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Changed Beliefs

Updated on October 8, 2017


When I was 10 years old I was told at bible camp that I am a sinner and that I am going to hell for my sins. I was told Jesus Christ died on the cross for my sins and arose from the dead the third day. I was also told that if I place my faith in Jesus Christ and believe that he died for my sins, arose the third day and receive him into my heart I would be born again and saved from going to hell. Hearing this at 10 years old literally scared me and put the fear of the Lord in my heart. My response to this was to say the sinners prayer ask Jesus Christ in my heart and become "born again" Christian, saved, sanctified, and filled with the Holy Ghost. Over time, I became a very serious Christian, tither, prayer warrior, usher, anointed evangelist, student of the bible ect. Christianity influenced every aspect of my life. I was doing outreach spreading the gospel of Jesus Christ all over. I lost a lot of friends for my faith in Jesus some of them told me that I am crazy for having faith in Jesus but I got a lot of other Christian friends too. I was even persecuted for the name of Jesus. I remember going out with a group of Christian brothers and sisters and sharing the gospel with a man and he grabbed me by the throat and picked me off the ground choking me. I was a teenager at that time and not one of the adult Christians I was with even helped when this guy assaulted me. They just stood there watching. Anyway, as time went on I ended up getting involved in a ministry and doing the work of the Lord. I was even sent by the pastor of the church to bible school. To make a long story short I had dedicated years to Jesus, the Bible and Church. I had been a Christian for over 27 years. I really believed everything in the bible and had a strong faith in Jesus Christ no one could tell me that Jesus Christ was not real. I even decided to save sex for marriage and prayed earnestly for God to give me a wife. After many years of being supper sexually frustrated and praying and waiting on God in genuine faith I thought that maybe God don't want that for me or else it would have happened. I believed anyway just like Abraham believed for an heir. However, I was really sexually frustrated from denying my natural biological needs to stay "pure" and obedient and things really bothered me. As time went on and I grew in my relationship with Jesus Christ I came to a point of questioning my faith. Yes even though I was a leader in the church and a sold out for Christ, Bible believing Holy Spirit receiving, on fire for the Lord believer I had to step back and have a moment of clarity. I began to ask questions about the different doctrines that I was taught to be absolute truth in the bible and all kind of stuff. I keyed down on the religious life and began going to College and learning to think critically and logically. Oh boy did this ever change my life and faith. I began to realize that I believed in a Bible and a God that there is no actual historical proof that even existed besides the bible text itself and if you ask some people they would say it is circular reasoning to use the bible to prove the bible. I learned about the accounts of Jesus in the text of Josephus but that guy was not even alive during the time of Christ. I learned about other aspects of Church history and the crusades and all kinds of good information. Because of education and critical think skills I am no longer a Christian. I can not find myself being an honest human being and tell people that the stories in the bible and of Jesus Christ is really absolutely true. I mean after all, if faith is strong belief in God or in the doctrines of a religion, based on spiritual apprehension rather than proof., faith does not make something true just because people believe it, does it? Well obviously to a lot of people it does but... There many people that believe a lot of things are true that are not true. Anyway, to be an honest human being I conclude that whether the Bible and Jesus is true, I don't know.


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