ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel
  • »
  • Religion and Philosophy»
  • Christianity, the Bible & Jesus

Bible Funnies and Jokes

Updated on September 28, 2015
PAINTDRIPS profile image

Denise homeschooled her 4 children and has stories. She provided art lessons for many children in the homeschool community for many years.

Source

God invented humor.

I think that God invented humor and wanted us to laugh and laugh often. There are scriptures warning against coarse joking containing harmful or hurtful ideas or vulgar language or sinful ideas or, as I understand it, humor that offends, hurts feelings, or pokes fun of a people, or their beliefs. I think the rule of thumb should be if the joke isn’t funny to everyone, it isn’t funny. If you are laughing at someone instead of with them, it’s not funny.

Source

Laughter is good medicine.

Source
Source
Source
Source

Jokes

  • Who was the shortest man in the Bible?

Some think it may have been Nehemiah (Knee- High –miah).
But it was really Bildad the Shuhite (Shoe-height)… now that’s short.
Job 2:11

  • Why was the minister afraid to fly?

Because of the promise in Matthew 28:20.
“Lo, I am with you always.”

  • Reason for humor

“A merry heart doeth good like a medicine.”
Proverbs 17:22

  • Other than Adam, what man was without an earthly father?

Had to be Joshua, the son of Nun.
Joshua 1:1

  • Who was the first female financial wizard in the Bible?

Pharoah’s daughter.
She went down to the river and pulled out a little prophet.
Exodus 2:5-6

  • What was the first math problem mentioned in the Bible?

When God told Adam and Eve to go forth and multiply.
Genesis 1:28

  • What was the first tennis match recorded in the Bible?

In II Samuel, David served in the courts of Saul.
But before that Joseph served in the courts of Pharaoh.

  • What was the first ride in a vehicle recorded in the Bible?

Adam and Even were driven by God out of the Garden. Varoom, Varoom!
Genesis 3:23

  • Who were the first people recorded in the New Testament to have a car?

The First Christians. It says they were all in one Accord. Crowded.
Acts 2:1

  • Who drove the first motocycle, recorded in the Bible in Israel?

David. His Triumph was heard throughout the land.

  • Why did the preacher believe God wanted him to have a jet?

Because the Bible tells him in Isaiah 58:14.

“Delight thyself in the Lord and He will cause thee to ride upon the high places of the earth.”

Two Comics Walk Into A Church

I love to laugh

Source
Source
Source

Advice

A man went to his pastor for advice.

“I just don’t know what to do,” the man said. “I have more bills than I can pay. My business is going under and we owe everyone. I’ve tried everything: consolidating bills, laying off employees, tax breaks, everything. I just can’t think what to do next.”

The pastor thinks for a minutes and says, “Well, when I have a difficult problem, I get away with just me and my Bible. I go to the mountains or the beach, away from any people. Then with my Bible in my lap, I ask God for an answer and stand the Bible up on it’s spine. When I let go and the book falls open, the first place my eyes fall is the answer from God.”

“Well,” the man answered, “I’ve tried everything else. I guess I’ll do that and let you know what happens.”

About three weeks later the man entered the church with his whole family. He looked very happy and the pastor couldn’t wait to ask him what happened. After the service the man told him, “I did just like you said pastor. I got away to the beach, put the Bible up on the spine and prayed for guidance. When the Bible fell open, there was my answer.”

“What did it say,” the pastor asked anxiously.

“Chapter 13.”

Source
  • The Other Woman

Adam and Eve were living in the beautiful garden and Adam when out every day. He began coming home later and later, which made Eve suspicious. She asked what he was doing but he said nothing. So to alleviate her suspicions, she waited till he was asleep one night. Slowly and quietly she stepped up to him and gently lifted his blanket… and counted his ribs to be sure there wasn’t another woman.

  • Stump people

You can bet and win any amount of money that Delilah did not cut Samson’s hair. Most people forget that Delilah directed her servant to cut his hair.

Judges 16:19

  • What kind of man was Boaz before he got married?

Ruthless.
Ruth 2:8

  • Who was the first financier in the Bible?

Noah. He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.
Genesis 7:1-24

  • Why did Moses wander in the desert for 40 years?

Even back then men just wouldn’t stop and ask directions!

Christian comic

Source
Source

Bible humor

Do you like Bible humor?

See results
  • One of my favorite scriptures is where Elijah makes fun of the prophets of Baal who are trying to get their god to rain fire down on their offering. He basically tells them that their god has gone aside to the bathroom, taken a trip, or is napping.

“At noon Elijah mocked them, saying, Cry aloud, for he is a god; either he has gone aside, or he is on a journey, or perhaps he is asleep and must be awakened.”

I Kings 18:27

  • What do John the Baptist and Winnie the Pooh have in common?

Their middle name.

  • In what season did Eve eat the forbidden fruit?

It had to be in the Fall.

  • How do we know Abraham was smart?

He knew a Lot!

Genesis 12:4

  • Was Noah the first one out of the Ark after the flood?

No. Noah went forth out of the Ark.

Genesis 8:18

  • What did the Bible authors use to keep their breath fresh?

Testa-mints.

  • The two little boys go to their bedroom and prepare for bed. The youngest one kneels down at the side of the bed and begins to pray.

“Oh God,” he yells at the top of his voice, “I pray you would bless my mommy and daddy and my grandma in the next room. I pray you would give me a new bike.”

His brother says, “Why are you yelling? God is not deaf.”

“Oh I know,” the boy answers his brother, “but grandma is.”

  • Borrow the car

A young man approached his father and asked to borrow his car. The said if the young man would bring his grades up, read his Bible every day, and cut his hair then he could borrow the car. A month later the young man comes back to his father to ask about the car.

The father said, “Well, son, I see you brought your grades up, and have been reading your Bible every day. But you still haven’t cut your hair.”

“Well, dad, I’ve been thinking about that. Moses had long hair, Abraham had long hair, even Jesus had long hair.”

“Yes, son, and they walked everywhere they went.”

I love to laugh.

I love to laugh. I know it does me good, and I love knowing God invented it for my good. There is nothing more satisfying than to find quirky and interesting things in the Bible that make me laugh. I bet they made God laugh too.

Source

Humorous Comments here.

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • PAINTDRIPS profile image
      Author

      Denise McGill 3 years ago from Fresno CA

      Stella, me too. Thank you for commenting.

      Blessings,

      Denise

    • ladyguitarpicker profile image

      stella vadakin 3 years ago from 3460NW 50 St Bell, Fl32619

      Hi, G0d has a great sense of humor. He make all of us. I love to laugh and love to be near people who do. Stella

    • PAINTDRIPS profile image
      Author

      Denise McGill 3 years ago from Fresno CA

      Laurie, thank you so much for visiting and liking my Bible jokes.

      Blessings,

      Denise

    • profile image

      Rayne123 3 years ago

      Hi

      This is so cool, it's nice to hear a sense of humor when it comes to the bible.

      To many people turn it in to a sometimes disagreeable debate.

      My favorite was the one about the long hair.

      Thank you for this.

      Blessings

      Laurie

    • Say Yes To Life profile image

      Yoleen Lucas 3 years ago from Big Island of Hawaii

      WillStarr - I hadn't thought of that. LOL!

    • PAINTDRIPS profile image
      Author

      Denise McGill 3 years ago from Fresno CA

      Great comment, Will. I appreciate you sharing that!

      Blessings,

      Denise

    • WillStarr profile image

      WillStarr 3 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

      I agree with Jodah that God must have a great sense of humor, and so too did Jesus. For instance, His brilliant answer to "...give to Caesar the things that are Caesar's, and to God the things that are God's' is a pretty good joke, when we consider that everything actually belongs to God, leaving nothing for Caesar!

    • PAINTDRIPS profile image
      Author

      Denise McGill 3 years ago from Fresno CA

      Wow, those are great. Thanks for sharing.

    • Say Yes To Life profile image

      Yoleen Lucas 3 years ago from Big Island of Hawaii

      Here are a couple for you.

      A man with many troubles decided to consult the Bible for advice. He flipped it open and landed on Matthew 27:5; "And Judas went and hanged himself."

      Frustrated, he flipped it open again and landed on Luke 10:37 "Go and do thou likewise."

      Really riled, he flipped it open once again and landed on John 13:27; "Whatever thou doest, do quickly."

      What American state appears in the Bible? Arkansas. "Noah came out of the ark and saw..."

    • PAINTDRIPS profile image
      Author

      Denise McGill 3 years ago from Fresno CA

      Tim, thanks for visiting. Glad I could make you smile.

      Blessings,

      Denise

    • PAINTDRIPS profile image
      Author

      Denise McGill 3 years ago from Fresno CA

      Lambservant, mine too. Somehow I just didn't see that coming.

      Blessings,

      Denise

    • PAINTDRIPS profile image
      Author

      Denise McGill 3 years ago from Fresno CA

      Travmaj, so glad I made you laugh. Have a Happy Day!

      Blessings,

      Denise

    • PAINTDRIPS profile image
      Author

      Denise McGill 3 years ago from Fresno CA

      Ahh yes, Carb Diva. I almost forgot that one. Thanks.

      Blessings,

      Denise

    • Tim Bader profile image

      Tim Bader 3 years ago from Surrey, UK

      I agree whole-heartedly with you - God definitely has a sense of humour!

      I liked some of the one-liners you wrote here too.

      A couple made me cringe, but most made me smile: especially the one about Boaz being "Ruthless"...

    • lambservant profile image

      Lori Colbo 3 years ago from Pacific Northwest

      Hilarious! Chapter 13 was my favorite.

    • travmaj profile image

      travmaj 3 years ago from australia

      You really made me laugh out loud this morning - yes I agree, God must have a sense of humour. Thank you.

    • Carb Diva profile image

      Linda Lum 3 years ago from Washington State, USA

      And don't forget that men must always make the coffee. He brews.

    • PAINTDRIPS profile image
      Author

      Denise McGill 3 years ago from Fresno CA

      DDE, I think it is the only way to approach life. It's why I like to see comedies instead of tragedies. Why pay for our tears? There are plenty of tragedy in our own lives without paying for more... so I'd rather laugh. Wouldn't you?

      Blessings,

      Denise

    • PAINTDRIPS profile image
      Author

      Denise McGill 3 years ago from Fresno CA

      Gene, I'll remember that. Thanks

      Blessings,

      Denise

    • DDE profile image

      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      An interesting indeed with laughter. A sense of humor is such a great way of life.

    • PAINTDRIPS profile image
      Author

      Denise McGill 3 years ago from Fresno CA

      Jodah, thank you. I really love to laugh. Glad I could share the joy.

      Blessings,

      Denise

    • gposchman profile image

      Gene Poschman 3 years ago from San Francisco Bay Area

      If you take any heat on this, just tell them the devil made you do it. A really fun article.

      Thanks for the smiles and chuckles.

      Gene Poschman

    • Jodah profile image

      John Hansen 3 years ago from Queensland Australia

      I really enjoyed this. I am convinced God must have a sense of humour. Thanks for the laugh. Voted up.

    • PAINTDRIPS profile image
      Author

      Denise McGill 3 years ago from Fresno CA

      Thanks for that one.

    • justthemessenger profile image

      James C Moore 3 years ago from The Great Midwest

      Here's one for you:

      Why is Noah the brightest financial genius in the scriptures?

      While the rest of the world was being liquidated, he kept all of his assets "afloat." Oh!

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: "https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr"

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)