After Jesus Turned The Water Into Wine, I’m Pretty Sure He Made Junior Mints From Pebbles!
Recently I have been inundated with religious people trying to tell me that me “choosing” to be a homosexual makes Jesus and his dad really mad. Oh he still loves me, but nonetheless he wants to hit my snout with a rolled newspaper to show me the error of my ways apparently. And I’m supposed to be just like a puppy, coming back even after my snout has been bonked by Jesus, wagging my tail and asking him to play with me or at the very least, love me. Well, I’m Jewish. That’s right and yet the helpful religious right don’t care about my religious beliefs, they just want me to convert to their love of Jesus cause as the old song goes, “Jesus loves me, this I know, for the bible tells me so.” Well, enough all ready. I don’t think that I’ll ever convince the religious zealots that write into me telling me I’m going to hell that they’re wrong but I wish they would stop trying to convince me that I’m wrong because they’re not going to convince me either. It’s okay for me to think one thing and you to think another, honestly kids, it’s okay. But in those moments when I’ve had more than enough I find that I just feel like making crap up. So my latest one is that after Jesus turned the water to wine, I’m pretty sure he made Junior Mints from pebbles! – Don’t Get Me Started!
I actually got into it recently in the blogosphere with a woman who wrote a blog stating that she wasn’t judging gays but that they needed to know that their savior, Jesus did not condone gayness so they better start boinking chicks immediately (I’m paraphrasing here and just to be clear, since it’s sort of near Easter and I don’t want to piss off the poultry community, I meant women when I wrote, “chicks”). After a few back and forth comments and other people commenting on what she wrote (everything from saying she was nuts to the ones who claimed that it made them sick to even think about homosexuals doing their homosexual deeds – to which I was inclined to write, you straightee religious folk sure spend a lot of time thinking about things you don’t want to think about or don’t think are right). I finally had had enough and had to write something like, “My, how stuffy it must be in your small mind. I do hope that every once in awhile you air your mind out and consider for a moment that not everyone in the world has to share the same beliefs. For if we all believed the same way what a dull world this would be.” I noticed later that the woman actually took down her blog entry. I think this would show that the old adage is true, it got hot in the kitchen and she couldn’t take the heat.
Honestly I don’t mind people thinking that me being a homosexual is wrong because they’re allowed to feel however they feel. I only take exception to it when they’re trying to legislate relegating me to second class citizen status. And as I’ve said before, I would much prefer to hear someone tell me that they hate gays to my face instead of acting nice to me and then doing their limp wristed jokes behind my back.
The thing that I find so interesting is how the “religious” never seem to take responsibility for their opinions. They hide behind Jesus’ robe like a kid behind their mother’s 1950’s taffeta dress. The woman who wrote the blog continually insisted that she wasn’t judging she was merely doing her duty spreading the word of God. Insinuating that my heart wasn’t ready to hear the Truth (yes, capital “T”) She refused to take responsibility for her words and that pisses me off. And if this is true, that you can spew whatever you want without any responsibility from a book that has been translated more times than a United Nations address then I’m going to start doing my own translations of it as well. Now some of you may not understand this (condescending tone intended) but in a bible somewhere I’m sure that Jesus said something about flip flops being worn at dinner parties sending people right to hell. Also in Deuteronomy (no coincidence that’s also the name of a character from the Broadway musical, Cats) there’s something about people loving show tunes. I could go on and on like this but as I’m sure you’re beginning to get, opinions based on books that may or may not have been written by men who may or may not have been “divinely inspired” or just on some sort of ancient crack is fine to believe in, just don’t expect all of us to believe everything in every interpretation of this book. Except for the fact that after Jesus turned the water to wine, I’m pretty sure he made Junior Mints from pebbles! – Don’t Get Me Started!
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An acquired taste, like Tab cola, Some Like It Scott is one gay man's experiences with love, life and things that make him crazy, all done to a musical theatre soundtrack.