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Did I Blink God?…This Is the Story of My Little Boy!

Updated on August 9, 2018
The Stages Of ME profile image

Kathy was a rehabilitation therapist, after receiving a life-changing diagnosis she felt a spiritual call to share life's journey in HUBS.

The Spirit that is Chris!

Did I Blink God… (This is the story of my little boy)

Wow, did I blink God? My baby boy is a young man. He's not just any young man; he's a man that loves God, loves others like himself, and enjoys the journey that awaits him. His very own independence journey of college and career-making has ensued. From cradle to wings my youngest leaves the nest. He is off to fly with the eagles, and I can hardly believe it; this is my story of Chris…

I remember the day as if it were yesterday, we were driving through the Carolina Mountains, and I was feeling a little queasy and laughing it off. What I thought is that I was losing my mind, was it possible? Just a few months prior we suffered the loss of our second baby. It was early on as I rounded the corner of the first trimester. You, Chris, have another brother or sister that is waiting to meet you in heaven. That baby was due on Christmas Day. It is now that same year Thanksgiving week, and I feel something telling me you could be coming, wow! God, did I blink? Is it unimaginable after such a loss that you were allowing me the joy in the morning?

Thanksgiving approached, you could find me running after your big sister as she captured every moment while playing with her cousin's during our visit to North Carolina. While there, we went for a ride in the beautiful Blue Ridge Mountains and there it was again that feeling. I wondered could it be you trying to get my attention?

I placed my hands on my tummy. I thought, “Hey God, is it possible? Are you giving me another miracle?” I remember a silent prayer and yes an admission of fear," Not again, Lord please, let this not be a dream." I remember praying to myself, "Dear God, my little girl needs another little person to love, please allow this feeling to be that miracle."

I went into a convenience store during a gas station break and picked up a cheap pregnancy test. When we got back to the house, and after a beautiful Thanksgiving meal I would sneak off to an upstairs restroom and pee on the stick. (Sorry bud no way to make that poetic.) As those minutes passed it felt like years, I tried to live out your entire possible life and at the same time thought of the life of the sibling that had just passed. To say sadness crept in is an understatement. And then, there it was, two solid lines! There you were, my baby and to find out on Thanksgiving, did I blink God?


Here's Chris :)

The Possibilities of You

I joy was immediate, I was overjoyed with the possibilities of you! I ran down the stairs, cautiously, of course, and found your daddy. When I shared the news of you, the laughter and amazement swelled in the house with a loud proclamation of thanksgiving. I was tenacious at first, as I processed my sweet baby in heaven and my new bundle of joy growing inside my tummy. You were also growing in my heart, and we were excited as we began the journey of you.

Telling your big sister was excellent, she understood and yet didn’t, as she was a toddler, but she did respond to our palpable joy with a sweet and childlike giggle. I was starting to see the story of the two of you play out in my head and before I knew it a few months had already gone by, did I blink God?

Then came your first ultrasound and the doctor said, "I don’t see all four chambers of the heart." I was thinking to myself, "I’m surprised you see anything at all. I don’t know how you read those things. All I see is snow on a screen until things are pointed out." Then I thought, “Did he say he doesn’t see all four chambers of the heart!” I went goofy in my head again. Fear was creeping in, and then I said, “Nope! God gave me you.” I went home and quickly a few more weeks had passed, and it was time to find out what sex you were to be. At about sixteen weeks we were told, "You’re having a little girl."

Well, that was a blunder when a few months later at twenty-six weeks and after moving from Texas to North Carolina the news changed as someone stated, “Are you excited about your little boy? I guess a name change was in order; you went from Ashley to almost "Bubba Truck," a name daddy joked about, this is why God gives us mommies, LOL!

We settled on the name Christopher Bryant. Meaning “ He who holds Christ in his heart, or the Christ Bearer and Bryant your middle meaning strong. The irony of these names is a wonder in itself. It became clear why God had us choose them as we watched the story of you unfold.

You came to us at last on August 11th a beautiful warm summer day in the Carolina’s, and we were once again immediately in love with our third gift from heaven. We were in awe of your peacefulness as the nurses checked you over and warmed you up. The medical staff had some trouble regulating your body temperature. They told us you were the sweetest little guy, but there were some concerns. The doctors and nurses wanted to check out your sweet little heart before we went home.

I remember the technician making some comment like, “Don’t worry mommy it’s not too bad of an anomaly.” Not something you want to hear when someone’s looking at your newborn's heart. I almost went to that fear place again then I said, "Nope God gave me you!” Upon arriving home we heard the news, the cardiologist office had called, you had a little problem with your heart, and the doctor wanted to see us the next day. Again, did I blink God?

Well, bud you had a little, well actually a relatively large hole in your heart, and it was going to be sometime before that changed. However, you were named correctly, and you were a super active little guy. That hole never stopped you, maybe it did physically for a bit, but your laughter and zest for life shined. I wondered as you struggled, did God give me something so beautiful to love, to then take it away again? I admit in the early days I was bound by fear and I recently heard a song by a dad who went through some of the same emotions that your daddy, sister and I did.

I love that this song was written and shared as it expresses how important it is to love with all of me, even if I lose a piece of my heart. I had experienced this once before, and yes, I did worry, but I lifted you up to God, and I loved you with all of me because God gave me you. Before I knew it, you were almost five years old, and at long last, your heart healed. My heart was peaceful, and I knew, come what may, God had a plan, and you were part of that plan.


Now we had moved from North Carolina back to Texas after you were born. There you received terrific treatment, and you grew into a happy little boy and quite a remarkable athlete. We moved to Pennsylvania when you were seven, your current home state. I remembered you asking before we moved, " Mommy is there baseball in Pennsylvania?" I thought that was adorable and the relief on your face when I said, “Oh yes, buddy baseball is alive in Pennsylvania, and you’re going to love it there. Pennsylvania has something else too, beautiful mountains and snow!” You responded with a huge smile, and I knew you were ready to go.

Winter was a whole new adventure including snow, "up to your elbows," as you put it. You loved the outdoors and sports. You enjoyed great friends and lots of good times and memory making. Ten beautiful years have swooshed by, today you are seventeen, and it is your graduation day. Did I blink God?

All of me even if I lose a piece of it

My little boy ran and played hard

My little boy ran and played hard, making up for lost time as his sweet, beautiful heart healed. You and your sister were always close, cohorts in crime getting into everything, and I loved every stinking minute of it. When you were eight years old, you began to realize things could get a little hairy for us. I was a little sick, but not too bad, just enough to rock your world and that of your daddy and big sister. You jumped into my lap when I was getting treatment and said, “ Do mommies die?” I responded with a lump in my throat, thinking about my connection to my mommy and the powerful bond we have. I said,” Well baby yes, we all die and go to be with Jesus one day, but, for now, I plan to stay right here. I have to take medicine a different way sometimes.” The trust in your eyes gave me strength like you will never know, and I thank you for that trust. I thank God for letting me watch the story of you!

Then something happened when you were ten that made every rainstorm seem like a sprinkle. You decided you wanted to learn and teach others about Jesus, and in seventh grade at a Christian youth summer camp, you walked up for a ministry call. From what I heard, it was you and another young man. I was surprised as you were not one to proclaim to a crowd proving the passion you were feeling. When your sister came home and told me you went up in front of all those people and declared your heart for Jesus, your daddy and I could not have been prouder. First, you dispelled all fear of the unknown and boldly made a statement of your faith, that was yours alone. You then headed off to Houghton College in New York State to pursue your dreams. Another adventure on your horizon and it was full of possibilities. God is ready to use every minute of your journey as you set out to climb a new ladder. God has all of you, and He will never let go!

He loves Jesus

He won't let go

Brother and sister forever

Together or apart you're always bonded at the heart

Always remember you are a sibling and God gave you one another. He planted His word in both of your hearts. You have connected beautifully, and His Holy Spirit is your fuel. There is nothing in this world you cannot do, you have the world at your feet to explore, both together and apart you're always bonded at heart.

Hey Brother

My son from your dad

From your dad

The day is here; my baby boy has grown into an amazing young man. It’s time to let you spread your wings. My feelings of joy are overwhelming having the ability to watch your growth; I could not be more proud, I love you. I am here for you and excited for all that you will be for Christ. Thanks for being my sidekick, and thank you God for letting me be his dad.

Our Young Man

From your mommy

I love you forever; I like you for always, and I will forever be your mommy. It took me so long to write this as if to write it was to break the final thread from my womb. How silly am I? You indeed were not mine; you were always God’s child. Therefore, I am so very grateful that God gave me you. I am in awe of the heart that was created with a large hole only to be poured into by the Holy Spirit. Your strength and peacefulness amaze me. Your calmness comforts so many, and your humor lifts up the hurting like that of a real soldier of God, and I am blessed to call you son.

God gave His son to the world and now I surrender you to the call He has placed on your heart. Never limit yourself, your potential and value are unending. Always think outside the box to be all that you can be. Love and seek God first, as you always have, and I will be your biggest cheerleader. It feels like I blinked, but my eyes are wide-open ready to see all that is yet to come from the story of YOU ~Our Christopher Bryant~ my wish for you is everything God has for you!

My wish for you

We Love You and we'll be waiting always to hear your story!

Keep looking up!

Dream Big

Seek Ye first the Kingdom of God

© 2015 The Stages Of ME

Comments

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    • The Stages Of ME profile imageAUTHOR

      The Stages Of ME 

      2 years ago

      Dear JanTUB,

      Thanks so much for your sweet comment and

      many blessing to you.

    • JanTUB profile image

      Jan T Urquhart Baillie 

      2 years ago from Australia

      Your love of God, and your boy are so intertwined and it is heartwarming in this time of Un-Christian attitudes. Loved your tale, thank you.

    • The Stages Of ME profile imageAUTHOR

      The Stages Of ME 

      2 years ago

      Shyron,

      Beautiful comment thank you so much :)

    • Shyron E Shenko profile image

      Shyron E Shenko 

      2 years ago from Texas

      Thank you for sharing you journey with your baby boy and teaching us how faith can grow in all of us. Most of all thank you for sharing him with the world.

      ~ ~ ~

      The pregnancy test

      I crept up the stairs

      Unable to share my secret prayers

      Until I knew

      You were there

      In a line or "TWO!!!"

      ~ ~ ~ ~

      Blessings my friend

    • The Stages Of ME profile imageAUTHOR

      The Stages Of ME 

      2 years ago

      Au fait,

      Thank you for your beautiful comment, such a beautiful way of looking at it. :)

    • Au fait profile image

      C E Clark 

      2 years ago from North Texas

      A wonderful tribute to your son, and while he will always be yours, now he belongs to all of us too! What a beautiful gift to the world.

    • The Stages Of ME profile imageAUTHOR

      The Stages Of ME 

      2 years ago

      Thanks Bill,

      We are truly blessed by the gifts of our children. :)

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 

      2 years ago from Olympia, WA

      What a wonderful, affirming, celebratory tribute. Thank you for sharing your son with us. Blessings to you always.

    • The Stages Of ME profile imageAUTHOR

      The Stages Of ME 

      3 years ago

      Thank you Larry,

      It was nice to check in on this hub, as my young man is away at school and I am missing him, but I also knowing he is right where God wants him. Thanks for stopping in and the sweet comment. Wishing you many blessings :)

    • Larry Rankin profile image

      Larry Rankin 

      3 years ago from Oklahoma

      Well written.

    • The Stages Of ME profile imageAUTHOR

      The Stages Of ME 

      3 years ago

      Patty ~

      Thank you for your sweet comment. I must agree we are blessed, and in so many ways our suffering has made us only stronger for God and His purpose. If our story had not included the painful storms of trauma we may never have come so close to Christ. We are now in a place of Joy not separated in any way, except for the time in between now and our return home. I too am so pained by, the trials of others praying for their strength in the valleys. I too agree abuse is a mighty beast and disease, but in the end the things of this earthly world never win. God has His eyes on all of us and we are in His capable hands. One day all the evil of this world will be nothing compared to the unfailing love we will receive. The eternal love of our Father when we go home to be together forever in Heaven. Blessing to you too, Patty :)

    • Patty Inglish, MS profile image

      Patty Inglish MS 

      3 years ago from USA. Member of Asgardia, the first space nation, since October 2016

      "I love you forever, I like you always" - I've read that book many times, about the little boy who grows up and then takes care of his aged mother. How wonderful that is and how fantastic is your family. How fortunate that your son will preach the Word. He is already prepared to endure through the trials and naysayers of the world.

      Such a lovely story - I wish that all abusive families could have your story instead of their own. Be blessed.

    • Jackie Lynnley profile image

      Jackie Lynnley 

      3 years ago from The Beautiful South

      Such a beautiful story and you are so blessed he loves Jesus. What more could any mother ask for?

      Will be back soon as I get time to read more of your hubs; can't believe I have missed them for so long!

      ^+

    • The Stages Of ME profile imageAUTHOR

      The Stages Of ME 

      3 years ago

      Prettynutjob30

      Thank you so much, I am very pleased you could feel the love in my words. It makes me smile, as this will be something Chris will look back on in the years ahead. Thanks for being part of this hub. HUGS

    • The Stages Of ME profile imageAUTHOR

      The Stages Of ME 

      3 years ago

      Peggy W. ~ Thank you so much I am very blessed. Thank you for your sweet comment about his future. HUGS

    • The Stages Of ME profile imageAUTHOR

      The Stages Of ME 

      3 years ago

      Moon lake Thank you and yes they do grow up so fast. I am excited to see what's next, and how God is going to use his journey.

    • prettynutjob30 profile image

      Mary 

      3 years ago from From the land of Chocolate Chips,and all other things sweet.

      What a beautiful hub voted up, shared, and so much more, I could feel the love you have for your son, in every word you wrote.

    • MsDora profile image

      Dora Weithers 

      3 years ago from The Caribbean

      I like all the pictures, none as touching as Chris leaning on the cross. Great that you recognize him as God's gift to you. Best to him and you and your entire family as the story continues. God bless you all!

    • Peggy W profile image

      Peggy Woods 

      3 years ago from Houston, Texas

      What a beautiful story and I am very happy for your entire family that your special boy is growing into a beautiful young adult. May his path and journey be a good one always. Loved the photos! Sounds like you have a warm and loving family.

    • moonlake profile image

      moonlake 

      3 years ago from America

      What a wonderful story of your son. They grow-up so fast. I love all your photos. Sharing and voted up.

    • The Stages Of ME profile imageAUTHOR

      The Stages Of ME 

      3 years ago

      Dear Faith and Mary,

      Thank you for reading and sharing, it means so much to know he will be able to look back onthese memories and see this wonderful encouragment.

      Wishing you many blessings.

    • mary615 profile image

      Mary Hyatt 

      3 years ago from Florida

      I could certainly relate to your wonderful story of your fine young son. I have a son who was born in 1965, and I am very proud of him, too. Yes, in the blink of an eye, our children are all grown up.

      I know how proud you must be of your son. He is lucky to have parents who love him and have certainly taught him in the way he should go. I wish him all the very best in life.

      Voted UP, etc. and shared.

    • Faith Reaper profile image

      Faith Reaper 

      3 years ago from southern USA

      Thank you for sharing here, and I understand completely about "God did I blink? What a precious son and family you have and to know how much your son loves Jesus is a blessing beyond measure and a comfort to know the plans God has for him, as He tells us in Jeremiah 29:11.

      God bless you and yours always

      Up ++++ tweeting, pinning, G+ and sharing

    • Mekenzie profile image

      Susan Ream 

      3 years ago from Michigan

      Beautiful blessing to read of your Christopher's journey to manhood. God has surely had his hand on your life and the lives of your whole family.

      You did what you did best my friend - you shined for Jesus in all that you wrote. Your children rise up and call you blessed. Enjoy every moment with them this summer - you have equipped and prepared them for their future. How exciting to contemplate the plans God has laid out for their lives.

      God Bless you and keep you all close to His heart.

      Hugs!

      Mekenzie

    • The Stages Of ME profile imageAUTHOR

      The Stages Of ME 

      3 years ago

      Thank you Ericdierker and Grana you are awesome to leave a post here. He will always have this, we are getting ready to go for his celebration.

    • profile image

      margaret fogarty 

      3 years ago

      Hey Chris-it's Grana! So glad we got to visit earlier. I am there with you in spirit! You are a great young man and I know you will go far! Love you always!

    • Ericdierker profile image

      Eric Dierker 

      3 years ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      A wonderful gift and inspiring. Thank you for sharing this joy in your life. Truly you are blessed and that is a great thing to see and read about.

      Thank you

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