might be even worse than hitting on a fellow patient would definitely be hitting on your doctor, nurse, or front desk person. Come on, that's like a kid hitting on the cafeteria lady. It's far too easy and plus you also mess yourself up since you have to see them for every subsequent appointment if and when they turn you down.
Another problem would definitely be the fact that if it did work, you probably would be playing Russian Roulette since they have access to intimate details about your health. So the best thing would be to not do it and say you did to yourself.
There are a million things that you should not do while driving but certainly one of the most underrated tasks would definitely be flirting. There's nothing more barbaric than a guy in his hot rod beeping his horn and making ridiculous gestures to get my attention. Not only is it the worst exercise in machismo but also the sign of an inattentive and careless driver.
I just don't see what the point is in driving and trying to hit on someone would be other than saying you did something while doing something else. And as we all know, multi-tasking is an art but one you should first master on solid land.
Another thing that irritates me is that these guys who usually try and do this have the most ridiculous music and the most obnoxious friends. Really thinking about it makes me see this is the precursor to the Jersey Shore but regardless it means that there should at least be high enough standards to talk to someone minus ridiculous friends and thumping beats.
So to the list of drinking, texting, disciplining kids, eating, filing, reading a book- flirting on poor innocent fellow drivers should definitely be added to the list.
I do not care if you are trying to be the next Mario Andretti, trying to flirt and drive is about as original as putting cheese on broccoli. And do you really want to be like the guy Chili talks about in "No Scrubs?" I thought not.
#1 Funeral Homes/Memorial Services
I am not a creeper so before you go any further, this is based on the worst possible come-on story I have heard in my entire life. And it's not mine. It belongs to my poor older cousin who along with the woman who somehow thought it was appropriate to make a pass at someone at a funeral home.
It all started about two years ago when I was a senior in college and my maternal grandmother's health had taken a turn for the worst. We placed her in hospice knowing that it would only be a little while before she passed. When she passed, I only made it home in time for the funeral that weekend but the wake the night before was definitely an event that was turned upside down.
My family held the wake for about two hours one night and since it was at the funeral home, anyone who cared to pay their respects was invited. My aunt (my mom's older sister) had a classmate come by. This classmate was friendly with my aunt but definitely crossed a line when she hit on my cousin (my aunt's son and at least half her age).
Joke or no joke she walked up to my cousin and pretty much asked if he was single. While my cousin was trying to politely avoid such an advance, my mom and other aunts witnessed this ordeal and decidedly told my aunt after this woman had left.
Needless to say, my aunt was ready to go all Mob Wives on her but in the middle such grief she had enough to deal with. When I heard this story, I was angry but I just could not believe someone would do such a thing at such a time but such is the state of some in this thing called humanity.
If I have to tell you why you should not even think about attempting such a crass and insensitive move, let me put it to you this way: the movie is called "Wedding Crashers" not "Funeral Crashers." And if there was, you best believe I would have never seen it if it was.
To take such a private moment and make it a public display of attraction and attention instead of caring for the needs of the bereaved is not only selfish it is also ridiculous.
I would go on but I think this should tell you how I feel about people taking their romantic swag in the wrong direction.