ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel
  • »
  • Religion and Philosophy»
  • Christianity, the Bible & Jesus

A Hub for the Lost and Weary

Updated on July 9, 2014

I wanted to try something new... experiment with a new format of expression for me. Write something personal, something "unplanned", something that just flows out of me. I wanted to write something reflective of my current mood, but still hopefully for the future.

I feel lost today. I feel as though I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do, why I was called here, or even where I want to go after I'm done here.

I feel weary today. I feel as though I've been worn down, that I have not much left to give. And yet give I must. I feel pulled in many different directions. I feel as though I cannot make happy those whom I need to. I feel as though I have lost myself.

And so I read through some of my favorite verses in the Bible, hoping that I will read one and find some intellectual expose pouring from my fingertips to enlighten the already intelligent readers to which I write.

But perhaps the time for intellect is at a bypass. Perhaps, for now, it is time for passion.

Maybe this is something that belongs in a blog, and I become guilty of the very thing that irks me most about some hubbers on this site. Or perhaps not. Either way, this is cathartic... so even if this only ever gets two views and makes exactly $.00 on Adsense, it will still be worth it.

I'm now waffling between my desire to be cryptic and my desire to be an open book. I think, despite my emotional duress, I must pull forth the will to remain guarded... for you never know who will be reading these things, and information is best when it is divulged at exactly the right moment.

Lately I have been wondering what it is I'm called to do... my current situation is devoid of joy, its not that i'm not happy, I could live with that, but a vocation that lacks peace and joy is no vocation at all. And so I think about my passions and my desires, and I realize that I love knowledge. I also (obviously) love to write.

And so I pray about what I want in life: I want to make learning a life long process. I want to surround myself with intelligent and holy people. I want to make meaningful discourse. I want to teach. I want to express myself. I want to marry a wonderful Catholic woman and raise wonderful kids together. I want to travel the world. But most of all, I want to love God, and I want to be me.

Can I do all that here?

And so again I return to my first and last source of comfort, the Bible. I go again, to the verses that have never failed me-- Romans 8:28, Hosea 2: (14)16,Psalm 6:6, Psalm 3:3, Psalm 22:1, Psalm 51:2, Psalm 130:1,5-6, Luke 7:6, and Luke 22:44.

These have always been a comfort to me, I passionately identify with them, perhaps because, as a human, I suffer. So much have these verses been comfort to me, that most of them have inspired songs. And then I remember it, my favorite song that I've written. It goes a little like this:

Lord I'd rather spend a hundred years
Being purified by your fire of love
Than just one day among this life
Sitting in this valley of tears

*Lord lift me up and bring me home
I'm lonely here and I want only You
My home was meant for your courts alone
I'm restless till I rest in You

Lord send an angel to me
To guide me along your paths
That I might see your face sooner
When the dawn, breaks this night

**Lord I long for resurrection
And deliverance from sin
Lord I await your coming
When heaven comes again...

And Alas, I have peace! Oh how my heart and soul long for heaven, for union with the Blessed One! But I know, it is not for me to receive that satisfaction just yet. For now, I must build the Kingdom on Earth... and that requires just a bit of suffering, just a bit of searching, just a bit of brokenness. But oh how it will all be worth it!

I know that eventually I will live my calling. But for now, for 242 more days, I am committed to this place where I find myself. There is still work to be done in this kingdom.

© 2010 rdlang05


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • schoolgirlforreal profile image

      schoolgirlforreal 7 years ago

      I understand, My spiritual life is often like, "Oh God..please give me a break!" But somehow I end up saying "Let your will be done, not mine" I think it took me a very long time to feel that way. But yes, this is a "vent" hub. I thought you meant Purgatory :) You'll get there. Take care and God bless!

    • rdlang05 profile image

      rdlang05 7 years ago from Minnesota

      Excellent comment my friend,

      I agree, my spiritual life should be joyful, and usually is! This was hub expressing my hope for a greater future. And yes, I meant Purgatory. And I agree, the saints were happy even when they suffered. I hope I can have that same mentality!

    • schoolgirlforreal profile image

      schoolgirlforreal 7 years ago

      I agree that if we let go..our feelings come out better. Good job at your effort, the more you practice the better you can express- though I guess we all take a risk at "exposing" ourselves...though I don't see the harm too much..unless you are using your real name etc...But most people like to see the sensitiveness in a person, it helps them relate etc. :)

      btw...your spiritual life should be of greater joy, no personal criticism - I don't mean harm- I see you in this hub in alot of pain...I hope you can find the peace God wants for you..and know how you "can" be happier than this illustrates if that makes sense.

      When you said you'd rather burn than be in this life, do you mean in purgatory? I know the saints have said that because there's always a risk of losing oneself in this life...but overall, I feel the saints were happy though they suffered, so I strive to keep joy in my heart knowing God is #1


    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: ""

    Show Details
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is used to quickly and efficiently deliver files such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisements has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)