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Disappoint

Updated on March 17, 2018
Ericdierker profile image

Holding degrees in philosophy and Law. Formal studies or certificates or degrees in business, theology, insurance and security. Ex-preacher.

Did You Know That Babies Cannot Be Disappointed?

Disappointment is a "taught" emotion.
Disappointment is a "taught" emotion. | Source

Opposite of Disappoint?

That word is so filled with connotations, meanings, definitions and concepts that it is near scary. We will work our way down into that quagmire of expectations after a bit. We will also address whether or not a person has a right to be disappointed in another. And of course we must address the issue of whether or not we have a right to be disappointed when we do our best but fall short. Should a parent ever be disappointed with a child, is that right at all?

“Eric you really disappoint me.” That is so loaded with guilt it is sad. And can we really be so co-dependent on others that “they” disappoint us? I have a feeling that when we finish here that we will find only one possible area where disappointment is warranted and justified. But let us work through it and see where it leads us.

If you ever have the time and or inclination to read it there is a book that I hope is required reading in our High Schools. “Great Expectations” by Charles Dickens about 1860 or so. It really does not hit expectations like we do today. But if you read it with expectations in the back of your mind it speaks volumes on the issue.

Now we must be careful to adjust the notions of expectations and anticipation which are different. One being to “expect of” and the other is to look forward. I classify expectation along the lines of worry and anticipation one of preparations or excitement or both.

Expecting a future event or thing to be a certain way is almost never helpful. Working toward a goal and anticipating contingencies is helpful. Be careful with that actual child or the one inside of you that you do not blur the lines. We are mindful not to make promises to children that we may not be able to fulfill. In fact we may inadvertently actually teach the child the notion of disappointment.

“I expect you to….” Is a set up for failure. “I hope you….” Is an encouragement. I believe it is a twelve step notion taken from somewhere else, “Acceptance is the answer to all my problems”. If you think about it, it makes sense. It really lays waste to our disappointment due to failure to meet our expectations.

Now do not get mad at me that the first song here is so cliché’. But come on, how could you not like the innocent wisdom as portrayed by a real darling.

What Will Be, Will Be

Roses Should Be Cherished

Each Rose is Different, expecting them all to be perfect is missing the point.
Each Rose is Different, expecting them all to be perfect is missing the point. | Source

Choices.

We make choices all day all lifelong. Little choices and big choices. Choices that just effect us or effect many, both dependent and otherwise. We choose lovers. We choose professions. We choose “to be or not to be”. We choose action or inaction.

Our modern current cognitive psychologists even tell us that we can choose to be happy or sad no matter what the circumstance. Careful I am not putting a “should” there. Just that we can. I have been told that I am so lame that if you handed be a crap sandwich, I would thank you for it.

I am just a young 60 and I can look back at my choices that were very wrong. Some wreaking havoc on my life and those around me. Some causing broken relationships and some heading me towards bankruptcy. Some choices even have landed me on the wrong side of barred rooms.

Many many choices bring me to near regret. Others make me ashamed. Now of course I obviously have just plain dumb luck, God’s grace and some smarts so I have made more good than bad I suppose. But we are focusing on the bad here.

So there are consequences to these bad choices. One of those consequences can be disappointment. So if I go down that rabbit hole I can wallow in self-pity over the, could of, should of, would of part of life. If you think about it, that kind of rumination only happens when we are disappointed in our lot in life.

One has to kind of get into a bad space to start looking back in that negative way. And it gets a circular and snowball effect. Today I get all disappointed with something, so I look back at all my other disappointments which makes today’s disappointment grow larger.

So choices has two aspects. But with the same starting point. If I choose to be disappointed today then most likely I will choose to be disappointed about yesterday. In a very real way disappointment becomes a state of mind.

And the worst part here is the ultimate loss of hope. If I have no hope for the future then how can I be disappointed? And this then takes out a key element of a happy loving life. We must have all three, Faith Hope and Charity. The healthy person chooses not to be disappointed.

If All Is God's Will?

A Dead End Cliff

Bummer but we just find another route.
Bummer but we just find another route. | Source

Effort.

Let search for a situation in which disappointment is justified. We really have to be careful in this area because disappointment is a feeling. And any sentient person knows that it is wrong and harmful to discount or belittle another person’s feelings. This format works well because we are not addressing a certain person’s feelings and telling them that they are wrong to have those feelings. We are talking in the abstract. I suppose if I did insist that someone’s disappointment were wrong and that they should not feel that way, that may be one justified disappointment in myself. And that kind of brings us to a point.

Effort and caring are the antagonists of apathy and apathy is the opposite of love. And when we say we are not apathetic and yet do nothing about something we are hypocrites. We cannot proclaim our caring and not act upon it. This notion that we care about the hungry but do not donate time, money or food does the word caring a great disservice. This idea of “but what can I do?” is hogwash.

I think we are coming around to the idea that being apathetic should disappoint us in us. I have a favorite octogenarian neighbor. She actually donates time to her church, I think in the food pantry. There is much love in this world. Love is a verb foremost and a noun secondarily. Love requires action.

I am a writer and I write about our need for sharing love and that is doing something. But if that is all I do for a week then I am weak. And that would take me back to choices because I am not weak I have to choose to be weak.

Maybe not for you but for me I find that I am justified in being disappointed in myself if I do not make an effort to make a difference in a positive light. If I spew that I love yet do not act in a loving way that is a disappointment.

(I hope this article did not disappoint you ;-)

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    • lawrence01 profile image

      Lawrence Hebb 8 days ago from Hamilton, New Zealand

      Eric

      Sometimes we need to try these things, and see if they fit, its just I'm likely to use a mallet!

    • Ericdierker profile image
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      Eric Dierker 8 days ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      I look forward to your comments Lawrence. You always add do much. "OK if I am in that circumstance again I will.... differently"

      I just love putting round pegs in square holes.

    • lawrence01 profile image

      Lawrence Hebb 8 days ago from Hamilton, New Zealand

      Eric

      Last night, the conversation around our dinner table was on the meaning of the word 'jaded'

      Apparently it means 'to be in a state of continual disappointment'

      I can accept I might be disappointed when I don't get the results I wanted in something, but does it motivate me to find out how I can make changes?

      Great hub, and food for thought

    • erical2473 profile image

      Erica Ligocki 11 days ago from Colorado

      Exactly! I agree completely!

    • Ericdierker profile image
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      Eric Dierker 12 days ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Erica (love that name ;-) That acceptance when related straight up to God is awesome. If we can accept what is His will then we just get all happy. If we can't well we are mostly empty and unhappy. I like to think that loving others is mainly God working through us.

    • erical2473 profile image

      Erica Ligocki 12 days ago from Colorado

      This article is wonderful! I especially liked when you alluded to the fact that unmet expectations can result in acceptance issues. I know that's not exactly how you put it but I really believe the further you know that you're completely accepted by Christ, the less you care about gaining acceptance from other people by meeting their expectations. I know that I struggle with understanding that God's love and acceptance for me is not based on a performance level. It's something that is freely given.

      Thanks for sharing!

    • Ericdierker profile image
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      Eric Dierker 4 weeks ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      I thank you Nikki. Flogging myself seems to be one of my favorite exercise.

    • nikkikhan10 profile image

      Nikki Khan 4 weeks ago from London

      A great article Eric on choice and it’s consequences, some are worth taking, but some throw you derp inside a dark well.But you should also know the tact to come out of that blind well safely.

      Thanks for inspiring us.

    • Ericdierker profile image
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      Eric Dierker 5 weeks ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Linda I am sorry I missed your comment before. Thoughtful deep breathing and prayer are such important facets of our lives. It is almost immediate when I fail to that life just plain is not as good.

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      Eric Dierker 5 weeks ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Dora if I recall correctly it is Romans 5 1-2 that deals with hope in this fashion. And it reminds me that being disappointed is really kind of rude to God.

    • Ericdierker profile image
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      Eric Dierker 5 weeks ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Lori thank you for that insight into relationships. Good point. I really need to work on the area of disappointment in myself - what good does it do, but I do it far to often.

    • MsDora profile image

      Dora Weithers 5 weeks ago from The Caribbean

      "In a very real way disappointment becomes a state of mind. And the worst part here is the ultimate loss of hope." Sobering! So glad that you show us the alternative.

    • lambservant profile image

      Lori Colbo 5 weeks ago from Pacific Northwest

      I think you are right about disappointment is most often a choice. As far as people go, no matter who they are and how good of a relationship we have we need to remember that people are human beings and always have the likelihood of hurting us, as we will too.

      I disappoint myself too often. But I have the choice to change.

      Great article on a very important topic.

    • Ericdierker profile image
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      Eric Dierker 5 weeks ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Thank you Dianna, I love hearing of others in service. For too long it has been considered a sort of bragging to relate it. That needs to change. We need people to begin to accept and expect it as normal. We need the old "If she can do it, so can I spirit". So thank you again.

    • teaches12345 profile image

      Dianna Mendez 5 weeks ago

      You said what I believe "Love is a verb foremost and a noun secondarily. Love requires action." We serve as volunteers at our church and in the community (especially with the homeless). It is rewarding but more of a demonstration of love in action. Great post and I love the old song Que Sera Sera.

    • Carb Diva profile image

      Linda Lum 5 weeks ago from Washington State, USA

      Eric, I think that by nature we are our own harshest critics. No one but our Heavenly Father truly knows what is in our minds and hearts. At the end of each day, I thank Him for loving me, and I pray for forgiveness for the wrongs I have done. And, I pray that I can not disappoint as much tomorrow.

      Thank you for the wonderful thoughts and concepts that you share with us. Your sermons are full of love and wisdom.

    • Ericdierker profile image
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      Eric Dierker 5 weeks ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Bill, there is just no doubt that you "serve". And it would seem you have acceptance down pat.

    • Ericdierker profile image
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      Eric Dierker 5 weeks ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Mary, I hear ya. So we do some automatic things every month. Our favorite is St. Jude's Children's Hospitals. Another is through church. And another is sitting on a school council. We cannot give much but we have it set up so it is just "on the calendar".

      I wonder about how much of that is from guilt ;-)

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      manatita44 5 weeks ago

      Soothing music... soothing voice.

    • Ericdierker profile image
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      Eric Dierker 5 weeks ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Manatita, "Who Knows?" Certainly I think that if we can dilute this seemingly useless negative we are growing.

    • Ericdierker profile image
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      Eric Dierker 5 weeks ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Thank you Frank no greater compliment have I received. I am humbled.

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 5 weeks ago from Olympia, WA

      No, it did not disappoint! You never do. I work hard not to disappoint others...as for me...I am a work in progress!

    • Ericdierker profile image
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      Eric Dierker 5 weeks ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Charmaine, It is a wonderful area for just that reflection you speak of. I know you can tell that I am working through just such reflections as I write, so it is a "we" journey.

    • Ericdierker profile image
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      Eric Dierker 5 weeks ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Thanks Clive, Have a great Sunday.

    • Ericdierker profile image
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      Eric Dierker 5 weeks ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Hi Whonu, thank you for coming by and commenting. Love seems to cure even this ill.

    • aesta1 profile image

      Mary Norton 5 weeks ago from Ontario, Canada

      You always bring up things that make me reflect. I do get disappointed mostly with myself. I am very aware of my own actions that may not reflect my best or my propensity to settle in apathy and entertain myself with a book. Some action today is what I need to do.

    • manatita44 profile image

      manatita44 5 weeks ago from london

      An aweful lot in a confined space. You pose some very interesting questions and you allow the reader some scope for thought. Great!

      Nice title. Part of life if you ask me and healthy until wisdom arises. Then perhaps acceptance is the key. Quien sabes?

      Nice Hub.

    • Frank Atanacio profile image

      Frank Atanacio 5 weeks ago from Shelton

      You know Eric in all honesty I really do feel that your hubs all of them has the potential to do for us hubbers what Billybuc's Mailbags do for us... They are just that good.. just thought I'd step out of comment to tell you how I really feel..:)

    • threekeys profile image

      Threekeys 5 weeks ago from Australia

      I agree with circular motion of disappoinment.

      And your article brought up feelings of feeling disappointmented in myself and becoming aware of how another would also feel disappointed in me.

      It takes a village to raise a child just as it takes others to open the doors of opportunities.

      It is like you cannot force someone to like or love you just as you cannot force another to open up the doors of opportunities for you.

      This article made me feel reflective, eric.

    • clivewilliams profile image

      Clive Williams 5 weeks ago from Jamaica

      Keep up the good hubs

    • whonunuwho profile image

      whonunuwho 5 weeks ago from United States

      Thank you for sharing this love with us all Eric. Many blessings my friend. whonu

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