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Ungodly Motives for Entering a Relationship. (Why Do You Really Want to Date?)

Updated on October 6, 2016

Who are we? Christians!

Christians can easily be deceived and corrupted when left unguarded just because of a wrong relationship. There are other wrong motives/reasons in entering a relationship, but these 3 are probably the most prevalent.

“Do not follow you heart. Follow the conviction of the Holy Spirit.”

The heart is deceitful above all things – Jeremiah 17:9

We are not only to apply this truth when it comes to relationships but in every aspect of our lives. Remember that we are now Christians, redeemed by the sacrifice of Jesus Christ therefore we should no longer live the life that He has freed us from; we should no longer think or act as if we are still slaves to sin when our Lord, by His grace, has saved us and made us slaves to righteousness.

V.1-2What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? 2 By no means! We are those who have died to sin; how can we live in it any longer?

v.11-18;In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus. 12 Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body so that you obey its evil desires. 13 Do not offer any part of yourself to sin as an instrument of wickedness, but rather offer yourselves to God as those who have been brought from death to life; and offer every part of yourself to him as an instrument of righteousness. 14 For sin shall no longer be your master, because you are not under the law, but under grace.

15 What then? Shall we sin because we are not under the law but under grace? By no means! 16 Don’t you know that when you offer yourselves to someone as obedient slaves, you are slaves of the one you obey—whether you are slaves to sin, which leads to death, or to obedience, which leads to righteousness? 17 But thanks be to God that, though you used to be slaves to sin, you have come to obey from your heart the pattern of teaching that has now claimed your allegiance. 18 You have been set free from sin and have become slaves to righteousness.

Why relationships?

So why relationships? Why is this a well-known “weakness” of Christians all over the world?

I believe it is one of the greatest weapon of the devil the he uses against us IF we let him to. Remember that we are more than conquerors in Christ, but God reminds us to abide in Him, not just yesterday or today or tomorrow but EVERYDAY, for apart from Him we can do NOTHING. He is our strength, our refuge, our fortress, OUR EVERYTHING. No weapon that Satan has can ever be stronger or greater than our God.

To win a battle we must first recognize that there is a battle. And that battle is already won in Christ our Lord, He has given us everything we need—He has given us HIS VERY SELF; all we need to do is trust and obey Him as He leads us through victory. It’s not going to be easy, but it will be possible with God.

Now, if we are to win the battle for purity and so glorify God with the right relationship, we should always check our motives. The Bible says that temptations gain entry in us through our DESIRES. And our wrong desires are often fuelled by our wrong motives.


If our motive in entering a relationship is for our self and our self alone then we’re heading for chaos. The phrases, “I’m lonely”, “I want to”, “I think I’m in love”, “I don’t want to be alone anymore”, all starts with “I." And that is already a huge warning for us to back away and think, and most importantly pray and ask God to turn our attention back to Him.

When we enter a relationship for our self then the whole relationship will be self-centered. It will be all about who I want, how I feel, what I want, when I want to, why I want to, it is just going to be full of I’s and no room for God. Of course, when we are motivated by our “self” to enter a relationship then we will trust in that same “self” during the course of the relationship.

We must remember that “I” should no longer reign over us even in our motives, God is our King and the throne is His.

2. SEX

Immorality is one of this sinful world’s expertise and lust is its leading driving force. Christians are not of that world, therefore, we should not be experts at their expertise and we should not be driven by the same things.

He has delivered us from the domain of darkness and transferred us to the Kingdom of His beloved Son. –Colossians 1:13

Relationships today are define by sex, motivated by sex, driven by sex and just full of sex. And it is heart breaking and very alarming that Christians are being carried away and deceived into this kind of relationships. It is a mockery to LOVE when one thinks that it is equivalent with sex. Love is more than that, it is a beautiful gift from Love Himself. And as Christians, as recipients of that gift, we are to Love the way God teaches us to.

If we are to enter a relationship so that we can satisfy our physical pleasures then we might as well eat a spoonful of dung for the rest of our lives. God knows our needs but that is not how it works. Sex is a beautiful experience when placed in the right context; we must constantly remind ourselves that it is between married couples, AFTER they are married. It’s easy to remember but can be very tricky to adhere to. Be very aware lest your motive in entering or in finding a relationship be for sexual pleasures.

Do not find nor enter a relationship for sexual gratification, do not desire to be married just so you can, “legally” have sex. Do not waste the privilege to love and be loved according to God's will just for a WORTHLESS MOMENT OF PLEASURE.

Another tip is to not focus on physical appearances alone. I mean it’s okay to have preferences, as long as it is in line with God’s standards, but if our list of qualifications is like this; 1. TALL 2. GOOD LOOKING 3. GOOD LOOKING 4. GOOD LOOKING 5. ABS 6. PERFECT, then we better throw that list into the lake of fire and ask God for the right one.

But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not ratify the desires of the flesh. For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh. –Galatians 5:16-17

Be still and know that I am God.

I will be exalted among the nations,

I will be exalted in the earth. –Psalm 46:10

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.

In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make straight your paths.

Be not wise in your own eyes;

Fear the Lord, and turn away from evil.—Proverbs 3:5-7

3. Impatience with God

Impatience with God will lead to disobedience and lack of faith. God constantly reminds us in His words to be STILL and wait PATIENTLY for Him (and to keep His ways while at it.)

The TRUTH that God is in control over everything often eludes us when trying circumstances come our way.

When we rely on what we see, we lose hold of our faith. Isn’t it a wonderful feeling to know that He is God and that He is OUR God? So, even if our circumstances is seemingly against us, we are commanded by God to be STILL and KNOW THAT HE IS GOD. Praise His wondrous name! So what if you’re single today? It doesn’t matter if your older sister or younger sister is already in a relationship today, trust and wait for God that your love story will come tomorrow! It may be today’s tomorrow or tomorrow’s tomorrow, I can’t say, only God can.

When I’m feeling the single blues, God always comforts me with the truth that I have Him. And I don’t want my future relationship to turn that amazing truth aside or to downsize its worth. Yes, God said that it’s not good for man to be alone so we should trust Him that He always knows what’s best for us; we should also hold on to the wonderful truth of how miserable and doomed we could have been without Him, yet we are living today, forgiven, set free and LOVED by OUR GOD.


As we wait patiently for our love story that God has in store for us, let us not forget the love story that God has made possible to have with Him, using His own blood.

Soli Deo Gloria =0)


Have you checked your motives?

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