ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

A Passion for Chaos

Updated on August 28, 2015
Wait in Peaceful Emptiness
Wait in Peaceful Emptiness | Source


Chaos has found a great number in human kind averse to it.

Certainty and order have been held as ideals.

How does one then find a passion for chaos? To keep the story short, a simple answer would be found in necessity. Maybe needing to live in and put up with chaos has lessons to teach us on how to be at peace with chaos and in so doing obtain better self-knowledge.

Contemplative by nature, I hold harmony and stillness as ideals. The outer world and its external circumstances are an entirely different story though. At work and at home, there is mostly chaos. Contrary to the predictability that is found in an orderly environment, there are always changes in time and space. At work, there are no definite workstations, no definite shift schedules. At home, no fixed activity times, no fixed personal spaces.

The measures I have experimented with in dealing with putting some order had met with little effectiveness. Try as I may, there is hardly anything possible to implement to put order in any of these areas.

The only explanation I can think of as to why everything is in chaos is that chaos is here and now to teach me a lesson.

Just Sitting

Just sitting, doing my meditation at dawn this morning, I brought the question about chaos to my consciousness before proceeding with focusing on my breathing.

Curious, open, nurturing, attentive, …. Accepting, I slowly moved on to my breathing. Gently, a song floated up into my consciousness: “…I will love you tomorrow (I am unable to love you today)”. Silently saying to myself, “thinking”, I called my attention back to my breathing, resisting the temptation to follow a train of thoughts as to why the song popped up in my head.

Drifting in and out of thinking thoughts and coming back to being conscious of my breathing, I encountered an indescribably cozy-warm feeling. It was the same exact feeling I had when I joined a retreat camp two decades ago, a feeling long-lost in memory---awe, solemnity and belonging.

“Wait in peaceful emptiness and it reveals itself,” a verse from Ray Grigg’s book, then rose into consciousness, as if recapping for me what had just happened in my experience.

Spoiled Rotten

Forty minutes later, I rose up from where I was seated, reflecting on the insights gained from the recent sitting. Somehow the thought of how spoiled my daughter had grown up to be also came to mind. I tried to blame it on the grandmother but stopped myself, thinking that no real resolutions come from blaming other people. Circle of influence, as per Stephen Covey, deals with concerning oneself with what one can do and not what one has no power to control. Maybe my wanting her to be something different other than spoiled is the issue. I probably have a lot more to learn about surrender, being at peace with what IS---here and now.

Ha ha. The finger that I was pointing seemed now to point three fingers back at me. I perhaps am the spoiled one. All my life, wanting things to be peaceful and orderly despite being told by the external world with its circumstances that the natural way of things is chaos.

“Naturalesa”

“13. Uncertainty

Accept ignorance as the human condition. Accept uncertainty willingly. Be confused. Choose right or wrong, yes or no, true or false and trouble begins. The fool is disguised in certainty.

Be certain, become confident, and the whole world sets out to teach otherwise. Without certainty, the whole world softens and accommodates. Uncertainty is the softening by which a way is found in everything’s changing.

Give up certainty and learning begins. Soften and open and be taught by the Tao.

To understand the world, give up the world. Chase it and it escapes; wait in peaceful emptiness and it reveals itself.

Do not be certain about uncertainty.”

---a beautiful chapter from the book, “The Tao of Being” by Ray Grigg.

Naturalesa”, a word when translated to English, means inherent nature, also arose during silent sitting meditation. It seems to point to the same direction as to explain the thought and the feeling just experienced.

The Secret Behind Chaos

Going beyond a critical judgment of chaos, understanding that it is just the way of things or nature /’naturalesa’/, we stop ramming our heads against a wall, we stop imposing our will on how things should be instead.

Behind the discomfort that is the façade of the moment of chaos, waiting in peaceful emptiness, we find the same ‘naturalesa’---our natural a state of awe, solemnity and belonging.

Could this be had in the real world? Sounds like a good challenge. Instead of the usual stress I find in a chaotic moment, in rejection of its ‘naturalesa’, there is a glimmer of hope that I may find the other side of its ‘naturalesa’--- awe, solemnity and belonging, in acceptance.

There is a glimmer of hope, that my passion will not be misplaced seeking being by accepting both sides of chaos in every chaotic circumstance that comes into my awareness.

Getting Real

Contemplative by nature, as mentioned, accepting chaos will definitely be a challenge for me.

But challenges are the stuff that life is made of, that makes us grow and continually actualize our potential. Here there is room for passion, a passion to connecting with both sides (i.e. discomfort and being) of the ‘naturalesa’ that is chaos.

As to the lyrics of the song that popped up while in meditation, “…I will love you tomorrow (I am unable to love you today)” …

Stillness and harmony seem to be two distant stars, ideals set aside for tomorrow while chaos defines one’s external circumstances. Yet waiting in peaceful emptiness on chaos, the other side--- awe, solemnity and belonging, reveal themselves.

And so do stillness and harmony.

The Colors of Chaos
The Colors of Chaos | Source

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No comments yet.

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)