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Alternative Monthly Horoscopes, November

Updated on October 14, 2013

Alternative Monthly Horoscopes for November. November is typically a passionate month for most, as with the cold nights drawing in, the urge to snuggle up to partners and steal their body heat is overwhelming, and as usual one thing very often leads to another, and nine months later, you get a receipt for that one entire night of passion, or that ten minute fumble.

Monthly horoscopes for November, what is in store for you this chilly November ?

NB: Please see disclaimer and notes from the grave at the foot of the page.


Following on from last month, maybe I was wrong, after all I did not foresee the lottery numbers, maybe plastic surgery was not the only medical problem, operations and medical matters seem to have a controlling influence over your part of the sky lately. If there are medical worries with yourself or your family, get them checked out, even if only seems a trivial matter, see a doctor, don't let it get any worse.

Check parts of your own body, and for a bit of fun also check your partners, look and feel for lumps or bumps which should not be there, 40,000 women die each year from breast cancer, ensure you have a check up, if there is a chance, you should catch it early and get it treated, and check your mans nuts, testicular cancer is also flying around

Advice for the month: Get checked out, like a car, a human body needs a service now and then to keep it running properly. Check yourself over, then get a second opinion, get a third, fourth and a fifth if you like, just do something about it.


In the night sky above our local pig factory, I saw something odd, and a bit sinister, I think it was my missus, but after that the night sky said to me, yes it speaks, "Only those who go to far, know how far to go" !! and that is right, the only time anyone goes to far, is the only time that they will ever know how far they are allowed to go.

And how far do Pisceans tend to go ? Break out of your comfort zone this month, push that little bit more, you don't need to do it all at once, bit by bit. When you have gone far enough, you will be told by someone who you have maybe pushed to far, but then you will know how far you can go, and how much you have gained, without going to far.

Stop being timid, push for more, how long do you think you have left on this planet, you can't live forever, go for it.

Advice for the month: Push baby push. Don't over do it, just enough each time to get you that bit further in a relationship or job, or something worthwhile. If you don't do it, somebody else will.

Aries, the Hard Headed Ram
Aries, the Hard Headed Ram


Oh will you stop your whining, the world is not against you, circumstances may not be perfect, but there is always hope. Sit on your backside and have a think. Sort your life out, work out your finances.

Money is the key for you this month, or rather the lack of it. Christmas is coming and the goose is getting fat, but not your pockets, they are getting like the old mans hair, thinner. Work out a way where Christmas will not cost you that much, you don't need to buy your uncle that expensive gift, he will understand.

Come to an agreement with your partner not to buy expensive stuff, save for a vacation next year or put down a deposit for something you need or really want. Having more money, is not just about making more, it is also about not wasting it. And for some of you, now is the time for a diet.

Yes that horrible word, but not a proper diet, just trim a little, miss a snack every two days, walk past the pastry shop twice a week and have a light meal instead of a full fat grease dripping take away burger. Every little helps, have more rumpy pumpy, that is a fantastic way to burn calories and keep warm.

Advice for the month: Lose a bit of weight and gain a few pounds in the pocket, you can do both at the same time. Stop moaning about your money matters and do something about it you miserable git.


The sky above my house has turned cold, same as the ground, and this coldness could influence you this month, to do nothing. It maybe that the cold has put a dampener on things at work, if you work, and maybe the coldness is getting you more interested in the bedroom department instead.

A chance to snuggle up and keep warm with someone you like is always a good excuse to take day off work and have a duvet day. But if this is the case, don't forget the consequences, Christmas time is the busiest for most businesses, and they will need all the help they can get, January is the time for laying off unproductive staff, so think about that first.

Have a duvet day on your day off, don't take another day off just to get your leg over. This month you have to push yourself that little bit more to drag yourself out of the bed, even if it is colder, get to work dammit, don;t be lazy, or your job may be on the line.

If you do not have work at the moment, go out and try and get yourself a seasonal job and do it well, you may be taken on, initially on a part time basis next year, ensure that you are noticed and get your name around to the people who count, it could be the start of something more positive.

Advice for the month: Work, but not in the bed with your partner, let them lay there, you need to get your bits wrapped up then haul ass to work. Every body needs to be noticed by their management for the next two important months, make yourself indispensable.


The sky at night above my house only showed a single star, shining brightly, staring right back at me, gave me the willies. Anyway, it can mean two things, the first is that being a Gemini you may be the bright one, the strong one of the family, the one that can hold it together in times of a crises when everyone else has given up and gone.

Or it could mean that you are a sad git with no friends, all alone with no one to talk to. Either way, for you this month is all about family. Get closer to the ones you have neglected, play with the kids a bit more, or go to bed and make some kids.

For the elderly, this month should bring in a change, the family will come and see you, or even call you for once, and maybe invite you to spend some of the time with the grandchildren. People are people, we need each other, we rely on praises and communication, make a bit more effort, you like it when friends contact you, so why not contact them, the old people need you too.

Advice for the month: Seek out old acquaintances or family, be there for them, make an effort to play with the kids, even if they give you a headache, be nice, after all, you will be old as well one day.


Lets see if you are pregnant this month, don't say I didn't warn you. Love is in the air for Cancerians in November, but stay away from the ex-boyfriends and the ex-girlfriends, it won't work out, and many relationships will fizzle out just after new year, so don't get to serious in the beginning. For the elderly, a nice companion may be found soon that will last the test of time, what there is left anyway.

For money this month, don't look for a sudden windfall or payout, there is none on the horizon, and relying on money that is owed is a non starter, so you will still have to get up and go to work. If you are work challenged ( the diplomatic way for saying unemployed ) go and get a season job, and start paying back some taxes back into the system, it will bring in some fresh money to the house and there may be a chance of some repeat work.

Be a bit more security conscious at home, lock windows and doors when you leave the house or apartment, strange and baffling statistics show that Cancerians in the month of November, get burgled more times than any other star sign

Advice for the month: Don't get burgled and work for your money, Santa will be here soon and he is not bringing you any cash, don't get serious in new relationships to soon, and break out the pregnancy test kits.


I looked at the sky from the roof, and the pig farm stunk, which has absolutely nothing to do with you . But the sky does, and it was black, not a good omen. Be very careful this month on all matters, money, health and love mainly. Don't risk to much on anything, it may go wrong, do not risk a relationship for a quick fling with a younger woman, do not risk a large purchase and there is something not quite right with either your or a close member of your families health.

If concerned with any health matters, go get it checked out, or you could just stay in bed all month and hope it passes. Seriously though, something is coming, deal with it with caution, or you may regret it within a few months. On a lighter note, congratulations are in order for the pregnant one, even if you don't know it yet, law of averages states that over 11,622 Leo women will fall pregnant in November, that's a lot of kids, so boys, keep it in your pants.

Advice for the month: Boys, zip up, medical matters are to be looked into, even for small things ( sorry boys ) be good to your partner, if only for November.

Free Link: Christmas gift ideas for the lover, toyboy, or the mistress.


For the virgins of Virgo, nothing will change this month, and don't let it. For the rest of you, I foresee an active month, better than last month, lets face it, it couldn't of really got any worse, ideas are now moving along and things are about to change for the better, at last.

This month for some will again be stagnant, sorry, but that is the way the cookie crumbles, not much moving in financial gain or love, but at least you are not going backwards, which is actually a positive sign. Just keep trying and you will emerge into a beautiful butterfly one day, that's just sugar coating it, it is beginning to get better, even if you do not feel it, life is about to change.

Advice for the month: Keep working, try a bit more, but whatever you are doing, it is right and will produce dividends.


Be a nice guy or a nice woman, I know times may be a bit hard and you do need to save a bit, but with Christmas coming and the tree will be coming out, get together the old toys and blankets and general stuff which you never use, and donate it to someone who will appreciate it more than you will, an orphanage or a centre for something, even a charity shop, do something nice, but yet will not cost you anything.

A shortfall of cash will add to your savings, but only small, don't get your hopes up, it won't change your life. And you have not been forgotten at Christmas his year, surprises are in store. If you are seeking that love, even if only for Christmas time and New Year kisses, then this could be your lucky year, but don't get knocked up. And do not drink drive, this month is going to be a bad month for those who want to drink then drive home, do not do it, something will go wrong.

Advice for the month: Be cheap but charitable, without drinking and driving, do not get pregnant, unless you want to, and be ready to hold your hands out for a little bit of extra cash.


Just because it's your birthday, don't get to excited, expect nothing, gain the most. This is a month of waiting, I have absolutely no idea what you are waiting for, but you are waiting for something.

Maybe it is a call from a secret love to tell you she is not pregnant, or a letter from a far off love to let you know they are all-right, Sorry, this may not be the case. Be prepared for the worst or for nothing. It is a slow month with not much happening. Something is coming, which is good, but not yet. For someone out there, I am deeply sorry for your loss.

Advice for the month: Just wait. A bit of a sad month, but life does go on. For the rest of us, waiting is a virtue.


The best things in life are free, what a crock. My nice car was definitely not free, and my daughter costs an absolute fortune.

So my suggestion is, if you want it, work for it. Money is not the route of all evil, money is the route to a better life, Get what work you can, even if only a seasonal job, it's better than nothing. For those working, you should of put 10% of your money away in an account every week or month, that way, with compound interest, you would have a nice little bit of cash stored away.

It's all money matters this month, boring and usual, and unfortunately for most of you, its the lack of money that is the problem. Take it easy on extra spends, be careful this month. If you have lots of money, be ultra careful, some one is going to try and liberate some of it.

Advice for the month: Don't blow it, stop spending, see what happens. This month for some unknown reason is a bad month for spending.


The night sky told a sorry story in your star sign, and someone whose name may begin with either 'Mi or Ma', don't do it, it is really not worth it. He or she will dump you quite soon.

Anyway, for November there is a bit of a buzz around, maybe not centralised on you, but in some way you are part of it, maybe something new and exciting at home, or even something at work. It could range from a baby to a new car, or something which is going to change your life.

But don't worry, next year is not just another normal year. You are going to change things. You are going to make things happen. It is your life, make the changes and don't wait. Next year is going to be the first year of the rest of your life, do something about it, make it a good start. Be positive.

Advice for the month: Absorb the commotion around you with compassion but not passion. Begin your new journey into a new life next year, stop being a sad git and start a new fuller life.

Messages from beyond

DS. It's hotter than I thought it would be here.

PF. I told you not to drive so fast, git.

SD. I know what you are doing, just you wait till you get up here !!


 I, being of mentally challenged mind, admit that I am not a sorcerer, witch or even connected to any cult. I am not a member of any Star Trek fan club and I do not know Mystic Meg. I have limited knowledge of star gazing, and know nothing about the next set of lottery numbers.


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