A Controversial Conversation: Discussing Evolution Verses Religion and the Belief in God

In recent weeks a lot has been on my mind. This world we live in has fast become riddled with hate and fear. Every time I step out of the door, I wonder whether it will be my last. This fact has gotten me thinking about God and his purpose for us here.

Not too long ago, I wrote that I was through with religion. In all honesty, I was through with it for quite a while. I just never admitted it to myself until this last year or so. Oh, I still believed in a higher power. I have always had my relationship with the universe (my God), and today, I continue my daily talks. However, I have been standing at crossroads.

Lately, I feel that with all the violence and division in this world, that may be, and I hate to think this way, but maybe there is no real God or Jesus. I started asking myself questions like; If there is a God, why is this his will for us? Why has it constantly been the imperfect humans that live unscathed without life’s woes and hardships and the innocent and hardworking that have had the luck of Jesus himself? The one who hung up on that cross and suffered? The one who was taken as a joke by so many as not being who he said he was?

I kept thinking, If there was and is a God, how could he have even sacrificed his only son to that kind of torture? I mean, did it do any good? Has it helped even in the slightest bit to bring this world to peace and unity? Has sin been washed away for enough people? Because now it seems we are drowning in it?

More and more questions I cannot stop from entering my mind, and yet I stay committed to my talks with my God. My relationship to whatever or whoever it is that makes me feel, at least, a little more at ease when I’m so stressed out and worried that I think I would like to go ahead and die instead of trying to breathe another day.

Then I go further with my questions upon feeling this way. If he was genuinely helping me, if he was real, why do I still feel a little better but still harbor so much despair within myself? How? Who is this God that I talk to? Could it be that I have made him up to validate the beliefs I grew up with? The ones my parents to this day instill in my psyche? Could my God be just me and my ability to rationalize my bad days and soothe myself? Is the voice I hear inside myself only the part of me that has learned to heal through difficult days?

It’s all debatable now to me.

If I delved into the part of my brain that seems to be making an appearance more and more, I would begin to question Charles Darwin’s theory of evolution. I will not lie. It has brought up questions in my mind lately. Mr. Darwin being a naturalist, and his research introduces the idea that we evolve out of natural selection. We do not come from a God’s hand. We have developed through adapting to the ever-changing environment.

When I think this way, it does not seem all that unrealistic. Do I wish and hope that it isn’t true? Yes. I guess, like most people, I want to believe in the greater power of a God. I want to think we were in this place of serenity before being brought here in the world of hand-picked families. Those families who would set our life a sail with different realms of emotions and conflicts but all for a purpose in the end, even if we could not know that purpose until we once again entered where we began (heaven).

It is a lovely way to think--even if you are not a religious person but more of a spiritual hippie chick like me.

One day recently, I was skimming my newsfeed on Facebook, and I came across a short video. It was of a man I have never personally heard of, but seemingly he has been in the publics' conversations for years. His name is Richard Dawkins. I don't know why I clicked on this video. I can't remember. Although I assume it had a title attached that caught my eye.

As I watched Mr. Dawkins in this video, I was intrigued by his mind. I could detect a similarity to my mind in a sense. He had individual thoughts, and though he is a scientist, a zoologist if I'm not mistaken, he still talked through his beliefs and wrote about his views in a way that expressed his thoughts and feelings on subjects, and in this case, religion. His theories and questions to those who do not have the same ideas would eventually brand him as a controversial person.

There was one video of his that I found, where he traveled to speak with an evangelical pastor, and by the time this interview was over, the pastor, Ted Haggard, told him in the process of finding his truth, don't be arrogant. I had to laugh. As I watched Richard Dawkins ask his questions, I saw his curiosity and his need to find why people believe in what they believe in.

Many people feel I'm arrogant in the same way when all I'm doing is asking questions that may quench my thirst and settle my own curiosity. I, for one, see precisely why Mr. Dawkins is researching and inviting people of religious faith in to ask them these questions.

It is very questionable to curious minds why we have all these religions and different books and stories to worship from; How does all of this come together in the grand scheme of going to heaven and meeting one God? I would like to know the answer myself.

I suppose being curious and asking questions in your own accord could be defined in a lot of ways; arrogance, placing judgments, even maybe narcissism. However, I like to think of myself as being altruistic in my search for knowledge and my need to share my thoughts. That's the way I look at my journey. I see myself as informative and trying to bring unity and conversation to others in a good way. I may go about it similarly to Mr. Dawkins, full force with no thought of how people perceive me until I have already stated my questions and opinions.

Even so, like him, I shed no apologies. If I were to do that, I would lose whom I have learned to admire, and I want to respect myself more than I want admiration from others. I have learned through many ups and downs. The days of insecure thoughts about myself had me so deep in depression and scared to do or say anything that would make others judge me negatively. I'm not doing that anymore, and I do not care if this makes me arrogant. I'm genuinely disappointed if some cannot see altruism as my quest, but I assure you that is what it is.

I don't know if I totally believe in Evolution. I don't know if I totally believe in God anymore either. I have no answers at this point, only questions that I'll keep asking until I decide on something for myself. I suppose, until then, I will continue to talk to my God. There may come that day in which the light bulb will just explode above my head and I'll come back here with my total belief of one of the two along with my reasons to back it up. Until then, I hope all are happy with what they believe in.