Don't Fear the Valley - Part 2
...like Waves Crashing In...
And all I keep thinking is that if I get out of this situation alive, I will do right. I promise to stay home and stop hanging out in the streets! "I will do whatever it is that you want me to do, God...Just please let me get out of here in one piece."
Evil pleads with me
I am sitting in the car feeling like I was trapped in an elevator with no way out.
I started to panick,
my heart was beating so fast,
my hands and body was literally shaking.
He drove for about ten of the longest minutes of my life.
Where is he going?
What was he going to do?
What is he capable of?
My thoughts were racing a million miles per minute. I am in a state of complete fear. I was frozen. I looked at the door handles, the backseat, the keys in the ignition, and the gear shifts...anything that would make for an easy exit out of this car!
He made a sharp left turn off road and now into a patch of woods that looked like a small path barely made into a dirt road. He drove for about another ten minutes into the woods off the beaten path, swerving in and out of the trees like as if they were cones and he was driving for an interview at NASCAR!
I started thinking about me running away and how my mom would just go into shear panic if she knew where I was at this very moment. I started imagining all of the things that she would say to me, like, never get into a car with a stranger....or never put yourself in a bad situation that I can't get out of....or you should just stay home where your safe instead of on the streets all night doing only God knows what!
And all I keep thinking is that if I get out of this situation alive, I will do right. I promise to stay home and stop hanging out in the streets! "I will do whatever it is that you want me to do, God...just please let me get out of here in one piece.
"What do you want from me!"
I just want to talk, that's all.
Talk about what! You took advantage of me! You drugged me and forced yourself on me and now you wanna talk! Take me back to where you just picked me up from! I pushed open the door as fast as I could and tried to make a run for it. He grabbed me by my shirt and pulled me back in the car. I started hitting him and used my legs to try to push him off of me, but he was very strong and calmly grabbed my arms and legs and said, "Can you just calm down!"
Let me GO!! Rrggghhhh!!!!!
You wanna go? He clicked the door unlocked and pushed me out and said, Go! Get the F*** out of here! Have a nice walk back! I am standing outside of the car and immediately and by complete fear of the dark, started banging on the window with tears now falling down my face. He cracked the passenger window about an inch and looks over at me with evil eyes and started laughing. Please, please, please take me back...I will do what-ever you want me to do...palease!
He rolled the window back up and pulled off quickly. He drove off and then his brake lights came on, then his reverse lights came on and he reversed all the way back to where I was left standing and clicked the unlock buttons and reached over and opened my door. I slowly got back into the car, which was a lot better than left alone in these woods. I was so angry, but at the moment I felt like the safest play would be for me since I can't beat him, might as well, join him, right? (Well, at least for the moment)
He looks at me with puppy dog eyes and says the worst thing that I could possibly imagine. "I think you are so beautiful! (as he is rubbing my thigh). And all I keep thinking is that if I get out of this situation alive, I will do right. I promise to stay home and stop hanging out in the streets! "I will do whatever it is that you want me to do, God...just please let me get out of here in one piece.
"I just want you to be my girlfriend."
"I want you to sit up front with me, next to me."
"I want you to hold my hand when we are out in public."
"I will give you whatever you need...if you need a place to stay."
"I will pay for you and your friends to stay in the motel. You don't have to be worried about anything."
"Just be by my side....like, you know?" "My girlfriend!" There was a long, aqward silence between us and then I said...
"Ok, and if I agree to do this, will you please take me back to my friends?"
"Yes, I promise." "I don't want to hurt you, I just want to get to know you."
"Okayy. "Now, pleease...take me back."
If Your not guilty, you need justice.
If You are guilty, you need mercy.
Unforgiveness Is Like a Cancer
Pushed Past All My Limits...
Because I was young, naive and didn't know any better, I went along with being his "girlfriend," just because I didn't want to go back home and be ashamed of what had transpired since I ran away in the first place. I didn't want to hear those terrible words, "I told you so!" So, needless to say, I was in a miserable place. I did not know where to go or who to turn to. My whole family was pretty much against me because I was not behaving properly, and rightly so, but at 15 years old....how much do I really know? I put myself in harm's way by getting out from underneath my rightful covering, which was my mother.
I broke all the rules and pushed all of my boundaries further than they were intended to be pushed. I don't blame my mom for putting me out of her house. There was only so much that she could do at that point. I was in full rebellion against every authority in my life. I would even begin to rebel against God Himself.
That is one battle that you cannot win, and that is fighting against God. He ultimatley is the first, last, and final authority in a Christian's life. Not until you fully surrender your heart to God, can God begin to create a new creature within you that you will never experience through any other means in this life. When you get to a point in your life where you give up and feel like there is no where for you to go, please meditate on these words:
"The LORD is MY Shepherd,
I shall not want.
He makes me to lie down in green pastures,
He leadeth me besides the still waters,
He restores my soul,
He leads me in paths of Righteousness for His names sake,
Yes, though I walk through the valley of the Shadow of Death,
I will fear NO EVIL....
Thy rod and staff, they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me,
In the Presence of My Enemies,
You annoint my head with Oil,
My cup overflows...
Surely, Goodness and Mercy Shall Follow Me,
All the days of my life,
And I will dwell in the House of the LORD, FOREVER!
"Sometimes forgiving feels too big because the offense was even bigger. We decide they don’t deserve a get-out-of-jail-free card. And if we’re totally honest, we’d admit to wanting them to pay for their transgressions. We think, “Why should we forgive and let them off the hook?”— Carey Scott
When is it ok to NOT Forgive?
Sometimes, maybe more than often, that we as normal human beings, have the need to get revenge on the one who wronged us. Depending on the offense, we are more likely to forgive...smaller offenses, rather than larger offenses. I mean, if your husband forgets your birthday, you may be upset, but it would be an easy thing to forgive and forget; however, if your husband forgets he's married and has an affair with an illegitimate child, you may need the help of the Lord himself to help you get through this huge offense. You may be so hurt that you may 'want' to take revenge on him. But there is a better way, not the easier way, but the better way and that is forgiveness. It took me a very long time to forget about the offense against me, not just that particular situation, but in many others. I have learned that if we do not forgive others sins against us, God cannot forgive us. Read it for yourself:
"For if you forgive men their trespasses,
your Heavenly Father will also forgive you.
But if you do not forgive men their trespasses,
neither will your Father forgive yours." (Matthew 6:15)
But what does this "forgiveness" really look like and how do I really forgive?
Listen to the words of Jesus, the one who knows best for your life:
- "So watch yourselves. If your brother or sister sins against you, rebuke them; and if they repent, forgive them. Even if they sin against you seven times in a day and seven times come back to you saying ‘I repent,’ you must forgive them."
Jesus says, if someone sins against you, rebuke them. Tell them what hurt you or offended you and "IF" they repent, which means they turn the other direction, your commanded to forgive them. If they do it again, forgive them again and again and again. Jesus is taking a position of authority on an issue that He fully understands is like poison, unforgiveness will eat your insides, literally. It has been proven time and time again. Let's get smart and get the enemy and the cancer out of our lives and forgive and love again!
Everyday, be intentional about renewing your mind. You must retrain your mind, not every day, but every minute of every day. Day by day, begin to meditate on scriptures that show the depths of God's grace and mercy. You must teach yourself is that, forgiveness will be the ultimate starting point for healing the offense against you, whether that offense was physical, mental, sexual, or otherwise, God can begin the healing process in your heart. Truthfully, it's a painful experience, but I know that once you are able to truly surrender all of your emotions, feelings, pains, nightmares, and fears all to God, you will experience true joy!
Conflict doesn’t just weigh down the spirit; it can lead to physical health issues. But these steps from a Johns Hopkins expert can help you move toward forgiveness—and better health.
Whether it’s a simple spat with your spouse or long-held resentment toward a family member or friend, unresolved conflict can go deeper than you may realize—it may be affecting your physical health. The good news: Studies have found that the act of forgiveness can reap huge rewards for your health, lowering the risk of heart attack; improving cholesterol levels and sleep; and reducing pain, blood pressure, and levels of anxiety, depression and stress. And research points to an increase in the forgiveness-health connection as you age.
“There is an enormous physical burden to being hurt and disappointed,” says Karen Swartz, M.D., director of the Mood Disorders Adult Consultation Clinic at The Johns Hopkins Hospital. Chronic anger puts you into a fight-or-flight mode, which results in numerous changes in heart rate, blood pressure and immune response. Those changes, then, increase the risk of depression, heart disease and diabetes, among other conditions. Forgiveness, however, calms stress levels, leading to improved health.
For further reading, please see the link below by By: Karen Swartz, M.D., director of the Mood Disorders Adult Consultation Clinic at The Johns Hopkins Hospital.