ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel
  • »
  • Gender and Relationships»
  • Relationship Problems & Advice

You're Beautiful

Updated on March 31, 2013

Mirror Mirror

"Domestic violence and emotional abuse are behaviors used by one person in a relationship to control the other."

There are so many men and women who are victims to domestic violence (also called intimate partner violence (IVP), partner abuse, and spousal abuse). Are you one of these people? The goal is to stop domestic violence before it begins. Do you even know or understand that you are a victim? There are four main types, physical violence; sexual violence; threats of physical or sexual violence; and psychological/emotional violence.. Not many who are, or don't even know they are victim to this nightmare, have it in them to wake up in the morning to take a good look at themselves in the mirror and say, "You're Beautiful" . . . . .

SAFETY ALERT

If you are in danger, please use a safer computer, or call 911, your local hotline, or the U.S. National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 and TTY 1-800-787-3224.

Did You Know . . .

-> Each year, women experience about 4.8 million intimate partner related physical assaults and rapes. Men are the victims of about 2.9 million intimate partner related physical assaults. (Tjaden and Thoennes 2000).

-> Intimate partner abuse resulted in 2,340 deaths in 2007. Of these deaths, 70% were females and 30% were males. (Bureau of Justice Statistics 2011).

-> The medical care, mental health services, and lost productivity (e.g., time away from work) cost of domestic violence was an estimated $5.8 billion in 1995. Updated to 2003 dollars, that's more than $8.3 billion. (CDC 2003; Max et al. 2004).

We're Not Gonna Take It

Are YOU?

For both men and women

Are you gonna take it?

Poems

Victims

He loves me and I believe him.

Afterall, hitting me is not a sin.

I know I deserve it anyhow and there's nothing I can do about it now.

I mean, come on, What's another black eye to please this guy?

This man is my love, this man is my life.

As his wife it's part of my job to fear for my life.

Such a small strife to please him, right?

He only does it when he's mad or when I look sad or he thinks i've been bad.

Hell, this is my kid's dad - he's all I have!

It's okay that he calls me names.

It's part of his game.

Slut, whore, stupid bitch, It's all the same.

I know he doesn't mean it and I know that sounds lame.

I don't really need control of my life.

He handles everything alright.

We have a nice house and food on the table.

We want for very little and travel when we're able.

I'm pretty sure this is how it's suppose to be.

Man of the house, King of the castle.

Fighting the truth would only be a hassle.

I just can't go,why can't you see?

I could never leave.

He'd find me and hurt me.

~Unknown

Survivors

I knew a young girl once just starting on love's path

She was so carefree and happy and would always make you laugh

Then one day she fell in love and her world suddenly all changed

Her life soon become full of heartache and she was playing grown up games

She couldn't understand how someone who loved her would want to hurt her so

She was now trapped in a world of pain and had no place to go

The first time that he hurt her was the day her innocence died

So she began to look for a place deep inside herself for somewhere safe to hide

Each time he raised his hand to her he would tell her she was to blame

So she would look for ways to change but her life remained the same

She traveled deeper inside herself until even she had lost her way

She couldn't understand what she had done and why her life had to be this way

Now this carefree girl of long ago was bruised and hurting and she felt so ashamed

She thought the world would look at her and know the truth that she was the one to blame

She believed when he would tell her she would never make it on her own

And because no one else would ever want her this prison would always be her home

So she settled in to her life of pain and decided maybe this was where she was meant to be

For she was just a nobody that could do nothing right as she was sure the world could see

She raised her children the best she could trying to shield them from the pain and strife

She thought taking them and leaving would be so tough and it would ruin their life

Then one day the pain all stopped and he raised his hand to her no more

He told her he was so sorry and wished he could take back what he had done before

But it was to late by then the damage and scars he had made would never mend

And the love she once felt for him she had buried so deep never to be find again

So her family all raised the best she could she had no reason now to stay

She packed her bags and walked out the door and ran so far away

~Unknown

Signs of an Abusive Relationship

Domestic violence and abuse can happen to anyone, regardless of size, gender, or strength, yet the problem is often overlooked, excused, or denied. This is especially true when the abuse is psychological, rather than physical. Emotional abuse is often minimized, yet it can leave deep and lasting scars.

DO YOU:

-feel afraid of your partner much of the time?

-avoid certain topics out of fear of angering your partner?

-feel that you can't do anything right for your partner?

-believe that you deserve to be hurt or mistreated?

-wonder if you're the one who is crazy?

DOES YOUR PARTNER:

-humiliate or yell at you?

-criticize you and put you down?

-treat you so badly that you're embarrassed for your friends or family to see?

-ignore or put down your opinions or accomplishments?

-blame you for their own abusive behavior?

-see you as property or a sex object, rather than as a person?

-have a bad and unpredictable temper?

-hurt you, or threaten to hurt or kill you? 

-threaten to take your children away or harm them?

-threaten to commit suicide if you leave?

-force you to have sex?

-destroy your belongings?

-act excessively jealous and possessive?

-control where you go or what you do?

-keep you from seeing your friends or family?

-limit your access to money, the phone, or the car?

-constantly check up on you?

The Cycle of Domestic Violence

Help is Available

FOR WOMEN

In the US: call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE).

UK: call Women’s Aid at 0808 2000 247.

Canada: call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-363-9010.

Australia: call 1800RESPECT at 1800 737 732.

Worldwide: visit International Directory of Domestic Violence Agencies for a global list of helplines and crisis centers.

Help is Available

FOR MEN

U.S. and Canada: The Domestic Abuse Helpline for Men & Women -- http://dahmw.org/

UK: ManKind Initiative at 01823 334244

Australia: One in Three Campaign -- http://www.oneinthree.com.au/

WHY?

I decided to write about this topic because, yes, I was once victim to domestic violence so I want to spread the message to everybody that, yes, there is hope for anybody. Don't say you have nowhere else to go; there are always other options, even if it is a local shelter. If I could do it, anybody can. You can walk away. You are beautiful. And you are better than that. It is NOT your fault. YOU are number one. Live your life for what it should be.

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • davenjilli lm profile image

      davenjilli lm 5 years ago

      An important topic *blessed*

    • sponias lm profile image

      sponias lm 5 years ago

      Thank you for helping those who need guidance because they are victims of terror. This lens was blessed.

    • tvyps profile image

      Teri Villars 5 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

      This is a very good lens for a lot of people. I have been in the emotionally trying relationships...never been in a physically abusive ones. Squid Angel blessed!

    • profile image

      tinamahan 5 years ago

      Very touching lens, thank you for sharing it! I had a few boyfriends that tried that with me but they never did it twice,because I didn't give them the chance. I grew up seeing a lot of that type of thing (my Mother was in some very abuse relationships) and it was scary seeing her go through it. Scary for me and my brother also, I always had to go out a window to call the cops. The biggest memory that always stands out the most, is when my Mom and her boyfriend were fighting and she broke a window out to crawl through, and he picked her up and threw her out the window. Needless to say, when the cops got there, they said that there was so much blood that it looked like people were murdered in there. After my Mom's boyfriend did that, he burned down our apartment. I learned a lot from that and I decided way back then that I would never let anyone treat me that way.

    • JoleneBelmain profile image

      JoleneBelmain 5 years ago

      Great lens, a lot of people are so beat down (emotionally) in an abusive relationship, and it takes time, but it is possible for them to gain back their confidence in themselves, and to make a better world for themselves.

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      Enjoyed your meaningful article. *blessed by a squid angel*

    • Rangoon House profile image

      AJ 5 years ago from Australia

      Courageous lens.

    • Dmarieinspires profile image

      Dana Marie 5 years ago from St. Peters, MO

      LOVE THIS!!!!!!! Great job at reaching out to others who feel trapped in these situations! Peace and YES LOVE YOURSELF!!

    • profile image

      Namymartyn 5 years ago

      I learn so much from this lens. nice suggestions.

    • profile image

      greenlungsofpoland 5 years ago

      Wonderfully well written lens about a very important subject x nicely done

    • Julia Morais profile image

      Julia Morais 5 years ago

      So many people still face abuse of all sorts until now, without getting help. Its sad really. Maybe there's a way for us to look out for them?

    • goo2eyes lm profile image

      goo2eyes lm 5 years ago

      this lens makes us really aware of the signs of domestic violence. blessings for this social-minded lens.

    • allenwebstarme profile image

      allenwebstarme 5 years ago

      Good awareness lens about domestic violence.

    • Bill Armstrong profile image

      Bill Armstrong 5 years ago from Valencia, California

      Good job

    • Monika Weise profile image

      Monika Weise 5 years ago from Indianapolis, IN USA

      This is such an important issue. Good job.

    • sukkran trichy profile image

      sukkran trichy 5 years ago from Trichy/Tamil Nadu

      well written article on a very important topic. ~blessed~

    • waldenthreenet profile image

      waldenthreenet 5 years ago

      Important topic. There are solutions to deal with this issue on a commuity level that needs better access among those who are potential victims in USA. Discuss that topic on a new lense perhaps ? I am concerned about kids in paticular in any such relationships. More data is needed on a State basis also. Some states have higher incidences than others. Congads on your Squidoo Trophy. Am going for my next. So many new topics to explore. Thanks.