EDUCATING CHILDREN IN ISLAM
EDUCATING CHILDREN IN ISLAM
If Parents are rich, their children will be kings; if one time their children are also rich, they will be their slaves
The proverbs above is not a nonsense – an artificial thing; there have been many proofs laying out; commonly, the children who come from the rich family – especially those ones whose parents are busy all time out of their homes to take care this and that, even some of them are seldom to see their family for a long time; like kings, their children always get or given or bought anything whatever they want – in condition that they (their wishes) can be got or estimated with money. In the other side; take a look to the people who have been able to be rich, many of them do not care anymore with their parents – and the ones whose living is not so wealthy and their parents live with them, they treat their parents like servants; to take care their children, cooking, washing, cleaning the house, and so on.
The parents who treat their children like condition above, in the reality not only happened on those ones who came from rich family; many parents who come from a middle economic status also often do the same thing, even worse than the rich ones; they will do anything in order their beloved children do not cry – not be sad. If they do not have money, they will borrow it to someone else; and in some cases, some parents are willing to be criminals just to let them able to fulfill anything their children want.
The parents who are wise in educating their children; no matter from what economic level they are from; will always be distinct in stand at attention on their children; considering the good or the bad ones before they go with their wishes. As the consequency is, it is not all request from them that have to be fulfilled; although, maybe the parents will be able to grant it financially, but if the outcomes of that things will endanger their lives as well as their morality, behaviour and so on, whether in short time or in long time – the parents must be distinct to deny the ones asked by their children.
The reality occurred among the society proves that the insurgent acts done by some children to their parents commonly caused by the excessive treatment in spoiling the child (children), when they were kids – they were given anything what they wanted. And then, one time came, the parents were not able anymore to follow what they wished – meanwhile they had been accustomed to getting anything from their parents, that is the time for calamity.
Never be proud of your children too much, moreover by badegging other people children or underestimating the ones who do not have any children. No one can guarantee, the kid that you are proud of so much at this time will treat you in the future as well as you have done to them or the Almighty will call them sooner, sooner than you expect. In addition, never mock or call other people children names; the ones that you regard as no one, rubbish in your eyes and so forth, for many great men came from the condition like that. If you want to be proud of your children, or you want to scold them, just do it merely.
As an example, never be proud of too much on very obedient kids; the ones who just like to stay at home; do not like to go anywhere; calm – talkless; do not like to visit anyone; just stay at home and do anything at home. Remember, if one time, the God predestine them to be away from you, never hope to much they will visit you regularly, contact you; because they are still like they used to be; do not like to go anywhere and talkless. Even, in some cases, indeed, they are the ones like them who like to go away from their homeland and never be back again; go away to a distant country or region. The condition will be worse if they are often treated badly by their family.
In the other side, the naughty children, the ones who like to visit any place, talkative even fussy; if they have grown to be an adult later, they will remain like they used to be; that, even if they live in the outer space, if they have chance to visit their parents or someone they want to, they will do it.
Parents must be able to place themselves among their children. Never always follow all your children wishes, the ones who ask and demand you too much things; in the other side, never let you children as they are if they never ask you anything and they only may accept whatever you give them. For the last type of children, you have to be proactive to ask them what they want and give them anything proportionally the same to the kids who demand much thing from you. Indirectly, the condition in which you give somethings to your children will teach them how to give away something to others – taking care of other people. If they are seldom given things by you, they will not know how to give to other people. Indeed, you have to teach them wisely in how to give to other people; ask them to pay what you want to pay; ask them to give something what you want to give.
It is really ridiculous, if there any parents who hope their children will be generous, meanwhile they are very stingy; they are angry with their children if they lie, but they lie to other people in front of their children; they scold their children at the time they know they are smoking, but they are great smokers.
The discussion above talk about the guidance from top to the bottom; now what about the devotion of children to their own parents.
I, once, heard a question asked by a man who asked a ‘Ulama: may we give sadaqah to our own parents for their parents are living in misery. Masya Allah..!
The devotion of a son will never be broken to their parents – as long as their parents are still alive, even until they pass away – since they were kids, teenager, get married, having children, having grandchildren, and so on…., especially to his mother. Meanwhile, for a daughter, the devotion to her husband have to be put in the first priority; if she wants to do something, she has to ask for permission to her husband, no matter included the things related her own parents. Never think, a married woman will get merits if she does something good (in her opinion) to her parents, but hurts her husband in the other side (she does it secretly or tells lies to her husband). She even will be sinful.
If parents in their old time can not earn money by themselves, it is the responsibilities of their sons to support their lives. Here, the proof of a proverbs say ‘more children, more livelihood’ can be shown for the ones who have many good sons. So, what about the ones who do not have sons ? only daughters ? The husbands of their daughters have to be willing to support the live of their parents in law. Eventhough, if all of their daughters work or have their own job outside, they keep having to ask permission to their husband before supporting their parents
If the sons can support their parents fully, just put aside at least 10% off their income for their parents. It means, those ones who earn a little will give a little and the ones who earn more will also give more to the parents. It is fair.
The things above have to be done by a son since the beginning, he does not need to wait until they get married, have children, or wait their parents getting old – can do nothing. If they have been able to earn money for themselves, put the money aside at least 10% for parents. Of course, he may do this after he gives away his money for zakat (the given money for someone else who need it, at least it is around 2.5% from the whole income). It is such cursed children who give zakat for their parents, they let their parents live in misery at the time they have got their success in living.
A son has to be distinct when it comes to the need of his parents. Take a look, there are many men who are very foolish to dedicate all of their income to their wives, then all of charity or the good thing that he has to do which need money have to be on his wife’s permission. It will be good if he get a good wife; what about if he get the bad one ? He will be able to do nothing even for his parents nor for himselves.
If we discuss further, the family management system in which money is held fully by a wife like stated above, is suitable for a husband who is able earn little money for their family and his wife is only a housewife who stay at home all day long, take care his children and his house. This one will work in order the husband does not spend the money he has got a he wills – for something which is not needed; for example, he comfortably having meals in restaurants, meanwhile his wife and children eat nothing at home. In the other side, this condition will give its own happiness to his wife who is only a housewife but still able to hold money.
Meanwhile, if the income of the husband is quite a lot, and the wife also has her own job, it is so stupid to deliver the whole income to his wife. There must be a clear budget for their family life.
It is a must for the old parents to live and taken care by their son + their daughter in law, and their grandchildren. It is ok if they decide to live with their daughter, but the parents have to be supported by their sons financially.
Parents needn’t have such a pension from an institution in their old time; the devotion of their son through their 10% income will be much more precious for them than the pension money from any boards.
Payakumbuh, 1 Rabiulawwal 1432 - 4 January 2011