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Alternative Monthly Horoscopes August

Updated on January 13, 2015

Dare you read what is in store for you this month?

August monthly horoscopes can decide the direction that a person can take in life. Reading a personal horoscope, whether your a masterful Taurus or a sexy Scorpio, can alter the perception of a person, and allow daily choices to completely take their life and change it forever.

Or can it? An alternative horoscope August is not a fairy-tale of life changing proportions, unless the reader decides to implement changes on behalf of themselves.

Alternative horoscopes are down to earth and straight talking monthly horoscopes.


20 January - 18 February

If you took a holiday or a break recently, congratulations, it is your last one for a while. Money does not grow on trees and soon money will be in short supply more than ever. The world may be in a financial state, but if you are not careful, so will you be. Spend less and look up the ancient King's' dream story of the seven fat cows who ate the seven thin cows and take heed.

Treat your partner with a little more respect, every little bit helps, and may save the relationship, unless you want out.

Be honest with them and if you cannot hack it, grab your jacket. Most relationships are excellent in August, except if you have had a holiday fling, then be careful not to get caught by your regular partner.

On the other hand, if you were single then knock your socks off and enjoy the moment.

This is a good month to get pregnant if you believe in horoscopes. But remember a child is a gift and not a commodity to keep a partner. Be careful as thirty five seconds of fun can turn into sixteen years of hard labour.

Take as many precautions as possible if you do not want a baby. The best form of contraceptives for women is to keep the legs crossed. For men, keep the zips up and the thoughts on sport instead.

Alternative horoscopes advice for the month: Getting pregnant, or getting someone else pregnant is easier than you imagined; and as most men can be drips, it will not be to difficult to impregnate someone.. So take as much protection as possible. Do not get pregnant to save a relationship, it won't work. Hope the holiday was worth it.


19 February - 20 March

Holiday season is nearly over and it may be time to get the nose back to the grindstone. If you are not happy with your job, simple solution is to change it. Do not leave until you have found something else to got to, but remember the grass is not always greener on the other side.

If you have cheated on your partner or are considering it, think twice. You may get caught. Is this new person worth losing the old one for? Will it be a better life? Think long and hard first. If in doubt, don't do it. If you think your partner has been cheating, you may be right. Be careful and investigate before accusing.

Mail in the post may bring something of a shock. Either good or bad. Do not think you have won millions by one of these mail scams, it is a lie and a con. Something in the post this month may have an effect on the rest of the year and maybe longer. No news is good news is an old saying that may work here.

Alternative horoscopes advice for the month: Cheating partners need to be sorted out. Change jobs and be careful what you reply to in the post.


21 March - 20 April

If you are a lazy Arien, then this month is excellent for you. You have done nothing, achieved nothing, and will have nothing except extra weight and a few more spots. Change your lifestyle and do something useful for once. Get some exercise and get your big bottom out of the chair before it gets to big to go through the door. Exercise is great. It only needs to be a walk or short run, a swim with a friend, even just a walk to the kids school. For those who don't, diabetes 'Grade 2' is waiting for you. Be warned.

Horoscopes are predictions like Nostradamus's'. They are cryptic and you have to decipher them for yourself. This month is a time for the Arien to get their thinking heads on and actually do something. Thinking about self employment? Stop thinking and do something to start it. If you have been thinking about a big purchase, look around, you will be amazed how much you will save for the same thing elsewhere.

Love may have blossomed recently, possibly with an old flame. Be careful not to be burnt. Flirting and looking are fine with other people, but don't go the whole hog and do the naughty. Although your love life may be on the up, coming down is slightly faster and usually hurts more. Office romances are a waste of time so stop messing about.

Alternative horoscopes advice for the month: Exercise your large backside and avoid varicose veins, diabetes and expensive liposuction operations. Stop sexually harassing the office junior and think about your own employment future.


21 April - 20 May

The bull people of this world are said to be confident, full of promise, occasionally extrovert and outgoing. Then again some are sad, depressing and totally miserable. Sort your life out if you are in the latter half. You only visit the planet once and you should make the most of it. If you are depressed or down, nobody wants to be near you. So be a happy bull, and take things by the horn as it were. Get off your bum and be happy again, only you can do it.

Love is not in the air, so forget that this month. Concentrate on sorting yourself out. With no children on the horizon this month for the majority of Taurus people, think about yourself. It is not as selfish as you think. Take a break, a lovely weekend or week away. A spa trip is excellent, or even try fishing. A boring sport but gives ample time for thinking.

If you are really thinking about it, do it. Get the operation, do the liposuction thing, get the boob enhancement. Operations of some kind, although not necessary for medical reasons are on the cards. It may be laser hair removal treatment or even to remove that awful tattoo. Whatever it is, this month is the month to either plan it or do it.

Alternative horoscopes advice for the month: Have the operation but not abroad. Get a life and stop being a pessimist. Think of yourself and begin to form a new you which you can be proud of and others will love.


21 May - 21 June

The twins, the males ultimate fantasy. Gemini are usually bubbly people with a heart of gold, or false gold. Slightly devious and impulsive yet imaginative and clever. If this is you then at least you are clever enough to find your own star sign. Gemini have a certain zest for life which makes them excellent short term partners, although they can difficult to keep up with and slightly moody. Female Geminis' are enchanting and love to be put on a pedestal and worshipped. ( according to astrology students, possibly with little knowledge of relationships )

This month could be a big one if you get it right. For the adventurous, look into a bungee jump, parachute jump or another extreme sport to get the best out of life. Get adrenaline filled and show the world who you are. Become you, again. For the less adventurous, try something which gets your heart palpitating. Drop the flower arranging and find your own zest. Being boring and stable is good at times, but occasionally let your hair down and do something extraordinary. You will love it.

Love will blossom for the person who lets their heart beat faster. Pregnancy is not on the cards or in the sky at night, so you should be safe in that aspect. Start a new relationship with a bang. Take them on a white water raft ride or something bizarre to test them and find if they are an ideal partner or just a knee trembler behind the proverbial bike sheds.

Alternative horoscopes advice for the month: Take a plunge with a new partner and throw him or her out of an aeroplane. Get your crazy heart beating and find yourself again. Let your imagination run wild in the bedroom or anywhere you like.


22 June - 22 July

Loyal and dependable Cancerians may be in for a rough month. Usually, Cancerians are the people whom others go to in times of trouble and strife, whether for small loans or simple advice. It seems that this month there may be a deluge of problems for you to sort out from other people. Be tactful when advising them and try to deter them in the right direction. Or tell them what they do not want to hear, and maybe they will never bother you again. You may need a lot of patience this month, but only because of the problems that other people cause.

Love will not be blistering or scintillating this month. But it will be nice and comforting from a loved one. Some news will be received to lighten the load of a hectic month and bring a smile to that weary face of yours. Trying a face pack or some kind of facial treatment may be in order for both men and women. Otherwise, this month is about as boring as watching the washing machine during the spin cycle. Not much is really happening, unless you change it.

Money. Well the less said about this the better. Your savings will increase very slightly. So don't be tempted to spend more. Christmas is really not that far away and if you lavish family with as much as possible this year, there may be regrets in the new year. Keep spending down, not to much, still enjoy yourself, but a new car or expensive items should be put off for now. Listen, this is your life, you are only here for a short period of time. Enjoy today, but make sure you also enjoy tomorrow.

Alternative Monthly Horoscopes advice for the month: Listen to other peoples problems with passion and a considerate ear, then tell them where to go. Don't spend on expensive items but do something with the lines on your face.


23 July - 22 August

Ensure all paperwork has the I's dotted and the T's crossed. Check passports or even car insurance details. Make sure that any important documents you sign this month have been properly checked. There may be a small sticking point which can turn into a problem later on.

A tall dark stranger will cause your heart to flutter. Sounds nice, but if you are married or in a serious relationship, that is as far as it should go. This person will be good for a short period of time, say until Christmas is over, but no longer. A possibility of news of a pregnancy will reach your ears and this is welcome news. Children feature in your horoscope this month for some reason. Watch them carefully. There maybe a visit from a person with children.

Money is always an issue, especially when you don't have any. In this aspect, this month will be similar to the rest, there won't be much spare money flying around. But investment opportunities may be there. Opportunities are never missed, they are just picked up by someone else. Don't miss out on an absolute bargain, take that plunge, it may be worth while and profitable if you have checked everything.

Alternative Horoscopes advice for the month: Be warned of dodgy paperwork and ensure all is correct before putting a signature on them. Seek out the best investment opportunity and keep the new lover till Christmas, before their 'best before' date runs out.


23 August - 22 September

Virgo the virtuous virgin, okay, enough of the impossible dreams. Virgo's are allegedly strong in mind and slightly shy in nature. This month is unique for most Virgos. It's a month for love, or lust depending on what type of Virgo you are. Short lived love is plentiful this month for single people, but the romance will fizzle out very quickly with new partners. For people in long term relationships, love will be reinforced as the last of summer begins to dwindle into Autumn or Fall.

Moving house was seen in the sky at night as a satellite passed by. So there may be a move planned, or maybe forced by the arrival of tiny feet. Moving to more surreal surroundings or possibly into a more rural location. New job prospects are high this month, maybe the move is to another employment prospect or relocation through current work. The possibility of moving or just buying a holiday home abroad is also there.

Money makes money, and this month may just bring you luck. Money is on the up, but don't be fooled into a false sense of security. Money and a fool are soon parted, so if you are a fool you will be broke by September.

Alternative horoscopes advice for the month: Make money then keep it in your pocket. Enjoy promiscuous relationships but be careful as disease is rife and babies cost an absolute fortune. Move home for a better lifestyle with the partner of your dreams for a fruitful relationship.


23 September - 22 October

Libra has an exciting month to come. Lots of activity in all walks of life. The love charts are through the roof as is money and even luck. This month could change your life if you decide to follow your head and not your heart.

Buy that house, make that investment, marry that person. Whichever is your destiny, it comes to you this month. Times like these are few and far between, take the proper direction, only you can decide which way.

Everyone will want to be part of your life and be around you. Some are friends and some are simply limpets or leaches sucking you dry slowly, either emotionally or financially. Lose the creeps from your life and surge forward in your own energy. You may discover a new you.

Alternative horoscopes advice for the month: Lose the losers and enjoy a fantastic month to discover yourself. This is your time to make a vital impact on your own life.


23 October - 21 November

Sizzling Scorpio is the most sexy sign of the Zodiac. The other zodiac signs cannot compete with your fiery antics in the bedroom, but this month a Gemini partner may give you a run for your money. Lustful antics are always on the cards for the sexually depraved Scorpios. Men are meant to think about sex every 30 seconds, with Scorpios it is more like every 3 seconds, and the women are just as bad.

As the heat of the summer dies down and the winter nights approach, Scorpios love rituals take a more serious turn. Cooler nights mean loving evenings at home with a partner cuddled up on the couch or in the bed. A true Scorpio will have these wonderful evenings with a slight personal twist. Love is beginning to blossom for those who have recently found a new love in their life, this should turn out quite nicely over the forthcoming months. For Scorpios in a long term relationship, your partner will be overjoyed by your attention. Make sure they give you some attention back.

Scorpios luck is high this month, not for the horses or betting, but only in general. People will admire your work or admire you for your intellect or achievements. Take it in your stride and prepare for more compliments. Not much extra money is forthcoming this month, but luck comes in many forms.

Alternative horoscopes advice for the month: Lucky in love not so hot with the money stakes. Be yourself and give your partner a hot month they will never forget.


22 November - 21 December

Your drive and ambition seem to be focused, even though only temporary. Try and keep up the momentum and everything will fall into place. This month is a big month for ambitious people, New business or a job may be in the pipeline. A new adventure involving family or something with monetary gain is waiting for you. Make it happen.

Love seems to be standard and relatively not moving either way this month according to the night sky above the bus depot. The solar flares have nothing to do with you and the lunar waves talk rubbish. You may feel slightly let down by somebody, but do not worry, it will all come out in the wash, and they will get their dues as will you. Be nice to others and reap the rewards later, but not to nice, don't let them take the mick out of you.

Stand up for yourself. Do not continue to be walked over or henpecked. A small sharp word now will save lots of agony later. Letting somebody get the better of you is not the Sagittarian way. Be you and others will accept you for who you really are.

Alternative horoscopes advice for the month: Stand up and be noticed. Forget love and concentrate on you and what you need and desire. Job prospects are looking good and so could the money. You decide what you want to do.


22 December - 19 January

Love is a usual feature in any horoscope and this month for you, it may be shining. Love or a simple romance is on the cards, no matter what age. Lustful relationships are increasing the heartbeat for Capricorns all over the globe. It may just be the ending of the summer months and as the last of the heat begins to disappear, Capricorns are trying to cling to the last ebbs of the heat in any way they can. For single Capricorns, tough really, should of tried harder.

Money luck is not really your thing this month, what little you have is all you are going to get. Next month should be better, if you are planning on an expensive Christmas, think again. January is a hard time for many families and not spending as much on gifts this year will really help you out in the New Year.

There was a celestial garden in your charts. Maybe you will move to the rural side of life, or move home with a large garden, or even begin to grow your own vegetables. There is something green coming your way. It is possible that you just want to hug a tree, who knows, you are Capricorn and subject to constant change and erratic decisions.

Alternative horoscopes advice for the month: Hug a tree and get green. A possible move on the way but money will not come flying in through the window. Single Capricorns should forget love this month and concentrate on keeping some money in the pocket rather than shopping. For Capricorns in a relationship, carry on doing what you are doing, your partner does appreciate it.

Messages from beyond

Anne ( no other initial available ) Your cooking still sucks.

D.R. Thank you, I had a better life after you had moved out.

K.D. ( Phoenix ) You need help,

S.R. ( Manchester ) I am still with you, so behave.


The above alternative horoscopes are like any other horoscope, you take them as you see them. You may decipher them to your own desire or ignore them as you see fit. I have no astrological qualifications nor the desire to seek any. I am not related to a mystical being, dead or alive, nor am I a soothsayer, witch doctor, or a healer of any sort. I see what I see, which is the same as everybody else. Make your life better, only you can do it.

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      7 years ago

      it's interesting! thanks for sharing.


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